Finding Freedom (Book 4) (Piper Anderson Series)

by Stewart, Danielle

  “There are times I hate what you did. Then there are times I hate myself for hating you. I feel guilty for hating the person who saved my life. I was given a second chance, all at your expense.” Willow looked to the ceiling and blinked back more tears that were forming. “It’s an actual weight, like cinderblocks on my shoulders every day. Do you understand what it feels like to know you gave up your freedom so that I could have a chance at life? It’s suffocating. Every Christmas present I opened, all I ever thought of was how you’d never get another present. Every horse I rode, every day out in the sunshine on the beach, all my mind did was wander to where you were. What you were doing. I may have tried to look like I enjoyed myself, but in reality all I ever thought of was you and what you lost so that I could have the life I was living. Everything I did was tainted by the idea that you were locked away suffering and doing without.” Willow felt her anger growing as she spoke, though that wasn’t the emotion she was trying to portray.

  “I never had a single regret,” Jedda said, as though that would make everything better. “If we were back there right now, I’d do everything exactly the same way.”

  “I have regrets,” Willow whispered, her voice not strong enough to fight her emotions.

  Jedda slammed his hand to the table as he let his body fall heavily into a kitchen chair. Crystal reached a hand out to touch him, then drew back as she spoke quietly to him. “Every time you swoop in to help her and risk yourself, it puts a burden on her. If you’re playing hero, that automatically makes her the victim. When someone offers to wait for her while she works her stuff out, then she’s got that person to worry about while she does it. That’s a pressure she doesn’t need. When each of us puts our neck on the line for her and stands between her and her problems, all it says is that she’s not able to do it on her own. And God forbid something happens to them, then she has to add that to what she’s already carrying around.”

  “Yes,” Willow said loudly, her eyes open wide as if she’d just been heard for the first time in her life. “My parents, the people who adopted me, they needed me to feel better, so I felt better for them. You gave up everything for me so that I would have a good life, so I made my life good for you. I got twisted up in what perfection should look like. I couldn’t distinguish what I was doing because I thought I should do what you wanted me to do instead of what I wanted to do. Somewhere in the mix of all that, I lost myself. Or maybe I never had a chance to find myself, I don’t know. But I know there isn’t anything here in Edenville for me. I’ll never find myself here.”

  “I want to fix this,” Jedda pleaded. “There has to be a way.”

  Willow let out an exhausted chuckle as she ran her hands through her long hair. “I know you do. And as long as you think that’s your job, I’ll always feel this way. I need to stand on my own two feet. I need to figure out who I am when no one is trying to fix me and save me. When no one is expecting me to be perfect all the time. I was stupid enough to think Brad was the answer to that. I thought if I could fit into his world it must mean I’m good enough, I’m healed. I want to fall and fail and screw up without feeling like I’ve squandered the gifts given to me. I want to feel grateful for what you did and forgive myself for those feelings. I want to live a day without guilt. And that’s all possible for me if I know you’re here getting your chance at being happy.”

  “I don’t want you to be alone,” Jedda choked out, still struggling to understand. “Can this really be what you want?”

  “It’s what she needs,” murmured Crystal, as she locked eyes with Willow. “You have to let her go home, even if it’s hard.”

  Jedda nodded as he stood and wrapped his arms around Willow and rested his chin on the crown of her head. She let her cheek rest on his chest, hiding for one last minute under the strength of his arms. The arms that had saved her, but did not free her.

  “You’ve found your freedom, Jedda. It’s right here. You’ve earned it. I need to go find my own.”

  “I wanted things to be different between us. To be easy. It used to be you and me against the world. I feel like those days are done for us.”

  “Just be right here, making sure you’re building a life for yourself. Show everyone in this town what kind of person you are and what you can offer. Make them fall in love with you, so that I will always know where to find you. And whatever you do, don’t screw things up with her,” Willow said, gesturing over to Crystal. “She’s brilliant. So work it out.”

  Willow stepped away from Jedda and headed up the stairs. She was hopeful that he would actually salvage a life out of the cards they’d been dealt. Now she just needed to get out of here and try to do the same for herself.

  * * * *

  “Did you mean what you said? That you love me?” Jedda asked, still not willing to get too close to Crystal, physically or emotionally.

  “I do.” She raised her chin adamantly. Her blue eyes seemed like they were in a constant state of near tears since she’d told him about Erica. “It’s okay if you don’t love me back or if you can’t forgive me for what I did. I wanted to be here for the wedding. I felt like that was the right thing, but if you still want me to go now, I will.”

  “When did it change for you? When was the exact moment you switched from needing something from me to actually caring about me? I feel like I need to hear that from you.”

