North Oak 3- Morning Glory

by Ann Hunter

  Why? Why were they so bad?

  Brooke leaned against the fence near the outside rail and locked her eyes onto the starting gate on the other side of the track. Morning Glory loaded without a fuss, even as one of the other horses balked and banged around in the stall beside hers.

  Finally all of the horses were loaded. A split second of silence rippled over the stands, then clang! The gates burst open and seven Thoroughbreds surged forth.

  Morning Glory settled perfectly into a stalking position right behind the leaders. She moved fluidly beneath her nearly motionless jockey. He sat chilly, waiting for the perfect moment to move. The leaders duked it out on the lead. Brooke barely registered the announcer’s voice in the background.

  As they rounded the turn, the leaders began to tire and Morning Glory’s jockey kneaded his hands against the filly’s neck, asking her to make her move. Brooke’s hands tightened on the rail. She sucked in a breath, teeth gritted. C’mon, girl.

  For a moment, it looked as if Morning Glory would throttle forward, but then another horse passed her. And another. Her jockey pulled out his whipped and popped her in the flank, begging her to run on by. But she was sinking.

  They thundered toward the finish line in a din of hooves, whips popping, and jockeys yelling.

  Brooke’s eyes opened wide as Morning Glory faded to last.

  The filly cantered by, still fluid, and not even seeming to be tired, despite her jockey working hard to get her to move.

  Brooke wasn’t sure if it was actually her grandfather talking, but a voice said, “Now you know.”

  She looked to see him standing next to her. His face was drawn and grim. “I got a call from home. There’s been an accident.”

  The words echoed in her ears, like it was all a bad dream. Her eyes drifted past Pop to see Dejado waving at her from the walking ring for the next race. The sunlight glinted off his blue and purple silks, but somehow it didn’t seem very sunny anymore.

  The words almost got stuck in Brooke’s throat as she opened her mouth. “When’s the next flight home?”

  CRASH

  Alex groaned when she woke the next morning, realizing what day it was. Shopping day. She just wanted to crash. She tried to reason with herself that it might not be so bad, but another side said that idea was a joke. People ran over you on Christmas. Swarms of them. Alex wasn’t really the type that liked people. At least not the kind you ran into at malls and stuff. The Showmans were okay.

  So how was she going to get presents for everyone and pretend she fit in? That was what was considered normal, right? Giving presents and fitting in.

  She wondered if she could do online shopping instead. But she didn’t have any money. Could she use the credit card on file? That was sure to go over spectacularly with Laura’s mom, Hillary. Surprise, Hills! I got you presents. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

  Hillary would understand, right? Peace on earth, good will to men and all that crap. Their relationship was okay. Alex could make it work.

  She burrowed under her pillow, ostrich style, and groaned again. None of it sounded appealing. She’d have to pick the lesser of evils.

  She flopped around in bed like a beached fish, kicking the covers off, then shivering. She grabbed the covers and pulled them over herself.

  “C’mon, Alex,” Laura called from downstairs. “Times a’wastin.”

  Alex jabbed her pillow, seriously wanting to hide beneath her blankets all day. From downstairs, a lingering smell of the breakfast she’d overslept on hung in the air.

  Pancakes. She inhaled, more to steady her dread of facing holiday crowds than anything else. And some kind of egg casserole. With cheese. And peppers.

  Her stomach growled. Maybe she and Laura could go to lunch. She pushed herself up from under her pillow and rolled over, rubbing her empty stomach and exhaling the breath she held. If this shopping thing was happening, she had to mentally psych herself up for it.

  Swinging her legs over the side of her bed, Alex told herself to think of it as bonding time with her new family, rather than focusing on the anxiety of the crowds. Psych up, not out.

  Goofy Laura would be there. Shopping wouldn’t be life ending. It would be building toward that being normal thing, that fitting in and belonging thing. Some semblance of normality, and a life, Alex wanted to believe, she deserved.

  She pulled on a pair of jeans and her favorite soft t-shirt, along with a pair of socks, and trundled down the stairs.

  “The social butterfly emerges,” Hillary said dryly as she sipped from her mug of coffee.

