Falling in Love Again: A Valentine's Day Proposal

by Mia Ford

  “Y…yes, of course it is. Who did you think it was?”

  “It’s been years, Anna. Why would I suddenly think you’re calling me now?”

  “I have the same… the same number. I haven’t changed it.”

  “I deleted it,” I reply coldly. “Unless you don’t remember what happened.”

  There’s silence for a few moments. We’re both digesting the memory of the past. I guess Anna wanted to skate past that as if it didn’t happen, but I refuse to let her. Not when I’m still suffering.

  “What do you want, Anna? I presume you haven’t just called me for a chat.”

  “I do… I do want to speak to you, but I can’t do it over the phone.”

  My chest tightens. “Why not?”

  “Because it’s bad, Carter. Please. I want to see you. I’m already on the way to the office because I know that’s where you’ll be. I just wanted to give you a head’s up so you don’t immediately chuck me out. You know for a fact that I wouldn’t come to you if I wasn’t desperate. I just need your help.”

  “Where are you?” I ask, basically asking if I can send her away.

  “I’m nearly there.” The closer she gets, the more it sounds like the tears are drying up. I can’t trust anything that comes out of her mouth. No amount of time can change that, clearly. “I won’t be a minute.”

  “Right sure.” I huff, wondering if there’s any way that this day can get any worse. It’s like the universe wants to punish me for something. I’d love to make up for it, but I don’t know what it is! “I guess I will see you soon then. Obviously, you cannot stay long though…”

  “Because work comes first, I know. I was married to you, remember?”

  If she comes in here trying to blame her cheating on me, I will lose my mind. The mood that I’m in, she really doesn’t want to mess with me. She could get yelled at for all the rage that I have pent up inside. I’ll say everything that I didn’t get to at the time, and then some! This could get ugly.

  18

  Raelyn

  I tap my pen repeatedly on the desk, my mind off elsewhere. I might look like I’m working, but I’m not really. The paper work is all there and some of it has been completed, but right now, I’m at a standstill and I don’t know how to drag myself out of this funk. I think I just need to see him, that’s the issue.

  Why is he avoiding me? Why won’t he see me? No one else can see what’s going on, but I can. To me, it’s very obvious. For some reason, Carter is completely avoiding me. He doesn’t want to speak to me. I don’t know why, but that much is obvious. The only thing I can assume is that he’s punishing me. I ran away last time and now he’s effectively doing the same to me. I suppose I can’t really be mad about it.

  If he would just let me in, if he’d just talk to me, then I could tell him what I want to, I could let him know that I like him. Just to see what’s going on with him. When I arrived this morning, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I was going to do, I still hadn’t made a choice, but the more that he ignores me, the more I want to just tell him. I would rather prefer to be out there then we can see. The uncertainty is killing me.

  “Are you okay, Raelyn?” Leon asks me quietly. “You look a bit agitated today.”

  “Huh?” I blink a couple of time, entering reality once more. “Oh right, yes, I am. I just… I want to see Carter. I need to speak to him about some things but he’s been impossible to pin down today.”

  “Is everything okay?” Leon furrows his eyebrows. “Everything is running smoothly?”

  A heat burns in me, this is pretty embarrassing. “Oh yes, everything is okay. I just need to consult with him.”

  “Ah right, well it seems like he’s been in a meeting for most of the day.”

  “He has?” This isn’t really any of my business, the bits and bobs of running his company doesn’t directly affect me. But I want to know. I don’t know why, but it feels really important. “With who?”

  “I don’t know. Some blonde woman. She looked like a bit of a nutter, to be honest.”

  “Why is Carter doing business with her then? That seems really weird.”

  “I don’t know if it’s business necessarily. I suppose it could be part of his private life. I can’t imagine that he’s the sort of man to conduct his affairs in the office, but I might be wrong.”

