Beneath the Heavens

by Barlow, Lindsey;

  “I have no ranch. I don’t even have a ring, but I promise to work every day of my life, proving myself worthy of you.”

  Unable to speak of the joy and love she felt, Abby leaned forward pouring all her happiness into a kiss she hoped could last forever.

  /

  It was morning by the time Melissa was accompanied home and Eliza and Kyle left, cooing over the baby girl they had named Bless, short for Blessing. A bit unusual, but Eliza did not care. The baby girl was a blessing and should be known as such to all who met her.

  Joseph stayed until he and Esther stood in the doorway alone. Michael was sound asleep, and Esther had cleaned her bed, deciding to burn the blankets Mary had used.

  “It has been quite a night,” Joseph sighed. “And I thought Texas was wild.”

  Esther gave a half smile, her eyes still clouded. “Well, I can use a cup of tea. How about you?”

  Joseph nodded. The scarlet sun was barely peaking over the mountains, offering a small stream of sunlight that flickered on the porch and teased the potted flowers. It was beautiful. Joseph often marveled at the beauty of nature; it was the closest he came to believing God cared. Maybe God did not stop bad things, but he softened them with good things; good women like Esther, sweet words from children, and a beautiful sunrise.

  He heard Esther moving about in the kitchen. He should go in. It was cold, but his heart was still racing from Abby’s close encounter. He had remained calm, mainly because another man was around and because he knew if he was calm, Abby would be as well. Still, he had almost lost a beloved sister; he needed the cool air.

  Esther returned with a steaming cup of tea topped off with cream and sugar.

  Joseph took it, his fingers brushing against hers. Her skin felt cold, but she seemed to need the fresh air as much as he did.

  “I think you ought to know—Mary’s body was found. She died the same night as her husband. Maybe the two really were destined to be together.” Joseph took a drink. He usually wasn’t a big tea drinker, but he had come to realize that anything made by Esther tasted good. He took another long drink emptying the whole cup. When he lowered it, Esther’s face was tense and her lips pressed tightly together in an attempt to keep them from trembling.

  “Esther?” Joseph asked softly. She did not look at him, instead, keeping her gaze straight ahead. “Esther, what is wrong?”

  Esther took a sharp breath. “It’s my fault,” she exhaled, not bothering to hide the quiver in her voice. “I let Mary die. When she slapped me, spit at me, pushed me, I still tried to stop her. I knew that if she left she would bleed out, but when she said she would kill her… would kill her own daughter I…” Esther looked down into her cup, tears streamed down her face mixing with the tea.

  “A part of you wanted her to die?” Joseph asked.

  Esther closed her eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t think I wanted her to die, but I no longer wanted to help her. It’s like I didn’t care what happened to her.” She pressed a hand to her forehead, keeping her eyes closed for several seconds. “I always knew Mary did not deserve a child, but she was still a human being who was entitled to help from me, both as a woman and a midwife.”

  “Help, but not control,” Joseph corrected.

  Esther looked at him with confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “Esther, you can help people, but in the end they make their own choices. We can’t control them, even if we want the best for them. Mary did not want you to help her. She wanted to go after Toby, and there was no way you were going to keep her from it if she did not want to be kept.”

  Esther stared at him, her face written in an unreadable expression. Finally, she looked away and rolled her neck: “You know, I have been feeling it might be time to leave Tall Pine. I thought perhaps of sending inquiries to other towns needing a midwife, but I don’t know if I can still be a midwife anymore. Every child I deliver I feel that their life is my responsibility and if they were to die, it would be on my hands, and if they are sick, I feel that maybe I could have prevented it. So often there is joy with the birth of a baby, but also sometimes grief and guilt. It is not fair to Michael to have a mother constantly battling with emotions that I have a hard time controlling. I need to find employment as a seamstress or a cook, anything without the guilt and anxiety.”

  “How about a rancher’s wife?” Joseph meant to say it clearly, but it came out as a mumble.

  Esther looked up sharply. “What did you say?”

