My Serbian Wolf

by Charisma Knight

  “You see, little one. No one I have ever dated was suitable enough to enter the small circle of our family. You girls are precious to me, and the small amount of men I dated over the years did not fulfill my expectations.”

  Sadness settled over Rebecca again because there was only one who met her expectations, but he existed within another realm.

  “Why did you give up?” Myra asked as she twitched her nose. “You should never give up. That’s what you’re always telling Helen and me.” The little ten-year-old crossed her arms and patted her foot like she was an adult.

  “Oh, Myra.” Rebecca reached for her daughters again, holding them in a tight embrace. Tears welled in her eyes as she recalled trying to resurrect the broken pieces of her relationship with Mike.

  “Did our father hurt you that much?” Helen asked as she pulled away from Rebecca’s firm embrace. “You never speak of him, and I can’t say that I blame you. He left us alone, and I have no feelings for him. I remember you talking about him with Aunt Kaira when I was eight.”

  Rebecca’s jaw dropped as the spunky teenager stood there, staring her straight in the eyes. The muscle in her jaw twitched as she waited for 28

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  Rebecca’s answer. Some long lost anger lingered deep in the teenager’s eyes as Rebecca realized Helen had indeed remembered her father’s departure.

  “From the mouths of babes.” Rebecca recalled her aunt saying such things many years ago.

  “That was the past, Helen. I only focus on the future. I need to know, have you both enjoyed your lives? Does Mommy make you happy?” Rebecca accompanied her children into the living room.

  “I’m happy, Mom.” Myra smiled and wrapped her arms around Rebecca’s waist.

  Rebecca glanced over at Helen who released a sigh.

  “I’m happy too, Mom. I just think you need to move on. I think you have to open your heart up and allow someone to come into your life and love you. I don’t believe that man was our father to begin with.”

  “Helen! How could you say such a thing?” Rebecca tried to stifle a giggle, because it seemed as though the child had read her mind all these years. “So, what are you saying, child?”

  “Mom, I’m just telling you what I feel. Leaving now, got to get to school.

  Peace out!” Helen laughed as she strolled toward the door, dodging a swat from Rebecca.

  The morning’s conversation had Rebecca thinking. Her kids appeared to be old souls to her. It was too much for them to be so young, yet so full of wisdom.

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  Chapter Five

  After a long day, Helen and Myra’s words continued to haunt Rebecca, as did Niko’s face. The pain in the wolf shifter’s eyes was branded in her mind, as well as her soul. Rebecca could only ascertain that they were meant to pay a penalty for all of eternity.

  The hefty price of remembering their past life together and knowing his touch during dreams and meditation almost placed her on the brink of insanity. Deep in Rebecca’s heart, she knew Niko suffered from the same feelings. The more she saw him, the more knowledge she gained. The information was painful and weighed on her conscience like there was no tomorrow. She had everything in life she could ever want with the exception of the one who possessed the power to make her complete forever.

  After tending to a few evening chores and showering, Rebecca watched a movie with her daughters before turning in for the night. She noticed Myra was coloring while Helen listened to her Ipod.

  “Helen, turn it down, I can hear that thing all the way over here!”

  “Aw, Mom,” Helen protested before turning down the Ipod. The teenager sighed, and sat Indian style on the cushiony black love seat.

  “Thank you!” God, you’re going to be deaf before you hit eighteen.

  Helen giggled as she shoved another cheese curl in her mouth.

  “My, that’s such a pretty picture, from what I can tell.” Rebecca squinted and reached for her glasses. “What is that honey?”

  “Oh Mom, it’s supposed to be a surprise.” Myra covered the picture with her hands.

  “Please?” Rebecca giggled.

  “Promise to hang it on the fridge? If you say yes, I’ll let you take a peek.”

  “Oh, of course, darling. Now show me.” A hand flew to Rebecca’s mouth when Myra held up the picture. Myra had drawn a family. The big stick figure in the middle was the father, possessing long, black, shoulder length hair. “Who’s that?” Rebecca asked, pointing to the father figure.

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  “You don’t know?” Myra asked, shaking her head. “You should know who that is.” A smile erupted over the ten-year-old’s face as she returned her attention to the picture. “Maybe I’m drawing our future.”

  Rebecca cocked her head and looked at Helen, who sat munching on her cheese curls.

  “Well, why is there five?” Rebecca frowned and bit her lip. “Who’s that?”

  Rebecca asked, pointing at the child standing next to the father figure.

  “Oh, that’s our brother. See, Mom, look, that’s me, Helen, you, the one you’re destined to be with, and our brother.” Myra continued the family portrait.

  “Okayyy. Baby, I don’t plan on having any more children.” Rebecca shook her head as she marveled at the wonders of her child’s mind.

  * * * *

  Rebecca settled her children into the comfort of their beds, kissing them goodnight. As she turned in for sleep, she allowed her mind to transport herself to Niko’s world. An eerie feeling informed her this would be her last visit to this place. The bed was warm, and contained Niko’s masculine scent.

  Rebecca buried her face into the soft furs and an image of him flashed in her mind.

