Broken Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  At first glance, I thought was there were too many zeros on the bank statement. I let the paper fall from my hand and tried not to quantify what I just learned. I picked up my phone and dialed the number Mr. Lambert had given to me before I left.

  “Mr. Lambert’s office.” The woman on the other end of the line had a pleasant sounding voice. It was cheerful despite the hour.

  “Is he available?”

  “I’m afraid he’s in a meeting.”

  “Can you have him call Ethan Hart? It’s important.”

  She took down my name and callback number. I fell back on the bed and wondered how long that Time’s Up message had sat in my room before I’d gotten it. Nothing had happened so far. Maybe it was all a bluff. Yet, I wouldn’t put Jess’s life to chance. It was time I shared my secret with someone other than her. If any one of the Shelbys’ suffered because of my silence, I’d be forced to take the road my father had traveled.

  When the phone vibrated, I hit send. The next several long minutes after securing Mr. Lambert as my lawyer, I confessed all my truths and everything that happened since.

  “First thing tomorrow morning, you scan the original copies of those messages to me. Then you seal them in a ziplock bag and try not to handle them any more than you already have. Express mail them to my office. Other than the letters, do you feel threatened in any way?”

  “No. And my concern is for Jess.”

  “I have a security company our office uses on occasion. I’ll have them put a guard on her tonight. Can you send me a recent photo of her for their team? They’ll need to know who they are looking out for.”

  “Yes.”

  “Ethan. The rest can wait for now. I’m going to make some inquiries before we proceed. Plan on staying in town when you come back for you grandfather’s funeral.”

  “Until then?”

  “Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll arrange a meeting with Ed Hunt for the day after the funeral. Say nothing to anyone else about this.”

  “Sure.” It felt like I’d breathed for the first time. I wasn’t sure of my future, but everyone had to pay the piper sometime. I didn’t care about my fate as long as Jess was okay.

  I moved through the next few days waiting for something to happen. The walls didn’t cave in, no one jumped out of the shadows, and nothing blew up. By Friday, I really believed that whoever had been sending the messages was grasping at straws hoping they’d pry some secret out of me. More and more, I thought Clarissa had her hand in it. She thought she knew me because of whatever grandfather had learned when he kept tabs on me. It only made sense that she’d be the one to try and rattle me with empty threats.

  Later at the airport, the arrival zone was bustling with traffic. People were moving along with their day with no worries. I only had a few more of those I could call my own before my world was confined to a six by six metal box.

  Bradley was waiting when I pulled up to the curb. He’d texted me when he arrived so I wouldn’t have to circle the arrival area until my car could make the loop without me.

  “Why don’t you get rid of this gas guzzler?” Bradley asked after stuffing his small suitcase in the backseat.

  Why hadn’t I gotten rid of it? It wasn’t because recently I’d been broke. Dad’s money hadn’t been put on ice until recently. The reason was partly because after I’d trashed my BMW, Mom wouldn’t get me another car.

  “It was my dad’s. He used to drive us to family vacations, little league games, and fishing and camping trips. It’s like the only thing I have of his that doesn’t have bad memories.”

  I saw Bradley’s shock. I hadn’t often been candid about my past unless it involved Jess. And with the little time I had left, I wanted to be truly honest especially with someone who was a real friend.

  “Yeah, I get it.”

  “Coop, don’t go all soft on me. You asked.”

  I pulled out into traffic and felt his burning stare on me. Finally, he spoke.

  “You’ve been avoiding my calls and we both know why. I almost didn’t expect you to pick me up today.”

  “Sorry about that,” I muttered.

  “So tell me about what’s going on. Jess is freaked, and she said you went to Maryland, which is why I texted you before my flight.”

  So I told him most of it as we drove to my flat. I told him more than I’d even told Jess but less than what I’d told my lawyer. I filled him in on my visit with Mr. Miller and gave him all the glorious details of my interactions with Clarissa and everything about Kyle. I told him my grandfather’s words and felt unburdened.

