Xavier

by Catherine Lievens

  “He... ?” Oh, the look of confusion on Lea’s face. It would have been funny in other circumstances.

  “Yes, he told us he was happy for us, and that’s it. I can’t believe a friend is more supportive than my own family.” Andy shook his head. He should have known, though. His only hope was that Greta and Samuel would be happy for him. His other two siblings had never had problems with him liking boys more than girls.

  “Dad won’t be so nice about it, you know that.”

  “I do, and I don’t care. He never accepted me entirely, and I’m not expecting him to accept Xavier. It just means he won’t get to know my mate and see me happy.

  “This will isolate you.” Lea wasn’t as bitchy as before, and now Andy could see the kid sister who’d looked up to him when they were kids. She was only five years younger than his own sixty-three years, and they had been close once. He knew she cared about him, really, but he could also see that their father’s views on life had rooted inside her. It saddened him.

  “Not as much as you think, kid. My friends all accept who I am, and those who don’t... it’s not like I actually care about them or about what they think.”

  Lea sighed. “Fine. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you, Andy.”

  Without saying anything else, she walked out. Andy waited until he heard her car leave before going back to the kitchen, where he found Xavier sitting at the table examining his nails with way too much interest. “You heard, huh?”

  Xavier looked up, a faint blush on his face. “It was hard not too, especially a few minutes ago. I—”

  “Stop. I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want to hear it.” God, he was way too harsh with his sweet mate, but Andy didn’t want anyone else telling him how he could do much better.

  He hadn’t expected the fierce light in his mate’s eyes, however. Sure, he had known Xavier for only a day, but the man seemed sweet and soft, not fierce.

  “I don’t give a shit about what you want to hear and what you don’t. I’ll say what’s on my mind anyway.” Xavier crossed his arms on his chest and glared at him from his five foot seven frame.

  Andy had to clamp his lips together to prevent the laugh that bubbled inside from escaping him, but when Xavier started to pace the kitchen floor, his hands waving wildly around him as he talked, it was a moan he had to suppress. Damn, Xavier was hot all indignant and angry!

  “I don’t want to put myself between you and your family. I don’t want you to push them away for my sake, or what you think is my sake, because I have no intentions of mating with you. I think I already told you that, but I don’t want someone who wants me only because he has to. You really could have so much better, and even if you can’t see it, I can, and I’m going to make sure you have what you deserve.” With that Xavier huffed and stomped out of the room, not even giving Andy the time to answer. He might have been too stunned at his mate’s little explosion to answer him anyway.

  “He’s a handful, huh?”

  Andy literally jumped, his hand flying to his chest as he turned to face Nick. “Fuck, what is it with people walking in the house without even knocking?”

  “I did knock, but no one answered, so I just came in. I heard your little man yelling at you and I was curious.”

  “Yeah, I bet.” Andy sat heavily on the chair Xavier had been sitting in. “Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I saw you checking Xavier out, and—”

  Nick tsked. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not blind, so yeah, I did check him out,” he said with a grin. “But as soon as you turned on me I realized what Xavier was to you, so I’m not angry.”

  “Nice. I think you’re the only one not angry with me right now.”

  Nick grabbed a beer in the fridge and checked the sauce that was softly bubbling on the stove before sitting in front of Andy. “What’s wrong? I heard he doesn’t want you to claim him?”

  “Yeah, he’s convinced he’s not good enough, and Lea didn’t help. She left about ten minutes ago after telling me exactly what she thought about me mating Xavier.”

  Nick winced. “Still, I don’t get it. What’s wrong with him that he thinks you shouldn’t mate him?”

  “Hell if I know.” Well, Xavier had told him, but he didn’t actually understand. “He says he’s too fat, not smart enough, and that I’m attracted to him only because of the mating pull.”

  Nick tilted his beer and drank about half the bottle. “That’s bullshit. Xavier is adorable.”

  Andy growled and made sure to show Nick his teeth. “I still have to convince him about that, though, and I’m not sure about how I should do it.”

