All is Lost (All Series, Book 2)

by Marie Wathen

  “I’m here now, Baby,” I whisper against her cheek.

  A silent sobbing takes over and her entire body trembles from holding the grief in too long. With my arms already engulfing her small body, I draw her tighter against my chest. I glance up and see the guilty ass look plastered on Kole’s face, confirming that they have told her the news and I am about to get my pissed off on. Jerking my head toward the door, I silently suggest that he can leave and he better take everyone with him.

  After simply holding me for a while in a tight embrace, Breesan slowly pulls away and peers up at me through matted eyelashes. Tenderly, I raise my hand up, cup her cheek, and stroke my thumb over her bottom lip. Staring passionately into my eyes, she softly kisses the pad of my thumb. Mygod, her full lips and sad eyes make me want to kiss the hell out of her. But I can’t take advantage of her when she’s hurting.

  I slide my hand under her chin, tipping it upward. My love for her grips hold of my soul and it screams for me to handle Breesan with care. Placing my forehead against hers, I squeeze my eyes shut and force away the desire to ravage her on this damn countertop. Being away from her was too much. I kiss her face starting with her forehead. My lips heat instantly connecting with her smooth skin. I breathe in deeply, savoring her intoxicating scent. She slowly glides her hands up my arms. Her fingernails scrape along my skin, sending shivers through every cell in my body. My lips move along her forehead, down the side of her face, where I place several lingering kisses, and I feel the grief flowing away with each one. Moving down her neck, I slide my nose along the edge of her ear and kiss her earlobe.

  I need to taste her. My tongue edges along her ear, retracing my path. Her deep gasp tells me that I am taking her mind off of everything. A lustful moan rattles hard in my chest, like a bullet just ripped through me, slicing my dark heart. Breesan is my light in this dark and sinister world, bursting forth. It is her love alone that brightens the evil pathway and draws my heart out of the eclipsing blackness, dimmed by past relationships.

  Needing more, I wind my hands through her long dark curls and draw her closer, digging my fingers into her neck. The pressure isn’t enough to hurt her, but it is enough for her to understand that I must have more. She spreads her legs apart and I take up position between them. Caressing one hand down her back, I reach her hip and grip it tightly, and she comes willingly. I drag her to the edge of the counter and press hard into her. Slow down, I tell myself.

  “You’re really here,” Breesan says, believing it so, now that she’s out of her earlier haze. She’s panting hard and her heart rate matches mine. Wanting her to know how much I missed her, I graze my mouth over her bottom lip, instantly needing more. Covering her mouth with mine, I kiss her softly, but it only adds to my desire. Her lips move in unison with mine, and our reunion becomes scorching. I shouldn’t kiss her so passionately, during a time like this, but she is everything. Thrusting her breast against my chest, Breesan opens her mouth with a heavy moan. Hearing that sweet sound for the first time in a long time, I lose my mind and I take it–roughly. I take every whimper, every grunt and every sigh, but it’s still not enough. I want more.

  While pushing my rock solid hard-on between her widespread legs, I pull her by her sweet ass brutally against me. She clinches her legs tightly, holding me against her center and I nearly come apart. I feel her heating from our friction and all I want at this very moment is to drop down on my knees and taste her. Releasing the intense hold I have on her backside, I slip my hand around her hip and graze over the top of her thigh, unable to stop myself. I need to feel her.

  Incapable of processing a damn thought any longer, I take our relationship to a level we’ve never been. I glide my hand between her legs and cup her, feeling her wetness through her shorts. Throwing her head back, she groans and pushes forward against my hand.

  “Ohmygod,” Breesan’s voice is raspy with bliss.

  I drop my eyes down to where my fingers press into her, feeling my heart stall completely. Mygod, watching her writhe on my hand is the most fucking intoxicating thing I’ve ever seen, even with her fully dressed.

  “Marcus, I need you so much,” She says in a voice only meant for the bedroom.

