Close Quarters

by Lucy Monroe

Like that mattered. “I trusted you completely on an intimate level. You violated that trust.” And she didn’t know how to get past that reality.

  He looked away. And it shocked her. She’d expected another comment along the theme of the ends justifying the means. “That was not my intention,” he finally said.

  A sound of disbelief escaped her. “How could it be anything else?”

  “I wanted you. You wanted me.” He shifted his head so their gazes met again. “Sex was inevitable.”

  “You think so?” Frustratingly, part of her had to agree with him.

  “Yes.”

  “So, you decided to use it?” To use her.

  “Yes.”

  “Damn you.”

  This time the flinch only registered in his eyes, but it was still there.

  “You should have trusted me,” she insisted. This all would have been so much better if he had trusted her, even a little.

  “I don’t trust anyone but my team.”

  “Not even your family?”

  “I don’t put myself in situations where that comes to the test.”

  She believed him. They all thought he was still an Army scientist after all. “You should tell them the truth.”

  “I’ll take it under advisement.” His tone and expression belied the words though.

  His relationship with his family wasn’t her problem, but she could not help feeling sorry for him. The Chernichenkos were really great people, but Roman’s reticence about the truth of his life created an impenetrable, if invisible, wall between them.

  She should be happy about that, but she was not the vindictive sort. It just wasn’t in her nature.

  “Everything I thought I could believe in is in jeopardy.”

  Suddenly, instead of holding her arms, he was holding her, tucking her up against him in an unexpected hug that felt way too comforting. “I know.”

  “You can’t know. You don’t trust people anyway.”

  “How do you think I got this way?” he asked dryly. “I know I betrayed your trust too, and asking you to believe in me again is asking a lot, but I know what I’m doing.”

  “I never said you didn’t.”

  “You don’t approve of my methods. In anything.”

  She felt an urge to say that wasn’t true, because the almost defeated tone in his voice bothered her more than she wanted to admit. Only it was true. In her estimation, he’d screwed up and in doing so, he’d shredded her heart.

  So, no, she wasn’t going to tell him it was all okay, but she couldn’t get rid of the desire to do so either.

  He sighed against her hair. “I can keep you alive, but you need to let me do my job.”

  “I’m not stopping you.”

  “You’re trying, but I’m going to do it my way.”

  “Your arrogance isn’t really endearing right now.”

  “I didn’t think you ever found it anything but annoying.”

  She shrugged. “Why can’t Kadin be my nighttime guard?” she asked.

  The rigid lines of Roman’s body answered without words. He’d used her sexual desire for him, but his for her had been real. Even now, with everything between them, he was at least semi-hard. She could feel his sex pressing against her stomach.

  “That is not going to happen,” he said again. Like that response was all he could come up with.

  Maybe it was. Sexual possessiveness was probably new for him, especially toward someone he’d considered a possible spy.

  “I haven’t forgiven you.”

  “That doesn’t matter.”

  She was sure that for him, that was true. For her? Not so much. She wanted to stop hurting and she knew forgiving him was a step she’d have to take in that direction, but it wasn’t a step she could take right now.

  He let her go and stepped back. “You might want to consider sleeping in the bag rather than on top of it, if you’re going to strip down to your panties again.”

  She didn’t bother to respond, just turned and dropped to her haunches to crawl inside the small tent.

  Instead of the anger she should feel at losing the argument, she was just tired. As much hiking as she did for the traveling clinic, she had never put in the hours walking she had tonight and the night before.

  Roman settled beside Tanya in the small tent, surprised to find her exactly as he had the night before. But then maybe he shouldn’t be. She was probably delighted to ignore any instruction of his she could get away with.

  He wished he could take her semi-clothed body as an invitation, but he doubted she would ever be offering one of those again. Acknowledgment of the loss sent an unexpected shard through what he almost believed was his heart. He still wanted her with a hunger that was both ever present and insatiable.

  The prospect of never again burying himself inside her made his entire body clench with frustrated need.

  That had definitely not been part of the plan.

  With a sense of reality and fantasy converging, Fleur stared at the woman who was supposed to pretend to be Tanya. The agent had parachuted in somewhere over the savannah. She’d managed to sneak into the compound and then into Fleur and Tanya’s chalet without security being the wiser.

  Rachel Gannon looked so much like Tanya, Fleur wasn’t sure they would have noticed if the agent had walked in through the front gate.

  “From a distance, no one would know you are not Tanna. Anyone who does not know her well, would not guess even face-to-face, I think.”

  Rachel shrugged, exactly as Tanya would have done. “My training in theater comes in handy sometimes. The videos you have of her on your blog were very helpful. I studied them on the flight over.”

  “You’re amazing.”

  “Thank you.” Rachel smiled. “Coming from you, that is quite a compliment as you seem to know Tanya better than anyone else.”

  “She is my closest friend. I consider her the sister I lost.”

  Profound grief shadowed Rachel’s eyes for a brief moment, then she was back to projecting Tanya-like warmth. “You’re very lucky.”