  Nick shook his head in mock disdain. “I swear I don’t know how you managed to have all those boyfriends over the years, man. You have to woo him, to romance him. Make him feel as if he’s the only one for you, the center of your universe.”

  Andy frowned. “But he already is that.”

  Nick pointed his beer at Andy. “You know this, I know this, but he doesn’t. It’s not only his self-esteem problems you have to deal with, it’s also the fact that he doesn’t know exactly what mates are, even if they explained it to him. He can’t know how we feel, and that’s what you have to get through to him.”

  Andy had to think about it. He wasn’t extremely romantic, and while he had had several boyfriends over the years, it had been more casual relationships than anything serious. This was going to be a piece of cake, really.

  * * * *

  Xavier was beginning to cave in, and he wasn’t sure he could afford it. He didn’t even know Andy, for goodness sake! How could he even think about what their life together could be, how it would feel to wake up next to him in the morning, or even better, how the man would feel inside him?

  Besides, he'd probably ruined any chances he had with the man with his little speech just now. It was probably for the best. He really didn’t want to come between Andy and his family. He wasn’t worth it.

  Xavier huffed as he looked at the trees around him. He’d literally run out of Andy’s house and sought refuge in nature. The trees, the simple sounds of squirrels running around, had helped him calm down. He had been so angry when he had heard Lea talk like that to Andy. It wasn’t what she had said about him, but how she had treated Andy, really.

  Xavier might not have been much, but his parents loved him dearly, and they never had any problems with him being gay. Shit, Lea had even threatened Andy to rat him out to Kameron, as if they were five-year-old kids fighting over a ball!

  Still... if that’s what Andy’s family thought about their relationship, how could he accept it in good conscience?

  “You’re thinking awfully hard there, man.”

  Xavier twirled around, relieved to see it was the man from before, the one he’d met into Kameron’s back yard. That might not mean he was harmless, especially since he had obviously been spying on Kameron, but Xavier oddly trusted him. “Yeah. All this shifter stuff... it’s hard to wrap my head around it, especially if I add Andy’s family to it.”

  The guy snorted. “Don’t mind Lea. She’s always been uptight like that. Unfortunately, she takes a lot from their father, his opinions on certain things included. Andy’s lucky the rest of his family isn’t like that.”

  “The rest of his family?” Okay, so it was obvious Xavier didn’t know a lot about the man who was supposed to be his mate, but they had known each other for only a day, so it was normal. Right?

  “Yeah. His mother is sweet, and he also has another sister and a brother. Twins. He’s the oldest.”

  Xavier nodded, then realized he still didn’t know the guy’s name. “I’m Xavier.”

  “Zach.”

  “Okay. So, what are you doing here?”

  Zach nervously looked around as if he was expecting someone to jump from behind a tree. “I shouldn’t be here, really, but I wanted to thank you for not telling anyone you saw me out there.”

  Xavier shrugged. “I don’t know w
hat’s going on, and I didn’t want to intrude. I don’t think you’re a danger for Kameron, anyway, or at least I hope not. My instincts aren’t known to be spot on most of the time.”

  The sadness in Zach’s eyes was so deep it was almost painful to watch. “You’re wrong. I am a danger for him, although I’m not the one who would hurt him.”

  Xavier could tell there was a story there, but he didn’t know Zach well enough to pry. Maybe he could ask Andy if he knew who Zach was. “I, well, I know you don’t know me, but if you need anything... ”

  Zach smiled a bit. “You seem like a good man, so I’m going to give you a bit of advice based on personal experience. I heard what you were saying to Andy before.”

  Xavier blushed. “Yeah, well, I kind of yelled at him, so it wasn’t hard to hear it.”

  Zach gave him another smile, this one a little bigger and less sad. “And remember that shifters have a better hearing than humans, so it really was as if I’d been standing next to the two of you. Anyway, I know Andy is your mate, and I know that for some weird reason you’re refusing to even give him a chance at mating.” Zach took a deep breath and his hand rose to his chest almost absentmindedly, clutching his shirt right over his heart, as if the organ was giving him trouble or pain.