  Hearing Breesan say my name and telling me her needs while I’m getting her close to climax causes my heart to squeeze so tight that I feel like it might explode. Clawing her nails into my hair and pulling me down, she crashes my mouth on hers. In this kiss, I give Breesan my heart, my soul and everything that I am, confirming after being away from her too damn long that I am irrevocably in love with her.

  She slips her hands under my shirt, tracing up my stomach and stopping when she reaches my chest. She needs me too, I justify practically screwing her on the kitchen counter.

  “Not in the kitchen.” A playful voice sings, breaking up our reunion and I want to kill the son of a bitch for interrupting us.

  Stilling in my arms, Breesan’s gray eyes snap open, piercing me with a combination of fear and embarrassment that surges through them.

  She whispers, “Ohgod.”

  “Hey you two love-birds, I said, not in the kitchen. So knock it off.”

  It is Sam barging in on us that explains Breesan’s reaction. Because it’s my sister and not one of the guys she looks like she wants to crawl under a rock and hide. Looking at Breesan’s swollen lips and tangled hair, I’m thankful that I didn’t go against my promise and fuck her now. After everything that’s happened, it would be a real bastardly move on my part.

  Not really giving a shit about what Sam says, I brush stray hairs away from Breesan’s face and stare into her eyes. I need to know that I didn’t hurt her.

  “Are you okay, Baby?”

  “Yes,” she says struggling hard to calm her body after getting caught up in our kissing and grinding. “Will you please help me down?”

  After doing as Breesan asks, we sit together at the kitchen table with Sam. Not wanting Breesan to feel guilty or embarrassed, I tuck her tiny body under my arm then give Sam a stern glare. She understands even without my look that talking about this would mortify Breesan.

  “Rhys told me what happened at Granddad’s,” Sam says cryptically to Breesan.

  “Can you figure out what’s happening?” Breesan asks.

  I remain quiet, hoping they will explain what they’re talking about soon.

  “I think I already know, but I need a little proof. I’m going to stay at the mansion until I can bring him back here.”

  “Oh thank God.” Breesan’s breath whooshes out. “I’m scared for him.”

  “I know Hon,” Sam says sweetly, staring at Breesan with compassion.

  “Are you going to clue me in, ladies?” I ask, completely clueless about their topic.

  Breesan sighs, “I promise to tell you later. Do you have any ideas about the murder?”

  “I know that you must be upset and that’s natural,” Sam starts. “If you need someone to talk to I am here. I don’t know how much Rhys and Tac explained, but there are a lot of unanswered questions, all of which we may never get the answers to. That is something you need to accept now. In this filthy disgusting world of crime nothing is ever cut and dry, and not everyone gets a happy ending. Sadly, this is our life. Yes, we chose it, and if given a chance, most of us will do it all over again because we make a difference. It may not make national headlines, but creeps like Dr. A can’t run from us forever.”

  Breesan’s body begins shaking against my chest. I lift her face up with my hand under her chin and see tears streaking down her cheeks.

  Stiffening her back and meeting my eyes with renewed determination, she whispers, “I’m not crying for...”

  Understanding that her heart is broken with the recent information about her friends and the death, I place my lips on her forehead, whispering against her soft skin. “You can take a couple of days to process everything, and let us make the arrangements.” I pepper kisses down her face to her temple before pulling away, “We’ll need to be very s
trategic on getting you into the funeral home without being noticed.”

  “I can’t go,” Breesan sniffs. “I don’t think I can do it, Marcus.”

  My heart breaks for my beautiful love, thinking of her dealing with everything all at once. When it comes to Breesan, my natural dominating instinct is protection, at all cost. Even if protecting her means risking my own life or limb, not one hair on her head will be harmed.