  Laura grinned. “Hey there Sleeping Beauty.” She already had her coat on, ready to go.

  Cade turned around from scrubbing dishes in the sink. “There’s some leftover breakfast casserole if you want it, Sport.”

  Alex grabbed her shoes by the front door and sat at the bottom of the steps to finish dressing. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  Laura rose from her seat, jingling the car keys free from her pocket. She kissed her mother on the head.

  “Drive safe,” Hillary cautioned. “You’ve got your Dad’s cell phone if there’s any problems, right?”

  “Yup,” Laura answered.

  Hillary looked over her shoulder. “Oh, and Alex?”

  Alex finished tying her laces. “Yeah?”

  Hillary produced a crisp fifty dollar bill. “This should be enough for a small gift for each of us.”

  Alex stood slowly and crossed to her. To any other fourteen-year-old it was probably no big deal, but to Alex…. She reached tentatively for the soft, green President Grant with the kind of carefulness that made it look like the money might bite her. She didn’t know if anyone had trusted her with something like this before. “You’re giving me money?”

  “Well you weren’t planning on shop lifting, were you?”

  Alex laughed nervously, thinking of her plan to use any credit card she could find filed on the family computer. It was a relief not to have to resort to that. She took the bill and stared at it, stretched between her hands, in disbelief. “Thank you.”

  Hillary nodded. “Go have fun.”

  Laura grabbed Alex’s elbow and yanked her toward the door. “Don’t worry. We’ll make lots of trouble,” she chirped. “Love you, bye!”

  Laura pulled Alex outside, and shut the door behind them so fast, that Alex almost didn’t have enough time to grab her coat. She stood on the front stoop in a daze, gripping the bill. It was humbling to be trusted with Hillary’s money. If Hillary saw her as worthy, then Alex must be. To be worthy of something like this struck a deeper chord in Alex. It gave her an unfamiliar urge to please Hillary, to somehow shop perfectly or something. She wanted to run back inside and tell Hillary her faith was not misplaced.

  “For a second, I wasn’t sure we were actually getting out of there,” Laura said.

  Alex pulled her coat on and zipped it up, unsure of whether her shivering was from the chill in the air, or the thrill of Hillary trusting her. “Did she give you money too?”

  Laura hopped down the steps of the porch and wiggled her eyebrows. “Endubiously.”

  Alex shoved her hands in her coat pockets and hunkered down in the warmth of it. “Is that even a word?”

  Laura headed for her mother’s blue sedan. “It is now.”

  Alex rolled her eyes, her breath streaming on the air in a thin white whirl. She opened the door of the car and got in. “I’m not even sure what to do with the money. I want to spend it right, though.”

  Laura buckled her belt and started the car. “Well, it’s about fifteen dollars each you can throw down on Mom, Dad, and I.”

  Alex buckled her own belt and turned on the heater. “But what about Carol? What about…”

  “Brooke?” Laura asked as she backed out of the parking lot.

  Alex picked at her fingers. Things had been rough between her and North Oak’s head trainer’s granddaughter for a while now. Brooke had taught her almost everything Alex knew about horses a
nd racing, but their relationship wasn’t always a smooth ride. Working with the horses made Alex fit in, she guessed, but keeping business separate from her unavoidable love for them was a lesson she was still learning. Any of the horses could be sold at any time. It was the one thing that made her feel like the good life she was falling into could end at any moment. Brooke could sometimes be the reminder of that tailspin dread, and they would end up butting heads over it.

  Laura and Alex rolled up to the front gates of the farm and waited for the heavy iron bars to swing open. There was a brief silence between them. Alex rubbed her palms against her knees, still feeling a little edgy over this shopping thing.

  “I bet if you ask Mom nicely, she’ll take you shopping.”

  Alex tipped her head against the headrest. “You mean I have to do this again?”

  Laura giggled. “Tis the season, sis.”

  The half hour drive to Murray was riddled with Laura loudly singing every Christmas carol on the radio, and being extra obnoxious when You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch came on. Alex whacked Laura’s arm.

