Something Just Like This

by Tracy Krimmer

  The silence is so uncomfortable I want to race out of the room. I can’t leave Landon behind, though. What do I say to my brother after so many years? What do I say to someone I’ve lost all respect for?

  “So, Hunter, are you a basketball fan?”

  Thank you, Landon, for coming to the rescue. I could kiss him right now.

  “Nah. I mean, if there’s a game on I’ll watch it. But I’m not really a sports guy.”

  “No? I like catching a game here or there. I won’t plan a viewing party or anything but I like to take in a good game.”

  No one replies. I shift my legs to the left and then the right, my nose perking up at the smell of roast beef. I hope dinner is done sooner than later. Once we’re all shoving food in our mouths, we can chat less.

  “So, how have you been, Jules?” Hunter is staring at me, but I can’t look him in the eye.

  Shoot. It was only a matter of time before it came to me. I really don’t know what to say. How was prison? Are you happy to be taking advantage of our mother? What tricks do you have up your sleeve?

  “Okay, I guess. I’m still working at Booker & Smith. Carly’s getting married.”

  “She is?”

  Hunter had a little thing for Carly when he first met her but she never reciprocated. I’m not surprised when his ears perk up at the sound of her name.

  “Yep. February. I’m standing up in it. His name is Eddie.”

  “Eddie’s a lucky guy.” Little does he know he could have been lucky if he hadn’t taken the road he did. Carly considered going out on a date with him to humor him. She thought maybe she’d give him a shot. Then he showed his true colors. He blew it.

  The silence takes over again, and I wonder why I even came. I thought this would be easier with Landon here. It’s not.

  “Why are you here?” I can’t hold it in any longer. “How could you even ask mom if you can stay with her?”

  “Wait. She insisted I stay with her. You better get your story straight before you start making accusatory statements.”

  I shoot up from the couch. “I better? I better or what?” What kind of threat does my dear brother have for me? Is he going to hack into my bank account and steal all my money? Slip into my purse and take my debit card? He should try it, and he’ll see a part of me he’s never seen before.

  “Juliette…” Landon reaches for my hand but I pull away.

  “No, tell me Hunter. Did you learn how to take someone down while in prison? You spent two years locked up for stealing from our mother, and you expect me to forgive you?”

  “She did.”

  “And she shouldn’t have. I tell her that all the time.”

  “You have no right to do that. My relationship with her is mine and mine alone. You have no say in the matter at all.”

  “I’m only trying to protect her.” Someone has to.

  “From what? I’m not going to hurt her. I’ve changed. Those two years I saw a therapist every single week. I’m a different person now. I swear.”

  I cross my arms and let out a huff. I want to believe him—I do—but he’s never given me any reason to. He spent months writing checks under my mom’s name and draining money from her checking account. I trusted him up until I couldn’t anymore.

  “Tell you what. You can keep swearing up and down but that won’t change how I feel.” I look over at Landon. “Come on. It was a mistake coming here.”

  “Juliette, your mom wants you here.”

  “Yeah. Mom wants you here. I’m willing to sweep this under the rug to make her happy.”

  “Oh, so now you want to make her happy. That’s really rich, Hunter, considering you’re the one that caused her breakdown.”

  “Her what?”

  “Oh, she didn’t tell you? She ended up in the hospital for a solid two weeks after you went off to jail. You did that to her. You.”

  “You seriously think that’s all my fault? Really? How can you even think that? You’re as much to blame as I am. You aren’t exactly sitting there with a halo over your head. I know you think you have one, but you don’t. Far from it.”

  “I never said I was perfect.”

  “You don’t need to. You pretend you are every single day.” He gets up from the couch, walks over to the closet, and grabs his jacket. “I’m out of here.”

  “No. We should leave.” And I want us to be the ones to leave, too. I don’t want to be here anymore.

  “Yeah, you should. But I need to blow off some steam. I’ll talk to you later.” He opens the front door. “Or I won’t.” And slams it behind him.

