Always Conall (Bitterroot #2)

by Sibylla Matilde

  The denim scraped along my hips as I lifted my pelvis off the bed to allow him to pull my shorts from me, my lacy white panties tangled along with the heavy fabric. Down my ankles, slipping my socks from my feet all in one big jumble of clothes.

  Then his weight was on me again, the heat of his bare chest and arms. His hips ground into mine, his jeans coarsely rubbing up against my aching sex. He kissed me so hard, plundering my lips and pulling my soul toward him. Every bit of his body seemed to hit a pressure point that sent tremors through me, and the unfurling need to have him inside me became overpowering and almost painful.

  Skating my fingers down the defined ridges of his abdomen, I frantically pulled at the button fly of his jeans, ripping it open and plunging my hand inside to grasp him tightly.

  “Oh my God, Sage,” he groaned against my lips. “Fuck, what you do to me…”

  As my tongue toyed with his, I began to softly pump at his hard length. I licked the palm of my free hand and slid it down into his boxer briefs, wrapping it around his smooth cock, and the slide of saliva wrenched a ragged groan that rumbled from his chest. My body seemed to have a mind of its own as I worked to push his jeans down with my feet. I almost cried with relief when he rose to shuck them off before covering me with his big, hard body again.

  “Shit,” he growled with pure frustration as went to reach back to the floor for his jeans, “condom.”

  “No,” I breathed as I pulled him back to me and kissed him deeply, rubbing my wet aching core along his rock-hard length, shivering with each slide of bare skin. “I’m on the pill.” My voice was thick with emotion and lust, almost unrecognizable to my own mind. “And it’s you. I don’t want anything between me and you. I just want you.”

  His dark gaze held mine, studying me closely. “You sure, baby?”

  I nodded, leaning up to kiss his bristly jaw, to thread my fingers through his short hair as my lips trailed up to his ear. “Positive,” I breathed.

  “Oh, Sage,” he murmured against my bare shoulder as his arms held me tightly. “God, honey…”

  I widened my legs, allowing him to settle firmly against me and running my toes up the back of his calves. A slight nudge at my core, and then he was deep inside me, raising his head to capture my gasp with another mind-melting kiss.

  “Oh fuck, Sage…” Conall’s entire body vibrated with his groan.

  Slow, strong strokes buried in my wet flesh, the heat of his skin radiating out from me as he began to withdraw and firmly push inside again, pulling almost completely out before driving back in with a smooth force. His lips hovered over mine as he increased the tempo, and the pressure inside me began to escalate to drive me to the brink. Then he slowed and gentled, soothing and prolonging the delicious agony before he sped up and thrust again with sharp, determined movements.

  “Con, oh please,” I breathed into his mouth as I felt myself reaching the edge. Teetering at the peak. His movements became incredibly deliberate, holding me there, just about to come undone. “Please, baby…” I sobbed incoherently, “oh please…”

  Conall made just the slightest shift, his cock hitting the most perfect spot, and I totally fell apart, spiraling into an earthshaking orgasm. With a hoarse moan, his body shuddered over mine when he came, filling me with a flush of heat. His head dropped to my shoulder, his breath feathering against my skin as he shook with another slow stroke, and again.

  For a long time, we lay there, enraptured by the aftershocks, every shiver drawing out the euphoria. Cradled in the warm strength of his arms, my mind faded in and out of consciousness, knowing only that I was in the one place that had ever made me feel whole.

  At long last, Conall lifted his head and looked down at me in the faint light streaming through the window from the streetlamps outside. We lay there for a long while, drinking in each other and this unrelenting connection that we had. Lethargically, I half-opened my eyes and stroked my fingertips along the scruff of his jawline.

  “I love you,” I whispered. “I always have, since forever. It’s always been you, Conall.”

  He tilted his head, leaning into my faint caress. “The one constant in my life… the one thing that has never left me…” he breathed, “is you.”

