by Bonnie Lamer
He chuckles. “I am not sure that any of this is a good thing.” His expression sobers. “You were gone briefly. Where did you go?”
It takes me a minute to figure out what he’s talking about. Then I remember. I went to find Raziel to get him to help me. And Kallen was there, too. But he couldn’t talk to me. I just felt his presence. “I was talking to Raziel. He said he’s trying to find a way to reverse this.”
Ray nods. “Yes, I am sure that he is just as eager as you to find his way back.”
“How does he do it? How does he have all of this in his head day after day? Year after year?” I would be insane. I almost am right now.
Ray shrugs. “It is his burden to bear. He is a part of the Grand Plan. Someone must know all to ensure that the plan is followed and that someone is Raziel. It is his job to dole out, or keep to himself, information that will satisfy this goal.”
I shake my head in wonder. It hurts. “I’m glad he saved me from this.”
Ray looks towards the waterfall for a long moment. Finally, without looking at me, he says, “I am glad for your sake, not for his. He lost a piece of himself when he changed your fate. He also altered the Grand Plan and I think that the two of you may be paying for that now.”
It is so not fair that I didn’t have a choice in all of this. I am selfishly upset that I am paying for a decision made by someone else. But I am also eternally grateful. Even if I only had the years that I have already lived, it was still worth every moment of not feeling like this. I have been loved unconditionally by Kallen and I will use that to get me through whatever is coming next. Gathering up my courage, I ask, “Are you saying that you think we’ll be like this forever?”
Ray startles and looks back at me. “I certainly hope not.”
“But you said you thought we were paying for what Raziel did.” Pretty sure he said that. My mind is still really fuzzy, though.
A sad smile touches his lips. “I did not mean to imply that this is forever. I believe that Raziel will find a way home. However, I also believe that a door has been opened that cannot be resealed. I fear that what he tried so desperately and selflessly to give up is going to be held in front of him, just out of his reach forever. Tormenting his soul more than it already is.”
Geez, Ray. Way to make me feel like the black plague or something. Guess that tumbled out of my mouth like most of my other thoughts do because Ray chuckles and says, “I am not implying that you are anything of the sort.”
I sigh heavily. The pain is still ebbing so it barely hurt. “I know. I’m just so overwhelmed. I don’t think I could have done it. I don’t think I could have sacrificed everything like Raziel did. He’s a better person, Angel, than I am.”
Ray smiles and shakes his head. “You have more strength in you than you give yourself credit for. I’ve watched you over the years.”
I scowl. “Is voyeurism a gene you’re all born with or you just get bored after a while so you feel the need to spy on people?”
Again he chuckles. “We are Angels, Xandra. It is our job to watch over the realms.”
“Born with it then, huh?”
“I suppose so.” He’s still amused.
I’m going to ask what I’ve wanted to know for a while. “What exactly do you watch?” Yes, color floods into my face as I ask this.
Ray laughs out loud now. “We have no interest in sharing your private moments, Xandra. We simply check in from time to time to see how things are going.”
Uh huh. Sure. “Why do you do that if you’re not supposed to interfere? What can you do to change things if they’re not going according to the plan?”
“There are many things that we can do to try to nudge things in the right direction. Sometimes it’s as simple as whispering the idea for another choice in the ear of someone who is lost. Whether they act upon it or not is up to them. Sometimes we need to do more.”
Okay, watching was bad enough. Whispering in my ear sounds kind of creepy. Moving on. “What do I do now?”
Ray stands up and offers me his hand pulling me upright. I have to go slowly. I do not want that pain back. “We wait and have faith in Raziel that he will find a way to fix this.”
Chapter 16 – Raziel
I have sharp bristles in uncomfortable places from the shrub I fell into. I am trying to be inconspicuous as I attempt to pull them out, but sticking one’s hand down one’s shirt or pants tends to draw attention. Since I am technically married to Kallen in this body, I should be able to ask him for his assistance, but that may be a bit awkward. He also seems to be in a state of mind where he would rather stick them in deeper than pull them out. I will continue to stick my own hand down my shirt and pants when I think no one is looking.
I am in the middle of extracting a bristle from my left buttock when I am unceremoniously pushed into another shrub. This one does not have bristles, but that is certainly not the point here. I am about to berate Kallen, who has fallen on top of me when I feel the flames that are dangerously close to setting my hair on fire. We have come across our first dragon and he or she is not happy to welcome us to the realm.
“Are you alright?” Kallen whispers. The concern in his eyes is touching though I know all of it is for Xandra’s body, not for me.
Saying I am well when his body is pressing mine deeper into the bush seems a bit much. “I am not singed.”
The musty, old voice of an ancient Dragon cuts through the air. “Garren, why do you intrude upon us?” This Dragon has the voice of one who will soon die. The brittleness of its bones and its teeth can be heard as it moves and speaks. It will soon be little more than dust.
