Berta's Choice (The Soul-Linked Saga)

by Phillips, Laura Jo

  Berta turned her gaze back to the fire. “Yes, it makes me angry. When do I get to live my life the way I want? When do I get to call my life my own?”

  Merrick was so close to a blood-rage from hearing what had been done to her that he hardly dared let himself breathe. His fists were clenched tightly, his teeth gritted so hard he thought they might crack. He did not look at Tor or Jerri for fear their struggle would fuel his own. It was long moments before he trusted himself to speak again, and he was thankful that Berta continued to gaze into the fire, lost in her own thoughts, during that time.

  "Berta,” he said when he could trust himself to sound calm, “we are very sorry for the crimes committed against you. If we could change your past for you, we would.”

  Berta turned away from the fire and studied him for a long moment as though trying to decide if he was sincere. Finally, her lips turned up in a sad smile. “Thank you, Merrick,” she said. “But as we all know, the clock does not run backwards.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Merrick agreed. “We can only go forward. We ask that you give us the chance to go forward with you.”

  “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” Berta said. “Go forward, how?”

  “Let us get to know each other,” Merrick said. “That’s all we ask.”

  “To what end?” she asked in confusion. “I live with the Bearens, and I have seen the Lobos and the Katres with their Arimas. Their relationships are highly intimate. You cannot want such a relationship with me, and I certainly have no wish to engage in that type of relationship with you, or anyone else for that matter.”

  “Clan Jasani are very close to their animal alter-forms in many ways, Berta,” Merrick said. “Our sexuality is driven by pheromones. Our mating fangs descend only when we are exposed to our Arima’s pheromones. While your body is clearly giving off enough pheromones for us to identify you as our Arima, it does not give off enough to induce the sexual response in us that it would if your body were younger.”

  “That’s a relief,” Berta said. “But it still doesn’t answer my question. Why do you want to get to know me?”

  “Because you are our Arima,” Merrick said. “The hardships that you have endured in your lifetime should not cost you, or us, the fulfillment of the needs of our souls. Our souls were made to be together, regardless of the state of our physical bodies.”

  Berta was touched by that, and she had to admit that there was some long dead part of her heart that seemed to be stirring in the presence of these men. But it was hopeless, and she knew it.

  “One of the reasons that you seek your Arima is so that you can have children, isn’t that right?” she asked.

  “No,” Merrick replied, surprising her. “It is true that we can have female children only with our true Arima. But that is not the reason we search for our Arima. As I said, our Arima is our soul-mate. We are destined to be together. We can never be complete otherwise.”

  Berta thought about that for a few minutes, taking her time. “What is it that you propose to do?”

  “Spend time together, get to know each other,” Merrick replied. “We want to know who you are, and we want you to know us.”

  “Let’s say we do this, we get to know each other,” Berta said. “Then what? If we turn out to like each other, what will you want then?”

  Merrick looked at Tor, then Jerri, then back to Berta. “We won’t lie to you, Berta,” he said. “We dreamed of having the kind of relationship that the Bearens or the Katres have with their Arimas. How could we not? But this is no dream. This is reality, and our destiny lies with you. We understand something now that we did not know before meeting you. Finding one’s Arima is about fulfilling the needs of our souls, not our bodies. For that reason, we want to merge our souls together as they are meant to be. If, during that process, your body is healed of the ravages of time, so much the better. But we will certainly not force it on you. Right now we ask only that we be allowed to know you.”

  Berta turned her gaze back to the flames as she considered what Merrick had said. Did she want to do this? She could not deny that yearning sensation deep inside of her mind or heart, whatever it was. Nor could she deny that the biggest regret of her life was that she’d never known love. But these men, these Falcorans, they were not offering her love. The truth was, they were as stuck with her as she was with them. Maybe even more so. Would it hurt to get to know them?

  She sighed. She didn’t know. It might very well hurt a lot to get to know them. It would surely be best if she sent them away and never saw them again. Best for herself, but perhaps not so good for them.

  “Did you have anything in mind for us getting to know each other?” she asked.

  “We thought perhaps you would consent to coming to our home with us,” Merrick replied. “We live in Berria, and many of our Clan members have homes near us so you would not be isolated.”

  “No,” Berta said, shaking her head before he was finished speaking. “I will not leave the Dracons’ ranch.”

  “Why not?” Merrick asked. “Do you distrust us?”

  “I do not know you,” Berta replied. “I know only that here, on the Dracons’ ranch, I am safe for the first time in my life. So long as the Dracons allow me to remain here, I will not leave this place.”

  “All right,” Merrick replied, sensing that pressing her on this matter would not be a good idea. “Then we will stay here and get to know you.”

  “I need to think about this,” she said, suddenly feeling very tired. “If you don’t mind, I would like to return to my bed now.”

  “Of course,” Merrick replied, his voice calm though his heart was sinking fast. From what she’d said so far, he realized that it was very unlikely that she would decide in their favor. “As much as we would like to carry you back ourselves, I think you would be more comfortable if we called Jackson.”

  “Yes, I would prefer that,” Berta replied.