  Curiosity gripped her as she rose from the warmth of the bed in an effort to seek him out. Dread twisted her insides and, within her mind’s eye, she saw Niko. The tortured soul’s battle within himself made the hair on the back of her neck stand on edge. It was plain as day that the man wasn’t at rest with himself, and at this rate, he never would be.

  Finally, she saw him in another room of the small, yet elegant home of his that was all but a lonely echo of lives long past. Rebecca’s soul teetered between her realm and Niko’s. She rubbed her arms in an effort to stave off the chilled air as she entered a quaint, but familiar room with a small fire that Niko created especially for her.

  She knew he was aware she’d be arriving soon, and waited there to greet her. However, his body language spoke volumes to her. He was turned away 31

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  from her, and his shoulders were hunched over, making him appear defeated in a strange sort of way. Rebecca frowned when he didn’t acknowledge her presence. Something was wrong.

  “Niko?” Rebecca’s heart went out to him. The large man continued to stare into some unseen abyss. “Niko, talk to me dammit!” At her command, he turned to face her. His eyes appeared to be clouded over with sadness, and there was a far away expression deep within them. That fierce fighting spirit that once dwelled there no longer existed.

  “My sweet Zena Vuk, how beautiful you are on this evening.” Rebecca was swept off her feet as her name rolled off his lips like butter on a hot biscuit, causing every nerve in her body to stand at attention. She tried to swallow, but the large knot in the back of her throat prevented her from doing so. Sadness captured and encased Rebecca, and all she wanted to do was hold him and take away his pain. “Come to me.” Niko extended his arms, capturing her within his sweet embrace.

  “What is wrong ? Tell me now!” It was Rebecca’s turn to demand now.

  She wrapped her arms around his large frame and buried her face against his warm chest. A distant memory of his departure swept through her psyche like it had many centuries ago. Painful loss reared its ugly head, and past ghost
s invoked dark feelings inside her. She was about to relive the pain, all over again.

  “You are now released from me, my love. You must visit no more, and I cannot call you forth any longer. Our time has ended.”

  Rebecca shook her head in disbelief, and tightened her grip on the ancient wolf shifter. “What the hell are you saying to me?” Rebecca didn’t trust her ears. A sinking feeling split her right down the middle, the way lightning rode the heavens.

  “Zena Vuk, it is finished. You can never come here again.”

  “No, you don’t know what you are saying. Why are you doing this to me, to us? Are you not happy with me? My decision, I—”

  “This has nothing to do with your decision. When a man looks back at his past actions, sometimes he never understands why certain reactions stem from choices that were made. I am such a man.” Niko’s eyes were 32

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  expressionless and lacked the fire that once burned deep within them. His change in attitude was shocking to Rebecca.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Niko gathered Rebecca in strong arms, lowering them both to the large fur in front of the inviting fire in the hearth. Sitting on his haunches, he raised his knees, settling her between his thighs. Rebecca clung to his clothing, never wanting him to release her from his strong embrace.

  “I apologize to you for all the wrong and heartache I’ve caused you over the centuries. My apologies extend to my tribe, and to myself for causing our turmoil. It was wrong of me to force you into making such a harsh decision.

  What we had is long past, and must end now for there is no way we can continue on this journey. Our time together, I will never forget. I promise you that.”

  His facial expressions were stern and his eyes reflected defeat and loneliness. Rebecca’s gut twisted in a knot. His words were like a dagger to her heart. His pain was hers, and it was unbearable. She could feel it in every fiber of her being.

  “No, Niko, I—”

  “Hear me out, for this is important. I am a selfish soul because of my actions. I’m at a point where I need to put others before myself. I want you to be happy, and if that means forgetting me and choosing another within your own realm, then so be it.”

  “How could you say something like that to me? I don’t want someone else, dammit! I want you, and please don’t tell me that bullshit about if you love someone, set them free, if they return to you, yada, yada, yada!” Rebecca rolled her eyes and tried to free herself from his grip, but he would not release her. Gritting her teeth, she turned to face him. “How can you be so cruel to say such a thing to me?”

  Choking back tears, Rebecca clutched his forearms in anger. Her heart raced and her mind fought to understand why he was doing this. She could continue on, seeing him only in her dreams, or meditation. It was almost unbearable to think of having no contact with him at all. Anger claimed her, and an overwhelming desire to slap him caused her to raise her hand. Her 33

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  teeth ground together and the knot in the back of her throat refused to budge. He must have felt her anger because Niko tried to console her.

  “You’re not paying attention, my love. It isn’t about me. It’s about you. I want—need you to be happy. You can’t be happy if you relinquish all that you know and live here with me. I can’t allow that. Bringing those precious children—our—” Niko cut his words short and swallowed hard. A muscle in his jaw twitched, and he placed his forehead in the palm of his hand. “I cannot allow that to happen. I’d rather die than to have you make that choice. Now do you understand?”

  “But you didn’t make me. I was the one who made the choice. I chose not to live with you in this realm.”

  Pain stabbed in her heart as she looked into the beautiful eyes of her soul mate. The pain was also accompanied by a strong sense of relief that something else lurked in his mind. Rebecca shuddered and was ashamed for even considering certain things. What type of mother would even think to bring her children into a place such as this?

