The Talkative Tombstone

by Ursula Dubosarsky

  ‘Now,’ he said to himself. ‘If I can just see inside …’

  At that moment, a voice floated down into his ears – coming not from inside the tomb, but from above it! Coco clung onto the ladder, stiff with terror. Was it – could it be …

  ‘Thgisp isg a npicge qpuigetp plgacpe fgorp a rgespt,’ said the voice.

  Then came another voice: ‘Yegs, Ip’m wgorpn ogutp. Thgospe cghuprrgosp arge rpeagllpy hgeapvyg.’

  This must surely be the secret of the talkative tombstone. Coco knew the time had come for him to be very brave! He tightened his red sash and blinked several times. Then he pulled himself onto the window ledge and tipped his nose over the edge of the flat roof.

  To his astonishment, there, stretched out relaxing in the sun, were two faintly familiar, disreputable-looking guinea pigs. Between them was a huge sack of something that gave off a sweet sugary smell.

  Coco held himself very still and listened hard. The voices continued.

  ‘Sog,’ said the first. ‘Whpicgh fpacgtopryg wipllg wep rogb npexgt?’

  ‘I’lgl gpetg ougt mpy lgispt, agndp chgecpk fogr tghep negarpesgt opneg,’ said the second.

  Coco blinked again and again. There was something about the way those two were talking. Wasn’t there a course he’d taken, years ago, way back in the Police Academy?

  Poor Coco was getting pins and needles in his foot. He shifted a little to one side.

  As he did so, his foot slipped from the window ledge. And Coco found himself falling right into the little window and down, down into the terrible darkness of the tomb!

  CAN YOU HELP COCO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE TWO GUINEA PIGS ARE TALKING ABOUT?

  At the end of the book there are some tips to crack the code.

  Coco landed with a great cloud of dust on the floor. The light of Alberta’s torch shone in his face.

  ‘Coco!’ she said. ‘Where on earth did you come from?’

  He was too stunned to respond, and there was so much dust he could hardly breathe. He got himself up and shook his fur.

  ‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ said Alberta, excited. ‘Have a look around – it’s just fascinating.’

  She moved the torchlight from Coco’s face and shone it about the room. It lit up rows of engraved tombstones of what seemed to be a great many unusual members of the Manzana family.

  ‘Er, yes, muy interesante,’ said Coco with a sneeze. ‘But Alberta, I must tell you something—’

  He stopped. His eyes widened in horror. Behind one of the tombstones a huge shadow appeared in the wavering torchlight. It grew larger and larger. It was coming towards them! Coco screamed and covered his bare eye with his claws.

  ‘Hello!’ said a chirpy little voice.

  Alberta almost dropped her torch in consternation. Coco lifted his eye patch and peered out.

  ‘You!’ Alberta cried in disbelief.

  ‘You!’ gurgled Coco, lunging forward.

  A little brown and black and white guinea pig skipped out from behind the tomb.

  ‘Hello!’ said Ernesto. ‘Who are you?’

  Yes, it was Ernesto! That supremely annoying little guinea pig who seemed to be at the bottom of all of Coco’s troubles!

  ‘What do you mean, who am I?’ shouted Coco, because he had forgotten he was in disguise.

  There was a scratching sound from somewhere deep in the darkness. Coco screamed again.

  ‘What was that?’

  ‘Um, that’s my best friend, Federica,’ said Ernesto. ‘It’s all right, Federica,’ he called, ‘you can come out now! It’s just a funny pirate and um,’ he peered at Alberta, ‘somebody else.’

  Federica, a very neat little guinea pig carrying a sheaf of paper, trotted out to join them.

  ‘How do you do,’ said Federica politely. ‘How do you do do do you do do you?’

  ‘What on earth are you two doing here?’ cut in Alberta.

  ‘We’re practising a play,’ said Federica.

  ‘In a crypt?’ bellowed Coco.

  ‘That’s right. I wrote it,’ said Federica. She beamed. ‘It’s called “The Strange Adventures of Sheep and Kitty-Kat”.’