  I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, pulling myself closer to him and burying my face against his shoulder, tenderly tracing the muscles of his back as I breathed him into me. My heart swelled with love and trepidation. I wanted to hold him to me forever.

  I wanted him to stay.

  And for a time, we clutched each other close, allowing the wounds of time to heal. Allowing our hearts to beat together and our bodies to absorb this crazy, fucked-up love we’d come to find. My mind began to fade as sleep started to pull me under. Realizing I wasn’t going to be cognizant for much longer, I whispered through the darkened room.

  “We should probably get some form of clothing on. Mattie tends to wind up in here more often than not at night.”

  Conall’s arms tightened around me and he pressed his lips to my forehead before he pulled back a little to look down at me through the shadows. “What do you need?” he softly asked. “I’ll grab it.”

  “I’ve got a nightgown hanging on a hook just inside my closet. That’ll be good.”

  Conall sat up on the bed and grabbed his boxer briefs, slipping them on before he crossed to my sliding closet doors. Pulling out the nightie hanging there, he handed it to me, then unlocked the door and stepped into the hallway towards the bathroom.

  This gown was my favorite for the heat of the summer. Cool, crisp plum-colored satin with spaghetti straps, fairly long but with a slit that made it easy to kick my legs out into the night air. I loved the comfort, but I also loved how it made me feel just a little bit sexy. I pulled it over my head and stood to smooth it down my hips just as Conall came back into the bedroom.

  “Damn…” he groaned. He came to stand beside me, gliding his fingertips over the dark satin. “You’re gonna sleep in this? Fuck, Sage…”

  I breathed out a quiet laugh and looked up at him, loving the warmth that clearly shone in his eyes, even in the darkness of the room. I turned to face him, skimming my hands down his chest, enthralled by the feel of his smooth skin underneath my touch. He threaded his fingers through the hair at my nape, pulling slightly and grazing my cheekbone with his thumb.

  Guiding me backwards toward the bed, he kissed me gingerly… lovingly. He lay me down and worshipped my body with his lips and his touch. Once again, he filled me, slowly and reverently giving me the completion that I only felt with him. Our caresses in the darkness spoke of love and promises of forever, forgoing the reality of our lives. The fear of the unknown. As I trembled beneath him and once again felt the warm flood of his passion, I closed my eyes to keep the sudden prickle of tears at bay.

  And when our breathing slowed and I began to fade against him, Conall slighted shifted slightly, tucking me against his side. The rough pads of his fingertips sweetly scraped against the smooth skin of my shoulder.

  “Will you stay?” I barely whispered in the darkened room. At that moment, I couldn’t imagine life without him.

  Not again.

  His lips brushed against my temple and his arm tightened around my waist.

  “Yeah, honey,” he murmured into my hair. “I’ll stay.”

  His promise eased my mind into warm and secure slumber. His heartbeat was my lullaby, a comforting rhythm, so steady and strong. My last cognitive thought was that my life seemed to suddenly be everything I’d always dreamed.

  Conall

  As I listened to Sage’s breathing slow and relax, my mind whirled with the perfection of the day. Everything, from Mattie’s face when she saw the little purple cowgirl boots to Sage’s smile as she watched us. A contentment that I’d never expected to feel settled over me, like a comforting blanket that tickled my senses. Almost like when we were kids.

  But better.

  And now, her soft little body pressed so intimately against m
ine. Her breathy sigh as she shifted in her sleep. Her faint whisper when I pressed a ghost of a kiss against her cheek.

  Conall.

  I had no idea what she really meant when she asked me to stay. An hour. All night.

  I wanted to stay forever. Tucked inside this little apartment with everything I needed in this world. My Sage and our Mattie.

  Chapter 18 ~ Mornin’ Daddy

  Conall

  I woke up with a pudgy little elbow jammed against my throat. Opening my eyes, I saw Mattie had climbed into bed with us, burrowing down between the blankets. She lay on her back, mouth wide open, sprawled out. Sage’s hand had come to rest over her little tummy.