  20

  Landon

  The evening with Juliette, her brother, and mom doesn’t go exactly as Juliette had hoped. We push through an uncomfortable two-hour visit after Hunter returns from his walk. He didn’t disappear long, only enough to calm down, which everyone needed at that point. Not a lot of conversation fills the dinner table. Every once in a while her mom asks a question, lucky to pry more than a sentence out of either Juliette or Hunter. They’re both stubborn, that’s for sure. We leave shortly after eight, and it feels as though we’ve been there the entire day.

  “You’re exhausted, aren’t you?” Juliette curls up on my couch next to me and nestles her head against my chest. I trace the outline of her hair from her forehead and push it behind her ear. “That was a tough night for you.”

  “Thank you for coming with me.”

  “Anytime.” I understand why she needed me to come with her. I can only imagine how it would have been had I not been there. She and Hunter exchanged pretty harsh words. A lot more may have been said in my absence.

  “You must think my family is crazy.” She moves her hand to my knee, cupping her fingers around the cap. I shift in my seat, trying to convince my body to calm down. Now is not the time to show my excitement. Sometimes it’s hard to tell my body to stand down, especially when Juliette’s hands are on me.

  “Nah. Of course I don’t. Every family is crazy.” Mine included. We may seem normal to her but normality is relative. She may think my sister is your normal run-of-the-mill sibling, however, that’s just Courtney. She hasn’t met my crazy Uncle Henry or my super uptight Aunt Carol or my cousin Bryan who lives in a hut on the beach. She will, some day. Today is not that day.

  “No. Yours isn’t. Your sister is awesome. Your niece is the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. I need to meet your other niece, too.”

  I’m glad she wants to meet Audrey and that she thinks so highly of my sister. “You’ve never met my sister, remember?” I need to rectify that.

  “I know. I want to. The way you talk about her, well, my brother would never talk about me like that.”

  “In his defense, you aren’t exactly singing his praises, either.”

  “Hey!” She sits up and pinches my arm.

  “Whoa! Slow down, Juliette. I’m only kidding.”

  She crawls on top of me, and I can’t hide the erection in my pants now. “Wow. You’re happy I’m here,” she says as she kisses my neck. Oooh.

  “Of course I am.” I run my hands under the back of her shirt. Her skin is so soft, like the most delicate petals of a flower. “I hope it’s not too soon to say this.”

  “Say what?”

  I can’t tell her I love her. It is too soon for that. “I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life.” That’s the truth. When I’m with Jules, I want to tell her everything, and anything I do tell her, I know she won’t judge me, and she’ll be there for me. In such a short time, I’ve found a new best friend, and I hope, eventually, a partner for life.

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Yes. I don’t say anything unless I mean it.” My connection with her is stronger than with anyone I’ve ever known. “And I’m sorry tonight was so hard on you.”

  “Yeah, well, I know something else that’s really hard.”

  She reaches down into my pants and wraps her warm hand around me. She strokes once, twice, and I want to flip her over on the couc
h and take her right then and there. I dream about all the things we can do to each other.

  “Juliette,” I say as I stop myself from seducing her. “We should talk about what happened tonight.” Ugh, I want her so bad and she wants it, too, but this is important.

  “No.” She unbuttons my pants. “We shouldn’t. Let’s do this instead.” The zipper comes down, and I pop out of my boxers.

  She’s too vulnerable right now. She needs to process this evening, talk through the situation with her brother. As much as I don’t want it to, sex can wait until she’s in a better place.

  “We’ll always have time for this.” I push myself back in and zip my pants up. “Let’s talk.” I fumble with the button, scratching myself before I finally close it.

  “You want to talk?” She shifts her body weight back so she’s resting more on my knees now. “Right now? You want to talk rather than have sex with me?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to do it, but we should talk about how you’re feeling.”