  ‘I’m Sheep,’ interrupted Ernesto. ‘I go BAA BAA and Federica is Kitty-Kat and she goes—’

  ‘Yes, yes, miaow, miaow,’ said Alberta quickly. ‘I understand. But why on earth practise here? Why not just at home – or in a park – or anywhere?’

  ‘We needed to find a place that was really really dark,’ explained Federica. ‘Because we have to remember our lines without looking, and Ernesto keeps peeking at the script.’

  She poked out her tongue at him.

  ‘It is so hard,’ wailed Ernesto. ‘I can never remember if I should say Baa baaa or Baa baaa baaa!’

  ‘Please don’t cry,’ begged Alberta.

  Coco slumped to the floor, shaking his head.

  ‘So this was the darkest place we could think of,’ said Federica. ‘And also we like it, because when we finish our practice, Ernesto’s grandma comes and takes us to the churros factory.’

  Coco looked up suddenly.

  ‘Churros?’ he repeated. ‘Churros!’ He jumped up. ‘That’s it – churros!’ He turned to Alberta in agitation. ‘Prima – we must leave, at once! There is no time to lose!’

  ‘But Coco—’ began Alberta, puzzled.

  What could he mean, churros? Was it some sort of code? But Coco had already scuttled away, up the steps of the tomb. She sighed, and turned to Ernesto and Federica.

  ‘I think we’d all better go,’ she said firmly.

  Holding the torch between her teeth, she grabbed hold of Ernesto with one claw and Federica with the other. They followed the rattle of Coco’s feet, up the stone stairway, all the way up and out of the crypt into the sunshine.

  ‘There’s my abuela!’ shouted Ernesto, waving at a distant grandmotherly figure. ‘We have to go now. Chau!’

  ‘Yes, chau chau!’ added Federica.

  The two little guinea pigs darted off at top speed without another word. Alberta removed the torch from her mouth and put it back in her brown-paper bag. Now, where was Coco? She swung around, and saw him standing at the back of the tomb, waving his ceremonial sword. Two guinea pigs were creeping down the ladder on the side wall, carrying a large lumpy sack between them.

  ‘Halt!’ commanded Coco in his deepest squeak.

  He galloped forward, throwing off his eye patch and the spotted hankie and flashing his police badge.

  ‘It is I, Coco Carlomagno, Chief of Police!’

  The two guinea pigs froze. They slid from the side of the building, down down into the middle of a thorny bush below. The sack fell open, spilling hundreds and hundreds of churros, some even filled with dulce de leche!

  ‘Just as I thought,’ said Coco masterfully. ‘I arrest you in the name of the guinea pigs of Buenos Aires!’

  There was nobody on earth like Coco Carlomagno! He had arrested the two most wicked and ruthless churros thieves the city had ever known.

  ‘Hurray, hurray, hurray for Coco!’ shouted the crowds of guinea pigs who filled the streets and squares, stamping and cheering. They brought out their cooking pots and banged them, and they brought out their charangos and strummed them, and they let off fireworks and bungers. Parties went on, day and night, for a week. A banner was raised above the Casa Rosada:

  In a grand ceremony, Coco was awarded a medal for bravery, pinned to his sash by the President of the Republic herself. Then there was a special banquet at the Casa Rosada, where the only food served was churros, baked by all the greatest churros factories in town – including, of course, the factory at Chacarita.

  Alberta attended the banquet with Coco, being careful to first remove her moustache. After a riotous dinner, the cousins went out onto the balcony for some fresh air, and gazed over the Plaza de Mayo.

  ‘Well, Coco,’ said Alberta. ‘This has all been quite an experience.’

  ‘It has,’ agreed Coco, ‘but not one, frankly, I would like to repea
t.’

  ‘Your medal looks lovely, as usual,’ said Alberta, inspecting it. ‘And this time I’m pretty sure they have the spelling of your name right.’

  Coco frowned. It certainly didn’t look right to him. Of course, spelling had never been Alberta’s strong point.

  There was a pause. The stars twinkled above them.

  ‘Oh dear,’ yawned Alberta. ‘It’s nearly three o’clock in the morning. I really had better get going.’

