Expecting a Christmas Miracle

by Laura Iding

  “No. It’s Jadon.”

  Alyssa closed her eyes and momentarily rested her forehead on the wall. She’d known Jadon wouldn’t leave her alone for long, especially after she’d turned down a ride with him earlier that morning. She’d seen the flash of hurt in his eyes when she’d agreed to go home with Seth. She’d felt guilty.

  But she wasn’t any more ready to continue their discussion now than she had been earlier in the day.

  Since avoiding him hadn’t worked, she pushed the button to release the door lock of the apartment. In moments he knocked on her door.

  She ran her fingers through her hair and opened it, all too aware of how awful she looked wearing maternity sweats. Not that she should care.

  But she did.

  “Alyssa, are you supposed to be up off the sofa?” he asked, his brow furrowed with concern as he shut the door behind him.

  She suppressed a sigh, telling herself it was natural he was worried about the babies. They were his babies, too.

  “Yes, I can make simple meals for myself, walk to the bathroom and back. I’m to keep a log of any contractions I have and to call Dr. Rayborn if they become at all regular or sustained.”

  Jadon nodded and thrust his hands deep into his pockets. “I’m glad. Kim seems like a great doctor.”

  “Yes, she is.” Alyssa made her way back to the sofa. “Help yourself if you want something to drink.”

  “I’m fine.” Jadon followed her into the living room, taking a seat on the chair across from her. If he noticed her pathetic little Christmas tree, he didn’t say anything. “Alyssa, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left all those months ago without saying anything. Give me a chance to explain.”

  She swallowed hard and shook her head. “Jadon, if this story involves some other woman, like an ex-wife, a fiancée or a girlfriend, I really don’t want to hear the gory details.”

  “What?” His startled expression would have been comical if she hadn’t felt so sick to her stomach to be having this confrontation. “Is that really what you think? That I left you for some other woman?”

  She rubbed a hand over her stomach, hoping she could calm the babies, sheltering them from her tension. “What was I supposed to think? Why else would you leave without a word?”

  “There isn’t another woman, Alyssa. Not now, or during the time we were together.” His low tone and the seriousness in his gaze made it difficult to doubt him. “But you’re right, I haven’t been entirely truthful with you. About my past.”

  She licked suddenly dry lips, suspecting she wasn’t going to like this. “To be fair, Jadon, neither one of us talked much about our pasts.” Their physical attraction had overridden most of the normal let’s-get-to-know-each-other small talk.

  “Alyssa, I left Cedar Bluff a few months ago because of a family crisis.”

  “A family crisis? One of your parents?” she asked in concern, remembering the few sketchy details they’d shared about their backgrounds.

  Slowly he shook his head, letting out a heavy sigh. “They’re fine, well, sort of, but that wasn’t the problem. It was my brother who needed help. I know this isn’t fair, but I’d rather not go into all the details right now because it’s complicated.”

  “Complicated,” she repeated, trying not to feel hurt. She tried to tell herself that whatever had happened wasn’t her business, but it was difficult. “I guess I can understand.” Even though she really didn’t. Then again, she shouldn’t be surprised. Jadon had always tried to keep his distance from her emotionally. This was just another example.

  “I’ll tell you the entire story sometime, but right now I’m more worried about you. And the babies.”

  “There isn’t anything to be worried about. I’m fine and so are the twins.” She gave a small shrug, hiding her true feelings. Jadon had never confided in her before, and obviously he didn’t see a reason to start now. Maybe he hadn’t left her for another woman, but that didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t open to a future. “All I can do is follow doctor’s orders and hope for the best.”

  “Yes. But I’d really like to help.”

  “Help?” she repeated, trying to figure out where he was going with this. “Like with what? The babies haven’t been born yet.”

  “Do you have everything you need?” he asked. “It’s going to be rough as you need two of everything. So what about cribs? Car seats? Strollers?”

