Flicker and Mist

by Mary G. Thompson

  “Perhaps you’re right; perhaps he isn’t sure what he’ll find there.”

  “Better to risk a child’s life,” I said.

  Caster said nothing. I feared his silence meant that I was right. The Deputy perhaps did not wish me dead yet, but he would rather risk me than his guardsmen. And he knew that with my parents’ lives at stake, I would do anything.

  Caster reached his hand across the divide between us and touched my leg. “I will help you. Porti will help you. We’re in this together.” He leaned closer to me and ran his other hand through my hair.

  “Have you lost your mind, Myra?”

  I jumped. Who had spoken?

  “By the Waters, Nolan Drachman!” Caster exclaimed. Indeed, Nolan stood in the corner of the room, fully visible. He stepped away from the wall.

  “What are you doing here?” I demanded.

  “What are you doing?” he asked. “Revealing us to the Deputy’s son?”

  “That is not why you’ve decided to show yourself,” I said.

  “You think it wise to put our lives in his hands?” Nolan whisper-shouted, coming toward us.

  “Good to see you, Nolan,” said Caster dryly. “We were all worried.”

  “Caster has proved that he’s trustworthy,” I said. “He doesn’t go about skulking in corners. Were you perhaps waiting for me to remove my gown?”

  “That’s unfair! I’m here to speak with you.”

  “I was here alone for some time,” I said. “You could have revealed yourself.”

  “You see, Myra,” said Caster, looking from me to Nolan, “invisibility can be quite creepy. You can’t blame me for being put off.”

  “I see your point,” I said. I also saw the outline of Nolan’s muscular build beneath his worn garments and recalled the feel of his arms around me. And how it had not felt wrong to see what he saw and feel what he felt. How being together with him was a literal thing in the way it could never be with Caster. I took Caster’s hand. “Well, you may speak to me if you wish.” I cringed at my own voice. I sounded imperious, like the rich girl from before all that had happened.

  “Pinwin has sent me to try to talk sense into you,” he said. “You need to go back, as your mother wishes. You can’t believe that the Deputy will do any of what he says. Especially if he knows you’re a Flickerkin.”

  “I’ll go, but only to pass on the Deputy’s message. Then I’m coming back. Or he’ll kill my parents.”

  “Myra—” Nolan began.

  “No. It’s my decision. You won’t make it for me.”

  “My parents’ lives are at stake as well,” he said. “We have a better chance of saving them at the End than through an agreement.”

  “You mean through a fight that will kill more citizens,” I said.

  “Yes, if it comes to that.”

  “You weren’t friends with Orphos,” I said. “You don’t understand.”

  “I don’t understand?” he asked.

  Porti stuck her head into the room. Her eyes widened, and she slipped in, shutting the door swiftly behind her.

  Nolan glared at her. “My parents were the first taken; have you forgotten?”

  “Yes, but they’re alive,” I said. “You don’t know what death means until it’s someone you care for. We can’t let people die if it’s possible to agree.”

  “It’s not possible,” Nolan said.

  “We must try,” I said. “You can’t stop me from trying.” During this argument, I had somehow moved closer to Nolan, though I was still holding Caster’s hand. And I had realized what I had to do. There is nothing like telling me I can’t do something to encourage me to do it. Especially if the person doing the telling is a male who can’t seem to comprehend what I find quite simple. Nolan didn’t understand that death, anyone’s death, must be prevented at all costs.

  “Well, you aren’t going alone,” said Caster.

  “Of course not,” said Porti. “We’ll go with you.”

  “Nonsense,” said Nolan. “You all are Plats. I’ll take her.”

  “Take me?”

  “Uh-oh,” said Caster.

  “Haven’t you heard about Plats?” asked Porti. “We’re not all quite as solid as we seem.”

  “You two are solid,” said Nolan. “Of that I’m quite sure.”

  “What, the news about our loyal guardsman doesn’t surprise you?” I asked. “You did overhear that during your skulking, didn’t you?”

