The Seeker

by Ann H. Gabhart

  A look of regret to match her own flashed across his face before he said, “You surely didn’t expect a proposal for a harmless farewell kiss.”

  “I expected nothing. Except the goodbye you claimed to seek me to deliver.”

  He shut his eyes for a moment before he made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “Then I suppose your expectations will not be disappointed.” He reached out and touched her cheek. He was smiling again now. “Goodbye, my beautiful Charlotte. If only we had met at a different time with no war on the horizon.”

  She didn’t pull away from his touch even as she said, “There would always be those possibilities on the horizon for you.”

  “I think my eyes might be feasting on a possibility now. One I may regret turning away from.” His eyes were swallowing her again. “Perhaps our paths will cross again someday.”

  “There’s always that possibility.”

  “Tonight?” He raised his eyebrows at her. “In the garden?”

  “Goodbye, Mr. Wade.” She softened her implied refusal with a smile as she moved away from him. “I will look forward to seeing your illustrations in the news. Stay safe.” She didn’t wait for him to say any more as she turned and began walking in measured strides toward the house. She’d have to come back later to retrieve Aunt Tish’s spoon. But now it was time to remember who she was and not be carried away by a handsome face and smooth words. The only possibility Adam Wade held out to her was the possibility of trouble.

  When she got back to the house, Edwin’s return letter was waiting for her on the table in the hallway.

  She carried it to the privacy of her room before she pulled the letter free of its envelope.

  Dear Charlotte,

  You are quite within your rights to demand the truth of my intentions and I am now ready to reveal such to you and to the world. I am going to the Shakers at Harmony Hill for a month’s trial.

  Elder Logan thinks that an excellent way to test my determination and spirit. I myself feel no need of a trial period. I have no doubt that at the end of those thirty days I will feel unchanged and will at that time commit completely to the Society’s rules and be ready—nay, not simply ready but eager—to shut away the evils of the world, accept the true salvation they offer, and begin walking the path of the true Believer. I feel such peace in the village as I see the order there and the brotherly love just as the Good Book teaches.

  I do realize you had other expectations and I regret disappointing you by denying you those worldly desires. However we can still join together in a meaningful and spiritual way if you want to join with me in the Society of Believers as a sister. That is the sort of love more than anything of romantic nature that we have always known for each other. I have spoken of this possibility with Elder Logan and he gives me his assurance the Shakers would welcome you into their midst even as they welcome me. I know we could both attain a level of happiness there that would never be possible in a common marital union as the world knows it.

  If you wish to respond to this message, please forward your answer to me at Harmony Hill.

  Ever your loving brother in Christ, Edwin Gilbey

  Charlotte stared at the underlined word brother written in Edwin’s neat script for a long moment before she looked up and met her eyes in the mirror. What was it Adam Wade had asked her? Did she have the courage to face the possibilities awaiting her?

  She stared at her image in the mirror until it seemed as if she were looking at a girl she’d never met as she considered the possibility Edwin offered her. She didn’t flinch from the truth. Selena was taking control of Grayson. She already had Charlotte’s father dancing to whatever tune she wished to hum into his ear. Hadn’t he already spoken of Charlotte being sent away? Her place here at Grayson and in her father’s heart was being crowded out. At least at the Shaker Village she would be standing on land adjacent to her land and not hundreds of miles away in Virginia.

  And she would have thirty days to convince Edwin he was making a mistake. Something she would have no way of doing if he was there and she was here or in faraway Virginia at the home of some unknown relative. Perhaps it might even open her father’s eyes to the truth of his betrayal of her mother’s trust. Of the Grayson trust.

  Best of all, she could take Mellie with her. Charlotte reached into her pocket and touched the paper there. Shakers required converts to free their slaves. Did she have the courage to step through the Shaker door long enough to assure Mellie’s freedom?

  10

  “Miss Lottie, you has done gone and lost your mind.” Mellie plopped down on the bench at the end of the bed and stared at Charlotte with wide eyes. “You go to those Shakers? That’s crazy talk.”

