Doubletalk (The Busy Bean)

by Teralyn Mitchell

I snatched my hand out of his grasp, bent to pick up my purse, and hurried to the front door. I felt him behind me, but I couldn’t face him right now.

  Once I was outside, I jogged to my car without a backwards glance at the only man I’d ever loved. That was something to realize as this all fell apart. Those cracks in my heart widened before shattering as I drove away. I didn’t know if it’d ever recover from this.

  30

  Zeke

  I watched as her taillights disappeared down the road, a heavy feeling in my heart. I stepped back inside the house and closed the door behind me. I sat down heavily on the couch. I felt like I’d lost everything, and the clear pain and betrayal in Mallory’s dark eyes were seared into my brain for the rest of my life. I couldn’t believe I’d fucked this all up.

  I was going to tell her when I got back from running those errands. I was going to tell her everything and explain it so that she understood why I’d done it. Fuck. I couldn’t believe this was how she found out. Why the hell didn’t I tell her sooner?

  Now the fact that she had to find out on her own would make it that much harder for me to explain it all to her. Ever since we were thirteen, I’d been doing everything wrong when it came to Mallory. Every time I had a choice when it came to her, I always seemed to make the one that ended up hurting her. I should have come clean from the moment I decided I wanted to pursue Mallory in our real lives. I shouldn’t have used Coby the way I did.

  I sat back, letting my head rest on the back of the couch. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat, and the unfamiliar prickling at the corners of my eyes told me that I was close to breaking down even more. I had her. I’d been in love with Mallory since I was fifteen, and I finally got her to give me a chance. And instead of manning up, I kept lying to her and stalling when I knew what it’d be like if Mallory found out on her own. I tapped my forehead with my closed fist, shutting my eyes.

  I thought I knew what it felt like to be on the verge of losing it all. What it felt like to have to deal with the possibility of losing everything you’d worked so hard for, but it had nothing on this. Losing Mallory would be the worst thing to happen to me. Not having her in my life would make getting back into the league pointless. I needed her by my side. I needed to be able to come home to her and talk basketball with her. There was no way I could get over losing Mallory again. The first time almost killed me. I had to figure out how to get her to forgive me and win her back.

  31

  Mallory

  “Hey, babe. What’s up with the depressing music?”

  I could hear the smile in Stacey’s voice, but it was gone when I turned to face her. Stacey set her bag on the floor by my door and stepped farther into my room, sitting on the edge of my bed. I sat up so I was propped on my pillows and could see her better.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  I already knew when everything went down that I was going to have to tell Stacey what happened. It would be the only time I would recount everything. I told her about finding out that Zeke was actually Coby and the showdown when I found out. But I also told her about how guilty and low down I’d felt these last few weeks as Zeke and I got closer, but I was still talking to Coby.

  “I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me, Stace,” I said, my voice thick with tears. “I can’t say how I would have reacted, but it couldn’t have been as bad as this. He used his role as Coby to manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted.”

  Her dark brows furrowed. “How do you mean?”

  “Do you remember when I was hiding out in Burlington trying to figure out things with Zeke?” She nodded. “Well, Coby messaged me the night before I came back. He advised me to talk to Zeke about what I was feeling. So, Coby is Zeke. He used that to get what he wanted.”

  “I don’t think it was like you’re saying. He was just trying to get you to talk to him, Ror.”

  “Stace,” I snapped. “Please figure out whose side you’re on.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m always on your side, babe. But don’t snap at me because I’m trying to be reasonable. Losing the one you thought you could have a future with is hard. I don’t want you to go through what I’m going through if it’s not necessary.”

  My irritation faded, and I hugged her. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m hurt and sad and pissed. I gave him another chance, Stace. I decided to forgive him, but he’s still the jackass he was when we were in high school. I thought he’d matured finally, and we could make this shit work.”

  “Okay, I hear you, but that was high school. People sometimes grow and mature in ten years,” Stacey stated. “You’ve definitely matured with time.”

  “Did I need to mature, though?” I joked weakly.

  She laughed a little. “Definitely. Your falling out with Adam was one. And I know you remember what happened with Carina during our sophomore year of college.”

  I flinched. I’d fucked that whole situation up.

  “So, you do remember how you threw her under the bus to make yourself look better for the sorority the two of you were trying to join? I still have no clue why you got it in your head to do that. You were young and made a mistake. Would you want someone to still be holding that over your head? Judging your present actions by something you did as a teenager? She forgave you, and you two talk and even get together when she’s in town.”

  Sophomore year had seemed to be my year to try new things. That year of college I decided to join a sorority, and our suitemate, Carina, decided to join too. That made Carina and me closer than we had been when Stacey and I moved in. We had a lot of fun pledging together. One day, I was hanging out with some of the girls in the sorority when they said something about Carina. They were ragging on how she liked to wear fandom shirts and ugly baggy jeans when we weren’t at the sorority house. They asked me how it was to live with her. And I was making fun of the kinds of music she listened to when I turned to see her standing behind me. Instead of going after her right away when she hurried off, I stayed with the others until they had to go do something. When I got back to our suite—which had two rooms with double beds in them, with a communal area in the middle—her roommate told me she’d left school.