  “Why? What’s the point? Nothing will change. Am I upset? Yes. Am I sad? Kind of, I guess. Let’s move on.” She leans down to kiss me but I turn my head, her lips landing on my cheek instead. “Are you being serious right now?”

  “Yes, I am. You can’t ignore tonight happened. You need to talk about it.”

  She moves off me and sits next to me, crossing her arms as she sighs. This is our first argument, and I don’t like it. Regardless, we can’t avoid this.

  “Well, I don’t want to talk about it. Can’t you respect that?”

  She’s making a huge mistake. I want her to confide in me, tell me how she’s feeling, trust me enough to talk about this. If we reversed the situation, I’d pour my heart out right now. I know I would. There’s no bigger regret than bottling your emotions up so they explode at the wrong moment. Her exchange with her brother wasn’t good, and if she doesn’t talk about this and vent, I’m sure next time it will be worse.

  “I can, though I really think we should talk about it.”

  “I said no, okay?” She slams her hands on the couch like a young child throwing a tantrum.

  “Fine.” I put my hands up and get off the couch. “You’re acting like a juvenile.”

  “I’m what?”

  “Stomping your hands on the cushion, crossing your arms and puffing your chest out? Those are all ways a teenager would react, Jules. I understand you’re upset, and you don’t want to have a conversation about this. I wish you trusted me.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “It certainly seems that way. You have a funny way of showing it.”

  She blows out a breath. “I’m sorry for how I reacted. You’re right. I just don’t want to discuss it, okay? At least not right now.” She comes over to me and slides her hands around my waist to my back. “Can we please enjoy ourselves? I promise to make it worth your time.”

  Her case is tempting, so much so that she only needs to run her fingernails up and down my back one time before she wins the case.

  21

  Juliette

  When Landon drops me off at my house, Hunter is sitting on my porch swing. He’s swinging back and forth, his head lowered down as he does so. Landon asks if I want him to stay. Even though I want to tell him yes, I hike up my big girl panties and send him on his way while I deal with my brother.

  I take my time approaching Hunter, my keys shoved in between my fingers like I’m ready to shank him if he comes after me. I don’t know why I’m doing this so I loosen my grip.

  “What do you want?” Not the merriest of greetings, but he’s lucky he even gets that.

  He lifts his head, still swinging. “I’ve been waiting here for almost two hours. I thought you and Landon came back here.”

  “We went to his house, not that it’s any of your business. How do you know where I live?”

  “Jules, it’s not like when I went to prison all my memories erased from my mind. I remember where you live, the layout of your house, how if I walk in there right now, I won’t find any trace of the holiday.”

  “So, what, are you planning on robbing me?”

  “Jules, that’s not fair.”

  I stand in front of him, my wobbly knees ready to give out at any moment. My mouth is like cotton, my heart beating so fast I’m almost dizzy. The important thing is I remain calm. “I’ll ask again. What do you want?”

  He stops rocking and pats the open space next to him. “Can you sit down?”

  I sigh inside. I don’t want to sit down. He needs to leave both my house and my mother’s. He can find a friend to stay with or go back to prison for all I care. Unless I call the police to remove him, I know he won’t leave until I listen to what he has to say. My jelly legs stiffen as I sit, and I grip my purse in my hand.

  “Tonight didn’t turn out so well.”

  He’s stating the obvious. What type of reaction is he trying to pull from me? No, it didn’t go well, but it wasn’t much different than I expected. I’m not disappointed because I went in with low expectations. That’s the way I live life. I stare at him. Is that it? Am I supposed to react to that? Tonight went exactly as I thought it would. I can’t be disappointed in the evening with such low expectations.

  “I know you hate me.”

  I don’t hate him, but I can’t even bring myself to say that. I hate his actions and how he took advantage of our mother. I hate how he allowed a bad lifestyle to take a hold of him. But I don’t hate him. Even though I don’t want him to think that, I don’t bother correcting him. What kind of a person does that make me?