  “Aunt Tish doesn’t think so. She thinks it will work.”

  “Then my mammy’s done lost her senses too. Work is a good word for you to think on, Miss Lottie. The’ ain’t no ladies over there in that Shakertown. Just women more like me than you that them preachers put to work makin’ hats and cookin’ jams.” Mellie frowned. “What could Mammy be thinkin’?”

  “What’s best for me the way she always has. And for you.”

  “Then she’s done mixed up on that. How’s you goin’ to those Shaker people gonna be any kind of good for you or for me? I better go talk sense to her.”

  Mellie stood up, but Charlotte put a hand out to stop her. “First you have to listen, Mellie.”

  Mellie sank back down on the bench. “All right, Miss Lottie. You tell me what’s got you and Mammy thinkin’ on this crazy stuff.”

  Charlotte rubbed her forehead as she looked at Mellie and wondered where to start. “It’s not crazy. Aunt Tish wouldn’t tell us to do anything crazy. But this is the best way. I think it may be the only way.”

  It had been an eventful day from the moment they had assembled in the parlor for the unveiling of the portrait that morning. Her father had made a big deal of pulling off the cover sheet, but Adam Wade had stood to the side as though completely bored with the whole production. Selena was pleased, clapping her hands like an excited little girl as she moved to view her painted face first from one perspective, then another.

  Charlotte moved back to get a better look. She had expected it to be better. It was a flattering likeness of Selena’s face, but yet the portrait seemed lacking in some way.

  “You’re frowning.” Adam stepped up close behind her and spoke the words in her ear.

  “Not a frown of displeasure, you can be assured. I was merely concentrating on your work.” Charlotte smiled at him even as she ordered her heart not to start beating faster just because his arm grazed hers. Her heart wasn’t obedient. “It’s lovely.”

  “A good word for it. A lovely painting of a lovely face.” He lowered his voice even more. “But rather dull and lifeless. A cardboard image.”

  “Perhaps if you’d had more time.” Charlotte kept her voice as low as his, but it hardly mattered. Her father and Selena were busy celebrating the empty loveliness of the portrait.

  “Or a better subject.” Adam moved even closer to her until she could feel the heat of his body before he said, “I went out to the garden last night.”

  “It was a pleasant spring evening for a walk.” Charlotte kept her eyes on the portrait, but she was no longer seeing Selena’s painted face. She was imagining what might have been if she had succumbed to the temptation to go out into the garden the night before.

  “But very lonely.”

  “I’m sure you’ll find other gardens more populated.”

  “That could be.” She could hear the smile in his voice even though she didn’t look back at him. “But I will always be left to wonder if I might have gone down on one knee to capture that kiss I so wanted to carry away with me.”

  “I doubt there would have been much chance of that.” She bit the inside of her lip to keep an answering smile off her face. She knew he was toying with her, but at the same time she thought she caught the hint of wistful truth in his voice.


  “I don’t know. Redheads have a way of making a man do unexpected things.”

  She finally turned a bit to look at his face and let her smile appear. “You live for the unexpected, Mr. Wade.”

  “So I do.” He laughed softly. “I think you may be the first woman I’ve ever met who understood that.” His smile faded. “And what are you going to do, Miss Vance, in the face of the conflict before us?”

  She wasn’t sure if he was speaking of her personal or their national conflict. It didn’t matter. Her answer was the same. “The unexpected.”

  He looked straight into her eyes. Neither of them was even aware of Charlotte’s father and Selena in the room any longer. “Perhaps you will. I left something for you in the garden last night. I was going to give it into your hand, but that was not to be.” He lightly grazed her hand with his fingers. “Please seek it out else the little field mice may carry it away to line their burrows.”

  When they left the parlor, Willis had been waiting in the carriage to take him and Charlotte’s father to the train station. Charlotte didn’t follow them out. She had no desire to witness her father and Selena’s fond farewells. Instead she went out the veranda door into the garden.