  Merrick nodded to Tor who tapped his vox to make the call. Within moments Jackson walked through the door, his eyes going directly to Berta.

  “Have you come to an agreement?” he asked Merrick.

  “No, Lord Jackson,” Merrick replied. “Berta would like to think on her decision.”

  “I see,” Jackson said. He was not surprised, but nevertheless, he could not help but feel badly for the Falcorans. They were still a bit young, but youth was not a crime, and they were very good men. This was not going to be easy for them.

  “I will take Berta home,” Jackson said. “While you await her decision, you are welcome to stay here, in the Katres’ house.”

  “We thank you,” Merrick said, rising to his feet and bowing politely. Tor and Jerri did the same, and Jackson nodded to them before lifting Berta in his arms.

  As soon as they were gone, Merrick turned to his brothers. “What do you guys think?”

  “This is an impossible situation,” Tor said, shaking his head slowly.

  “Why do you say that?” Jerri asked. “I don’t even understand why she has to think about it. She did not argue the fact that she is our Arima, and she clearly understands what that means. Her DNA will be rewritten during the transformation process, so her age will not be a problem either.”

  “It is not her age that’s the problem,” Tor said. “The Brethren stole her life from her because she is berezi. Do you think she will readily agree to us doing the same thing to her?”

  “We don’t want to steal her life from her,” Jerri argued. “We want to share in it.”

  “I know that,” Tor said. “She, however, does not.”

  “Then we will have to find a way to convince her of it,” Merrick said.

  “I don’t think we will have the chance to convince her of anything,” Tor said. “Not just yet, anyway. I think that she will decide against us, and send Jackson to give us the news.”

  Merrick sighed. Tor had an inner sense that was, to date, infallible. If he believed what he said to be true, then it was as good as written in stone.r />
  “What can we do?” he asked.

  Tor reached into his pocket. “We know that our Arima came from Earth with the Bearens,” he said as he pulled out a small black case. “That means that Berta has had only a few short months of freedom. I suggest we go quietly when she asks us to. After hearing her story, I believe she both needs, and greatly deserves, time. That is a gift that we can give her.”

  “It won’t be easy,” Jerri muttered.

  “No, it won’t,” Merrick agreed. “But she is our Arima, and as such, she must come first in all things.”

  “You are correct, of course,” Jerri admitted. “It means little how difficult it is for us, so long as it is of benefit to her.” He looked questioningly to Tor, who nodded in return.

  “It is the greatest gift we can give her at this time,” he said. “And the one she most needs.”

  He opened the small black case and tapped the bottom carefully until a tiny silver disk spilled into his hand. “We will ask Jackson to give her this,” he said. “I think he will agree. This is the gift we shall ask of her.”

  “Afterward, I think we should return to Berria,” Merrick said. “We can take that job at the Council analyzing signals intelligence.”

  “You know we’re going to hate that,” Jerri said. “It’s deadly dull. That transponder will send a signal throughout the Thousand Worlds. We don’t have to stay on Jasan.”

  “No, we don’t,” Merrick agreed. “But if she activates the signal, do you want to be a month away from her when we receive it?”

  “No,” Jerri replied, shivering at the thought. To know their Arima needed them, and to be that far from her would likely drive them all to insanity.

  “We might as well get some sleep,” Merrick suggested. “Once Jackson delivers Berta’s verdict, we’ll catch a ride back to Berria and talk to Elder Vulpiran.”

  “I will not sleep,” Tor said. “I think I will fly into town and purchase a gift for our Arima. Something to attach this transponder to.”

  “Excellent idea,” Merrick said. Jerri nodded and all three of them turned and left the Katres’ house. Within moments they were all in their falcoran alter-forms, climbing into the cool, lavender sky.

  Chapter 4

  Berta heard the soft knock on her door, but she didn’t want to respond to it. She had a feeling it would be Jackson and she didn’t really want to hear how the Falcorans had reacted to her decision.

  Stop being such a wuss, she admonished herself. “Enter, please,” she called before she had time to change her mind.

  “I’m sorry for intruding on you again,” Jackson said as he entered her room with Hope.

  “How bad was it?” Berta asked, wanting to get it over with.

  “Not bad at all,” Jackson said. “They realized that you were not yet ready for this, and were prepared for your answer.”

  Berta felt a surge of disappointment. Had it been that easy for them? she wondered. Then she remembered what she looked like, and sighed. Yes, they had probably been relieved by her decision.

  “It wasn’t easy for them,” Hope said, guessing Berta’s feelings even though she hid them well. “When a male-set finds their Arima, she becomes the most important person in their lives. Whatever is best for her health and happiness they will do, regardless of the cost. The Falcorans know that, for now, leaving you where you are is the best thing for you. Otherwise, they would not be able to do it.”

  Berta nodded in understanding. “I don’t know why I should feel hurt that they are leaving without a fight, since that’s exactly what I want.”

  “You are their Arima,” Jackson said. “This is not easy for you, either.”

  “Thank you, Jackson,” Berta said. “For everything you’ve done.”