  “Jesus man. That Clarissa is cray cray.”

  “Which is why you should probably stay with Jess and not me. Things have been quiet but who knows when the crazy might strike.”

  Bradley shoved at his hair again. I almost asked why he didn’t cut it if it bothered him so much but kept quiet.

  “You can’t live in a prison of your own making forever.” He was right about that. “You’ve got security on Jess and the Shelbys’, you’re doing what you can. But tonight is my birthday, and I must insist that we party.”

  “I tell you I have a psycho who has it in for me and you want to party?” I asked exasperatedly.

  He nodded. I drove on, and he hit the music. When we entered the flat, Bradley’s eyes went wide.

  “Shit man, this is awesome. If I had a place like this back in Cali…”

  I passed him and headed to the couch where I planted myself hoping he’d change his mind about going out that night.

  “Toss your bag anywhere. But we aren’t sharing the bed. That’s the reason I brought you here and not the dorm.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” He was still taking everything in as his eyes swept around then up through the large frosted cover skylight for long moments.

  He finally sat and stared at me. “How does it feel to be back as one of the very rich and famous?”

  “Lonely and overwhelming.”

  Bradley pushed at his hair only for it to flop back in his face. “I don’t know man. With that kind of money, you can always find friends.”

  He winked, giving me a hint to his double meaning. But hadn’t Dad warned me about girls and my wealthy status? I thought about Carly and her willingness to do almost anything for fame. Clarissa had done whatever she thought was necessary for money. I considered giving it all away. Maybe Aunt Margaret was right. Then again, I could also give it all to Mom. I wondered briefly if she’d love me then.

  “How’s Madison?” I diverted.

  He pursed his lips. “Madison? She’s a butterfly.”

  “Butterfly?” A memory flash of meeting Jess for the first time and taking her to the butterfly exhibit crept into my brain. Jess was my butterfly. Our love was short and fleeting before she flew out of my hands.

  Bradley had a different version. “Yeah, you know, beautiful to look at but hard to catch.”

  He sighed heavily, and I felt bad for him.

  “Have you given up?” I dared to ask.

  “Why do you think I’m here and not there?”

  I shrugged. He wrapped an arm over my shoulder and indicated with his other the vast space we were in.

  “You are clueless my friend.” He shook his head. “I needed my true friends to celebrate properly.”

  He let go and walked towards the back. He turned around with a mischievous smirk. “You know I considered taking you to a gay bar tonight. But after all of this shit you told me, you need a different distraction.”

  “Gay Bar?” I raised a brow. “You’ve decided on a team to play on?”

  He shook his head. “No, but maybe Madison’s right. Maybe I need to explore whether or not a guy will float my boat.”

  “I think it's crap,” I began, angry all over again at Madison. “You can date guys or girls, no judgment from me. But don’t do it because of her. Do it because you want to.”

  His expression turned pensive, so I changed the subject.

  “Hungry?”


  We had several hours before heading to a club made sense. So I ordered pizza, and we watched a few episodes of the Real World Challenge.

  Later after Bradley got out of the shower, a knock came at my door. Since I wasn’t expecting anyone and the pizza had been delivered and devoured long ago, I wished for a gun for the first time in my life.

  I moved to the door, but without a peephole, I was forced to open it blind.

  When I did, Jessand her roommate stood on the other side. I turned a frosty glare in Bradley’s direction as he weakly said with a shrug, “Happy Birthday to me.”

  forty-five

  The anger in me drained away. There was a moment of realization of just how starved I was for her as I stood dumbstruck in the open doorway. Spot lit, her radiant smile accented hair that was fine like spun gold. A perfect pink mouth curved shyly just like the first time we met, captured my attention as she stood in front of me.

  “What?” she asked nervously.

  I blinked several times as I tried to swallow the cotton ball that formed on my tongue. I glanced over her head before returning my eyes to her. My roommate, Bear, must have hijacked my body as the cheesiest words spilled from my mouthed. “Where’s the rainbow?” I murmured still thunderstruck.

