by Mia Ford
“I’m sorry, Raelyn,” he said to me. “I shouldn’t have said all of those things. I had too much to drink and it made me crazy. I’m probably still a bit tipsy now. I shouldn’t be calling you again, but I wanted to say sorry. For that and for everything else. I’m a jerk, I know it. It’s just… things haven’t always been easy for me. I don’t know how to explain it, but yeah… it makes me a difficult person. And what happened between us… well, that meant something to me. More than I can express. But it still doesn’t need to be awkward. We can just act normal, like it didn’t happen, and I will stop being a jerk to you, I promise. Just… come back, please.”
I almost jumped on a train again the moment I heard those words, but I needed time to sort my head out. That combined with what Mom is saying is making me think that I can find the strength. I can go back. For my business, yes, I would never turn my back on that. Thank goodness I have had Leon to keep things going for me. But to see what’s going on with Carter too. He isn’t what he seems, there is something there, it could be good or it could be absolutely terrible I won’t know until I see. I guess I just need to work out what.
“You’re right, Mom. I do need to go back. Even if it scares me.”
“Especially if it scares you. That’s when the rewards are best.”
She goes on to tell me the story of how she met my father, and how terrified she was, but how it turned out to be the best thing in her life. I don’t know if that’s what’s going on here, but I want to find out.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I thought I was okay. I have built myself up for this moment and I assumed that I was there, but now, looking at the office I don’t think that anything could have prepared me better. My heart is pounding, my tummy is all over the place, I feel like I want to throw up everywhere. Maybe I should just go home…
My eyes flicker towards the bar across the road from the office, the bar where it’s possible Carter called me from, and I wish that I could run into it to have a drink to steady my nerves, but being drunk won’t help me. Especially not this early in the morning. I need all my faculties about me. I have to do this. No matter what.
“Oh! Hey, Raelyn.” Gary’s warm voice greets me. “You’re back.”
I force a weak smile on my face to try and greet him. “Yeah, I’m back.”
“How are things with your mom? I hope she’s doing much better.”
It takes me a second to realize what he’s talking about. I almost forgot that I said that about Mom. “Oh right, because she was sick. Of course. Yeah, she is doing much better now, thank you.”
“Good. I’m glad. And not just because we’ve all missed you. Especially Carter.”
“Carter?” I gasp, his name bringing a lump in to my throat. Shit, am I about to cry?
“Oh yeah, he’s missed you like crazy. He must be really used to having you around now because he was cranky without you here.” Gary laughs. “I mean, crankier than usual. Obviously. I know what he’s like. I see it!”
“Hmm, yeah. Well, I suppose with the changes it’s been hard on him to oversee all by himself.”
“We’ve served you well. Particularly Leon. He has been an absolute legend.”
I can’t help but smile too. “Oh, Leon is my saving grace. I’m so glad that I have him.”
“Come on in then. I can’t wait to show everyone that you’re here.”
I feel better walking in with Gary. It’s better than doing it alone. He gives me a confidence boost which gets me through the doors. It only ebbs away the moment I step inside and Carter’s eyes widen in shock to see me. He doesn’t look pleased or annoyed. Just totally blown away by my unexpected presence.
I bring my lips upwards into a smile and I wait awkwardly for him to do the same back. He doesn’t quite manage more than a sharp nod back. I guess we’re sticking to pretending that it didn’t happen. I suppose I can do that. I nod back and turn on my heels to leave him behind. If we’re going act like everything is normal, then not talking to one another is a big part of that. It’s probably a good thing. It means I can focus on work.
13
Carter
Just remain professional, I tell myself for what feels like the hundredth time. It’s fine, this is good.
I guess I assumed after my crazy round of drunken voicemails, we would be forced to have a discussion about what happened, but Raelyn has been back for a whole day now, our paths have even crossed and we have had to talk, and nothing has been said. I guess I told her that we could just act like nothing happened, and that’s what’s happening. It’s easier, it means that we can just blow past the whole thing like it’s nothing.
I sit at my desk for the last hour of the day, focusing on the admin work I need to complete. Emails and paper work that has been neglected since I’ve been preoccupied by Raelyn, files that need sorting. It’s a good, mundane task that consumes my brain as much as humanly possible while the day falls to an end. Just what I need.
That way, we’ve survived day one. Once we get passed that, we can do it all. We’ll be fine.
“See ya later, boss!” Gary calls through my office door. “Don’t spend all night here, okay?”
I nod and smile. “Sure, I won’t. I’ll be out of here soon. As soon as I finish up.”
Gary purses his lips. For a second, I think he might be about to make a comment with regards to me being a workaholic, but whatever he’s thinking he shuts himself up at the very last moment, never saying it aloud. He leaves without another word, but I’m too caught up with Raelyn’s shocking reappearance to really wonder what he was going to say. I know Gary. If it needed to be said, he would have done so.
God, she was beautiful… is beautiful. That’s what struck me the most. When I first saw her come crashing back into my life in the office doorway, her stunning looks grabbed me. She’s more gorgeous than anyone. And knowing what she looks like as she falls apart, at her most vulnerable moment, only makes it more unbearable. I can’t help but want that again. Even if it’s far too complicated.
