Stranger in Paradise

by stan graham

  Well I told him, “I want it for others, do you know that old people are dying like flies in this hot weather,” I told him.

  “Are you sure?” He asked.

  “Well if they aren’t they should be,” I replied.

  “That is extremely uncharitable Mrs Bond, I expect rather better than that from you.”

  I always thought he was a milksop, unable to face up to the realities of life.

  I have just received a small parcel, well it’s a padded envelope really, from Folkestone. I hope it isn’t that Terry person again. I had to sign for it as it had been sent recorded delivery.

  You would not believe it, it’s from June’s son Joshua. Apparently she died last year and he has been trying to get in touch with me. An old friend of June that he met at the funeral had promised to trace me for him. That is why I got that postcard from Arthur’s friend Terry. He had asked Peter and then the next time he visited Folkestone he had contacted Joshua and passed my address to him.

  It seems that he is an orphan now. His father Billy Marshall having died several years previously. June had told him all about me, how we had been best friends and had fallen out over a silly misunderstanding. Apparently the years had not been easy for her and although she had wanted to contact me her foolish pride had prevented her. That’s what she had told him.

  When she had known she was dying she had asked him to contact me and set things straight. He had tried before but nobody seemed to know where I had moved to and then at the funeral he had met Terry.

  The upshot was that it had been her dying wish to set things straight between us. She had been quite delirious towards the end but had mentioned a raincoat and five shillings. Going through her belongings he had found two shiny half crowns in an envelope with my name on it. He had therefore forwarded them and hoped that I understood what they meant.

  I understood what they meant aright They were the same two half crowns I had given her all those years ago. I looked at them and wept. To think she had held onto them for all those years, never ever mentioning them.

  I have written to Joshua to thank him for the letter and to say that I understood what she had meant. I said I was sorry that we had drifted apart and that I would always have fond memories of her. Then I closed another chapter of my life.

  Work was okay not much happened but I was able to chat with the girls. Jeanne made a rather crude remark to one of the male customers about a book he was buying but it seemed to go over his head, so she said ‘To the pure all things are pure.’

  He looked amazed and walked out of the shop shaking his head. I dread to think what he must have thought of us. Mrs McTeith said he was often in the shop and was a bit hard of hearing so he probably didn’t catch a word of it. She told Jeanne not to be so risqué with her language in future but it was wasted, as I don’t think June understood what she meant.

  Well I never knew that. Poor old June, I knew that Terry had been fond of the old dear, he had been quite piqued when she had married Billy Marshall. I had known that they kept in touch with the occasional letter. That was how I had known about Billy going to prison. Now I think about it Terry had vanished for about six months at that time. The crafty old fox eh. He must have been tupping her while Billy was inside.

  I must admit I wasn’t too happy about Janice working as a cleaner. It didn’t reflect well on me allowing my wife to work. People would be saying I didn’t earn enough to keep her. The money came in very handy though when we went on holiday I must admit. I would have preferred it if she had got a job in a charity shop like she has now. More in keeping with her status but of course they didn’t have them in those days.

  ***********

  AUTUMN

  Chapter 7. SEPTEMBER

  My, aren’t I the lucky one? Remember me complaining about never being questioned by those people who prowl around the High Street with clipboards?

  Today a lady, late forties or early fifties, blonde dyed hair and too much make up, stopped me in the High Street and asked if I minded answering a few questions. Well I was delighted, especially when she said I would get a £5 voucher. I answered all her questions honestly about pensions and told her I thought that the benefits were too high. I told her that people should be responsible for themselves. She thanked me and gave me a Woolworth’s voucher. I told her to contact me if she ever needed any more forms filled in but she said that they don’t often get asked to interview pensioners,

  “Senior citizen’s if you don’t mind,” I said.

  I was just going home when another lady, well a young girl barely out of her nappies, probably a student, actually accosted me and asked me if I was interested in children. Of course nobody s going to say they are not are they?

  Before I knew where I was she wanted me to make a monthly donation to a children’s charity. I said that I would love to but being a poor pensioner I was unable to afford to but why didn’t she donate something on my behalf from the wages she earns by trying to make people feel guilty. She didn’t like that I can tell you. Anyway I shall spend my voucher on a box of chocolates.

  Sue and Nigel Greystone have moved out, now that’s a surprise. They have moved in with their daughter, the one who works in a hotel, because her husband has left her and she can’t manage on her own. What she would have done during the war when nearly everyone was a single mother while their husbands were away in the forces I don’t know. Mind you there just isn’t the community nowadays.

  Using them as live in babysitters that’s the truth of the matter. She didn’t want them living in when her husband was about, oh no. Sue will be lucky to see the year out. So we shall have a new person in the block soon. Apparently that was the whole purpose of the birthday invitation to tell everyone of the impending move. Funny she never mentioned it to me yesterday. They left while I was down the shops or so Captain Smythe said. I wonder if they have really gone it seems very strange and sudden.