  “Of course it surprises me,” Nolan said. “I’m sorry you didn’t kill him. Would you have objected if he had died?”

  “Yes, if he died before he confessed,” I said. “Now he’s given us the opening we need to save our parents without bloodshed.”

  “Did he say why he did it?” Nolan asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “The Deputy didn’t tell me that. I thought Brach hated me because he saw me as a Leftie. I don’t understand how he even exists.”

  “What did the Flicker Men look like?” Porti asked.

  “What did they look like?” Nolan said.

  “What I mean is, maybe most Flickerkin look like Lefties because Lefties look like Lefties, but if the Flicker Men looked different—​when they were visible—​and they had children with Plats, then those Flickerkin children might look like Plats.”

  “Well . . .” Nolan ran his hand through his hair. I noticed that there was a smudge of dirt on his forehead and dark circles and thick lines under his eyes.

  “But the Flicker Men didn’t have children with Plats,” I said. “My mother and the teachers at school agree on that.”

  “I don’t know what they looked like,” said Nolan.

  “They obviously did have children,” said Porti.

  “It doesn’t matter now,” I said. “I must see Pinwin and make the Deputy’s offer. If she was telling me the truth and has no other agenda but to save our parents, she should agree. Even if she lied, she’ll want to save my mother. And me. I have to convince her that this is the way.”

  “Fine,” said Caster. “Let’s go before the night gets colder.”

  “Caster,” I said. I was still holding his hand, and it felt right. “You can’t slip your guard again. Nolan is right that you can’t come. But, Nolan, you can’t come either. I must go alone. That is what the Deputy wants.”

  “Well, as long as he isn’t going,” said Caster. The tone was joking, but his smile was not.

  “You aren’t right for her,” Nolan said. He waved an arm from Caster’s feet to his nose, indicating his height, his skin, his eyes, everything that was supposedly wrong for me. “You can never share what we can share.”

  “You are a short, creepy, invisible squirrel,” said Caster. It was probably the meanest thing I’d ever heard him say. And he said it because Nolan wished to steal me from him. I almost kissed him, but something held me back. Perhaps it was that Porti was watching, eyebrow raised, looking from one boy to the other. I imagined what she would say, perhaps something about a night with two men to watch over me, and I gave her a little smile.

  She smiled back. “Well, boys, I guess it’s the three of us on sheet duty.”

  “We can’t stop you,” said Caster. “But if you aren’t back in four hours, then we’ll tell my father. He has sent you on this journey. If these Flickerkin do anything to hurt you, or prevent you from leaving, we’ll come find you. I’ll make sure my father helps you if it costs me all.”

  “She has a right to stay with her grandmother if she wants to,” said Nolan. “And you must not reveal us.”

  “Us?” asked Caster. “You wish me to protect you?”

  “I won’t stay,” I said. “And please don’t reveal them. I will come back. Four hours.” I threw myself into Caster’s arms. Then Porti hugged me, too.

  “Good luck,” she said.

  When I turned around, Nolan was gone.

  Perhaps it wasn’t necessary to sneak out. I might have walked out the front door without anyone stopping me. Yet for some reason the D
eputy wished to keep up the façade, so I left the same way as before. Part of me wished I could go back and see my parents again, but part of me was glad I couldn’t. I didn’t need the two sides feigning agreement, the difference of opinion that would leave me as torn as before. In her letter, my mother told me I was born for a reason, that my life was not contrary to the Waters. Perhaps this was my reason, to prevent any more people from dying.

  As I flickered, taking Hoof with me, I recalled the party only a short time ago, Orphos’s smile as he helped me lift the broken photobox player. I had always thought of Orphos as Porti’s future boyfriend. I hadn’t realized that he was a true friend to me, that a hole would appear in my heart when I thought of him. We had flown kites together as children, trained on our beasts together as we grew older, attended Council functions, rolled our eyes at the silliness of our parents and their political squabbles.

