by Laura Iding
“Oh, she’s so adorable.” And tiny, especially being the smaller of the two. She clutched the baby protectively to her chest, infused with a wave of love. She’d do anything for her children. Anything.
Gretchen moved her head toward her breast in a rooting movement, her tiny mouth making sucking motions. Alyssa drew a quick breath of excitement and glanced at Carla. “Look, do you think she’ll be able to nurse?”
“It’s possible,” Carla agreed with a smile. “Your milk hasn’t come in, but the colostrum they’ll receive is even more healthy than milk. And worth a try, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” She was a little uncertain how to go about the whole process but Carla was great, helping her with techniques to encourage Gretchen to latch on. The baby only suckled for a few minutes before stopping.
“Don’t worry, preemie babies do tire easily. Once your milk comes in more fully, we’ll give intermittent feedings of your breast milk as often as the babies need it.”
“But what if they’re not strong enough to drink as much as they need?” Alyssa asked.
“We’ll give feedings through a nasogastric tube.”
A nasogastric tube didn’t sound good, but she tried not to show her discouragement. Carla tucked Gretchen back in her isolette and then drew Grace out for her turn. Gracie latched on to her nipple a little quicker than Gretchen, but also seemed to get tired quickly. Alyssa wasn’t sure either of the babies got any nourishment at all from the attempt.
“How am I going to keep up with breast-feeding both of them?” she asked, after she’d finished with Grace. The responsibility was daunting and she suddenly doubted her ability to be a good mother to the twins. “At this rate, they might need to be fed every hour.”
Carla put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Nursing is a wonderful experience, but the nutritional value of your breast milk is what’s most important for these little ones. Even if they can’t nurse for lengthy periods, they can get the nourishment they need if you pump your breasts and freeze your milk. We can feed them through a nasogastric tube if need be and then through a bottle. At least with bottle feedings, Dad can be more involved, too.”
Jadon. The image of his strong, large hands holding and feeding their daughters filled her with a mixture of longing and trepidation. Would he stick around for the long term? Or would he get tired of the responsibility of having a family and leave, like her father had?
At least now he could stop being so protective of her. Although she suspected he’d shower the babies with his concern instead.
“Was Jadon here?” she asked Carla.
“Yes, he spent a lot of time with the girls. He asked Dr. Downer, the neonatologist, lots of questions. I think he left about an hour ago, maybe a little more.”
An hour ago? He hadn’t been in her room when she’d woken up.
Her stomach clenched with anxiety. So where was he?
CHAPTER NINE
SO THIS was it. The beginning of the end. Jadon was gone. Alyssa walked back to her room, trying not to feel overwhelmed by the concept of raising the girls all by herself.
When she crossed the threshold, she stopped, startled to see a huge bouquet of more than a dozen pink roses in a vase on her bedside table. There were also two pink “It’s A Girl” balloons tied to the side-rail of her bed.
She read the small card tucked between the roses, feeling ashamed for doubting him when she realized the flowers and balloons were gifts from Jadon.
“Arranged some extra time off work, then ran home to get your suitcase. Be back soon, Jadon.”
He hadn’t left unexpectedly, other than to talk to his boss about having time off and to buy flowers and balloons. Ashamed, she realized she’d jumped to conclusions. He hadn’t left her. He wasn’t like her father. They must have just missed each other.
She counted eighteen blooms, stroking the velvet-soft petals with the tip of her index finger. Another first. Not quite as monumental as giving birth to twins, but she’d never received pink roses before. Or any other color roses. Not from Jadon or from anyone else.
He’d been so sweet and so supportive during the few hours she’d spent in labor, and afterward when they’d both been given the chance to hold their newly born daughters. She found it difficult to reconcile this new Jadon with the emotionally distant man who’d made love to her and then left without saying a word.
Let it go, she told herself. There’s no reason to keep dwelling on the past. Jadon was here now, had gone as far as to ask her to move in with him. Maybe there was still some hope for them. Maybe he’d learn to show his feelings. Maybe she could trust him with her heart.