  The sketch was anchored against a stray wind by a couple of rocks on the bench near where they had shared the first of those familiar moments Adam had referred to in the graveyard. The paper felt a bit soft from being out in the dew as she unfolded it to stare straight into her own eyes. At the bottom, he’d written, “Your face will add beauty to a thousand scenes.”

  “Now there is a portrait with some sparkle,” he spoke behind her. “Even only in pen and ink.”

  She couldn’t keep from jumping. “Do you ever give a girl some warning?”

  “No.” He smiled.

  “I thought you left.”

  His smile got broader. “I had to come back for my favorite sketching pencils. I thought I remembered leaving them here in the garden.” He reached down under the bench, picked up a couple of pencils, and held them up in the air. “And here they are.”

  She laughed. “You’ll miss your train.”

  He waved his hand in a gesture of unconcern. “They’ll delay its leaving a few minutes for the senator. But I forgot something besides my sketching pencils. Something I couldn’t leave without.” His eyes fastened on her face.

  “What’s that?” When he reached for the sketch, she surrendered it with regret.

  “Never fear. You can have it back, but we wouldn’t want it to get crumpled.” He dropped it on the bench beside them before he said, “Always expect the unexpected.”

  Then without another word to warn of his intent, he grabbed her and pulled her close in an embrace. His lips were on hers before she had time to utter a word of protest. And she was glad. She let herself be swallowed up in his embrace and gave the response his lips demanded. As the ground seemed to shift beneath her feet, she didn’t worry about what was going to happen next. She simply surrendered to the joy of the moment.

  But the moment ended. He raised his lips from hers. When he spoke, he sounded as out of breath as she felt. “And that is what I couldn’t leave without.”

  Then just as suddenly as he had appeared, he was gone. Running away from her to his future. Leaving her behind to find hers.

  That future is what she and Aunt Tish had worked out in the kitchen that afternoon after Selena had gone to visit a new acquaintance in the town and what Mellie couldn’t believe she was serious about now. She was staring at Charlotte as though she had sprouted an extra head. “I ain’t knowin’ how you tryin’ to turn into one of them dried-up old Shaker crones can be the best anything.”

  “Those old crones dance. Or so I’ve heard,” Charlotte said. “They can’t be too dried up. Or all old. They have a school there. So there must be children.”

  “None of their own making. Them people don’t hold with the general Bible beliefs on the matter of Adam and Eve.”

  “Their beliefs do sound strange, but maybe that’s just because we haven’t tried to understand them.” Charlotte hadn’t expected Mellie to argue with her. She’d thought she’d agree to do whatever Charlotte said. Whatever Aunt Tish said.

  “Ain’t no understandin’ how they live. Or worship. Rollin’ around on the floor in fits.”

  “They don’t always do that. I’ve been told that sometimes they simply dance in up-and-back marches. Not a lot different from a cotillion except the men and women stay separate.”

  “Separate for sure.” Mellie shook her head a little, resisting Charlotte’s every word. “What’s got this in your head? That Mr. Edwin goin’? You’s done better off without him anyhow, Miss Lottie. You need to latch on to the likes of that artist man.”

  Charlotte couldn’t keep the color from rising in her cheeks. “He’s gone, Mellie. I doubt I’ll ever see him again. And getting Edwin to change his mind is my only chance to save Grayson.”

  Mellie frowned at her. “How’s that gonna save anythin’? Mr. Edwin don’t own Grayson. Massah Charles does.”

  “Father will come to his senses and see Selena for what she is. But I can’t be off in Virginia when that happens. I need to be here close by.”

  Mellie leaned over to touch Charlotte’s hand. “Even if you had to go to Virginia, it would just be for a little while and you might meet some other fellers like that artist gentleman. Somebody better’n poor Mr. Edwin who lacks any kind a starch in his makeup.”