  Shit. I know for sure that he’s the sort of man to conduct his affairs in the office because I have been a part of that. I wonder if this is the same thing, brazenly in front of me. Well, not directly in front of me, but close enough. In the same building that I’m in, right under my nose. Can I be mad about that? I certainly feel mad. But I suppose I can’t be really. There isn’t anything official between us and I did go on a date last night, as terrible as it was. Still, I’m hurt and upset. I like Carter but I might not really be anything to him.

  I clutch my stomach, sickness swirling. I’m going to end up getting hurt here, badly hurt. I already feel a lot of pain and barely nothing has happened yet. God, I’m a real idiot.

  “Okay, well I guess I will catch up with Carter later then.” I smile weakly, trying to pretend that everything is okay. “When he’s finished with whatever he’s doing. It will hold until then.”

  “Well, I’m here. I’m about if you need me for anything, alright? You know that, don’t you?”

  I smile at Leon gratefully and nod. He’s such a nice person. I’m so glad I have him in my life. The day that I hired him, I made the wisest decision possible. “Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.”

  “I’m always here for you, okay?” He really thinks that I’m struggling. And I suppose I am.

  “I’ll be alright.” I nod slowly, trying my best to convince him. “Thank you.”

  I feel ill as Leon walks away. The information that he has given me is vital, but awful. I don’t like to think about this one bit. Carter could be with a client, he could be with a person he wants to merge with, he could be with a family member. It could be anyone in the world, but I have a feeling that it isn’t.

  I need to figure it out. I cannot proceed until I know for sure, one way or the other what’s going on with Carter and this woman. But I can’t be brazen about it. I need to secretly discover the truth.

  I wait until everyone else has left, everyone but Carter. His car is still parked outside so I know that he’s still around. I still haven’t seen him all day, nor have I laid eyes on the mysterious blonde woman that he’s been talking to. Now, I’m going to find out who she is and what’s going on. I need to know.

  There aren’t many lights left on in the building, it has a weird atmosphere inside of it. It builds up anticipation within me. This is usually the buildup to when Carter and I hook up, when we hook up. I don’t know if that’s going to happen today, but butterflies flap in the pit of my stomach regardless. My thighs tremble, my heart pounds furiously, my mouth runs completely dry. The nerves get the better of me.

  Time to find him, I think as I take a deep breath. Time to get this solved.

  I tip toe through the building, afraid to make any sound, and I head towards Carter’s office. The only thing I can hear is my heart racing hard, vigorously, anxiously.

  Voices? I ask myself curiously. Is that voices I can hear?

  I don’t know why I’m questioning it. It’s clearly voices. Whoever Carter was in a meeting with today, and for whatever reason, it’s still going on now. That’s unbelievable. There’s no way this can be work related. I have been in business meetings with Carter. They are always precise and to the point, quick so that he can get back to work as soon as possible. Plus, as far as I know, he doesn’t often work with women. I’m the only one.

  I get closer, torturing myself, until I can catch snippets of the voices.

  “…oh, Carter, you know what it used to be like. You and me.”

  I gulp. That doesn’t sound good at all. Her flirty, giggly voice is too much for me. I haven’t ever been like that with Carter. I don’t flirt. We just fight and
occasionally things happen. It’s only in my head that it’s become something more. Me and my stupid imagination. I want to smack myself for being so stupid.

  “Who the fuck needs a spark for a shag?” Thomas’s words come flooding back to me, making me feel even worse about myself. “You don’t seem like the sort of woman who wants more.”

  That’s not who I am, I haven’t ever been that person. But I’ve been acting like that with Carter. Acting out of character. Having fun, as Abbi describes it. But it doesn’t feel like fun right now. It’s the least fun that I’ve ever had. Maybe if Abbi could see what was going on with me she wouldn’t recommend this at all.

  “Anna, we aren’t here to talk about you and me, are we?”

  Even his cold reply doesn’t do anything to calm me down. I move closer and lean against the door. There’s a small window in the office door and I absolutely need to look through it. But I’m terrified that they will see me. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to steady my breath as much as I can. I have to make myself do it.