She was glad he’d gone to get her things.
Because she wouldn’t mind wearing something other than the shapeless hospital gown to help her look a bit more attractive.
Jadon returned right after she finished with her dinner tray. “Do you want me to call the nurse to bring another tray for you?” she offered.
“No, thanks, I’m fine. I grabbed something quick right after I left.” He set her small suitcase on the floor beside her bed.
“Thanks for the roses and the balloons,” she said. “They were a nice surprise when I returned to my room after seeing Grace and Gretchen.”
“You’re welcome.” He pulled up a chair beside her bed. “I spoke to Louis Downer, the neonatologist assigned to Grace and Gretch, and he really feels like the girls are doing amazingly well for being seven weeks early.”
“I’m glad. Although I did try breast-feeding earlier and neither of the girls suckled for very long.” She blushed when she noticed Jadon’s gaze dropped to her breasts. Was he imagining how large and full her breasts were now? “The nurse told me the girls might need tube feedings.”
Jadon nodded. “Yes, Louis mentioned that possibility to me as well. But tube feedings aren’t the worst thing in the world. As long as they get nourishment and continue to grow, that’s what really matters. Do you plan to, ah, continue nursing?”
She knew he was dancing around the issue of asking if she planned to pump her breasts to provide breast milk if the girls couldn’t nurse on their own. “Yes, because at this point they need every possible advantage they can get.”
“Very true.” Jadon looked relieved at the news. “Louis warned me that both girls will likely need to be placed under the bili-lights, too. Even full-term babies sometimes need the bili-lights, but preemies even more so as their livers aren’t fully developed yet.”
“I know, I pretty much expected that.” She’d learned a few things during her nursing school rotation through OB, but was hardly an expert.
“Alyssa, I think we need to talk about the future, maybe not right now but soon. Once you’re discharged and back home.” His serious, earnest gaze warmed her heart.
Home as in back at his house? She thought so. She saw his willingness to talk as a good sign. “I know.”
“So that’s settled,” he said with satisfaction. “How about if we go and visit our daughters again?”
“I’d like that.” She threw aside the blanket and grimaced a little when she swung her legs over the side of the bed.
“Are you all right?” Jadon asked, noticing her discomfort. “Do you want me to get you a wheelchair?”
“No wheelchair, I’d rather walk.” She bent down to grab the suitcase he’d brought in. “But first I need a few minutes in the bathroom.”
“Sure.” He relaxed in his chair, not seeming to be in the least bit impatient. “No rush.”
In the bathroom she quickly changed into her own nightgown and robe, feeling a little better wearing her own things. The nightgown had a lace-tie in the front that would help if she tried nursing the girls again.
Jadon lightly clasped her hand as they walked down to the level-three nursery. Jadon led the way straight to Grace and Gretchen’s isolettes.
“Are you here to hold your babies?” Carla asked, crossing over to them. “Let me grab a couple of warm blankets for you, all right?�
�
“Okay.” Alyssa leaned forward, dividing her attention between both babies. “Aren’t they cute, wearing those little pink hats?”
“They’re adorable,” Jadon agreed in a husky voice. “Beautiful, just like their mother.”
Her heart swelled with love as she gazed at her daughters. Jadon had created these wonderful miracles with her. “Which one do you want to hold?” she asked him.
“I’ll take Grace this time. I feel like we should alternate so we don’t play favorites.”
“I think it’s a little early to worry about playing favorites,” Alyssa said with a small laugh.
Carla returned with the warm blankets and quickly wrapped up both babies and handed Grace to Jadon, and Gretchen to Alyssa.
They sat in side-by-side rockers, content to simply hold the babies.
“Lys?” Jadon said, glancing up at her. “You are going to come back home with me after you’re discharged, right?”
“Yes.” She frowned a little because she’d thought that was what he’d meant earlier.