  Charlotte hesitated. For some reason she’d been reluctant to tell her what Willis had told Aunt Tish. What Charlotte had confirmed in an ugly confrontation with Selena that afternoon. “It’s not just Grayson I’m trying to save,” she said finally. “It’s you.”

  “Me?” Mellie jerked back from Charlotte. “What? Has Mammy done tol’ you I been makin’ eyes at Nate?”

  When Charlotte just looked at her without saying anything, she went on. “I love him, Miss Lottie. And he loves me. He done ask’t me to jump the broom with him. You ain’t wantin’ to say no to that, are you?”

  Charlotte sighed. “It doesn’t matter what I want to say, Mellie. Selena’s the one that matters now here at Grayson. She’s put your name on the list Perkins is making. She aims to sell you.”

  “She can’t do that.” Mellie looked shocked and her next words were barely above a whisper. “Not send me down the river.”

  That’s what Charlotte had told Selena just a couple of hours before. “You can’t do that.”

  Selena had pretended a look of concern. “I certainly understand your reluctance to part with a servant you’ve had for so many years, but our Mellie is very pretty. She’ll fetch a high price and help to stabilize Grayson’s somewhat precarious financial position in the face of the looming war. Such is sure to disrupt the markets for our crops. Charles has been understandably, but regretfully negligent in his business matters what with the political crises he’s had to deal with in Frankfort, but it can’t go on. Grayson has more people than the land can support. This is an opportune time to remedy that before Mr. Lincoln finds a way to confiscate and steal our property.”

  Charlotte stood stiff with her hands clenched at her sides. She could barely speak through her anger. “You can’t sell Mellie.”

  “What are you going to do? Tell your father on me?” Selena arched her eyebrows a bit. “I think we both know who’d win that battle. Besides he agrees with me that you have allowed Mellie to grow much too familiar with you. She is not your sister. She is a servant.”

  Charlotte kept her voice controlled. “Did you tell Father your plan?”

  “He was much too concerned with more important matters to bother with which slaves might be culled from our holdings. He has entrusted me to do what needs to be done.”

  Charlotte took a deep breath and made herself uncurl her fists in spite of the way she was trembling with anger. “Then I suppose in his hurry to be off to Frankfort he must have neglected to let you know that he gave me Mellie. She belongs to me. Not to hi
m. Or to you.”

  Selena looked at her for a long moment before she smiled a little and said, “And how do you propose to feed and clothe your slave?”

  “She has a place here at Grayson the same as I do. Grayson is not yours.”

  “Are you so sure? I am your father’s wife. And while your father and I will certainly always feel bound by charity to see that your needs are met, we might not extend that charity to your servant. A slave must earn her keep. Having been raised on a plantation, you are surely aware of that.” Selena paused a second to let her words sink in before she went on. “But your Mellie is strong. She can probably learn to work fast enough in the fields to stay away from the whip.”

  “Father would never let you send Mellie to the fields.”

  “Your father is not here, Charlotte.” Selena spoke each word slowly and distinctly as though Charlotte were a child with

  limited understanding. “I am here. Perkins has been told to take orders from me. Not you.”

  Charlotte stared at her a moment before she could push the words out. “Why are you doing this?”

  “My dear Charlotte, this is all for your own good. Your father and I are in complete agreement. It is past time that you learn the proper behavior of a lady and stop consorting with the help.” As the woman kept talking, the fake look of concern on her face made Charlotte feel ill. “I daresay much of this comes from your father letting you read so many improper books and newspapers. It’s well known a young female brain can’t stand up under the strain of too much education except, of course, in the finer arts. The sort a proper finishing school will teach you so that we can hope you won’t chase away the next young gentleman who calls on you as you did young Mr. Gilbey.”

  “You cannot sell Mellie. She is mine.” Charlotte kept her voice ice cold in spite of the way the hot knot of anger was burning in her chest. “And I am not going to Virginia. You will never take Grayson from me.”