  The thought of Jadon buying baby things almost made her smile. “Seth and Kylie threw me a shower, inviting all the ED staff, so I have most of what I need, thanks.”

  He swept a skeptical glance over her apartment. “You’ll be crowded in here, don’t you think?”

  She raised a brow. “For now maybe we’ll be a little cramped. But I won’t be living here forever.” At least, that was her plan. She had some small savings that she hoped to use as a down payment for a house, depending on how things went after the twins were born. If she could work enough hours to afford a small mortgage.

  “Alyssa, I have a three-bedroom house. There’s no reason you can’t move in with me for the rest of your pregnancy and then even after the babies are born. Between the two of us, we should be able to help care for the twins, keeping our child-care costs down.”

  Her eyes widened in shock. Was he crazy? Was he really suggesting they live together for financial reasons? As if the babies were nothing more than a business arrangement? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  In fact, she was pretty sure it was a really bad idea. His emotions may not be involved, but hers would be.

  “Please, think about it.” He didn’t back down as she half expected he might, but stood awkwardly in her living room, looking like a fish out of water. “I know things have been rough for you, and I’m sorry you had to go through this alone. But right now we need to focus on the babies. Having you move in with me, even temporarily, is best for them.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  LONG after Jadon had left, Alyssa found herself replaying their brief conversation over and over again.

  He’d asked her to move in with him. As a business arrangement. Because there was extra room in his three-bedroom house. A temporary solution to solve her child-care needs.

  Typical of Jadon to gloss over the emotional side of things. Did he ever think about their time together? Did he have any feelings for her at all? Other than as the mother of his children? Children he’d never planned on having?

  Logically, she knew his offer had some merit. She’d always sworn not to end up like her mother, struggling to make ends meet. And now here was Jadon, offering a solution to at least part of her problems. But at what cost?

  Emotionally, sharing a roof with Jadon would risk her heart, a huge price to pay.

  Yet didn’t her babies deserve a safe and secure childhood? And would she really be able to provide that on her own? For one baby, yes, but for two? Doubtful.

  She hadn’t given him an answer, simply telling him she’d need to think about it.

  For a long time she stared at the pretty, bright star topping her lopsided Christmas tree, as if seeking divine guidance. What on earth should she do? Maybe moving in with him would be best for the twins, but what about her?

  If only her pulse didn’t leap so erratically whenever Jadon was nearby. If only she didn’t still feel that spark of attraction whenever he spoke to her. If only she didn’t wish so much that things were different.

  She’d gone into a relationship with Jadon planning to keep things light, but she’d been hurt more than she’d realized when he’d left. Maybe he’d left for a family crisis but, still, he hadn’t called to let her know he was coming back. Clearly he hadn’t anticipated renewing their relationship. Because they hadn’t had a relationship.

  She didn’t want to be hurt again. Jadon had already proved himself to be too much like her father. She’d be better off to stay away from him.

  Except he was the father of her babies.

  Avoiding him would be impossible. Somehow
she had to find a way to work with Jadon, to meet the needs of her children, without becoming emotionally dependent on him.

  Could she do it? Live with him as a business arrangement, to help share the trials of providing feedings for two infants every two to three hours, without getting emotionally involved?

  The four walls of her apartment were closing in on her, especially the way she couldn’t do anything. She longed to leave. Yet the idea of moving in with Jadon seemed too much like simply exchanging one type of prison for another.

  Jadon figured he’d botched things with Alyssa for good. He hadn’t intended to bring up them moving in together, yet suddenly it had seemed like such a great idea. Obviously, by her horrified expression, she hadn’t shared his enthusiasm.

  And her wishy-washy, gee-let-me-think-about-it response hadn’t been promising.

  Seeing Alyssa in her cramped apartment, with her crooked Christmas tree, had bothered him. He couldn’t imagine how she’d possibly take care of two babies in the single-bedroom apartment. Especially as she didn’t have anyone to lean on for support. Her mother had passed away a few years ago and she was an only child.