  Coco’s face fell.

  ‘So soon, prima?’ he said. ‘How about some more churros?’

  ‘I don’t think I could manage it, Coco,’ said Alberta. ‘But I’ve popped a couple in my paper bag for the trip.’

  And before Coco had a chance to cover her with farewell kisses, she was gone.

  Coco watched her fleeting shadow from the balcony.

  ‘She is rather shy,’ he reminded himself. ‘And I’m sure she will be back. Perhaps when it really is her birthday.’

  He brightened at the thought, and sat himself down to listen to the strumming of the charango on the Plaza below. It was a tango, and one of his favourites. He leaned back and hummed along:

  But the traveller who takes flight

  Sooner or later stops moving …

  And I keep hidden a humble hope

  That is the whole fortune of my heart.

  CLUES FOR PUZZLES

  SUBTE TICKET PUZZLE

  Although this puzzle uses a lot of words, it is really just numbers. You might be able to do it in your head. But if you are getting confused, go through the words slowly, and write the numbers down as a series of simple sums.

  Here are the first few sums – can you keep going yourself?

  a third of twelve pesos

  12 ÷ 3 = 4

  twelve pesos reduced by a third

  12 – 4 = 8

  CARD PUZZLE

  Coco and Señor Sepulturero are playing with Spanish cards, which many people play with in Argentina. In Spanish cards the four suits are Clubs, Coins, Cups and Swords. The three royal cards are a Prince, a Knight and a King.

  This card puzzle is also a kind of maths sum, believe it or not! The trick is that the Cups represent plus numbers and the Swords represent minus numbers. Each row of cards is a sum, with the third card down being the answer.

  So, in row one, the sum is:

  + 10 (cups) – 3 (swords) = + 7 (clubs)

  Now you see how it works, I’m sure you can work out the missing card.

  GUINEA PIG CODE PUZZLE

  These wicked robbing guinea pigs are using a tricky double-letter code to keep what they are saying a secret.

  This is how it works. Take the two letters G and P (standing for guinea pig). Now count two letters of a word they say, and you will see a G. Cross it out. Then count two more letters and you will see a P. Cross it out too! Keep going this way and soon you will know exactly what they are saying to each other!

  TRICKY TOMBSTONE

  There is a very unusual old gravestone in Rushes Cemetery, Canada, where the words describing the people buried underneath are hidden in a puzzle that looks like a giant word search.

  Here is another tombstone that is also a puzzle. I wonder if you can work out the sad story hidden in it? The guinea pigs will show you where to begin and end …

  GLOSSARY

  abuela (ah-bway-la) grandmother

  a ver (ah vair) let’s see

  besos (bess-oss) kisses

  Buenos Aires (bwen-oss eye-rez) the capital of Argentina

  bueno (bwen-oh) okay, good

  cafecito (caff-ay-seet-oh) a little cup of coffee

  Casa Rosada (cah-sah row-sah-dah) the Pink House, the presidential palace of Argentina

  cementerio (sem-ent-air-ee-oh) cemetery

  Chacarita (chack-ah-ree-tah) an area in Buenos Aires

  charango (chah-rang-oh) stringed instrument, similar to a guitar

  chau! (chow) ’bye!

  che! (chay!) hey!

  churros (choo-ross) long sugary doughnuts

  dulce de leche (dool-say day letch-ay) caramel

  encantado! (en-can-tah-doh) enchanted to meet you!

  feliz cumpleaños (fay-lees coom-play-ahn-yoss) happy birthday

  mate (mah-tay) a kind of green tea

  manzana (man-sah-nah) apple

  muy interesante (mwee inter-ess-ahn-tay) very interesting

  Obelisco (ob-ell-isc-oh) the Obelisk, a very tall monument in Buenos Aires

  perdóname (pair-don-ah-may) pardon me

  peso (pess-oh) the unit of money in Argentina

  Plaza de Mayo (plah-sah day mah-show) a plaza in front of the Casa Rosada

  prima (preem-ah) girl cousin

  primo (preem-oh) boy cousin

  qué cosa! (kay co-sah) what a thing! Goodness!