  “The bond you seem so bent on running away from is the kind of relationship that most people would give an arm or a leg for. Yeah, it might be induced by the mating pull, but less than you think, and even if it is, I don’t see how it changes things. People wait their entire life to find that special someone who makes them feel that kind of passion for them and feel the same way in return, and some never find it. You have it. It’s right in front of you, and you’re running away because you’re scared of what ifs.” A soft sob escaped Zach as he bent over a little, as if he was trying to shield his heart from being hurt.

  Xavier held his breath. He could tell talking about this was very painful for Zach, but he was doing it anyway, and it made him feel like a jerk for not even giving Andy a chance, because it was obvious Zach had felt these feelings but had lost them, for whatever reason.

  “You and Andy are compatible. Out of everyone in the whole world, he’s the person that will make you happiest, and you him. He’s the perfect man for you. Don’t push away happiness because you think you’re not enough, or that Andy’s family won’t accept you. So what if they don’t? Sure, it might hurt Andy, but he’ll still have you, and you leaving him would be infinitely more painful for him. You have to remember that not only are you the perfect man for him, but that you complete his wolf too, and his wolf is a big part of what and who he is.”

  Zach stayed silent after that, his body rigid and his hand still clutched on his shirt, his knuckles turning white. Xavier wanted to do something, anything, to help the man. His pain was tugging on Xavier’s heart, and he wanted to help Zach just like Zach was helping him see what he was doing, but he didn’t know the man’s story. “You... do you want to come in?”

  Zach turned toward him and slowly released his shirt. He started backing away, and Xavier raised a hand as if he wanted to grab him. It was exactly what he wanted to do, but he could see Zach was putting distance between them. “Zach... what happened to you?”

  Zach stopped, tears starting to spill from his green eyes and breaking Xavier’s heart. “I had my mate. I had him, and he never even knew who I was to him. I would have stayed with him just like that, you know? I didn’t need to be with him, just to be close to him, but I have to stay away from him, because if I don’t, they’ll hurt them!” Zach’s breath hitched. Their eyes locked. “Don’t do this. You can still be happy.”

  With those last words Zach turned around and ran away, so fast Xavier lost him almost right away. He realized he had taken a step forward as if he wanted to run after Zach, and it was exactly what he wanted to do. He knew Zach didn’t want that, though, so he thought about the man’s words.

  Xavier walked back to the house and sat down on the porch steps. Zach had said he had found his mate but that his mate didn’t know who they were to each other. Since Xavier had first met Zach outside Kameron’s house, it was a good guess that Zach was Kameron’s mate. What he didn’t understand was how Kameron could not know it. He thought shifters found their mates on scent, so there must have been a problem for Kameron not to scent Zach.

  Then there was the fact that Zach had said someone would hurt them. Who he meant by them, Xavier didn’t know, but it probably included Kameron.

  Damn, this was hard. Xavier raked his hand through his hair, his fingers catching in the curls. He knew he should talk to Andy about this, because even though he wasn’t a shifter, he could tell something was happening, and it wasn’t something good. He remembered the utter desperation on Zach’s face when he had talked about Kameron, and his heart cried for the smaller man.

  He had to find a way to help Zach.

  * * * *

  Nick was still in Andy’s kitchen, and Xavier was still out there somewhere, when the call came.

  “Andy? It’s Kam. The raid is for two nights from today. You up for it?”

  “Sure. Nick is here, I’ll tell him.”

  “Come over at nine, and we’ll leave from here.”

  Andy hung up and looked at his best friend. “You up for some ass kicking?”

  Nick raised a brow at him. “What’s happening?”

  “See, while I was at Kameron’s, Jonah came. He told us he knew where Merle and Simon are, and it seems that Kameron has already organized everything. The raid is the day after tomorrow.”

  “I’ll be there. What about Elliott?”