  Joseph took a step toward her, setting down the cup on the porch table. “I said, how about being a rancher’s wife? Although, Michael prefers the term cowboy,” he chuckled shyly.

  Esther blinked. “Joseph are you suggesting—asking that—” she stopped abruptly, unable to finish the thought.

  “I am asking you to be my wife, Esther, to come back to Texas with me. You can have your own home. It will be beautiful with a pond that Michael can swim in and plenty of space to run. We can be a family. I can take care of you. For once in your life, you can be the one to be looked after.” Joseph closed the gap between them, taking her face in his hands. “Please Esther, say that you’ll have me.”

  Esther swallowed, her hands lifted to Joseph’s wrists and lowered them. She loved him, she did, but what he was asking, she could not do it. There were too many nightmares haunting her and too many barriers that would come between them.

  “Joseph, I care for you, I really do, but I can’t. I was not lying when I said there are certain things I cannot overcome. You need a woman who can be a woman to you in every way.”

  “I’ll be patient, Esther,” he promised gripping her hands so tightly they hurt. “Please just give me a chance. Give us a chance. If it takes years for you to open up to me, I will wait. As long as I can call you my wife.” His eyes were desperate, so loving and willing that Esther, despite her efforts, could not hold back the tears.

  “Joseph, I will not trap you into a marriage you do not deserve. My feelings forbid me to be in any union with a man, emotionally or physically. My mind tells me you would be fair, and my heart tells me I care for you, but I cannot change.” She stepped back looking away from his crestfallen face. “I’m sorry Joseph, but no. I can’t be your wife.

  The silence that followed was deafening. When Joseph finally walked away, the angry stomp of his boots was a stab to her heart. He yanked Sampson’s reins with aggression and flew onto the saddle.

  “Esther!” he called out to her a few paces from the porch, “I leave after Thanksgiving. If your answer has changed, you will make me the happiest and luckiest man in the world, but if it hasn’t then I will leave. But Esther,” he put on his hat, “for both our sakes, I will not come back.” Then he stormed off like a wounded wolf into the early morning light.

  Esther stood still, feeling numb; she had come to accept how she was. Gratitude filled her heart every day for the blessings God had given her. Her trials had made her strong—wasn’t that what she told herself every day. Then why did she feel so empty and incomplete as Joseph rode away?

  “Dear God,” she spoke out loud, “you cured me of my sorrow when you gave me Michael. You cured me of my hate after years of bitterness. Why can’t you cure my distrust, my fear of letting another man close to me? You are enough for me. Michael is enough, and I recognize that,” she paused, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face, “but is it wrong to want more in my life?”

  “Who are you taking to?” Michael asked sleepily from the doorway.

  Esther jumped, knocking over her tea. “Oh, sweetheart, you scared me. What are you doing up so early?”

  “I wanted to see if Joseph was still here.” Michael yawned and came to lean his head against her ribs.

  Esther wrapped her arm around him rubbing his back.

  “Who were you talking to, Momma?” Michael asked again.

  “God,” Esther replied softly. Her eyes felt heavy. She needed sleep.

  “Did He answer back?”

  Esther smiled. “
God always answers, but not alway in the time we want, or the way we want.”

  Seventeen

  The next week dragged by for Joseph. It was hell. He’d stayed away from Esther; he couldn’t take watching her flashing eyes, full lips, and slender body knowing that she would never be his. His parents would be disappointed he had not brought home the beautiful woman and child of whom he had written much about. Texas would be the same place, but no longer bright without Esther. Without her and Michael to build a life with, life on the ranch held no appeal to him. He would go back to being a Ranger; he would die a Ranger. That was how things worked. That was how things were meant to be. No waking up to a wife by his side, no fat babies, no making Michael Christmas presents, just himself and a badge.

  Will and Abby were no help to Joseph. The happy couple announced their engagement with the wedding planned for the spring. Abby would return to Texas sometime in the winter to say a final farewell to her home, her parents would come for the wedding, and then she and Will would visit that coming summer. As Joseph heard their plans, their ambitions, it wrenched him apart. He found himself working non-stop on the schoolhouse, even though he had already repaired everything.