  “What?” Halfway confused, she still sprouted a larger smile.

  “They say there is a treasure at the end of a rainbow.” Unable to help myself, I took several strands of her hair in my hand as she watched me with a wistful eye. Even though it may have been corny, I added, “Hair like gold, a smile that would melt any heart, you must have the end of a rainbow attached to your back.”

  Her eyes went dreamy just before she stood on her toes and cupped my face. I leaned in wanting to meet her lips not caring that I should let her go. I wanted one more moment with her. One more touch, one more kiss, one more night. I could be mad at Bradley later for asking her over.

  “Such the charmer.” The cynical voice of her roommate rang out, and Jess fell back to flats of her feet taking away the promise of her lips on mine.

  Bradley stepped forward grabbing her attention. She didn’t walk away, but she shifted to face him.

  “What, I come all the way from California and you only have eyes for him?”

  The tilt of her neck, as she turned quickly to look at me, had a groan caught in between my tonsils. I wanted to kiss her there, everywhere. Her smile cranked up before she gave her best friend from diapers her full attention. I watched as she leaped into his arms, and he spun her around.

  “He’s kind of hot.”

  I jerked my head to the side forgetting the other person there. My focus didn’t linger as it was transported back to the only person who mattered in my life.

  “You look at her like she means the world you to.”

  “She does.” I kept my laser focus on Jess as I spoke to her roommate.

  “She’s a really good person. The kind of good that’s rare. The kind that gets you to drive her over to see a guy that doesn’t deserve her.”

  Annoyance infected my mood. It wasn’t what she said. It was that it was true.

  “Maybe you should take her back to your dorm.”

  “Why would she do that?” Jess fumed.

  My head snapped around to see that the softness of Jess’s expression had turned to granite.

  “You’d be better off if you walked away right now,” I admitted.

  She held her hands up and I knew I’d hit a pressure point.

  “I’m spending the evening celebrating my best friend’s birthday with or without you,” she dared.

  “That’s my cue.” Her roommate said with a mischievous grin.

  She stalked over to Bradley and drew him down to plant a kiss on his mouth. I thought I remembered Jess telling me the girl had a boyfriend.

  “God you’re cute,” her roommate crooned to him. “And Happy Birthday.”

  She stepped backwards still sporting a smile that could be seen by satellites. She tapped Jess on the shoulder and gave me a salute before she left. We were left dazed and stood silent for a few moments.

  “Are we going or what?” Jess asked.

  Outnumbered, I headed for the bathroom and grabbed Bradley along the way to drag him in with me.

  “What were you thinking inviting her?”

  “Dude, they have medication for that,” he said straight-faced. I narrowed my eyes. “Like seconds ago you were spouting some modern day Shakespeare shit women eat up because you were so damn happy she was here. Now, you pull me in the bathroom pissed for the very same reason. Classic bipolar behavior. With your kind of money, I’m sure you could get a prescription tonight.”

  Angry, I shoved him but not too hard. He only took a couple of steps back before catching the edge of the counter to steady himself.

  “Fuck man,” he said with a chuckle.

  “It’s already dangerous enough we’re going to some club. And you want to bring Jess in that situation.”

  He met my eyes with a conviction I believed. “You said yourself there is security watching over her. Not only is she safe with us, we’re safer with her.”

  He had a point. The drive was awkward, but only for me. Bradley and Jess talked a mile a minute about everything under the moon. By the time we made it inside the club, I wasn’t only annoyed, but I felt like a third wheel. After about a thirty-minute wait outside in the line, I was immediately assaulted by strobe lights and deafened by bass. My mood was about as grim as a grizzly woken up in the middle of winter.

  Jess bounced to the rhythm of the music and Bradley had the grin of a cat that had cornered its prey. He took her hand and found a spot for them to dance while I grabbed a stretch of vacant wall to hug with my back. I felt off balance. Bradley was quite possibly right. When Jess showed up at my door, I was ready to chuck it as fate.