  Relaxed with sleep, their features and, more or less, even their expressions (aside from Mattie’s gaping mouth) were similar. The same soft round curve of their cheeks, the same little tilt of their noses. I studied them for a long while, more or less halting my breathing as Mattie shifted in her sleep, rolling away from Sage. Rolling towards me, one clumsy little arm flopped over onto my side, hitting me in the ribs. Her eyes popped open, and for a minute, her baby blue eyes met mine.

  Then she smiled up at me.

  “Mornin’, Daddy,” she whispered. And she snuggled her little face into my chest as she leaned forward to give me an exuberant little hug.

  Right to my heart. Thwack. The most amazing feeling struck me, and for a second, I could barely breathe.

  “Mornin’, kiddo,” I murmured into her fine, blonde hair.

  There was an odd feeling in my chest. Tight. Uncomfortable, yet comforting. Mattie’s fuzzy purple blanket was wrapped around her shoulders, and I tucked it up a little higher. Her eyes opened up to smile up at me again.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” she whispered.

  “So am I.” My voice came out gruff, overcompensating for the whirl of emotion in my mind. I smiled down at her, my daughter, and experienced another tight squeeze of my lungs. “You remind me so much of your mommy when she was a little girl, Mattie.”

  “Yeah,” she nodded. “People say that all the time.” She seemed a bit exasperated at that which made me chuckle.

  “Well, that’s quite a compliment,” I smiled, “because your mommy is the prettiest girl I’ve ever known.”

  “I’m pretty, too? Like Princess Celestia?”

  “Well, I have no idea who that is, but I’d bet money that you are a lot prettier.”

  “Do you love her?”

  I played dumb because I just loved the sound of her giggle. “Princess Celestia?”

  And she rewarded me with the sweetest little chortle. “No, you silly daddy… Mommy. Do you love Mommy?”

  I brushed Mattie’s hair back out of her eyes and looked at her tenderly. “I’ve loved her as long as I can remember.”

  “Do you love her a lot?”

  “I’ve never loved anyone more. It didn’t seem possible. And then I found out about you.”

  Mattie frowned. “Do you love me more than Mommy?”

  Shit…how to answer this. Third-degree by a four-year-old. With no coffee. Fuck me.

  “I love you both so very much. In different ways. You’re my little girl. You just amaze me, and I think about you all the time. And your mommy… she just captured my heart so long ago, and she’s had it ever since.”

  Almost as though she knew we were talking about her, Sage shifted slightly in her sleep and settled her face against the pillow. Mattie glanced over at her with wide eyes before turning back to me and leaning really close.

  “Mommy lets me be in here when she’s sleeping, but I hafta be super quiet,” she whispered. She held her little finger over her lips, as if to remind me we had to keep it down.

  “Maybe we could go make some breakfast,” I whispered back.

  “Banana pancakes?” she grinned hopefully.

  “We can try,” I whispered, unsure if I had the culinary skills to pull it off. But, for Mattie, I’d try.

  I’d do anything for Mattie.

  We quietly crept from the bed, carefully avoiding jostling my sleeping beauty, and made our way out to the kitchen. Fortunately, I found pancake mix in the cupboard, which would make the process a bit easier. Mattie helped measure, showing me how good of a little assistant she was.

  “I help Mommy all the time,” she assured me, “but you hafta do the stove parts. I’m not old enough for that.”

  So, while I flipped pancakes, totally destroying the first few before I got the hang of it, Mattie stood on her little stool with a plate and a butter knife and sliced bananas to put on top. At one point I glanced over at her, watching as she stuck her tongue out with the intense concentration, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at her. She glanced up at me with a wide grin.

  “Working pretty hard there, kiddo,” I smiled.

  “I want them to be perfect,” she replied and went back to work.

  There were wide slices and thin slices. There were slices that came out more like wedges and some that were just kinda squished.

  But they were, indeed, perfect.

  I heard a faint sound, like a whisper of fabric, and glanced over at the doorway to see Sage, wrapped in a fuzzy purple robe, watching us with a soft, unsure expression on her lovely face. She crossed to Mattie and gave her a little peck on the cheek before she glanced up at me.