  I’d felt like shit for what I’d done. Stacey convinced me to reach out to her. I found out she’d gotten a call from her mother, telling her that her father had had a heart attack. She hadn’t heard anything I’d said and ran off because she needed to pack and get home. I’d still apologized and learned my lesson not to do something like that again. She forgave me completely, and as Stacey said, we still talked. Stacey and I traveled to Pennsylvania when her father passed away a couple of years ago.

  “I understand that you have this complicated history with Zeke where he’s done some shitty things to you. He’s let you down so many times. From what you’ve told me about your relationship growing up, he should have had your back and never should have thrown your friendship away like he did. But I’ve seen him with you since you two started dating, and it’s clear he genuinely cares for you, Ror. I don’t know why he did what he did. And you won’t either if you don’t give him a chance to explain himself. I’m not saying you need to forgive him or even talk to him right now, but I want you to stop living in the past.

  “I want you to stop treating every infraction like it’s a be-all and end-all. You’re not that geeky, shy girl anymore, and this isn’t high school. Life is messy, and people make mistakes. If you don’t hear them out, then you’ll always end up losing someone. Love is a risk worth taking, Mallory. And I’m saying that while I’m still nursing a broken heart. You can’t shut yourself from it because things haven’t turned out the way you want them to. Or because it gets a little hard.”

  I knew what she was saying was true, but I’d been hurt a lot in my life because I gave second chances. This being a prime example of that was an argument I could make, but I didn’t. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I needed time to think about it. More time, that was.

  “I
hear you, Stace,” I finally said.

  She patted my leg and stood up. She told me she was going to change and put her bag in her room. I slumped back onto my pillows, feeling drained. Stacey came back to my room with a carton of ice cream and two spoons. She climbed into bed with me, forcing me to scoot over. While I opened the ice cream, she turned on my TV and found something for us to watch.

  “Isn’t there a game on tonight? I saw that the Wildlings were playing,” Stacey said.

  “Yeah, but the game doesn’t count for anything, so I doubt they’ll be playing the stars.”

  She scoffed. “Since when has that stopped you from watching your favorite Canadian team? Let’s watch and see if any of the young players learned anything this season.”

  I smiled, my first real one since I left Zeke’s place Friday night. Stacey found the game which had just tipped off, and we settled in to watch. In a matter of minutes, we were both sucked into the action and doing our best to commentate the game to each other. I’d been wrong and some of the stars were still playing, making it entertaining. My mind was off Zeke and the whole Coby fiasco, if only for a little while. It was a welcome reprieve since it was the only thing I’d thought about the last couple of days.

  Stacey took the ice cream from me, and I lunged for it, trying to get it back. Her parents failed in teaching her how to share when she was a kid. But she knew what I needed and that was why she was my best friend.

  I scrolled through the messages between me and Coby—I mean, Zeke—for what felt like the hundredth time in the three days since everything went down. I’d been torturing myself to see if there had been any clues. I felt like I should have figured it out. I closed out the app when I heard the front door open. It was a few seconds before Adam came into view.

  “Thank you for staying with the boys,” he said. “They weren’t too much trouble, were they?”

  “Of course not. We had lunch and then watched some cartoons before they conked out, and I put them in their room.”

  He sat in one of the chairs across from me and studied me. Adam had called yesterday to ask if I could watch his two youngest sons, who were three and two, while he took the older kids to their doctor’s appointment. Piper had to visit her mom in hospice today, which she did every week, and it was a couple of hours away. Their normal babysitter canceled last minute. It normally wouldn’t be a problem since Adam could work from home, but the doctor’s appointment changed things a bit. Piper and Adam decided it'd be easier to not have two toddlers tagging along. They used the same logic for Piper’s visit to see her mom. I’d been happy to help since wallowing in my bed was getting a little old.

  “What’s going on with you?”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Something’s off. You’re usually more upbeat or talkative, or at the very least witty and sarcastic. Your shine seems a little dim today.”

  I let out a long sigh. “Zeke and I broke up. He was lying to me for months and doing something underhanded. I can’t deal with him right now. Not until I figure out how I feel about all of this.”

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Ror. I had my reservations about you dating him because of your history with him, but it wasn’t my place to say anything.”

  “I guess I should have known it was too good to last. He ended up hurting me like he did when we were kids, and like you and Dad did, but I forgave you two.”

  Adam’s demeanor changed and he pursed his lips. “What exactly did you need to forgive me for, Rory?”

  I pushed down the immediate irritation that flared at that question. “I told you something, and instead of taking a moment to realize I wouldn’t lie, you cut me out of your life. And in the end, I was right. So, I forgave you for doing that.”

  “You forgave me?” he said, nodding. “So, you actually think I did something wrong that caused our falling out?”