  The rest of Alyssa’s past was sketchy. He knew she was estranged from her father, but that was about it. They hadn’t made an attempt to know each other on a deeply personal level.

  Their relationship had been physically intimate. He’d realized how much he was starting to care for her at the same time his family crisis had torn him away. He’d thought the distance would help.

  But he’d missed her. Had thought about her a lot. Had missed their physical closeness.

  A closeness he’d considered resuming once he’d returned, since he’d learned a lot about his brother’s illness while he’d been gone. He’d spent time with Jack’s doctor, who’d put some of his old fears to rest.

  And, truthfully, he’d liked their hot, steamy nights together.

  Alyssa’s pregnancy changed everything. He didn’t know anything about being a father. The idea of raising children, twins on top of it, secretly scared him. He knew, only too well, how things could go wrong.

  With a sigh, he rubbed his aching temple and then decided to head for the shower. He was on for another night shift tonight, then had only one day off before working again on Wednesday night. At least he had Thursday and Friday off before being back on for the weekend. He’d been assigned the less-desirable graveyard shifts and weekends, but since the physician team had covered for him while he’d been gone for the past four and a half months, he couldn’t exactly complain.

  Even though he personally would have rather stayed here, he understood there were feelings of resentment among the others.

  Simon Carter had been pretty decent toward him. And there was a new guy, Quinn Torres, scheduled to start soon, to replace Ed Cagney, who’d just retired. But Seth Taylor had been another story. Seth couldn’t have made his feelings any clearer.

  Monday night started out fairly quiet. He had to admit he was glad of the chance to ease back into the work he’d loved and hadn’t been able to do for so long.

  At midnight, a woman carrying a small infant rushed in.

  “He aspirated and started turning blue.” The woman was talking fast, but with the way she used medical terminology, he thought she was probably a doctor or a nurse. “I didn’t do any CPR, but used the bulb suction to keep his airway cleared.”

  “Okay, let’s take a look.” They must not have called 911, but had driven here themselves. He reached for his peds stethoscope. “How old is the baby?”

  “Ten days old.” Her voice shook as he gently took the baby and placed him on the infant table. Melanie, one of the nurses, placed a pulse-ox device on his forehead and then stripped off his little outfit to put tiny EKG patches on his chest.

  “Pulse ox 86 percent,” Melanie said in a low tone. She fiddled with the heart monitor. “Heart rate 176.”

  He nodded and used his stethoscope to listen to the little guy’s lungs. He definitely must have aspirated as Jadon could hear rales in the bases of his lungs.

  “Did you witness the aspiration?” he asked the visibly upset mother.

  She nodded. “It was my fault. All my fault. I had him propped on his side after his feeding, but I couldn’t have tucked the blanket securely enough behind his body. Next thing I know, he’s lying on his back, turning blue.” She momentarily closed her eyes. “It was awful.”

  He gave her a reassuring smile. “Well, his pulse ox is coming back up, he’s almost at 90 percent. And his heart rate was pretty tachy, but that’s coming down, too. So far he’s not running a fever, but that probably won’t happen until tomorrow. Who’s your pediatrician?”

  “Dr. Piterle, in the Pediatric Care Group.”

  Jadon gave Melanie a nod and she left to get in touch with whichever pediatrician in the group happened to be on call. “Are you a nurse?”

  “Yes, although I haven’t worked since having my daughter.”

  “I thought so. What’s your son’s name? We need to get him admitted into the system.”

  “Never mind, Dr. Reichert.” Wendy, the night shift admitting clerk, came into the room. “Dad’s here and gave us all the information we need. This little guy is Aiden Crosby.”

  “My name is Diane and my husband is Steve.” Diane introduced her husband, who came into the room with a cute toddler in his arms. “And my daughter, Katie.”

  Melanie returned. “Dr. Piterle was on call and he didn’t think Aiden needed to spend the night, but he does want to follow up with the baby tomorrow morning.”

  Diane nodded with relief. “Okay, that’s fine.”