“I knew you’d be discharged in the next day or two, but I also know that Louis thought the babies would be here for maybe a couple of weeks,” Jadon explained. “So I wanted to make sure.”
“A couple of weeks?” It was hard to hide her dismay. “He really thinks they’ll need to stay that long? I was hoping we’d have them home by Christmas.”
“Christmas is just over two weeks away, so don’t be discouraged. We may get to take them home by then. Depending on how much weight they gain. And how well their breathing progresses.”
“Alyssa?” Denise, her postpartum nurse, came into the nursery. “You have a couple of visitors, and there’s one little boy especially who would like to see the babies.”
“Kylie and Seth must have brought Ben,” she said to Jadon before turning to Carla. “Do you think we could hold the babies up in the window for Ben to see? I’d hate to disappoint him.”
“No problem,” Carla said. “We’ll just have to momentarily disconnect them from the monitors.” At her panicked expression, Carla hastily reassured her. “Don’t worry, we do that from time to time anyway, like to give them a bath. It’s not a big deal for a few minutes.”
“I’ll bring the group over to the window,” Denise said as she turned to leave the nursery.
Carla disconnected the twins from their monitors so that Alyssa and Jadon could hold the babies up in the window for Seth, Kylie and Ben to see.
“Wow, they’re so tiny!” she heard Ben exclaim.
“Very tiny,” Kylie agreed with a wide grin. “They’re beautiful, Alyssa,” she called through the glass.
“Thanks.” She and Jadon only stayed for a minute, before turning back so that Carla could reconnect the babies to their monitors. Then they tucked the girls back into their isolettes and headed out to visit with Seth and Kylie.
“Hey, congrats to both of you,” Seth said when they met up in the hall. He held out a hand to Jadon, who looked somewhat bemused as he accepted the handshake. Seth then turned to give Alyssa a hug. “You didn’t call us,” he complained in a light, teasing tone. “I had to hear the news from the ED staff.”
“Yeah, and I thought I was supposed to be your birthing coach?” Kylie added, giving both Alyssa and Jadon a hug. “Looks like you did fine without me.”
“I’m sorry, Kylie,” Alyssa said. “Everything happened so fast.”
Kylie rolled her eyes. “I’m only kidding, it’s not a big deal. I’m just glad they’re both doing all right.”
“How come I can’t hold the babies?” Ben wanted to know.
Alyssa reached down to give him a hug. “They’re too little yet. We need to restrict visitors until the babies grow bigger and get stronger.”
Ben looked disappointed.
“Ben, don’t forget to give Alyssa the card you made for her,” Kylie reminded him.
“Oh, yeah.” He looked down at the rather crumpled piece of paper that he’d been clutching in his hand as if he’d forgotten all about it. “Here.” He thrust it at Alyssa.
“Thank you, Ben. It’s beautiful.” He’d written a crooked “Congratulations, Alyssa” on the front with what she assumed were two babies in cribs and not tiny people in jail drawn on the bottom of the page. Inside the card he’d painstakingly penned a short message that she read out loud. “‘Thanks for saving my life. I love you, Ben.’”
For a moment the words swam in her vision as her eyes misted. She drew him close for another hug. “This is my favorite card in the whole world, Ben. Thanks so much.”
“Welcome,” he muttered, giving her a tight hug and then breaking away, his attention already moving to the next thing. “Can we get something out of the vending machine, Mom?”
Seth and Kylie exchanged a questioning glance and when Kylie nodded, Seth dug several quarters out of his pocket. “Sure, here you go, sport.”
“Cool!” Ben dashed off.
“Jadon, I picked up your Saturday-night shift for you,” Seth informed him.
“Thanks.” Jadon looked pleasantly surprised. “I appreciate it.”
“No problem.” Seth shrugged it off but Alyssa knew the gesture was a peace offering. She and Kylie exchanged knowing grins.