  “The moment I realized how much we had in common. It was maybe the third or fourth time I’d visited you in prison and we were talking about your sister. You were telling me what it felt like to see her hurting and how you didn’t regret what you’d done for her. I’d do anything for Erica, and I felt like I was finally sitting across from someone who knew what that felt like. I opened my heart up to you that day and I never looked back. A million times I thought about asking you to look at my sister’s picture, to know if you had ever seen her. But every time I realized there would be no way for me to do that without you feeling like I’d betrayed you. I was afraid to lose you. Then to lose everyone down here. It all just got away from me.”

  “I’m sorry about your sister,” Jedda said, fidgeting slightly in his chair. “I can’t imagine what it must feel like to not know where she is.”

  “I’m not giving up,” Crystal asserted as she straightened in her chair. “I’ll never stop looking for her.”

  “That’s admirable,” Jedda said as he looked out into the night. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy, finding a way to ask me if I’d seen her. I just wish you would have done it earlier.”

  “Do you want me to go back to New York?” Crystal asked as she nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.

  “I don’t want to make that decision. Who am I to tell you where you can go and what you can do. Everyone here cares about you. I don’t think they want you to leave.”

  “I honestly only care what you think. Can you forgive me? Can we go back to where we were before all this?”

  “Don’t ask me that tonight,” Jedda said, rubbing the ache out of his shoulder. “I don’t want to have to say no to that question. So don’t ask yet.”

  “How will I know when to ask?” Crystal asked as she blinked back her tears.

  “You’ll know.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  There wasn’t much of a goodbye for Willow the next morning. Michael dropped Jules off early while he headed to his office to face Brad’s father. The man meant business. Just an hour after Brad left Betty’s house, Michael’s phone was ringing and an unnamed associate of Brad’s father was setting up a face-to-face meeting. He’d taken the red-eye flight and intended to settle all this right away. Bobby went to work, Piper to school. Clay left to work on the restaurant. Willow had said it was what she wanted, everyone just going on with his or her normal routine. Jedda wasn’t sure if Josh would show up, and he couldn’t read his sister well enough to know if she was disappointed or relieved that he hadn’t.

  She almost made it to Crystal’s car without words of wisdom from Betty. Almost.

/>   “It’s okay to leave today. It ain’t okay to never come back. You understand?” Betty asked, stroking Willow’s long hair. “I know life can be confusing sometimes, but that passes. Just ride it out until it does and make sure you remember you can always come back. I’m sure your parents will be happy to see you. But know that we love you here, too. This door,” she pointed behind her to the house, “is always open for you. If you’re leaving because you think we’re judging the mistakes you made, I’ll be happy to set you straight.”

  “Thanks,” Willow said meekly. “That’s not why I’m leaving. I know I seem ungrateful, and maybe I’ve been rude, but I am so appreciative of what you do for people, including my brother. Please take care of him.”

  “On my honor,” Betty promised, crossing her fingers over her heart.

  Watching Willow wave as Crystal’s car drove off ripped Jedda’s guts out. It was too reminiscent of the first time they were separated, shipped off to different foster families. He thought coming out of prison would permanently erase the divide between the two of them. They were both adults, both free, but somehow in spite of all that, he was losing her again. The only peace he had was that she was going back to her parents, heading back to people who loved her.

  Betty sidled up to him and rested her small hand on his wide shoulder. “It’s impossibly hard watching someone you love so much leave. When they walk right out into the world and there ain’t nothing you can do to control them. But she is a bright girl. And she’s heading home to her mom and dad. Everything you did here, everything you kept yourself from doing, it shows that you’re ready to be out here. You could have killed that boy and hid behind the idea that there was no way around it, but you’ve grown and you can make better choices. She’ll find a way to do the same.”

  “I would do anything for her,” Jedda said, raising his hand to wave his goodbye.

  “She knows that. I think she needs to go figure out if she can do anything for herself. She might fall or stumble, but I think she knows if she really needs you, all she’s got to do is call.”

  “What do I do now?” Jedda asked, dropping his hand to his side as the car drove out of sight.

  “Clay could use a hand with some of the remodeling at the restaurant tomorrow. You think you’d be up for swinging a hammer?”

  “Yes,” Jedda smiled. “I’ve been waiting for a chance to help.”

  “Also, it’s come to my attention that I tend to be a bit presumptuous when it comes to people’s feelings. Jules told me I better ask you before I do this. Crystal mentioned she had a degree in business management. Clay and I were going to offer her a job keeping the books at the restaurant. It comes with lodging in the apartment he’s finishing today, above the kitchen. Would that be okay with you if we offered it to Crystal?”

  “I have no idea,” Jedda said. “I guess it depends what hour of the day you ask me. One minute I think I can completely understand what she did and the next I’m blown away that she lied to me, that she kept all this from me. Did she really care about me or was she just trying to get answers about her sister?”

  “Why can’t it be both of those things?” Betty asked, looping her arm with his. “They sound like they could be completely exclusive explanations. Maybe she started it all for her own selfish reasons, but wouldn’t she be gone now if that were the case?”