  Fleur looked sideways at Ben and then back to Rachel. “I agree.”

  She had always vacillated between feeling blessed and cursed to have survived her family’s deaths in the massacre, but she’d finally come down firmly on the blessed side. She had Johari. She had Tanya. She had Ben.

  He had held her again as she slept the night before. His calm presence had settled her as nothing else could have after her best friend’s disappearance into the African night.

  He handed Rachel the cleaned and still functioning security chip. “I have installed a nice surprise for anyone who downloads what they think is the JCAT software. It’s a virus that will destroy the hard drive of whatever system it is uploaded to, as well as any systems connected to it. They’ll have to have a firewall as sophisticated as the one at TGP to detect it.”

  “Oh, good job.” Rachel grinned. “I love surprise presents like that.”

  Fleur frowned. “I thought you were going to try to catch the spies in the act.”

  “There’s no reason to let them know we’re on to them here at the compound,” Ben said. “Too much risk for collateral damage. We’ll wait until they are on the isolated road between here and Harare before springing the jaws of the final trap.”

  “So, you’re going to let them make the download? Isn’t that risky? What if they realize Rachel isn’t Tanya?”

  “You said it yourself, only those who know her well would be able to tell the difference. And the only one in the compound who could easily get close enough to download the file is you.” And he clearly did not suspect her.

  “But what about the medical part of her job?”

  Rachel shrugged that uncanny Tanya-like shrug again. “I’m trained in field medicine like all TGP operatives. I don’t have her expertise, but I think I can keep up the pretense for as long as it takes to lure our perps into making their move. They’ve got to be getting desperate by now. She was scheduled t
o stop in Tikikima over two weeks ago. If they have buyers or an auction lined up, her deviation from her itinerary has to have them in a tizzy.”

  “Well, the home office certainly is in one,” Fleur said.

  Rachel agreed. “Yeah. My gut says it’s someone in Sympa-Med, but I know Ben’s been researching the doctor and supplier too.”

  Fleur turned to Ben. “You found out who the supplier is?”

  “It was just a matter of hacking into financial records. It usually is. Follow the money. The payments for the chips led right to the supplier. It’s a wholesale distributor, not the manufacturer. One thing I found interesting was that the invoices clearly state the chips have transceivers, not GPS. Now, not all people are technically savvy enough to make the distinction, but it’s still worth noting.”

  “Yes, I’m sure you’re right.”

  Rachel asked, “Did you get an e-mail from Alan?”

  “I did. He’s our top researcher and information gatherer,” Ben said, making sure to include Fleur in the conversation. “He found a family connection between the supplier and a board member at Sympa-Med. Since that board member is not on this trip, we’re not sure what to make of it.”

  “Which board member?” Fleur asked.

  Ben named a man who had always struck Fleur as too self-centered to be on the board of an organization like Sympa-Med.

  “If company gossip is accurate, he’s dating the Director of African Operation’s personal assistant,” Fleur said.

  Ben’s face creased in a satisfied grin. “Now, that is interesting.”

  “You can never be sure of the accuracy of gossip,” Fleur warned.

  But both Ben and Rachel looked too happy to have heeded the warning.

  “I’ll ask Alan to look into it. He’s got informants all over the world,” Ben said.

  “Is this board member married?” Rachel asked.

  “Separated,” Fleur supplied. With the exception of tonight, she never repeated gossip, but she kept abreast of it.

  “Okay.” Rachel nodded, as if she’d filed the information away, and then looked at Ben. “If you don’t have anything else, I’ll hit the sack. I want to get these contacts out—they’re starting to irritate.”

  Only by looking closely could Fleur see the other woman wore a pair of contacts that enhanced the color of her eyes. “What is your natural eye color?” she asked with curiousity.

  “They’re a pale green. It’s always been convenient for getting the best look with colored contacts.”

  “I don’t think mine would take another color so easily,” Fleur said in agreement. The brown of her eyes was so dark it looked black in certain lights.

  “You’d be surprised what they can do with the right medium, but yeah, it’s easier to get a natural-looking change with light irises.” Rachel stifled a yawn. “Okay, enough talking. I’m off to bed.”

  Ben gave Fleur a questioning look after the other woman left the room. Knowing what his silence was asking, she nodded and led the way into her bedroom.

  Once there, she stopped at the foot of the bed and turned to face him. “You treat me like you do not suspect me of involvement in the espionage.”

  “I don’t.”

  “But you did,” she guessed.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “You aren’t American. Selling our secrets to provide future financial security for Johari might appear a rational choice to you.”

  “And you were okay with that?”

  “Okay as in thought it was a good thing to do, or okay as in still wanted to bring you into my life?”

  “Either?”

  “I’ve spent my entire adult life protecting my country’s security. Yet, before I realized you were innocent of any part of the espionage, my mind was as busy working out a way to change my life so you could be in it as it was trying to determine who was behind the technology thefts.”