“Right.” I finish scribbling my signature on the final piece of paper. “Time to go.”
It’s quiet, which I can only assume means everyone else has left, and that it’s time for me to do the same. I try to plan a decent night for myself when I get home, so I don’t get lost in the déjà vu. The last time I was here doing this it ended up as the night. She has probably left early though, to avoid it happening again. It’s for the best. We both know that it cannot, under any circumstances, happen again.
I turn off every light, I check absolutely everywhere, it’s almost time for me to leave. I am just about to close the door behind me when I hear clip clop footsteps which suggests that someone is still inside.
“Hello?” I call out through the darkness. “Who’s there?”
“Sorry, it’s me. I was just in the bathroom.” It’s Raelyn. I thought she’d gone. “I didn’t realize the time.”
“Oh right, well I’m just about to lock up if you are done now.”
“Yes. I am.” I feel her before I see her. The heat of her body almost pressing up against mine. It’s crazy how disorienting the darkness is, it makes sure that both of us lose our sense of normality. The sound of her breaths, even her heartbeats, I swear it’s the same as mine which is dangerous. We’re heading towards a slippery slope once more. “Sorry, I will just get out of your way.”
I reach out and grab her hand, forgetting absolutely everything that I have told myself. I just want to hold her in my arms once more and to remember what it feels like to connect with someone. The sky high walls that I built up around myself because of Anna and Daniel are peeling down bit by bit because of this woman. I might seem like I keep going back and forth on my feelings for her, but really, I know how I feel, I just keep trying to convince myself otherwise. It’s pointless though. The feelings will continue to resurface no matter what I want.
“Should we talk?” I ask quietly into the darkness, my words brushing against her lips.
“What is there to say?
” she asks with a certain coyness to her tone.
“I don’t know.” My hand is on her hip. How the hell did it get there? “But there must be something.”
She steps closer, closing the gap between us, and her body presses into mine. Whatever the hell I was planning on saying simply evaporates into thin air. I can’t keep hold of it any longer, it’s gone. Now, I’m all about feeling her again, and we all know what a dangerous path that it led me down the last time.
What if she leaves again? My brain unhelpfully screams. What if I push her away?
Yet my fingers are knotting up in her hair, completely ignoring my thoughts, and my lips are drawing even nearer to her, going for what they want, despite what I think about the whole thing. She’s rises to her tip of her toes as well to meet me, I’m not alone in this, so when we connect, we do so together. We are in sync, in harmony, and that has every cell inside my body blooming like a flower, only to explode in burning hot bliss. The kiss is soft and sensual, passionate, but in a more careful way. I’m still desperate for her, but there’s less of an urgency this time, as if we both know what we’re about to step into. This is far more purposeful.
Uh oh, this is worse. I know it’s worse, yet it’s so much better as well.
I step inside and close the door behind me, so again, it’s only Raelyn and I in this.
She grabs me and presses me up against the wall, taking control. Considering how confusing this is, it’s hot as all hell and it makes my cock strain painfully against my trousers. I need it to spring free already.
“Fucking hell, Carter,” she pants at me. “You don’t know what the hell you do to me.”
Her hands are all over my abs, my chest, she’s feeling all of my muscles. I can’t resist flexing them a little to see the reaction it brings out of her. She moans blissfully, like she’s in heaven. She drops down in an instant, falling to her knees hard, which completely blows me out of the water. She looks up at me. Even through the darkness, I can see the sparkle in her eyes, and it sets my whole body alight.
Her hands tremble as they fiddle with my zipper, I can almost see the hot pleasure bursting through her. She’s all worked up too and that causes a sound that I haven’t ever heard before to fly out of my mouth.
Finally, my cock springs free, and she wastes no time running her fingers along it. I watch Raelyn admire my cock like it’s something impressive. Like my whole body is something incredible to her. It makes me realize yet again just how little Anna thought of me. I was always just a chore to her… no wonder it’s taken me forever to get over the damage that bitch has done to me. I’m just annoyed that I let her affect me for so long.
Raelyn pressed her lips gently against the tip of my cock, almost as if she’s testing the waters. I shudder violently, a warmth spreads all the way from tip down to my base, even sending a shiver through my balls. She kisses me again, moving down my length, even darting out her tongue every now and again.
“Oh, fucking hell.” I toss my head back and slide my eyes closed. “Fuck, Raelyn, that feels…”
She silences me then by wrapping those tight little lips around me and she slides all the way down so I hit the back of her throat. It’s fucking intense, a sensation that strikes the breath from my body. The more she drags her head up and down, the more powerful that feeling becomes. It’s a pressure, a burning hot bliss that starts at my base and works its way through me, almost to the point where I could explode everywhere.
“Oh shit, Raelyn, this is…”
She whips her head off me at the most pivotal moment, just before I lose my shit, and she smiles up at me. I don’t know if I should be mad or ecstatic, I want to fill her mouth with my seed, but I also damn well need to be inside of her again. I don’t care about anything else, just the feel of her body.