  Esther seemed to be ignoring him as well. Any time he saw her, she looked away, as if already breaking ties. On Sunday, Esther stayed by Eliza who was also sickeningly happy with a new baby who had become the princess of Tall Pine. Kyle Lampton had proposed to Eliza, and the two had decided to marry right away. Supposedly he had asked Eliza five times before she realized he wasn’t joking. The two were gooey over their daughter who was dressed in the softest and silkiest gowns. People seemed to be blossoming with good cheer and festivities all around Joseph, and yet his own world was growing darker and smaller.

  The day before the Thanksgiving play, Joseph was outside working on some sets that Abby had requested he make.

  “This is going to be wonderful,” she giggled. She did that a lot now. “A play to kick off Thanksgiving!” Her face fell when Joseph did not respond.

  “Joseph, why don’t you talk to her? Heavens, you only have three more days to win her over.”

  Joseph clenched his jaw, threw down the hammer, and stood to his full height. “What would you have me do, Abby? I have already begged, pleaded, made my intentions fully known. You yourself said I could not help her.”

  “I said you couldn’t change her, Joseph, not that you could not win her. Just try again.”

  “No!” he said firmly. “She made it clear, and I am afraid that if I ask her again then I will…I don’t know. I know I won’t be able to take it.” He knelt back down over the wooden scenery. “Esther will not allow herself to forget the past, Abby; she holds onto her distrust like a protective shield over her and Michael, and there is nothing I can do.”

  Abby took a step closer and softened her voice, “You can always pray, Joseph.”

  Joseph snorted. “Ha, ha, you sound like Mom!”

  Abby’s face turned red, “And is that a bad thing?” she practically shouted, placing her hands on her hips angrily.

  Joseph raised his eyebrows. “Calm down, Abby,” he said patronizingly.

  “No! Don’t you tell me to calm down, Joseph. You think you have always been so independent and that you have never needed anyone, not even God. You blame it on Him, saying that He does not care. Well, that is as dumb as an ox’s rear end.” Abby’s eyes flamed, her Texan accent thickening. “Our mother has always shown you great love, my father—your father—has always been desperate for your approval, your love, and yet you won’t give it because of your pride. And that is what this comes down to—your pride. Your pride of asking another for help, meaning God.” She flung her hands in the air. “Heavens Joseph, you have as many issues about your own sex as Esther does. You could not rely on your own father for love and help and so you won’t ask for it or accept it from any other father figure whether it be a stepfather or God. Grow up, Joseph! You may lose the one thing you want more than anything because of your blasted pride. Grow up,” she added before storming off.

  Michael was running out as she was coming in.

  “Michael, what are you doing?” she asked, still fuming.

  “I need to talk to Joseph! Momma says he leaves after Thanksgiving, Teacher. I need to talk to him now.” Michael looked desperate. “I finished all my work. That’s why I have been so quiet so I could get out early.”

  Abby sighed and looked back over her shoulder. It might do Joseph good to talk to Michael after her intense lecture. “Very well, Michael, but don’t talk long. We need to rehearse the play for tomorrow.”

  Michael nodded and quickly bounded off.

  “Joseph!” Michael called out.

  Joseph looked up to see Michael’s curls bouncing among the swirling golden leaves. “What’s up, kiddo?” he asked grimly, faking a weak smile.

  “You leave soon.”

  “Three days.” Joseph informed him, not wanting to look at the pleading blue eyes.

  Michael was silent for a long moment. Joseph finally looked up and wished he hadn’t. The boy’s eyes were filled with fat tears that rolled down his rosy cheeks.

  “My momma says we’re not going with you,” he cried. “I want to go with you. I want you to be my dad. I love you.” His nose was now runny and his voice broken with hiccups.

  Joseph tossed down the nails and pulled the boy into a hug. “I love you too, Michael, and I want you to know I gave it my best shot. I love your mom and I want you to come back with me so badly it hurts, but there is nothing more I can do.”