  “I know you’re right. I can’t lie to myself, although it hurts too much. Oh Niko, a part of me is okay with this, but the other part feels like my life is ending. Why do I feel this way? I feel like I’m dying on the inside.” Rebecca sighed as she felt her soul mate’s grip tighten around her.

  “You recognize the fact that you have choices, and life goes on, despite certain happenings of the past. You are not stuck as I am. Do you understand?”

  “I do, but I’ll never find anyone else. That I’m sure of.”

  “Zena Vuk, will you ever forgive me?”

  “For what?”

  “For my demanding ways. I have been selfish toward you, in thinking I could force you to choose living here. It is apparent you have evolved. I have not. Could it be that I’ve fought in so many wars that I’ve lost my humanity?

  Something within me died long ago. I feel there is something missing from me. Perhaps that was Hrebeljanovic’s plan all along.” Niko hung his head, then looked at Rebecca with a half smile. Her heart bled at the tortured gaze 34

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  her lover cast her as he reached down to caress her cheek. His touch was firm, yet reassuring.

  “We all make mistakes in life. I can only pray that, somehow, we will meet again, some other time. There is nothing to forgive. I love you, as much as a person can love. Thank you for not making me choose.”

  “I have another confession, and a special request. This is something you already know deep in your heart.” Rebecca nestled her head against the hardness of his chest and looked up into his loving gaze. Niko smiled and sighed as he ran his fingers through the thickness of her hair.

  “More surprises?” Rebecca matched his smile and closed her eyes. “I believe nothing can surprise me at this point.” Her mind returned to Helen’s words earlier in the morning.

  Niko leaned down to murmur shocking words in her ears. “Take care of our girls, tell them I love them. They are my gift to you, my ljubavnica.”

  Not surprised, Rebecca looked into his penetrating gaze. No wonder Mike’s leaving had never devastated her. It was no mystery why the girls never asked about him. All along, they must have sensed Mike was just an ordinary man and not a part of them.

  “I love you, Niko, but I wish—

  As soon as she freed the words from her lips, something captured her, pulling her from Niko’s embrace. The pair called to one another, reaching their arms out in vain as a huge void separated them, cutting their goodbyes to one another short. The small room where they stood appeared blurry to Rebecca. All that she saw eventually stretched out before her eyes.

  Niko pursued her, although in vain, and all she could do was to hear him screaming her name. His eyes were wide with terror, a sight that crushed her heart. That was the first time she’d ever seen him exude fear. His cries of anguish and heartache became muffled, and her surroundings faded to black.

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  Chapter Six

  Rebecca awakened with a jolt, causing her to sit straight up in bed.

  Massaging her temples, she fought to free herself from the overbearing dizzy feeling she was experiencing.

  “What the hell just happened? Shit, this can’t be going on.” Mumbling a few curse words, Rebecca reached for the lamp beside her bed.

  Remembering everything, she realized she would not be getting back to sleep anytime soon. Her vision was blurry, thanks to the waterfall of tears cascading down her cheeks.

  Most people thought of hell as fire and brimstone. That may be true, but there were other types of hells existing for folks who had brought damnation to themselves and those around them. Rebecca couldn’t help but to think she’d played a major role in Niko’s banishment centuries ago. She acknowledged the fact they both existed in their own private hells, payin
g a century’s old price.

  The cold realization of her childish temper tantrum centuries ago added more fuel to the fire because Hrebeljanovic must have heard every word she’d spoken. “I’m so sorry, Niko,” Rebecca spoke aloud. “Please forgive me.” She sent up a silent prayer, hoping he’d find peace, wherever he was.

  Out of concern for her daughters, Rebecca hurried to check on them and was relieved to find them in deep slumber. To her, their faces were angelic.

  They appeared not to have a care in the world, and little smiles crossed their faces, filling her with peace and serenity. Perhaps they were dreaming within their own past realms.

  Making her nightly rounds throughout the house, Rebecca glanced out of the window at the full moon. She sighed as she marveled in the beauty, surrendering herself to the magnetizing pull of the silver globe. Her love and respect for Niko had grown ten-fold since he’d last spoke those words. It was such a misfortune that forces beyond their control no longer would allow them to make contact with one another. With a heavy heart, Rebecca continued staring out the window.

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  Another unsettling thought embraced her. It was a strong possibility she would never know the genuine warmth of a man’s love again. A failed marriage had left her a single mother. The marriage only failed because she and Mike were not compatible, and violence had become a part of their lives.

  The love was unreal, and nothing like what she and Niko had shared centuries ago, or even during her short stints to his realm. Rebecca groaned as she pondered living her days without the companionship of someone who would love her until the end of her life.

  Longing for coffee, she journeyed to the kitchen, brewing a half a pot before venturing out onto the balcony where the warm morning breeze greeted her. She pretended it was Niko caressing her cheek instead of the breeze. Envisioning his face, she closed her eyes, and, once again, in her mind, was with him. Rebecca opened her eyes just in time to see a brilliant shooting star masking the heavens. Instinct overpowered her, and a wish was made. Growing comfortable, she fell asleep on the lawn chair as dawn approached.