I grab her roughly, dragging her upright, then I kiss her hard. I press her back against the wall and wrap one of her legs around me. Already, I can feel the wetness emanating from her panties, which I love. She’s turned on like that just from having me between her lips which is really something else.
I don’t have time to get her underwear off, I’m too wired, so I grab a condom from my pocket and slide it down on myself in one swift movement. Then I yank her panties to the side and slam in to her.
“Oh fuck!” she yells, letting the tightness around herself loosen. I love it when she’s freer, when she lets loose and becomes this more animalistic version of herself. It’s hot as hell. “Carter. Oh my God, Carter.”
She wraps her hands around my head and clings to me as I thrust into her over and over again, fucking her against the wall. In this freeing moment, where I can just be feral and just cave to what I feel inside, I know for sure that I like her now, far more than I should. I’m blown away by her, tangled up in all kinds of confusing romantic sensations that I didn’t think I would ever feel again.
“Carter, Carter,” she calls out my name over and over again as she climbs to the peak. Her walls cling tightly around me, she grips me, she drags me to the peak with her…
And then we collapse. We fall apart together and tumbling into the abyss, screaming and yelling through the pleasure at the same time. It’s intense, wonderful, overwhelmingly powerful, and I never want it to end. I want to wrap my arms around her waist and keep her beside me for the rest of my life.
“Oh wow,” she gasps through her ragged breaths as the post orgasmic bliss surrounds us. “Wow.”
The heady lust dissipates over time. The last time this happened it’s the moment we got all awkward and she ran away. I do feel discomfort as well, but I need to overcome that if I don’t want her to run. So, I turn to her and I smile. It’s just the simplest of gestures, but it calms down the strange crazy atmosphere around us.
“So, erm yeah…” she says, sounding odd. “Do we… need to talk about it?”
“Oh no.” I shake my head hard. “I don’t think we do. Do we? I mean, what would we even say?”
She laughs, a musical noise, and nods to agree with me. “Okay. No talking. I can do that. I… should probably go. I will… see you tomorrow.”
“Okay great. Yes, see you then.” I feel good about this. “Tomorrow it is.”
She leaves and I watch her go, her ass shaking as she does, and I smile to myself. This is okay, we can do this. Whatever it is we’re doing here. It’s going to be fine.
14
Raelyn
“What is it?” Abbi asks me with her eyes narrowed. “What the hell is going on with you, Raelyn?”
“I… I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to tell you this.”
“You’re going to have to.” She shrugs. “You have been all shady recently, hiding something from me, and now I need to know what. You went home for ages. Something bad is going on. I’m offended actually, that you would have something so dramatic that you’re hiding from me. Am I not your best friend?”
“You are, you are, this is just so difficult. You’re going to kill me.”
“Why?” She leans forwards to get closer to me. “Now, I’m even more intrigued.”
I can’t meet her eyes as I spill the beans because it’s absolutely too embarrassing. “I slept with Carter.”
“You did?” She tosses her hands in the air. “I knew that you would. That was so obvious.”
“No, it wasn’t obvious. I don’t like Carter, not really. He isn’t a nice person…”
“But he’s hot!” Abbi argues. “And that’s all that matters when it comes to hate sex.”
“Hate sex? Abbi, that sounds so seedy. Are you absolutely insane?”
“No. Not at all. Hate sex is the best. It’s horrible but the best way to get rid of negative emotions.”
I roll my eyes and take a sip of my drink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That sounds gross. It isn’t hate sex, I don’t know what it is, really. It just happened and now I’m all messed up about it.”
“So, it happened one time and you hid out at your moms. What hap
pened next?”
I blush brightly, knowing that I’m about to fall apart. “No, it happened one time, I hid out, then I came back when I realized just how insane that was… and then it happened again. I didn’t plan it, but it did.”
“Uh oh. You actually like him. That’s really dangerous, you know?”
“I don’t like him; it just seems to happen every time we’re alone together. Which because of the stupid work situation is far more than it should be. I just… I don’t know what I should do about it.”
Abbi rolls her eyes and laughs at me. “Why is this an issue exactly? I don’t get it.”
“Because sleeping with each other can only lead to complications. There isn’t any other way…”
“I take it we aren’t planning on a ‘happy ever after’ with Mr. Handsome then?”
I shake my head vigorously. “No way. Not a chance. It’s just a mistake. No happy ever after there.”
“But, a fun one though?” She cocks her head at me. “Because just from the picture that I saw of him I would guess that he’s a freaking good lover… even if he’s something of an asshole.”
I can’t help but smile. “Really fun actually. He is incredible, I can’t deny that. He’s as good as he looks like he’s going to be, which I guess is why I can’t seem to resist him even when it’s wrong.”
“So, what’s the issue then?” Abbi asks me. “Why not just have fun with him? What’s the issue?”
“Like I said, it can only get complicated. We work together, complications can mean fuck ups in business…”
“But like I am always saying to you, work isn’t everything. There is more to life.”
“If I lose my business, I have nothing. I’ve worked too hard to lose it now. I can’t. Not for fun.”
“Are you telling me that you want to keep sleeping with him then? Because it doesn’t sound like you do.”
“I…” I don’t have an answer for that. “I don’t know. I’m not sure what I want to do really.”