  “Jonah already found him. He should bring him back later today.” Andy hesitated to say what was on his mind but then he remembered Kameron’s exhaustion that morning and the fact that Zach was still acting weird, so he just decided to be honest. “Nicky—”

  “Uh oh. When you call me that, it means you’re about to tell me something that’s either going to make me really angry or really worried.”

  Andy grinned. “Shut up. I was just thinking about something, and I don’t know how any of us haven’t thought about this.”

  “Spill the beans, Andy.”

  “Well, you know how no one wants to be Kam’s Beta because every time he chooses someone, one of Erskine’s jerks makes it so that that person somehow decides to decline?”

  “Sooo?”

  “Who do you know who wouldn’t decline, and who is honest and ethical enough to be Beta?” From the look on Nick’ face it was clear he had no clue. “Come on, Nicky! I’m talking about you!”

  Nick’ eyes widened. “Nuh uh. No way!”

  “Don’t be a baby! We all have to do whatever is needed to help the pack and Kam. You’ve seen him, he’s exhausted, and he has so many things to do that he can’t possibly stay in front of everything. He needs a Beta, but no one wants the job.”

  “What about you? “

  “Nuh uh.” Nick scowled at Andy, and Andy shot him a smirk. “I just found my mate and I need to woo him. Besides, you know people respect the hell out of you, while I’m just the pretty boy of the pack.” It might hurt, but it was true. Even now that Andy was tattooed and pierced, everyone still looked at him as the pretty boy with an empty head. He didn’t really care, since the people who mattered knew the truth, but still.

  Nick grunted and crossed his arms on his chest. “At least think about it,” Andy insisted, and was relieved when his friend nodded.

  Andy’s attention wavered when Xavier entered the kitchen, still in his apron, and walked straight to the stove without looking at him. He didn’t look angry, but rather thoughtful, and Andy wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe how long it would take him to pack up and run away?

  “Hi, cutie,” Nick rumbled, earning himself a scowl from Andy. Nick didn’t seem to care and just grinned back, while Xavier blushed and turned to face them.

  “Hello. You were there yesterday.”

  N
ick offered Xavier his hand. “I’m Nick, but you can call me Nicky,” Nick said, directing a smirk at Andy. “Andy told me you’re his mate.”

  Xavier blushed again and looked down at the floor after shaking Nick’s hand. “I’m Xavier, and yeah, it seems I’m Andy’s mate.” He peeked at Andy and gave him a warm smile before turning back to the pans on the stove.

  Andy gaped at Xavier. What the hell had happened to him in the last fifteen or so minutes to make him turn around like that? Not that Andy was complaining, but it still was disconcerting.

  “By the way, do you know a guy who’s a bit smaller than me, sandy blond hair to his ears, green eyes?”

  Andy exchanged a glance with Nick. “That sounds like Zach, why?”

  Xavier sighed and turned off the heat under the sauce before sitting at the table. “Yeah, he told me his name was Zach. I’ve seen him twice today, and he looks... haunted. I really don’t know how to describe it better.”

  Andy sat beside Xavier and took his hand. His eyes widened a bit, but he didn’t pull away. “What did he say?”

  Xavier bit his lower lip. “Okay, so he didn’t ask me to not tell anyone, and he didn’t tell me much anyway, but from what I gathered, I think he might be Kameron’s mate?”

  The sentence sounded like a question, but Andy could see that Xavier really believed this. “What makes you think that?”

  “He didn’t name anyone, but he told me his mate doesn’t recognize him as his mate and that he has to stay away from him if he doesn’t want them to hurt them. Don’t ask me who them is, because I have no idea, but the first time I met him we were in the woods near Kameron’s house, and he was looking at the house. He even asked me if I was his.”

  “Shit. If what you’re saying is true, and I think it is, this couldn’t have come at a worse moment. We have to go to Lewistown in a few days.”

  “You mean to that lab Jonah talked about?”

  “Yeah. We can’t not go, but I also want to help Zach. It sounds like he’s in big trouble.”