  His condescending questions made me want to scream. This passive-aggressive bullshit wasn’t something I wanted to deal with right now. My emotions were still raw from finding out about Zeke.

  “Yes, I do, Adam. You didn’t have to do what you did. You could have talked to me. And then after it all came out, you still stayed away. You let years go by after you divorced your ex and found out AD wasn’t your kid like I told you.”

  “You keep saying you were right in the end, so that justifies you sticking your nose in my relationship, I guess,” Adam stated. “But you fail to understand that it’s irrelevant. You were wrong, Rory. I’m not the one who did anything. You gave me no choice but to cut you out of my life. You flat-out told me that you didn’t like my wife and you didn’t think she was the right woman for me. But you didn’t stop there. You also told me you didn’t think AD was my biological son. I didn’t hurt you on purpose, but how was I supposed to choose you over my family?”

  “I’m your family too.”

  “So, was I supposed to choose you over them?” he asked again. I didn’t respond. “I’m sorry we missed out on so much time. I’m sorry my keeping you out of my life meant you didn’t get to know my children. But I wasn’t the only one in the wrong, Ror. I stood up for my family. I was in love and had a newborn baby. I could have handled it better, I’ll give you that, but it pisses me off a little that you can’t even own up to your part in what happened.”

  “Daddy!” Harlan called from down the hall.

  Adam stood, leaving me alone in the living room while he went to check on his son. It gave me a moment to digest everything he’d said. Adam and I never talked about this. We just decided to put the past behind us and make up. But I didn’t know if there was any actual forgiveness when that happened. Now I decided to set my emotions aside and tried to see it from my cousin’s point of view. I had been young when that happened, and I’d always been somewhat stubborn. I also dug in when I thought I was right, and I didn’t like to go back on my stance, either.

  I guess I was immature back then and didn’t realize what marriage and relationships meant. I thought I was right at the time, and looking out for my cousin, but from his point of view, I was causing unnecessary problems. He wasn’t going to make Judith uncomfortable in her own home with me coming around. I glanced at Adam when he walked back into the living room.

  “They decided to stay in their room to watch TV,” he told me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said in response. “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but you’re right. It wasn’t my place to tell you to leave your wife and that I didn’t like her. You didn’t ask for my opinion, but I gave it anyway. I’m sorry that my presumptuous attitude hurt you and we lost so many years.”

  Adam nodded. “I know you were young, and so was I for that matter. We both messed up, and it’s in the past now.”

  “You’re right. It’s the past and we’re moving on from that shit,” I said, and he laughed.

  “Are you hungry? Because I’m starving. I’m thinking sandwiches and chips.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  My cousin left me alone again, this time heading towards the kitchen. I guess I should apply my words to my current situation with Zeke. In a way, his betrayal stung more because of our past. What he’d done now was being lumped with what happened back then. I’d told Stacey that I’d forgiven him for what happened when we were teens. But had I if the moment something came up, I brought that back up and used it as an example of why he sucked, and I shouldn’t have ever trusted him? I could be angry about what happened between us and him lying the way he had, but it shouldn’t have anything to do with what happened years ago.

  32

  Zeke

  Three days. That was how long it had been since I’d seen, heard from, or spoken to Mallory. I’d tried every conceivable way I could think of to reach her. She wasn’t active on the dating app anymore. She didn’t respond to my texts or phone calls. It looked like she’d turned off her read receipt since I couldn’t tell if she’d read the messages or not. Contacting her through social media hadn�
�t worked, either. I even tried catching her working at the Busy Bean, but Carlie said she hadn’t been in since last Friday.

  I grabbed my keys. I wasn’t giving up on her or what we had. If I had to beg for the rest of my life to get her to forgive me, I would. Once I was in my truck I headed for the Busy Bean. It was just my first stop. I was determined to get Mallory to talk to me today. It only took a cursory look to see that Mallory wasn’t at the Bean, so I climbed back into my truck and headed for her place. There was a car parked in the driveway, but it was Stacey’s SUV. I still climbed out. I had to make sure she really wasn’t home. I walked up to the front door, and as I was about to knock, it flew open.

  “Zeke,” Stacey said. “What are you doing here? No, scratch that. I know why you’re here, but Ror isn’t.”

  The little hope I’d had as I drove over to their place vanished with those words.

  “I just stopped to pick up something I left, so I don’t have a lot of time, but we need to talk,” Stacey continued.

  “If you think so.”

  “I do, so let’s meet when I’m done at the office.”

  We made plans to meet at the Speakeasy Tap Room—a gastropub right here in Colebury.

  “Hey, son,” Dad said when I opened the front door.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  I let him in, and we walked back to the living room, each sitting on one end of the couch. I stared at the TV which was on one of the sports talk shows. They were discussing football—even though it was off-season for them—and I was tuning them out.

  “I went by the gym today to see how you were progressing. Cedric was there and he hasn’t seen you since last Friday,” Dad finally said.

  “I’m taking a break.”

  “Any specific reason why?” he pushed.