  That amazed her. How could he give her equal weight with a patriotism so deeply ingrained in him? “Why?”

  “Because my instincts tell me I will never react to another woman the way I do to you. The moment I saw you, something inside me settled. I had found the other half of my soul.” He spoke as if making such claims was perfectly reasonable, though a shadow in his expression showed how important and different this conversation was for him.

  “I thought love at first sight was for books and cheesy movies.”

  “It’s clearly also for a federal agent who has spent big chunks of time pretending to be someone else in order to protect national security.”

  “You are not pretending to be anyone else with me.”

  “No, I’m not. I haven’t since the moment we said hello.”

  “I know.” She did. Just as she knew that for this man, to be willing to change his life so he could have her in it—especially if she’d been guilty of espionage against his country—was almost a miracle. “I did not believe I would ever meet a man like you. I did not believe a man like you existed.”

  “I’m glad you aren’t part of this mess,” he said.

  “Me too. For your information, I would do almost anything to protect my daughter, but selling another country’s secrets would never strike me as a reasonable way to ensure her future safety.”

  “That makes me very happy.”

  She laughed. “I think, Bennet Vincent, that life with you will be a very good one.”

  He went perfectly still, as if she had said something incredibly important. “So, you feel it too?”

  “Yes.” There was no use denying it. She didn’t even want to, not really. As frightening as this might be, she wanted it.

  “You don’t think we are going too fast?”

  “Does it matter? I would not retreat from you if I could.”

  “No, you’re right…. This is not something either of us can control.”

  “So, we trust it. We trust each other.”

  “That is my deepest hope.”

  She knew what he meant. He wanted her trust, but he would never demand it or even ask for it. He would wait until she could give it to him of her own volition.

  “Is a platonic marriage even possible?”

  “For us, it will be.” And he didn’t even look bothered by the possibility, just confident that one day they would have it all.

  “I want to try.”

  He didn’t ask if she was sure. That was one of the things she loved about him. He trusted her to know her own mind and did not attempt to influence it.

  “I know exactly where to target a body to maximize pain,” he said in the same way he would have told her they were having sadza for dinner again.

  “What does that mean? Is that supposed to inspire trust?” she wondered aloud.

  “It means I also know how to touch your body and maximize the pleasure. More importantly, I know every touch that hurts and I will never inadvertently use one on you.”

  “I believe you.” Maybe he really was her miracle. “I’m going to undress now.”

  “All right. I’ll stay here.”

  How had he known that was exactly what she needed? Did it matter? This connection they had went beyond rational comprehension.

  She pulled off her turban, revealing her closely cropped curls. Unlike her daughter, Fleur had no desire to spend her mornings fighting her hair into stylish submission. Her sari skirt came next and then her blouse, until all that remained was the serviceable bra and panties she wore beneath her clothes.

  Taking a deep breath, she unhooked her bra and dropped it to the floor, and then pushed her panties down her thighs, leaving her completely naked.

  That heated tenderness she found so appealing was very much evident in Ben’s eyes as he looked at her.

  “I have not been unclothed with another person since I left Rwanda,” she admitted.

  He nodded, his eyes never leaving her as he slowly undressed, once again seeming to know exactly what she needed him to do next.

  Ben was not a large man,
being about the same height as she, one hundred and seventy-eight centimeters. Tanya always wanted to know feet and inches, so Fleur did an automatic translation to five-feet-nine inches. He might be a few centimeters taller, but not more than three. Which was tall for a woman, but not more than average for a man. However, he was not in any way effeminate. Each of his muscles was solidly defined, the small patch of hair on his chest only emphasizing the strength of his pectorals.

  “I like that,” he said.

  “What?”

  “The way you look at me.”

  “You drew me to you with your gentleness and your consideration, so different from other men who desire a woman, but I am happy to say I find your body very pleasing as well.” She had not believed she would ever say such a thing to a man. She had been absolutely certain she would never feel the sexual arousal coursing through her right now.

  “That’s a good thing.”

  “Yes, I do think it is.”

  Fleur walked forward, feeling a type of feminine power she had thought lost to her. His eyes traveled over her, touching her with his controlled desire as if his hands had followed the path his eyes took.

  She shuddered as unfamiliar but welcome feelings surged through her. “I want you,” she said with wonder.

  “You have me. For this. For everything you need or desire.”

  “For a life built on something besides loneliness?” she asked, not quite believing it could be possible.

  “Especially for that.”

  She reached out and his hand met hers, the touch electric. She closed the distance between them, her breath catching as her hardened nipples brushed his chest.

  He cupped her cheek with his other hand. “This right now, this is your first time making love.”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “Thank you.”

  She repeated the words to him, her voice barely above a whisper.

  “I’m going to touch you now.”

  “Yes.”

  While his one hand held hers, anchoring her to the present, the other traveled down her neck, over her shoulder and down her arm. But instead of taking her other hand, he moved it to her waist, holding her with careful intimacy. “You feel so good, my sweet flower.”

  “I am yours.”