  Laura grinned ruefully at her. She pulled into the parking lot of the shopping mall and parked, before making sure she had everything in her purse.

  Alex undid her belt and stepped out of the car. She leaned against the open door and checked her pocket, curling her fingers around the money Hillary had given her.

  When Laura still hadn’t gotten out, Alex ducked her head back into the car. Laura was still rummaging through her bag.

  “Did you find it?” Alex asked.

  “Find what?”

  “The universe. I think you could fit it in there.”

  The corner of Laura’s mouth tipped upwards. She finally pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Shopping list.”

  Alex clasped her hands behind her head, stretching. “Great. Can we go now?”

  Laura tossed the keys into the bag, and zipped it shut. “Yup.”

  The entry way to the mall was fairly quiet, but once they got closer to the shops inside, it was a swarm of people. Alex took in a sharp breath, and clutched the money tighter in her pocket.

  Laura was saying something to her, but Alex couldn’t process it. She was too focused on just breathing.

  The song Pretty Paper rippled through overhead speakers above the din of people scurrying from store to store. Alex swallowed. Hillary had said to have fun, and Alex wanted to. But there were so many people. It was like being at the Breeders Cup last fall all over again. That sense of drowning in a crowd, becoming invisible, and yet afraid someone would find you and rat you out. And having that happen would send everything into a downward spiral. All good things had to end. Especially for Alex. They always did.

  Alex told herself to stop it. She’d been here all of five seconds. She had to chill out.

  She reminded herself she didn’t have to be that girl at the Breeders Cup, trying to escape. Hillary trusted her. Alex belonged with her, and Cade, and Laura.

  Alex bit her lip. Fit in, dammit.

  Laura turned in to a department store. Alex froze beneath the glare of bright lights glinting off display cases, assaulted by makeup and the stink of too much perfume.

  Laura tugged at her elbow. “Hey. You okay?”

  Alex swallowed and nodded slowly. Of course she was okay. She was freaking fantastic. Couldn’t Laura see that? Alex gripped the money tighter until it was just a crumpled wad in her fist.

  Laura looked at her a moment longer with an expression that said she wasn’t sure she believed Alex or not. “I’m just going to be over by the purses.” She pointed to the women’s section just beyond all the makeup and jewelry. “Mom could use a new satchel.”

  Alex nodded mutely again. She had the sensation of tunnel vision, where there was only bright light ahead, and the rest of the world was fuzzy around the edges. What was she doing here again?

  Laura moved off towards the bags. “If you need anything, I’m right here. Kay?”

  I shoulda stayed home and crashed, Alex thought.

  A young woman in a dark skirt and frouffy blouse stepped out from behind the counter. “Can I help you?”

  Alex looked at her, but wasn’t sure if she was really looking at her. Her own voice sounded hollow. “I’m looking for a gift for my… um…” What did she even call Hillary? Her Hills? Cuz that made sense. She noted with sarcasm, Not. Alex pointed across the way to Laura.

  The sales lady smiled and nodded. “I have just the thing.”

  She went behind the counter and produced a bottle of perfume, the kind you see in movies with the squeezy ball and dumb tassels. “She’ll love it.”

  She sprayed some at Alex.

  In a sudden state of hyper-awareness, Alex saw a million particles in the air, all hitting her at once. Something snapped inside her. A flash of maddening eyes and the pain of being beaten at Haven. Perfume. DeGelder’s perfume.

  Alex rammed into the opposite glass counter as she stumbled backwards, bracing against the cool metal that held it all together. She wasn’t looking at the sales lady anymore, that girl wasn’t even there. She was staring at DeGelder.

  Alex bolted, wheeling away from the perfume and jewelry, needing to get out, get away. But she’s dead, she told herself. DeGelder’s dead.

  But Alex’s body wouldn’t listen to reason. She skirted into the men’s section where it was dimmer and quiet. She hated feeling out of control like this. She needed something, anything, to help calm down again.

  She grabbed a polished dress shoe and thrust her nose inside, inhaling the sweet leather scent. It reminded her of the tack room at North Oak; exercise saddles she’d spent endless hours cleaning. Her heart rate began to slow. She closed her eyes and thought of Promenade, oiled halter and brass name plate brushing against his velvet face.