  If there was another war, hearts across the Upland would be filled with holes. Hearts like mine that didn’t know how many souls filled them. As I rode through the trees, I found myself praying. Sweep the hate from the hearts of all those who wait to shed one another’s blood. Make your Deputy see that my mother and my father are both born of you. Let my Flickerkin relatives see that killing even one man will bring only more death.

  The tents were no longer in place. I saw only the expanse of sandy grass at the cliff’s edge. The water roiled below it; the wind still blew harshly. Tonight I was wearing a coat, though. I knew a little more of what to expect. And I wasn’t going to be deterred because the Flickerkin had moved their camp. I rode out from the trees into the sand and looked both ways. From my far left, where the funeral had been, several ghostly figures came, and I rode to meet them.

  I dismounted from Hoof and raised a hand. “I haven’t come back to stay,” I said. And I relayed the Deputy’s message. I told them that he knew about me and he wished for me to make peace, and that he had threatened to kill my parents and the Drachmans unless they accepted that Brach would be executed and left—​all by tomorrow twilight. “This shouldn’t be a problem, should it?” I asked. “Brach isn’t part of your group.” I longed to ask them what they knew of how a Plat could be a Flickerkin, of how this man who hated me for being Leftie could also hate the Deputy and wish to strike fear in all the citizens of New Heart City. But I held my tongue.

  The Flickerkin didn’t seem surprised to learn that Brach was the culprit, but I couldn’t see their faces. I couldn’t tell if they regarded me with anger or sympathy or any feeling at all.

  They huddled together, speaking to each other in the Leftie language. Pinwin, whom I recognized by her height and her strange fluttering at the edges, and a man I believed to be Groton argued sharply. The others voiced their opinions. I understood only scattered words, nothing that would help me piece together what they were saying.

  Finally, Pinwin stepped forward again. “Kopan, that man should not have involved a child in this.”

  “My mother involved me in it,” I said. “I’ve been involved since I was born. I just didn’t know it.”

  “We will accept that this man, Brach, must pay for his crimes. But there are many issues we must resolve. We can’t simply leave with our mines still under their control, with our people taxed triple, with Flickerkin still banned.”

  “He will never agree to change all that,” I said, my voice rising. “But he will agree to spare my mother. Three Flickerkin and my father, who has kept our secret, are in jail, and you can save them.” And me, I thought. But it was unseemly to beg for myself. My whole approach was not right for an ambassador or a mediator. I thought back to my father’s voice, all those nights I had heard him on the voicebox, discussing some issue with another Member of the Council. His voice remained calm. He spoke reason, but he would never waver in his conviction. And he would always remind his adversaries of how little they were giving up.

  “The deal is that you return to the Eye,” I said. “The Deputy doesn’t ask that you give up any rights. He wishes only to bring the criminal to justice while making sure that those whom he mistrusts are safely away. If they leave the city with you and Brach is executed, then the citizens will be satisfied and you can plan your strategy back in the Eye. You may return at some point to press your agenda. He didn’t say how long you must stay.” Surely the Deputy had meant for them to stay in the Eye forever, but I clung to his exact words.

  Pinwin turned back to the others. I wished I could see their faces and know if I was reaching them. They could probably see my expressions, being so much more experienced at invisibility than I was.

  Finally, Pinwin spoke again. “How can we be sure that the Deputy is sincere, that he will not apprehend us if we reveal ourselves?”

  “You can’t,” I said. “I don’t know how sincere he is. If he has lied to me, then let him answer for it.”

  Pinwin nodded. “We will be here at the End. We agree to take them and leave.”

  I nearly gasped with relief. “Thank you, Mommanan,” I said.

  She took one of my hands in both of hers. “And you will come with us, won’t you?”

  I didn’t want to face that question. I didn’t know if the Deputy would banish me, too, and even if he didn’t, my place was with my parents. I would have to leave Caster and Porti and even Hoof. But we would be free.

  “I suppose I will,” I said. “I hadn’t thought that far.”