  “We could talk about you and me, couldn’t we?” she says again.

  “The time to talk about you and I has passed.”

  “Has it though? There is always time to revisit things, don’t you think?”

  “Anna, we aren’t here for that. We’re here to talk about…”

  He stops talking. I don’t want to understand why. My brain is coming up with all kinds of conclusions that I can barely acknowledge. Images of them kissing, just like he kissed me.

  No, he can’t kiss her like that! No way. Those kisses are just for me….

  But they aren’t, not really, are they? Just because I want them to be.

  I don’t even think about it, I know if I start thinking about it, I will end up running away, so I push myself up and I glance. I don’t see Carter, just the woman that he’s with. The gorgeous, beautiful, unbelievably stunning woman who’s in his office flirting with him. A woman that I can hardly even look at because she is so stunning. I would never stand next to her for fear of looking like a bag of crap. Compared to her, I’m nothing, I’m no one. I’m just a plain jane who doesn’t deserve even the slightest bit of attention.

  What the hell is he doing with her? I demand silently. Why did he ever go anywhere near me?

  I know her as well. I don’t know how I know it, but I just do. There’s a stirring inside of me. I recognize her face and I really want to work out why. I have to literally drag myself away before I stare at her until I figure it out. In a way, it’s lucky that she’s so wrapped up in him to notice me.

  Of course, in another way, it isn’t a good thing because why the hell would he ever look at me after that?

  I run back to my office and I instantly grab my cell phone. I click on to the Internet and I search ‘Carter Lace and Anna’ to find out who she is. It seems to me from that conversation it’s someone that he was once with. I just wonder if it’s publicly enough for me to find anything out. There are business events and reporting that they may have been together, I might be lucky enough to stumble across something.

  Not that seeing anything of him with her would be lucky in my mind.

  “Oh my God.” My heart stops dead as I find a picture. A picture of the two of them together. I found it easily, I didn’t even need to search hard. I could have done this before hand. “Anna Lace.”

  She is his wife, or was his wife, I’m not too sure. He took her up the aisle and said his vows to her at some point in his life anyway. They were in love enough for it to matter which is hard enough. I mean, if he had her, then why would he want me? I don’t get it. Not at all. I can barely breathe under the pressure of it all. My chest feels tight, my lungs ache, my heart hurts. I can’t stop looking at the picture of them together, looking happy, appearing like they belong together. Not like him and I would.

  No wonder he’s kept me in here, in secret. I would be a complete embarrassment to him. Pictures of us together would insight all kinds of unkind Internet comments. No one would be able to understand it. Least of all me.

  I need to get out of here, I need to leave before they see me. I cannot have the humiliation of them watching me as I skulk off alone. The embarrassment would absolutely kill me.

  19

  Carter

  “Anna, we aren’t here for that. We’re here to talk about…”

  I wish she’d just get the hint. She’s driving me mad here. It’s taken all damn day, far too long for my liking, and we still aren’t much further on. She’s playing games, I can see it. Switching characters all the time to what she thinks I want to see and it’s driving me mad. I had a whole marriage with that, I don’t want more.

  I throw my hands in the air as my brain desperately tries to find the next words.

  “Anna, I just want to talk about what’s going on. Will you please explain it to me?”

  She rolls her eyes. “You just want to hear about my misery again. You probably like it.”

  “Come on, Anna. You know me. I’m not like that at all. I just want to get my head around it.”

  She pouts out her bottom lip and wanders around my office like she belongs here. The funny thing is, when I actually would have invited her in, she didn’t want to know. She was too busy screwing my friend.

  “Okay fine. Well, things haven’t been too good for Daniel and I.” I feel nothing as she says this. Again. There should be pain or annoyance, maybe some grim satisfaction. “He got us into a lot of trouble. Gambling took hold of him, he has an addictive personality, you see.” I have to resist rolling my eyes at that remark. “So, he couldn’t help it. That damn casino wouldn’t ban him however many times I asked them to.”