Garren’s voice is muffled. I believe he is genuflected in front of the Dragon. They expect every other race to kneel before them. Except Angels, of course. “I mean no disrespect, Zu. My friends have come to take back what the Goblins have stolen from them. They do not mean to do anything else.”
Unless Xandra was here. She would be trying to change their entire social structure and diet. The thought makes me smile. Which earns me a confused scowl from Kallen who he believes I am smiling at him.
“Rise, Garren. Show me those who trespass in this realm for their own gain.”
Kallen pushes himself up and then offers me a hand so he can pull me out of the bush. Good thing because I am jammed in here pretty good. It is a relief to my spine to be standing upright once again.
The path in front of us is blocked by Zu’s frail, hunched body. His movements are slow and his eyes are cloudy. His frame is covered in scales that used to be bright, vivid colors of blue and green but have dulled to an unhealthy gray. His six foot tail is missing one of the three spikes that should be there. I know that he lost this when he was young as he battled the current King’s father for the throne. He lost. Zu’s teeth are mostly black from the ashes of his fire breath. He is currently sitting on his back haunches and his front paws are crossed in front of him much like a humanoid. These are more like arms than legs on a dragon though they do need to use them when they want to move quickly. Using their back extremities only will not move them from place to place at more than an ambling pace.
“Zu, this is Isla, High Chancellor of the Fairy realm. The Goblins have taken her servant.”
Again, Garren is lucky that Xandra is not here. Kallen and Isla are both able to school their faces at the use of the term servant, but my Xandra would not have been able to do so. My Xandra. That is an expression I have not used in a long, long time.
Zu barely acknowledges her as he cranes his long neck around her to look at Kallen and me. His wide nostrils flare as he takes several deep breathes and a spark of life jumps into his eyes. Putting his front paws on the ground, his four inch talons digging deeply, Zu walks slowly around Garren and Isla coming to a stop in front of me.
“You reek,” he says. He puts his nose closer to me and inhales deeply. “You stink of many beings. How is this possible?”
In my best Xandra impersonation, I shrug and say, “It is m
y new perfume. Eau de magical beings. It is a bit strong. I probably will change scents when I get home.”
The horrified looks that are sent in my direction are comical. Odd that no one thinks that Angels have a sense of humor. Zu on the other hand thoroughly enjoyed my attempt at levity. He sits back on his haunches and laughs until it turns into a hacking cough that flings small flames in my direction. I hold my ground though. Dragons do not like those who fear them when they are not trying to be fearsome.
“You have wit. Strange quality for a humanoid. What do you want from here?” Zu asks. Garren starts to speak but Zu rounds on him with his mouth slightly open. A look that implies he is about to use his firepower.
“I am looking for a friend. She was taken by the Goblins and is being ransomed for magic. We want only to retrieve her and then we will return to our realm. It is not our place to do anything more.”
Zu begins to walk slowly around me using his flaring nostrils to continue to smell me. He wants to know who and what I am but he will not ask again. His pride will not let him admit that he cannot determine the answer through his own sense of smell. “And the Goblins who hold this friend, what of them? Do you plan retaliation?”
“No,” I say as Zu’s nose moves Xandra’s hair around her neck. “We will leave that to the Dragons if you so deem retaliation is in order.”
Zu is in front of me again. “Why do you not fear me? I smell fear from your compatriots but you have no such scent.”
“It is not in my nature to fear beings I know to be just.”
On his back haunches with his arms over his chest again, he says, “Insightful for one so young.” His head cocks to the side. “Yet you are not as you appear. You smell of eternity; a soul that has seen the beginning of time and will see the end as well. I believe you have knowledge to impart from that eternal soul. Tell me, when will my soul finally rest?”
A question I do not typically answer but the loneliness and resignation in his eyes tells me that he knows he is not long for this world. “You will not see another harvest.”
Zu sighs and his snout relaxes, his mouth is pulled back into what could be described as a sad smile. “A relief that is. I will not press for more details.” Turning to Garren once again, he says, “You may pass through the Lairs of the Lost unharmed. But a trespass such as this will only be tolerated once, Garren. Do not attempt to bring strangers to our realm again or you will be our next stew.”
If only he was joking. He is not. Dragons will make stew out of every being other than fellow Dragons. One or two have considered that during times of slow Goblin population growth, though.
“Come,” Zu says. He turns around and is back on all four paws as he leads us deeper into the Lairs of the Lost. Our passage will be safe but the others seem leery of Zu’s generosity. The death of a Dragon is long and drawn out. Zu considers it a gift to now possess the knowledge that his demise is near. He will now give us the gift of safe passage. He has become our ally. A tenuous ally. But an ally none the less.
Kallen holds his hand out to me by sheer force of habit. He snatches it back quickly when he realizes what he has done. I keep my small chuckle to myself.