  Reaching a hand across the table toward Breesan, Sam asks, “Is there anyone I can call? Perhaps there is someone that…”

  While accepting Sam’s hand, Breesan cuts her off, “No, there’s no one left. According to Julia, my grandparents died in a car accident years before I was born. She never shared details about my dad and now I may never know. “

  “Okay then, if you’re not going to the funeral then do you at least want to take a break and get away for a little while? I’m sure my sweet little brother can come up with the perfect place to sweep you away to,” Sam says, glancing between me and Breesan.

  I want nothing more than to take Breesan away from this hell. Time alone just might be what she needs to deal with it and heal from her loss. “You tell me what you want to do and I’ll make it happen.”

  Chewing on her bottom lip, she looks from Sam to me before saying, “I want to go home. I always felt my dad closest there and at the castle. I haven’t been to either in so long and…I just need it right now.”

  ***

  Returning to the Maxwell house after being away for several weeks now is surreal. So many things have transpired since accepting the security job from Julia. My family is ripped apart, my friends have gone against the rules to keep Breesan alive, and the person I never expected to mean anything to me is the one who means the most. Escorting her inside the house, I take the small duffel bag by the strap and remove it from her shoulder before dropping it on the bottom step.

  A dark, haunting silence greets us. Breesan stands completely still facing down the hallway. Sliding my hand into hers, I lace our fingers together and bring them up to my lips.

  “That’s his study at the end of the hallway,” she says, staring straight ahead. “Will you go with me?”

  “Of course I will, Baby.”

  We enter into the office belonging to Breesan’s dad, and she crosses the room to the bookshelf. I switch on the lamp sitting on the desk. She removes a couple of books and I notice a safe in the wall at the back of the bookcase. After working through the combination, she opens it and pulls out a bundle of papers, leaving a couple of handguns and a small velvet box.

  “This is it,” she whispers, turning around and offering the papers to me. “All that remains of my dad.”

  “You don’t have to do this right now, Love.”

  “No. I–I must do this.” She sits down in the chair, flipping open the folder before looking up at me. “Some of the answers we need could be in the things he hid from Julia. I found his safe a short time before the shooting. She came in and took some away from me, but I shut and locked the door before she could get all of it. She told me that I could have everything when I turned nineteen. After what happened on my birthday, I don’t think she intended for me to get it back. What I found out that night was alarming.” Breesan sighs and says, “I’m really glad you made it home and are here with me.”

  Walking around the desk I lean against it. She keeps her eyes on me and grins when I take her hand in mine.

  “I don’t ever want you going through something like this without me, Baby. You are one tough woman, but I can see that you’re suffering. In the past, when you were hurt, you would shut people out and deal with it alone.” Fisting my hand through her hair, I grip the side of her head while my thumb strokes over her cheek. “Please don’t ever shut me out Breesan. I will go mad if you do.”

  Rising from her chair, she slips her arms around my waist and places her chin on my chest, staring up at me. I dig both hands into her hair and fight back the urge to kiss away any desire she may ever have to shut me out.

  “While you were gone I had a lot of time to think. Normally, that is not a good thing. I tend to over think everything.” A smile plays at the corners of my mouth. “My past was all about me needing to keep everyone out so I couldn’t get hurt again. Last week, I realized something about that whole plan. My heart misses Anna and Tristan. Life without friends and people to love freaking sucks. I have been living in perpetual hell for the last few weeks without them, but I haven’t spent one second of it alone. With Sam, Rhys, Kole, Morgan, Tac and even Ensley around, I’ve gotten a glimpse into a life filled with people who care about me and I like it. I hate my past so much.” Her mouth curves up into a sweet and encouraging smile before she continues, “Because… in the past, I didn’t have you, Marcus.”

  With her confessing how important I am, I want to tell her how I really feel about her, but with everything she has been through I can’t take advantage of her emotional state. I don’t want her feeling pressured to say it back. I curl my fingers through her silky hair and watch her eyes close, enjoying our contact. I love looking at her deep gray eyes, but seeing those long lashes feather across her cheeks combined with a serene expression only deepens my love for her.

  I press my lips to her forehead and whisper, “You have me now, Baby.” And you always will.