  “There is no need to thank me, Berta,” Jackson said. “You are as family to us, and we protect our own.”

  That brought tears to Berta’s eyes. She’d been alone in the universe for so long, she’d forgotten what it felt like to be considered family.

  “There is one other thing,” Jackson said, turning to Hope. Hope opened one hand, revealing a pair of gold and sapphire stud earrings.

  “Those are beautiful,” Berta said.

  “These are for you,” Hope said. She dropped them into Berta’s hand. “From the Falcorans.”

  “Why would they give me a gift?” Berta asked in confusion as she stared at the brilliant blue sapphires.

  “Here, let me show you,” Jackson said, moving to stand beside Berta. He took one of the earrings and turned it over. “See this little disk?” he asked, pointing to a small circle of gold attached to the back of the earring.

  “Yes,” Berta replied, squinting to see the tiny thing.

  “This is a meta-spacial transponder,” he said. “Once activated it will send out a signal that can be picked up across the Thousand Worlds. If ever you need help, or want to see or speak to the Falcorans, you need only activate the device. They will come to you as quickly as they can. They have the only receiver for this device, so they are the only ones who will receive your signal. They’ve put one on the back of both earrings, so if one is lost, you will still have the other.”

  “How do I activate it?” Berta asked.

  “Take the earring off and tap on the disk firmly with a fingernail three times,” Jackson said.

  Berta nodded as she closed her fingers around the sapphire earrings that, she knew, would exactly match the color of her eyes. “Again, I thank you, Jackson.”

  “We have some other news for you,” Hope said, smiling brightly.

  “Yes?” Berta asked, feigning interest.

  “Talinka has made an appointment with the Dracons,” Hope said. “You, myself and Talinka will meet with them tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Oh, that is good news,” Berta said. “Do you really think the Dracons will allow me to be included in this?”

  “Of course they will,” Hope said, “it’s your idea, after all.” Hope slipped her hand into Jackson’s. “Now, we will leave you alone. I imagine you’d like to get some rest.”

  “Yes, thank you,” Berta said. She watched as Hope and Jackson walked out and closed the door behind them, then she opened her hand and looked at the earrings again. She walked over to the dressing table and sat down, leaning her cane carefully against her chair. Then she placed the earrings on the table and reached up to remove the tiny gold hoops her father had given to her when she was sixteen years old. She’d been wearing them when she was abducted and, except for regular cleaning, she hadn’t taken them off in over sixty years. Now she removed them and set them on the dressing table. Then she picked up the sapphire studs and put them in her ears. A sense of safety washed over her the moment she had them on and she wondered if it was because the Falcorans had given them to her, or if it was because of the transponders. They felt heavier than the hoops she had worn for so long, but she knew that she would soon become accustomed to them.

  She gazed into the mirror, smiling sadly when she confirmed that the sapphires did, indeed, match her eyes. Oh, how she wished.... But no, there was no sense in dwelling on it. She’d made the right decision. The only decision. She was sorry for the Falcorans, and a little sorry for herself as well. But she could not change what was.

  Chapter 5

  Berta, Hope and Talinka sat in the Bearens’ office with the plans for a Rami House spread out on a long table before them. The house would have a sitting room, kitchen, and dining area, a large bedroom and an enormous bathroom. The bathroom would contain a jetted bathtub large enough for four, an equally large shower and four sinks. There would also be a modest deck and private garden.

  Once the plans were approved, eight Rami Houses would be built, each one a reasonable distance from the other, and all of them at least a mile from Arima House. These would be used as guest houses for the visiting male-sets while they courted their Arimas.

  Berta could hardly believe that the project was going forward so quickly. In only three weeks the site fo
r Arima House had been selected and prepared for building, the plans for the house had been drawn up, the builders hired and the materials ordered.

  The three of them had been appointed by the Dracons as overseers of the entire project, with an unlimited budget. Once construction was complete, Berta would be the supervisor of Arima House. Talinka, who had long experience in running Bride House, would teach her what she needed to know and assist her. Hope would assist Berta when Talinka could not be there.

  The women had already approved the plans for Arima House, and ground had been broken the morning before. It would be a sprawling u-shaped structure on one level with eight bedroom/bathroom suites for Arimas, a private suite for Berta, and a separate wing for additional staff.

  “By the way, I meant to tell you Berta, we got a message yesterday from the Gryphons,” Hope said when they took a break from the plans and turned to the refreshment tray her housekeeper had brought in.

  “How is Aisling? And Karma?” Berta asked.

  “They’re fine,” Hope replied. “What’s interesting is that Aisling is the Gryphons’ Arima.”

  “What? I thought the whole problem with them was that she wasn’t their Arima.”

  “Apparently the Controller she had caused some hidden brain damage,” Hope said while she prepared herself a cup of tea. “After two weeks in a healing tank, the damage was healed. She’s definitely their Arima.”

  “Well, I’m happy for Aisling, of course,” Berta said. “But what does that mean for all of the other women who’ve been freed in recent months?”

  “They’re all going to be notified, with a recommendation to spend some time in a healing tank, just to be safe.”