  “Good,” she said. “We’ll all be together soon.” She let my hand go. The others seemed to be nodding toward me, perhaps in acknowledgment. Whether they approved of the agreement or went along grudgingly, I couldn’t tell.

  As I mounted Hoof and began the journey back to the city, I should have been relieved and happy, but I was numb. I didn’t know if the Deputy intended to keep his promise or if my kin intended to keep theirs. I didn’t know whether my parents would be free, or whether I would be free, or whether there would be a war. But I had done what the Deputy had asked, and for that, I at least ought to be safe for another night.

  From THE BOOK OF THE WATERS

  Never forget that the Waters, who have created us, may also destroy. When men commit acts that demand Judgment, the Waters will return to wash them from the Plateau. They will suffer only those who are worthy to remain.

  But the Waters are merciful in their Judgment. Any who repent will be cleansed and will live forever on the Plateau beyond.

  Twenty-Five

  CASTER AND PORTI WERE WAITING FOR ME. Before I flickered in, I made sure Nolan wasn’t there. I didn’t know if I was sorry or glad to find no sign of him. The way I had treated him earlier was not fair, but he had to understand that I couldn’t be with him as he wanted. I needed to speak to him, to process what had happened between us, but there was no time for that now. I felt I was barreling toward a future in which we would be thrust together or one in which we would never speak again, and neither possibility was what I wanted. I wanted my own choice, carefully weighed.

  “How did it go?” Porti asked.

  “They have agreed,” I said. I didn’t share my doubts.

  “Ah.” Porti sighed with relief, as I had. She hugged me. “All right. Now that I know, I will let you two alone.” She winked at me and scurried out the door.

  Caster pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. Touching him caused him to seep into me; my heart melted. I did not want to leave this. I did not want to be confused. Let me choose this, I thought. Let me stay.

  There was a pounding on the door, and the Deputy stomped into the room. When he saw our embrace, his mouth twisted.

  Caster pulled away but took my hand. We faced his father together.

  “Leave us, son,” the Deputy said.

  “I’ll stay,” Caster said. He looked not at me, but at his father. In that moment, both unsmiling, they looked almost exactly alike. The only differences were the Deputy’s graying hair and fuller build.

  The Deputy shook his head in annoyance. “Tell me,” he said.


  “They agree,” I said.

  “They do?” He raised an eyebrow as if surprised.

  “If you wished to use their refusal as a reason to kill them, you have lost,” I said. I nearly clapped my hand over my mouth, but I didn’t. After all, he knew about me. If he was going to reveal me or throw me in jail or have me dipped, he would do it whether I spoke the truth or not.

  But he wasn’t angry. He shook his head again, this time as if I had saddened him. “Myra, I’m not looking for excuses. I wish to make sure that no one else dies. Until your kin leave, we are all at risk.”

  “They will leave,” I said.

  “But she will stay,” said Caster. He looked down at me. “If she wants to. She has that right. Father, no one else needs to know the truth. She deserves her place at University. The flickering is an accident of birth. She’s no spy.”

  “If she’s telling the truth and the exchange goes as agreed, it will go in her favor,” the Deputy said.

  Caster squeezed my hand. “She wouldn’t lie.”

  “I hope you’re right,” the Deputy said. And then to me: “Tomorrow, the Guard will escort you to Heart’s End. You may speak with your parents. If you wish to remain here, the choice will be yours.” Unless you have lied. If you have lied, you go with Brach. I heard the unspoken words loud and clear.

  He closed the door behind him quietly. I had not lied, so why was I shaking? Why had I heard only a threat?

  Caster pulled me into his arms again. “It’s all right,” he said. “It’s all going to go well.”

  I couldn’t say anything. It was not up to me. Either my kin or the Deputy might betray me.

  “I’m so sorry,” Caster said. “I know I’ve been terrible ever since—”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t want to lie to you. By the Waters, it’s the only thing I’ve lied about. I had to.”

  “I know,” he said. He released me, only a little. “You won’t leave me for the clothmakers’ son, will you?” He smiled as he said this, but it was a real question. It made my heart ache.