  Michael clung to Joseph soaking his shoulder with tears. “Are you going to find another family? Another little boy?”

  Joseph swallowed hard. He would not cry. He never cried. “Of course not! You are my Deputy Ranger remember? No boy could ever replace you.”

  Michael allowed himself to be held as he sobbed. Joseph hesitantly put his hand on Michael’s head and stroked his hair gently as he had seen Esther do. The action seemed to calm the boy, and his sobs lessened and eventually turned into shaky breaths.

  “Will you ask her again?” Michael sniffed, pulling away and rubbing his nose.

  Joseph smiled and ruffled Michael’s hair. “I don’t think it will do any good.”

  “Please ask her again. She’ll say yes if I tell her again that I want to go. My mom loves me more than anything, so she would do that for me.”

  “Of course she loves you, Michael. You are a fine young man, but I just don’t know if your mother can love me.”

  Michael looked thoughtful, contemplating Joseph’s words. “But she has to love you. You are the dad she told me about before she even met you. The one she made up in her head.”

  Joseph sighed and took the young boy’s hands in his own. “Listen, I will think about asking her again, but right now you need to go back to class before Abby gets mad and turns into a bear.”

  Michael laughed shakily and nodded with a final sniff before heading back toward the classroom. Joseph watched him leave and waited until he was in the schoolhouse before he turned his head up to the cloudy sky.

  “Uhh, Lord… God? I’m not one to pray much and, well, I am sorry about that. Maybe my sister is right and I have issues. It pretty much seems everyone has issues so I hope you can give me some allowance.” He swallowed. This was foolish. He felt like an idiot, and yet he continued, “So, I really love Esther, and I really love Michael, and I would like to think you sent me here for a purpose; so if you could help me out that would be appreciated.” He chuckled softly at himself. “Thank you. Oh, and, amen,” he concluded awkwardly.

  An icy wind danced through the small meadow running a shiver through Joseph. It would be getting colder soon, and he needed to finish as much as he could today and do the rest in the morning. The hammer was by his feet. Joseph snatched it up and then reached for the box of nails. He frowned, shaking the sparse sounding box. There had been more nails, had there not? He could have sworn there were more nails, more than two.


  Joseph let out a growl of frustration. He was now fully committed to these stupid wooden props, and if he was building them, then they’d better be good, and they could not be good if they were falling apart without nails. He flung down the hammer. He’d have to paint now before the wind picked up any more, and then he would need to ride to town before the shops closed so he could buy some more nails.

  “There goes my day,” Joseph muttered. The last thing he wanted was to make a trivial trip to town, but what else could he do?

  /

  Sheriff Ben sat outside his office feeling conflicted. He liked to be friendly to visitors and strangers. This last one, despite his rich and professional appearance, had given him a bad feeling. Then, when the handsome stranger began inquiring about one of Tall Pine’s local residents, Ben’s instincts went on high alert, but he couldn’t very well cuff the man on account of his dark demeanor.

  Now, he wrestled with the choice as to whether or not he should check on this resident or stay put in town. Evening was always when things got a bit rough, especially around the saloons. Besides, he and his deputy were still trying to rat out some of Toby’s gambling buddies.

  A tall, familiar figure caught Ben’s eyes. It was that Ranger Joseph Silver, the one who had taken out Toby with a clean kill shot. Too bad he was leaving. Tall Pine could use a man like him. Everyone had suspected he would be marrying Miss Esther, but so far nothing had been announced.

  It suddenly hit Ben that Joseph was the answer to his dilemma. He put his hand on the side of his mouth and called out across the cobblestone street.

  “Joseph! Joseph Silver!”

  The Ranger looked up in Ben’s direction and lifted a hand in greeting. Ben waved him over. “Hey there, Sheriff, how are things?” Joseph asked, his face looking stern and angry.

  “Hello Joseph, sorry to interrupt your trip into town. I was just wondering if you’ve talked to Miss Esther Callen today, meaning recently, as in in the past hour?”