  With a melancholy frown, she glances up at me, “I’m going to postpone going through my dad’s things for tonight. Without the fear of Julia intruding, it really can wait.” With an exhausted breath, she says, “I still can’t believe she’s dead. You really think Dr. A killed her, don’t you?”

  “I do,” I nod. “Her neck was broken and she washed ashore near Savannah. We think they docked there on their way back up the coast.”

  “Okay,” she nods and whispers, “Can we go just upstairs now? Today was a nightmare. I want to jump in the shower and hope that I can wash it all down the drain, except for the part where you came home.”

  “You can have anything you want,” I say as she leads me upstairs.

  I’ve never been in Breesan’s bedroom and entering it now, I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it is definitely not what I find. Her bedroom is painted a soft white with black and pink accents sprinkled throughout the space. A couple of wall shelves hold some typical teenage girl paraphernalia, like a music dock, framed artwork and books. It’s the three large canvas paintings above her bed that draws my eyes and curiosity. The paintings are sections of a guitar that when placed together form a full guitar lying on the ground in a rainstorm. Interesting, I note silently, puzzled by the sadness of the scene. When I caught her performance at Flora-Bama while I was watching her for Julia, I assumed she enjoyed it, but this picture contradicts that idea. Taking in the rest of the room, I chuckle at the stacks of shoes scattered around and the open closet door with all kinds of crap hanging on it. She isn’t a neat freak and I am really kind of shocked by this fact. Someone so controlled should have OCD. I love her even more seeing that she can be normal underneath her perfection.

  “Oh shit, I forgot how messy I left my room. It feels like a lifetime since I’ve been home.” She smiles at me before saying, “I’m hopping in the shower. Help yourself to…to anything you want.”

  I do not miss the way she says “anything”. After she shuts her bathroom door, I groan out loud, when thoughts of taking her anyway I want in this room flashes through my mind. Damn Breesan, all I want is you Baby.

  Changing into my sweatpants, I get comfortable on the bed and wait for Breesan. When a cherry scent engulfs me, my dick stiffens instantly. I grip it tightly begging it to chill before I lose every bit of my self-control and make love to her. That thought draws out another groan, deep and low in my chest. Mygod I want to mix the scent of our sex with her cherry scented sheets so fucking badly.

  I grip myself tighter and growl, “Dammit man, get your shit together. Find a motherfucking distraction somewhere in this damn room.”

  Seeing a stack of paperbacks on the sm
all table beside the bed, I release the death grip on my dick, snag the top book and flip through it. After only reading a couple of pages, I quickly discovering that my baby has a naughty book fetish. I check the other three and laugh at the idea of my sweet Breesan getting hot and bothered while reading this shit. This new information gives me a whole new perspective of her. Is she into kink?

  I hear the sound of her hairdryer switch on in the bathroom and realize I only have a few more minutes to get my wayward horny thoughts under control. Shaking my head and laughing, I allow myself one more thought. If Breesan wants a relationship that involves spanking and getting tied up, she might just be too damn good to be true. I place the steamy erotica face down on the nightstand and switch off the lamp, hoping that old adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’, helps get my libido under control before she joins me in bed. Sleeping without Breesan for a week was hell. I cannot wait for her to slide in and snuggle against me, but after being apart for so long, her sweet little body pressed against me just might mean my death. The hairdryer switches off and I face the fact that there is not a damn thing I can do about my swollen dick problem while I am lying in the bed belonging to the woman of my dreams.

  Disappointed in myself, I cuss under my breath, “You pathetic bastard.”

  It’s not like she isn’t already fully aware of how much she affects me. Truthfully, since the first time we slept together my hard-on has pressed against her thigh, begging for her touch every night. My eyes flick up catching the bathroom door opening slowly and what little strength I prayed for floated away with it, like a feather in a tsunami. With the variety of choices she probably has in sleepwear, Breesan steps into the bedroom wearing one of my ratty, concert tee-shirts.