  I love Autumn, the rustle of the leaves, the colours, I know that Spring is the time when a young man's thoughts turn to thoughts of love but for me Autumn is an altogether different time. It is a time for remembrance and for getting set up for the cold winter months. I went to church this morning and the sun was shining through the stained glass. Rev Clarke was on form giving us a sermon about the Good Samaritan and how we should all act like him by looking out for our elderly neighbours. I nearly fell asleep but didn’t dare because he watches us all for signs that we aren’t paying attention and sometimes questions us afterwards. He set up a long table for displaying the Harvest Festival gifts. There were lots of tins and packet but very few fresh foods like we used to see years ago. I suppose people don’t grow their own food so much nowadays. Anyway the Minister said that he was delighted with our generosity and that it was going to be given to the people who were suffering from the floods in South East Asia. I mentioned to him after the service that there was flood victims in this country but he wasn’t very interested.

  Jane phoned and I told her I had been unable to use my kitchen for several days in case anybody saw me in there.

  “I hate being on show, I feel like a fish in a goldfish bowl. And the sun shines directly on to the fridge now making it labour. If it breaks down I shall hold you responsible. If you had put the curtains up properly I wouldn’t be in this position,” I told her. “I blame you for all my troubles.”

  “Okay mother calm down. Now what I suggest is that you move the fridge out of the way of the sun. It’s on castors so it should slide about easily. Then buy some super glue from Woolworth’s and re glue the hook. There are instructions on the packet. If you have any problem why don’t you ask that nice Mr Pope to help?”

  “Don’t you tell me to calm down young lady, I am calm. I just said that if you had done your job right I wouldn’t be in this position. And I am certainly not going begging Mr Pope for help. Can you recommend a glue?”

  “Any one of them should do the job, why don’t you ask the man in the shop what he recommends. Now
is there any more problems I can help with?”

  “I never see anybody, when are you coming to visit?”

  “I’m not sure yet Mum, I’ll see what I can do. Take care, bye.”

  I had to go to the hospital as I suspected that I have broken my wrist. I was standing on a chair trying to fix my curtain when I lost my balance and fell. I put out my arms to save myself and must have landed wrong. The doctor’s surgery was closed so I asked Mr Jonson if he would give me a lift up to the Hospital. He told me to get the bus as he wasn’t insured as an ambulance. I should have known better.

  In the emergency room I got chatting to a young man, who had broken his arm, so I said. “We make a matching pair.” Didn’t he laugh. He treated me to a cup of coffee from a machine, it tasted horrible but I didn’t like to say so when he had been so thoughtful. I told him about the problem I had with my curtain and he recommended some stuff called Blue Tack so I said I would pick some up on the way home. I could hear a lot of noise coming from one cubicle and suddenly two policemen rushed in and the noise stopped. The nurse said not to worry so I didn’t.

  Two and a half-hour wait and even then I never saw a doctor just a nurse who said that I had just sprained it and almost accused me of being a malingerer and wasting her time. I told her that she had wasted two hours of my time to which she replied that shows how busy we are and perhaps you will know better next time. She strapped it up for me and gave me some painkillers before sending me on my way.

  On the way home I went to the shops and bought some called blue sticky stuff that was like putty but it didn’t work, the curtain just kept falling down, so much for that boys’ recommendation. Still what do they know. In the end I was forced to ask Jack Pope for advice. He came round with a tube of glue and fixed it just like that. It’s handy having a man about the place, sometimes.

  A man called to check the fire alarm. He held a hair dryer to it until it started blinking. He said it was working aright. Well I could have told him that, I wish people didn’t keep calling and wanting to get into the flat it makes me feel like the place isn’t my own.

  Bingo this afternoon and I won £25. I am going to treat myself to a box of Milk Tray, a bottle of Cyprus Sherry and a new pair of tights from M&S. Actually bought a pack of three for £10.

  Don’t feel very well today. Queasy stomach and a it of a headache. Can’t think what must have caused it. I only drank half the bottle of sherry, must have been something wrong with it. It cost me £3.75p as well. I have a good mind to take it back and complain.

  I have bought a pair of binoculars. Somebody donated them to the Saint Christoph's Hospice shop where I work and I bought them for £5.

  We get a discount but I don’t like to take it because I feel I am depriving poor people and so I paid the full price. Carol said I should accept the discount because it made everybody else look mean if they accepted it. Well I know she does because she has a job making ends meet, and I didn’t want to embarrass her so I took the discount and then when nobody was looking put it into the charity box. They were still a bargain. I can see right into the community room from my window.

  What a surprise Jane turned up at about 4pm. She hadn’t been able to let me know in advance as it had all been a rush. Apparently her boss had told her she had to go to London for a conference next Monday so she came down at once so as to spend a few days with me.

  “I fixed that curtain that you let fall down Jane.”