  “Um… what are you doing?” Laura asked.

  Alex’s eyes fluttered open and she realized how ridiculous she must look. The world had stopped spinning however, and Silver Bells played quietly in the background of the store. She tilted the shoe and peered inside. “Uh, what size shoe does your dad take?”

  “Tweeeeelve,” Laura said slowly. Her face scrunched. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She probably thought Alex looked like a freak sniffing shoes in a dark corner. Pardon Alex while she and the shoe are alone together. “I’m great. Everything’s great. When’s lunch?”

  “It’s ten, Alex. And this is the first store we’ve been to.”

  “How is that my problem,” Alex snapped, feeling lightheaded.

  Laura leaned back on her heels like the force of Alex’s words had pushed her off balance. “Hangry much?”

  Alex took a stuttered breath, still not thinking clearly. She tilted the shoe just enough to catch another whiff of the leather, calmed by its lingering scent. She forced a smile and put the shoe down, adjusting it carefully on its display. “Didja find the satchel?”

  “Dad’s not really into shoes, in case you’re wondering.”

  Alex tucked her lip, feeling like her efforts to hide her little panic attack were worthless. She wondered if she could bolt if she pointed across the way and yelled, ‘Look, a Versace!’

  Not that she knew what it was, but she’d heard Laura mention it enough that she thought it had to be in a place like this. Laura would totally be into it and turn right away, giving Alex the cover she needed to get make like a banana leaf and slip on outta here.

  “I think there’s a sports memorabilia store upstairs,” Laura offered. “It’s never really busy when I pass it with my friends.”

  Alex had a vision of her grabbing Laura’s wrist enthusiastically and hauling her out of this overlit, perfumed Hell hole. That sound’s great. Let’s do that!

  She shrugged. “Whatever.”

  Alex followed her through the throng of people outside the department store, up the escalator, and to the sports store Laura had mentioned. There were only two other people inside; the clerk, and a customer.

  Alex breathed
a sigh of relief. A TV hung from the ceiling, and she watched a basketball team score. She wondered how many games she’d watched with Cade in the last few months. And how many sundaes that added up to. Cade always scooped up a bowl of ice cream for them when the game was on. Sometimes he claimed it brought the Wildcats good luck, but mostly it was an excuse to eat ice cream. She was grateful she had a chance to get on his good side.

  Alex looked over her shoulder to the cashier. The guy was fat, with a dark beard, and poured over a dog eared copy of Sports Illustrated. She liked that he didn’t pay any attention to her.

  As she moved to a rack and started picking through team jerseys, a little voice in her head told her it wasn’t really what she was looking for. All the price tags were more than she had in her pocket.

  Laura must have noticed her grimace, because she asked the cashier if he had anything for around ten dollars. He shook his head, licked his thumb, and turned the page of his magazine.

  She crossed to Alex. “I have an idea. Why don’t we pool our money together, and we’ll both have a little more.”

  “I don’t even know what to get.”

  “That’s okay. You’ll know it when you see it.” She browsed through the jerseys with Alex, then looked at some team pins together in a display case. Alex watched her smile and wave at the fat guy, who only turned another page haggardly. “Ho, ho, hurry up and buy something.”

  They wandered the top floor of the mall. Alex tried to focus on what Laura was saying, but she just carried on about her boyfriend, Johnathan North, and girlie stuff. That was one thing Alex still liked about their friend Brooke. She was more down to earth than Laura; focused on the horses and relatable. None of this little bunny Foo-Foo hopping through the forest, picking up on guys business.

  As they passed the food court, the odd mixed smell of Chinese food, pizza, and greasy burgers made Alex’s stomach bumble. She looked longingly toward one of the stands, but was distracted when they turned the corner. She really wanted to go home now. There was food there. And Cade and Hillary were probably both on their rounds at North Oak, so nobody would be there to tell Alex she had to wait to eat. And they wouldn’t judge her if she hung out in the tack room, surrounded by saddles and halters.