  “Now, remember, if he runs a fever tomorrow, he’ll probably need a full course of antibiotics,” Jadon warned. “IV antibiotics since he’s so young. But for now his pulse ox and heart rate are back to normal, so he should be in the clear.”

  “Thank you,” Diane said gratefully.

  Jadon was glad the ten-day-old Aiden would be all right, but seeing the tiny baby only made him think about Alyssa and their twins. He was more convinced than ever that it would be best for her to move in with him. He took his responsibilities seriously. He needed to convince Alyssa to let him support her.

  In the morning, he decided to stop at the grocery store for her, since she obviously couldn’t do it on her own. Rather than guess what she wanted to eat, he headed over to her apartment to get a list.

  But when he pulled up, he saw Kylie, Seth and Ben hauling some grocery bags out of their car and trooping up to Alyssa’s apartment building. He was too late.

  Alyssa didn’t really need him after all.

  The ED was unusually quiet on Wednesday night when he entered the arena. When Jadon saw Alyssa standing near Susan, the charge nurse assigned to the night shift, discussing the various patient assignments, he was shocked.

  How was it possible she was back at work already? Sure, she’d mentioned something about only being on bed rest for a few days and being scheduled to see Kim Rayborn today, but to already be released to work? It had to be too soon.

  What if she started having contractions again?

  “Hi, Alyssa,” he greeted her, careful to keep his tone light. “I see you’re back at work.”

  “Jadon.” Her smile was fleeting. “It feels good to be back. I was going crazy sitting at home.”

  He nodded, barely refraining from pointing out she didn’t have to be at her apartment all alone. He’d wanted her with him.

  “Who wants to cover the trauma room?” Susan asked.

  “I will,” Alyssa volunteered. She smiled at the new nurse, Maureen, who was learning the ropes. “Maureen can work with me.”

  “Okay, I’ll put you guys down as first trauma coverage.” Susan scribbled on her clipboard.

  “Did you see the full moon out there?” Alyssa said to Susan and Maureen. “It was so beautiful.”

  “Yeah, beautiful.” Susan let out a loud snort. “You know what a full moon means—more work for us. The crazies w
ill be out in full force.”

  “Is that really true?” Maureen asked with wide eyes.

  “You bet,” Susan said. She turned to Alyssa. “Remember last month, Alyssa? When the police brought us that guy who’d stripped down to his bare butt while standing right in the middle of Main Street? Like, what were we supposed to do with him? Other than put his clothes back on.” Susan rolled her eyes at the memory.

  Alyssa nodded and let out a chuckle. “Yeah, he was a strange one all right.”

  Jadon clenched his jaw at their slightly derogatory tone. He wanted to snap at them to shut up because obviously people couldn’t help having emotional illnesses, but he also knew they didn’t mean any harm. Alyssa and Susan were excellent nurses.

  He was just being overly sensitive. He turned away, to focus his attention on the two patients who were still waiting to be transferred up to inpatient floor beds. He needed to make sure these patients were placed before new ones began to arrive.

  They received their first trauma call about thirty minutes later, a car versus tree. The driver was a young man who luckily didn’t have severe injuries. Jadon and Alyssa fell into a familiar rhythm, working together as if he’d never left. When she handed him a chest tube insertion tray, the slightest brush of her fingers sent an unexpected yet familiar tingle of awareness zipping through his system.

  “Thanks,” he managed.

  The way she avoided his direct gaze convinced him she might have felt it, too. This sizzling attraction had drawn them irrevocably together the first time they’d met. Tonight was proof the passing of time hadn’t lessened the attraction.

  He still wanted her.

  There wasn’t time to dwell on the knowledge because as soon as they managed to get the patient stabilized, it was as if a dam had burst, the way the patients flooded in.

  Loud screaming erupted from the ED waiting room.

  Jadon glanced up in alarm. “Stay here,” he told Alyssa as he dashed through the doors into the waiting area to see what was going on.