  querida (cair-ee-dah) dear, darling (if you are talking to a female guinea pig)

  querido (cair-ee-doh) dear, darling (if you are talking to a male guinea pig)

  Semana Santa (sem-ah-nah san-tah) Holy Week, Easter

  señor (sen-yor) Mr or Sir

  señorita (sen-yor-eet-ah) Miss

  sepulturero (sep-ool-too-rair-oh) gravedigger

  sí (see) yes

  Subte (soob-tay) the underground railway in Buenos Aires

  truco (trook-oh) a popular card game

  vamos! (ba-moss) let’s go!

  HELP COCO (AND ALBERTA) CRACK MORE CASES!

  TURN THE PAGE TO DISCOVER THE PUZZLES AND PROBLEMS THAT PERPLEX THE GREAT CITY OF BUENOS AIRES...

  Coco Carlomagno is sure his office high in the Obelisco is haunted. Every day he sees a floating pineapple and every day he hears a terrible noise. What could it mean?

  Coco Carlomagno has run into a terrifying problem. From his office high in the Obelisco, a strange light is turning on and off, on and off, and on and off. What could it possibly mean?

  Coco Carlomagno has a national emergency on his hands! A rare mongoose has vanished from the legendary Buenos Aires Zoo. But with rabbits in the Tiger Taj Mahal and hippos in the Panda Palace, the Zoo is a very confusing crime scene indeed.

  Coco Carlomagno has a terrible eeking feeling. Behind the walls of Buenos Aires’ fabled Japanese garden a daffodil is drooping! Señor Jardinero, the guinea pig in charge, wants Coco to investigate – he’s convinced someone is up to no good…

  A national disaster is looming! La Bella Cucharita, the stupendous opera singer, is about to return to the stage – but an ominous note has her rattled.

  It was the middle of the night, and Alberta was just starting a jigsaw puzzle when a letter arrived with a bang at her door.

  ‘Great carrots!’ said Alberta out loud. This was what she said when she was surprised, which, being a guinea pig, was most of the time. ‘I bet that’s from my cousin Coco.’

  Alberta’s cousin Coco Carlomagno was Chief of Police in Buenos Aires, a big city in Argentina, South America. Alberta had a lot of relatives in South America. Millions, in fact. But Coco was her favourite.

  She scurried out to get the letter. It was from Coco. Whatever could he want at this time of night? She tore open the envelope. This is what it said:

  ‘Hmm,’ said Alberta.

  Coco had an unusual way of writing, but she was pretty sure she understood what he meant. It was true, she reflected, she had a gigantic brain. It was the biggest in her family. When she was born, her father peered inside her tiny pink ear, caught sight of her brain, and fainted on the spot.

  ‘Now, what could be this strange thing that’s upsetting Coco?’ wondered Alberta.

  Even though he was Chief of Police, Coco panicked easily. Alberta remembered the time he begged her to come over because of a sinister dripping sound in the apartment upstairs. That had turned out to be nothing more than a leaky lemonade bottle.

  ‘The jigsaw puzzle will have to wait,’ she decided at last. ‘I’d better go and see Coco straight away and find out what’s up.’

  She packed up the puzzle, put some lettuce
leaves and a pack of cards in a brown-paper bag, and added her favourite red turban, just in case. Then she left a note for her neighbours, locked the door and headed off for South America.

  As soon as Alberta arrived in Buenos Aires, she didn’t waste any time. She went straight to her favourite pastry shop and ate several delicious little facturas with dulce de leche. Then she ran as fast as she could to Coco’s office.

  Coco was the most important guinea pig in all of Buenos Aires, so naturally his office was in the most important place in the city. It was right at the top of the famous Obelisco.

  Now, the good thing about having an office at the top of the Obelisco was that Coco never got lost going to work. The bad thing about it was the 206 steps to climb to get up there. Panting, Alberta finally reached the top and saw the familiar door with gold letters that read:

  Find out what happens next in The Perplexing Pineapple !