  “Oh good mum and a very good job you have made of it. I told you it wasn’t difficult didn’t I.”

  Of course I had nothing in and we had to go to the supermarket to buy some meals for her. Luckily I had an inflatable mattress that I bought some time ago for putting up guests although this is the first time I had occasion to use it.

  I suggested Jane might like to visit the Bird Sanctuary but she wasn’t keen.

  “Since when have you been interested in birds mum? She said.

  “I’ve always been interested in them and now I have bought a pair of binoculars.”

  “Oh that’s nice. Perhaps we will go next time, I do have a long journey tomorrow and thought we could just chill out. Besides I never slept very well last night, I think I kept falling off the mattress. ”

  “Well it’s not my fault if you fidget about in bed a lot.”

  “I never said it was Mother.”

  She might not have said it but the implication was there all the same. However I thought it best to hold my tongue and keep the peace.

  We went down the shops and Jane bought a bottle of wine and we spent the evening chatting and drinking. I had some sherry left from what I had bought with my bingo winnings but after the reaction I had had with it I wasn’t keen to drink any more. Jane insisted that she couldn’t drink a whole bottle of wine by herself and insisted that I had a glass or two of that to keep her company.

  Jane has just left; we had a grand old time reminiscing about old friends of mine last night. I got a bit melancholic and said that I missed the old place. I still feel a bit tearful, it was as if she couldn’t wait to get away. I have a throbbing hangover brought on by the wine, as I am not used to it. She left straight after breakfast, I thought she might have stayed until after lunch but she couldn’t wait to get away. I have had a couple of aspirins and will go back to bed.

  Got up for lunch and had some toast. My stomach feels a lot better now.

  Went to the doctors to check my sprained wrist. He said it was okay but to be careful playing tennis. He’s such a wag.

  The squirrels always amuse me with their antics. Now I can use my binoculars to watch them I am able to pick out the different characteristics of each one. There are three of them and I have given them each a name. Art because he reminds me of Arthur, timid and always taking the safe option, he’s a bit on the plump side, just like Arthur. The other one I call Janie because she is bossy. I assume it is female because both the others tend to abide by her wishes and finally Elvis because he never keeps still and has a tuft on his head a bit like a quiff. They chase each other up and down the trees, leaping from bough to bough and walking upside down. They try to get the nuts that have been left out for the birds but usually are unsuccessful as the nuts are in a wire cage. Edith leaves some seeds on the bird table but they don’t often bother with them.

  They are so timid even the landing on the grass of a pigeon is enough to send them flying up into the trees. I think that Dave Tontine tries to shoot them with an air pistol but have never actually caught him in the act it’s just the sort of thing I would expect of him. If I found out that he did he would rue the day he was born.

  That is an honour to have a squirrel named after me but I never thought of myself as timid and taking the safe option. In fact I did some courageous things like moving the grocery section to the back of the store so that customers had to go past all the more expensive items to get the cheaper produce.

  Head office didn’t like it until I showed them that the turnover had actually increased. And what about when I stayed open on half day closing, that was pretty brave. Johnson the area manager said it was the riskiest thing he had seen but as it worked he encouraged his other managers to give it a try.

  He told me at the Christmas Party that some of the directors had been taking an interest in my experiment and had threatened to sack me if turnover had not increased. They had capitulated when he had pointed out that I was getting more turnover for floor space than any of the other stores.

  I said to him ‘And that’s not just Apple Turnover.’ He gave me a strange look, some people have no sense of humour.

  The trees are turning brown early this year, the beech hedge has turned a coppery brown and the horse chestnut trees are shedding lots of nuts. Conkers they are called. It’s quite dangerous, the spiky cases fall and split on the ground where the children gather up the nuts.

  Thank god the little beasts have gone back to school at last. I thought it would never end. I am as tolerant as the next but even I must draw the
line at screeching children running around all day long. When you complain they just give you a mouthful of cheek. The children aren’t any better either. I told one child to be quiet as he was doing my head in and his mother got hysterical, threatening all sorts of things. I kept my dignity and just ignored her.

  The blackberries are out, that’s early it must mean that we are in for a harsh winter. Nature is fattening up all god’s little creatures ready for a hard time of it.

  I have managed to coax Elvis to approach me for peanuts. He’s such a cute little thing he stands and stares at me with his head to one side looking quizzically at me so I toss him a couple which he snatches up and scuttles off with.

  Postman called this morning, he only seems to come when he is delivering bills. Gas and Electric again, Gas is £39.23p, being as I only use it for the boiler for my hot water that is a lot and the Electric is £79.21p, that seems high for this time of the year as well. but I suppose they know what they are doing they are far cleverer than I am.

  Mike and Doris Peters had their Golden Wedding celebration last week. They had planned a quiet dinner for two at the Red Lion but Dave Tontine told everybody and he organised a party in the community centre. Weren’t they surprised.