Shortly after Ben returned, Kylie and Seth prepared to leave. After they left, promising to return for another visit soon, Jadon stood, too. “I’d better let you get some rest.”
She masked her disappointment, knowing there was no reason for Jadon to stay overnight. She was fine. Gracie and Gretchen were fine. He deserved a good night’s sleep, which he wouldn’t get sleeping on a recliner in her room.
“All right. Get some sleep,” she told him.
“You, too.” He leaned over and kissed her. For a moment their lips clung and then he deepened the kiss, exploring her mouth in a way that made her breathless when he finally lifted his head.
“See you tomorrow,” he promised in a husky voice.
She relaxed against the pillows, her lips tingling from his kiss, and nodded.
This time she believed him.
“Simon, are you off work yet?” Jadon demanded over his cell phone. It was late, eleven-thirty at night, and he’d been waiting impatiently for Simon’s call. “I need your help.”
“Yes, I just finished, we had another busy night. Why? What’s up?”
“I’m at Alyssa’s apartment. I need your help to move the two cribs, the baby swings, the dressers, and everything else that she has here in her storage bin to my place.”
Simon let out a heavy sigh. “Where in the heck are you going to put all that stuff?” he asked.
“At my house,” Jadon repeated as if he were a tad slow. “I rented the truck again this afternoon so I have most of the stuff loaded in there already, except those two baby dressers because they’re darned heavy.”
“I’ll be right there,” Simon said in a resigned tone.
Jadon knew he’d set an almost impossible task, getting the bedroom totally painted and the furniture all set up as a surprise for Alyssa once she was discharged from the hospital. Yet he also knew he’d get it done, even if he had to stay up all night.
Simon arrived and they carried the two baby dressers down to the truck. Once they arrived at Jadon’s house, he elicited Simon’s help to take apart Alyssa’s bedroom set.
His friend placed his hands on his hips. “But if we take Alyssa’s bed down, where is she going to sleep?” he asked with feigned innocence.
Jadon sent him a narrow glance. “Ha, ha. Very funny. Give me a hand, will you?”
“Okay, but remember it was only a couple of days ago that you asked me to help you put it together in the first place.”
He grimaced. “I know. But we didn’t plan on having the girls seven weeks early either.”
“Listen to you,” Simon said as he took a screwdriver and attacked the bed frame. “You sound like an old married man.”
His words made Jadon’s stomach clench. He still wasn’t sure how
he was going to handle things, but somehow he’d make it work. He didn’t really have a choice. “Alyssa’s going to be thrilled to see this,” he said. “I’m painting the walls pink.”
“Pink?” Simon’s gaze was skeptical. “You might reconsider. You’re going to get sick of pink with two girls.”
“Never.” Jadon grinned as he hauled the mattresses out of the room. He was going to store Alyssa’s bedroom set down in the basement for now. Simon had already helped him haul all the baby stuff inside, so maneuvering through the living room with the mattresses wasn’t easy.
He didn’t mind. He already had everything all planned out. Once Alyssa had been discharged from the hospital he’d bring her here to see the nursery he’d made for their daughters and then he’d tell her the truth about his brother.
The answer to his problems was simple. He could keep his dysfunctional family separate from his new one. With this arrangement, he could minimize the stress of Jack’s illness for Alyssa and the girls.
This could work.
The next day Jadon didn’t show up until almost noon, and even then he looked awful, ragged and exhausted as if he hadn’t gotten much sleep.
“What happened?” Alyssa asked in alarm. “Did you get called in to work?”
“No, I just had trouble sleeping, that’s all.” He yawned widely, but then opened his eyes wide as if to prove he was really awake. “It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”
She wasn’t so sure. What on earth had kept him up all night? It wasn’t as if there was anything to worry about or to stress over.
Except being a father.
Her stomach tightened. That had to be it. Was he having second thoughts about asking her to stay with him? Was the stress going to eventually get to him, making him leave? Did Jadon really want a fully committed relationship? Or was he already backing off?