  Angry over life and the unfairness of it all grew like a summer storm, swift and without mercy. I tried to squash it because my destiny was already in motion. Bradley and Jess, however, had their lives to live. I allowed the music to calm me as a group of girls gathered in the tight space in front of me. One of them turned and gave me a sloppy smile. She leaned over and whispered, “Don’t be a sourpuss,” in my ear. Her pouty mouth and large eyes would appeal to most guys, but not to me.

  Quickly, she turned back to her friends as they corralled and danced in a circle with raised hands and drunken expressions. At some point, the sourpuss girl continued to press closer and closer to me. I didn’t know if it was circumstance by the crowd surge or if she had purposefully rubbed up against me.

  I let myself search for Jess, and when I saw her tilt her head back and laugh, I felt the first stirring in my pants. When a guy came behind her and began to rub up against her ass, fury became my middle name.

  The girl in front of me was bent at the waist doing a dance I thought was known as twerking. I took her hips in my grip giving her friends something to shout approval about. Only, I had other plans. I brought the girl up to stand on her own and moved around her to bum rush my way the short distance between me and my girl.

  Jess head was slightly bent, and she didn’t see me coming. The bar area was three feet away, and I distantly thought about tossing the guy into it. Memories of the past had me calming myself. I reached and threaded my fingers through Jess’s hand, which was lifted high in the air. She glanced up, and I stared into her lovely eyes hoping she could see all the words I couldn’t say.

  I waited a beat for her to decide to come to me before I would make the decision for her. I saw when the moment happened and couldn’t keep the smug look off my face as I glanced at the dude that was left hanging when Jess stepped to me.

  Tongue in cheek, the guy nodded gracefully and walked off. I lifted Jess in my arms. In a move I didn’t expect, she wrapped her legs around my waist before pressing her mouth to mine. I stalked back to the piece of real estate I’d left vacant and braced her against the wall. I kissed her like I was a hot air balloon, and she was the only fuel a
vailable. I felt light and free for the first time in such a long while. For that moment, nothing stood in our way.

  She pulled back giggling. “I thought you’d never come get me.”

  “I would have been the biggest fool if I hadn’t.”

  No more wasting time. No more worries about who was trying to hurt me. I wanted this. I wanted her and she was willing to let me have it. I could say we danced. And since we moved to the beat, that’s what you could call it. But if our clothes hadn’t been on, it would have been called something else entirely.

  It took a drink pressed to our faces to bring us up for air.

  “It is my birthday,” Bradley pouted.

  Jess’s lips were plump and swollen. I took a sort of male pride knowing I’d done it and that she belonged to me.

  “Happy Birthday, Bradley baby,” Jess crooned.

  She took the drink then sipped before offering it to me. I drank deep and let her go for a second. I leaned over to Bradley who leaned back in the opposite direction.

  “Bro, you’re pretty,” he yelled over the thumping music. “But I’m not into you.” I frowned, and he laughed. “Just kidding.”

  “Happy Birthday, asshole!”

  He beamed and the night turned endless after that. We danced, Jess and I kissed more, and I had the most fun I’d had in a while. It was almost as good as the summer that had just passed.

  When it was over, we found ourselves laughing and talking in my bed with Jess sandwiched between us. At some point, we’d fallen asleep, and it didn’t matter that I didn’t have alone time with Jess. For that night, it felt like we had forever before us. Spending time with our best friend and making his birthday the best he ever had was one of the most unselfish things I’d ever done.

  It wasn’t the shaft of light that blazed through the windows above that woke me. It was the sound of retching in the bathroom that had me sitting up in bed like I’d risen from the dead. I scrambled to the bathroom with Bradley fast on my heels to find Jess curled over the toilet in a position that might have made me jealous if it was anything else. As she coughed up everything that could possible come from her stomach, she looked at us both with bloodshot eyes. We hadn’t had anything to drink of the alcohol variety from that I remembered.