  “I don’t know how I can convince you I’m not that person anymore. A person doesn’t spend two years away from family, attend counseling that entire time, and not come back changed. What I did was wrong, and I took—take—responsibility for that. I paid my debt to society. Why can’t you forgive me? Come on, can’t you find it within yourself to pull out the smallest spirit of Christmas?”

  I don’t make eye contact with him the entire time he speaks. My nose is cold, and I wipe a snowflake away.

  “The forecast said there’s going to be a big snowstorm,” I say as my eyes are in a frozen stare on the road. “Just like that one when I was nine, and you were eleven.” I wrap the strap of my purse around my hand, squeezing so tight it hurts. I don’t care. “Christmas 1988. I’ll never forget it. All I wanted that year was a tape player so I could listen to Cher’s new song, ‘If I Could Turn Back Time,’ whenever I wanted. I was so tired of listening to the radio and trying to record it. Every time I hit the record button, the DJ started talking. Gosh, I was pissed. When I didn’t get the player, I was so mad. Then our parents announced their divorce. They couldn’t even wait until the New Year. No tape player and a divorce. Merry Effing Christmas. If I could turn back time, I’d change all that. Maybe if that Christmas had turned out differently, our lives would be different. Marriage wouldn’t scare me, and you wouldn’t be a felon.”

  “Juliette,”—he puts his hand on my shoulder, ignoring that I called him a felon—“our parents divorcing was a good thing.”

  My eyes leave the comfort of the road, and I glare at him. How can he say that? Did he live in the same house as me? In what universe is it a good thing for a child’s parents to separate?

  “They didn’t get along. They hadn’t for years. I can’t believe they hung on as long as they did.”

  “What do you mean? Mom is still in love with Dad. She never got over him. She never wanted the divorce.”

  “That’s not true. She clings to Dad, but she’s not in love with him. She hasn’t been for years.”

  “I don’t believe you.” And I refuse to.

  “Fine. Don’t believe me. But their divorce isn’t what made me do what I did. And their divorce shouldn’t skew your opinion of me, either.” He stops and watches the snow falling from the sky. “Is this why you hate Christmas so much?”

  I shrug. “I have reasons. That may be one.” I clear my throat. “I have to ge
t to bed. I work in the morning.”

  “Yeah, work. I have to figure out how to get a job.”

  Not my concern. He will mooch off my mom for as long as he can. “Good luck with that.” The swing moves back and forth as I stand up and walk to my door. When the key is in the lock, I turn and notice my mom’s car parked in front of my house. Another thing he took from her. I hope he asked her permission. I turn the key, never looking at him once as I step through and yell back, “Drive safe.”

  I slam the door behind me, the tree from Landon still boxed up next to me, as I slide to the floor. My eyes well with tears, but I wipe them away. Hunter isn’t worth my tears.

  22

  Landon

  I don’t know if what happened on Sunday qualifies as make-up sex or not. I guess we make amends after our little spat. In fact, we make amends two times. Either way, when I drop Juliette off at her house, her mood seems lifted. Well, until she sees her brother occupying her porch. I offer to stay, but she insists she’ll handle it. When I call her later to talk about it, all she says is they didn’t scream at each other, but they didn’t make up either.

  I can’t bring it up tonight. She switched shifts with another elf so we can subject ourselves to the loudest place on Earth. No, not the happiest place on Earth—the loudest. With Abby down about Courtney’s diagnosis, my sister and Arthur want to take her mind off of it for a while. According to Courtney, Abby asks questions all the time, and she’s having difficulty dealing with it. An evening at Bounce & Flip, the area’s go-to bounce house and germ-infested play area, comes at the perfect time. They invited me and Juliette, so now they can finally meet.

  The roads aren’t bad after the snowfall yesterday. The plows did an excellent job cleaning up and with all the normal traffic today, now they’re only wet. Parking is tight, though, with the snow pushed into banks, taking up a few spots. We find a place to park near the exit.