  “Morning,” she murmured before she turned to make coffee.

  “Morning, honey,” I replied with a sudden rising sense of dread, wondering what was going through her mind.

  We sat and ate our breakfast, Mattie chattering about this and that. Talking about the puppies and the foal. Talking about all the things she was going to do ‘next time’ we went to the ranch.

  Sage ate a few bites of pancake (they really didn’t turn out too bad, so I was pleased about that) and sipped her coffee. The longer she sat there, the more disquieted she appeared. She smiled on cue when Mattie spoke, but it never quite overcame the worry in her eyes when she looked at me. As Mattie finished and took her plate to the kitchen, Sage reminded her to go wash her face so as not to get her toys sticky from the syrup.

  The silence without Mattie’s constant chitchat seemed rather suffocating as I watched Sage closely, wanting to know where her head was at. Finally, she looked up at me, clearly concerned and hesitant.

  “You okay?” I asked uncertainly.

  “Just trying to figure this out,” she whispered. “What this means… last night.” She shook her head gently. “I’m just worried. I don’t want Mattie to be hurt, and we don’t know if things will work.”

  “We’ll go slow,” I promised.

  Her eyes rose to meet mine. “Last night wasn’t slow, Conall.”

  “Instead of planning everything out,” I suggested, “why don’t we just sort of let things happen for a while? Let the chips fall where they may.”

  “But if it falls apart? What then? It’s not just you and me. Mornings like this, she’ll remember this. She’ll want this more… always.”

  I looked at her for a long time, studying her as she twisted her hands before her and toyed with her fingernails.

  “Trust me,” I said. “If not for you, trust me for Mattie. Know that I will do everything in my power to make sure she’s not hurt by this.”

  Sage turned her eyes up to me as she bit her lip, all at once appearing apprehensive and auspicious. Hopeful and anxious. The warring emotions leaving her feeling unsettled.

  In the end, though, she nodded faintly. “I do,” she whispered. “I trust you… to stay for Mattie.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her forehead as I stood, brushing my fingers along her cheek.

  “I need to get out to the ranch and get some work done,” I quietly announced. “Talk to you later?”

  She nodded and quietly gave me a tremulous smile.

  Chapter 19 ~ Elephant in the Room

  Sage

  For the next couple weeks, we just… were.

  Mattie spent weekend days with Conall out on the ranch, and he�
��d bring her home to me in the evenings.

  Wary of getting her hopes up, or getting my own up really even, both Conall and I were reluctant to totally let go. So we tried to keep things relatively casual. Conall spent the night from time to time, but also tried to leave in the morning before Mattie got up. Some days, he was more successful than others, since she often ended up in bed with us. Almost as though she could convince him to stay, her little eyes would spring open at the faintest movement. But she also didn’t ask many questions about us… her mommy and daddy and our weird quasi-relationship.

  The elephant in the room for a great part of the time was mediation. We only really discussed the formality in the office with Robyn, going to our scheduled appointments and trying to outline a plan. We turned in our paperwork and things had been returned to us so we could see the whole picture.

  Conall, quite simply, wanted to give us everything. He wanted to take care of us, even if it meant he could barely afford to take care of himself. It was clear in his documents that he exaggerated the benefits of living on the ranch, even figuring in a value for land Jacob was allowing him to use to run a few of his own cattle. His savings from his years in the military, which actually were quite substantial, was recorded to the penny.

  His proposal stated he would cover our basic living expenses. Rent. Utilities. He’d already bought the car, but he’d cover the insurance. Mattie’s preschool and daycare expenses.

  My proposal stated I didn’t need any assistance with this. By this time, I’d received my final NCLEX results and was being given a considerable raise. While I’d been barely scraping by before, I could cover the necessities with a little extra for luxuries even. So, I returned with an addendum to my initial statement, showing my new wage, a considerable improvement to my prior income.