  “Right, so he gambled all of your money.” My money, the cash she was given in the divorce, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there. “And now he’s in some kind of trouble?”

  “He’s left me.” The tears start rolling again. What a shame she couldn’t cry like that over me. “He ran away, that’s what’s happened. He’s acting like a coward and leaving me to face it all.”

  A small part of me wants to ask her if she likes getting a taste of her own medicine, being betrayed like that. But I don’t. I can’t be bothered, I’m not even that interested in the answer.

  “He’s left me but the men still want the money that he owes. So, of course, they’re coming to me.”

  “Have you not just told them that he’s gone?”

  She rolls her eyes as if I don’t get it. Which I don’t. Why be so stupid? “Of course, but they don’t believe it.”

  “So, go to the police. That’s what they are there for. To stop stuff like this from getting out of control.”

  “I can’t go to the cops. This is all illegal. Do you know what will happen if I turn them in?”

  I cock my head to one side and examine her closely. I don’t know if I one hundred percent believe this. I mean, she has shown that she can lie before, over and over again, so why wouldn’t that be the case now? She fleeced me for my money once before. That could just be happening again. I wouldn’t put anything passed her. Maybe she and Daniel have just spent all of the money and this is the best that she could come up with. The Daniel that I knew wasn’t this person she’s describing. Then again, I didn’t think that he would betray me, so I guess I didn’t really know him at all. He could be a gambling addict who runs away at the first sign of trouble.

  “Okay, so what are the solutions then? I presume you must have thought of something.”

  She looks at me coyly, questions passing over her lips. She wants something from me, of course she does. That’s why she’s here. That’s why she has spent all day here trying to be nice. That’s why she’s still here now. I think I might know what she wants from me as well, I just want to hear her say it aloud.

  “I just need to pay these guys off, Carter, that’s all. I need to get them off my back.”

  “Hmm, I see.” I nod slowly. “And where exactly are you going to get this money?”

 
; “I was hoping that you would lend it to me.” She bangs her hip against mine. “Since you love me so much.”

  “Love you,” I instantly scoff. “Come on, Anna, you can’t honestly say that.”

  “You don’t love me anymore?” She manages to make herself look sad. “Oh, come on, Carter.”

  “I did love you, and you destroyed that. So, you can’t use that against me now.”

  “Okay, well let’s work on the basis that you did love me then. I can do that. When you married me, you didn’t ever want anything bad to happen to me, did you? You wanted to protect me and stuff.”

  “Hmm, just like you said you were going to be faithful to me.”

  She huffs, clearly irritated that this isn’t going the way she wants it to. I’m not the person she can just manipulate anymore. I’m sure that must really destroy her. But it isn’t my problem.

  “Look, Anna. I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, but it isn’t going to happen, okay? I’m not going to give you any money. I gave you enough considering you cheated on me, I don’t owe you anymore.”

  “You might not owe me, but you should care enough to want to help me.”

  “I feel bad for you, Anna. I do. But I’m not going to give you anything. That’s the end of the matter.”

  I want her to leave, I need her to go, but she doesn’t. She continues to stare me down. “You know, I only strayed because of your workaholic tendencies, that’s all. I felt ignored by you, so I fell into Daniel’s arms. That was a mistake, I know that now, but I’m not completely to blame here.”

  “I’m not listening to this,” I warn her. “You didn’t have to cheat. You could have talked to me whatever I did. Plus, you and Daniel have stuck it out for years. It can’t have been that much of a mistake.”

  “Oh, you know me. I don’t like to be alone. It was a mistake though. You were better.”

  She moves closer to me, shaking her hips as she goes. I recognize that glint in her eyes, but it isn’t welcome. It’s a look that I’ve not seen lots in real life, but more in my dreams. I don’t want it now. I’m smart enough to know that this is all a game, that she doesn’t really want me. She destroyed me enough, I won’t let her do more.