Chapter 17 – Xandra
The waterfall is beautiful. I’m assuming it’s Niagara Falls or something because it’s massive. Unless Angel time exists everywhere at once, then it could be on a different planet I suppose. Ugh. Why did that thought just seep into my mind? The whole concept is making my head hurt so I’m going to stop thinking about it. I don’t want another explosion of knowledge to carve cavernous size holes in my mind again.
“I thought I would find you here.”
Startled, I turn around to find a beautiful Angel (like there’s any other kind). She has long auburn hair and her skin is a light bronze color that somehow looks right on her. She’s wearing a simple green dress of what I think must be silk because it flows around her in a light and airy way. My clothes never flow around me like that. Her eyes are golden and her legs are almost as long as I am tall. At least, when I’m in my own body they are. Her face, though. There’s something I don’t trust about it. Her golden eyes are hiding something. Still, she is the most beautiful being I have ever seen.
“Are you still brooding over that girl?” The way she says girl makes it sound like she just bit into catfish when she was expecting lemon pie.
My brows slam together. What is her problem? “Um, no.” I assume that’s what Raziel would have said. He probably would have left out the ‘um’ though.
She laughs the tinkling laugh of the female Angels. Their laughs make my laugh sound like a donkey with the hiccups. Walking to me, she places a hand on my shoulder and then lets it slide down my arm until she can take my hand in hers. “Raziel, I know you too well for you to lie to me.”
I don’t know what to say to her so I don’t say anything. I do pull my hand from hers though. I don’t care if Raziel would do that or not, I’m not comfortable with it.
What looks like anger flashes through her eyes but it’s gone before I have a chance to confirm that’s what I saw. I need to get rid of her before she decides to take that anger out on me. I don’t know the rules for Angel on Angel violence. “You know, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.” Oh crap. The grammar police siren is going off in my head now.
The Angel scowls at me. “Raziel, are you well?”
No. Not at all. “I am fine.”
Her hand is on my arm again. It would probably be a bit much if I shook it off so I try not to pay attention to it. Even when she starts rubbing her hand up and down my now muscular arms. I wish I was in this shape in my own body. Raziel’s body is pure beauty. A little fact I’ll neglect to mention to Kallen when I finally make it back to him.
She’s still touching me. “Um, did you need something?” I ask. I have to stop saying um.
Now she’s offended. She drops her hand and crosses her arms with a huff. “Someone is in a sour mood. May I ask what I have done to offend you so much that you shun my touch and do not desire my company?”
I groan internally. Please don’t let Raziel be dating her. A strong pang of jealousy jolts through me. Great, now I like her even less. I’m sure that won’t make this conversation any less awkward. “I am just having a bad day.”
She’s not buying it. “Must we do this?”
Sure, all the knowledge of the universe shoved into this brain yet I still have no idea what she’s talking about. “Do what?”
Her face softens and her arms fall back to her sides. “Raziel, you know how I feel yet you continue to put me off. You cannot spend eternity pining for someone who will never be yours.” She moves closer. It takes a lot of self-control not to take a step back. “Eternity is a long time to be lonely.” Her hand cups my cheek. “Let me fill that empty space in your heart.” Now her other hand is on my face too. “We are perfect for each other. The embodiment of beauty and knowledge, the most magical pairing of all.”
She’s leaning in for the kiss. Oh god, what do I do? What would Raziel do? Well, if she’s still trying to convince him this is a good idea and they’ve known each other since the beginning of time, I’m betting he’d say no.
Stepping back from her while simultaneously taking her hands off my face, I say, “We have discussed this.” I really, really hope that’s true.
There’s that anger in her eyes again. But this time it’s not a flittering. It’s a bonfire happening right there in her pupils. “You are a fool Raziel. I am offering you what every other being would grovel for the chance to have.”
I wonder if Angels hit each other because she looks like she’s about to punch me in the face. Or the groin. Oh, I didn’t think about how certain physical pain may increase while I’m in Raziel’s body. My hand automatically covers my most vulnerable area. There’s really no inconspicuous way to do that so I probably look stupid at the moment. “Did you ever think that maybe I already know that this ends poorly?” Good one on my part.
She nar
rows her eyes. “You have said before that you have no knowledge of a binding between us. That was your excuse. If you do not know about it then it cannot happen.”
I try not to snort. Obviously he didn’t know about this switching souls thing so there might be more that he doesn’t know. I don’t think it involves hooking up with this Angel, though. What else can I say to get her to go away? I know. “Are you as tired of this conversation as I am? Will you please get a clue that I am not even one iota interested in you? I do not even find you physically attractive so why would I want to be with you in any type of intimate way?”
I’m thinking that Angels are usually not that rude to each other. The fact that she’s dumbstruck and has her mouth hanging open is a pretty good indication. Okay, not dumbstruck anymore. I think I’ll start holding seminars to teach others how to totally piss people off because I’m really good at it.