  “I’ve thought of that. I just don’t get why she wouldn’t tell me right out of the gate. How can someone look right at you and lie if they really care about you?”

  “I’d imagine someone like you could understand how far a person would go for someone you love. But it don’t change the question. Do you want her staying here in Edenville, if that’s what she wants?”

  “I want her to do whatever she wants, while I figure out how I feel.”

  “You know what might help?” Betty asked as she shot her finger in the air as though she’d just had a revelation. “Dishes. Nothing clears the mind like some scrubbing. I’ll get you an apron.”

  * * * *

  The day had dragged on as Jedda tried to pretend he wasn’t fighting with himself. The thought of not seeing Willow again for a little while was weighing on him. Her sadness, the small window he’d gotten into her mind, were much darker than he imagined. Her struggle made little sense to him but he knew now he didn’t have to understand in order to know it was real.

  He wondered how everything turned out today for Michael or what Crystal would say about the job offer. He’d bitten his nails down so low his fingertips ached. He’d run about eight miles through the woods and did so many crunches his abs were still stinging. But none of it was enough to distract him from the waiting. So as the cars began to pull into Betty’s driveway, a mix of relief and worry swirled inside him.

  First to the porch was Michael. Jules had been upstairs resting most of the day but now made her way to the front door to greet him.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, running his hand across her tired cheek.

  “Weird. The baby hasn’t been moving much today and I’m exhausted,” she said as she stepped onto the porch and Michael helped her settle into her chair. He lifted her feet for her and placed them on the cushioned stool.

  “Just take it easy then,” he said as Crystal sat down next to her. “Are Bobby and Piper on their way? I want to fill everyone in on how things went with Brad’s father. He and his men were in my office all afternoon.”

  “They’re pulling in now,” Betty noticed as she handed Jules a glass of water and rested her hand on her daughter’s belly for a moment as though she could check on her granddaughter.

  Bobby and Piper took their customary seat on the porch swing as Michael began to talk. His voice was weary but not completely defeated, which gave Jedda some hope.

  “I met with Thomas Angelo this afternoon and turned over the evidence we had on Brad. I’ll tell you what, though, the rumors are completely true, that guy is no joke. He brought a computer forensics team to determine whether or not any copies of the data had been made. When they were satisfied we hadn’t copied anything, I was given a stack of papers a mile high. It was a nondisclosure agreement that pretty much stated that if I or Willow ever discuss the evidence against Brad or attempt to form a case against him on this matter we’ll be hit with an exorbitant number of fines and face more jail time than Brad would have if he were convicted. I seemed to satisfy all of his terms, and in return he assured me that Brad would have no contact with Willow or any of the people in her life. If he seeks out such contact or attempts to harm her he will be cut off from any family funds and shipped off to a drug rehabilitation center with a military style approach.”

  “You were convinced he was telling the truth?” Piper asked, clearly still second-guessing the decision they’d all made last night.

  “I was looking at a father who knows full well what his son nearly cost him. He doesn’t seem to be under any illusions about who Brad is, and he knows the liability that brings to him and his associates. He wants this done as much as we do.”

  “Brad belongs in jail,” Bobby bristled, unable to hold his tongue on the divisive topic.

  Michael and Jedda both nodded in agreement. “I know he does,” agreed Michael flatly. “And if Willow hadn’t done what she did, I think I would have been more inclined to pursue it. But she made her choices.”

  “Did she tell you why? Did she tell you her side of the story?” Crystal asked hopefully.

  “No, she left before telling me.” Michael shrugged. “I can’t imagine any version of the story that would justify stealing narcotics.”

  Betty broke in before the debate of right and wrong could go any further. “At least she’s on her way home. Maybe some time with her folks will do wonders for her.”

  “About that,” Bobby said, anxiously rubbing his stubble-covered cheek. “She didn’t go home. I was worried about her getting out of town safely, since I hadn’t heard from Michael yet. I had my partner, Lindsey, follow her to keep an eye out. Willow di
dn’t get on a bus heading north; she got on one heading to the west coast. Lindsey did a force sync on her phone through the bus station Wi-Fi. It was a new phone, she must have tossed her other one, but we can use it to track her as long as she keeps it with her.”

  “What is Willow thinking?” Jedda massaged his temples. His head felt like it was being crushed by a vice. He’d just come to terms with the idea of his sister leaving, only because he knew she was going back to people who cared about her. But now, the image of her alone on the other side of the country was making it hard for him to catch his breath.

  “I don’t think she ever planned on going home.” Bobby shrugged. “There is one more thing.”

  “What?” Jedda asked, his hand clutched firmly to the arm of his chair as though he were holding on for dear life. Was Brad following her? Did the police find out about her stealing the drugs and now she’d end up in jail? The worst-case scenarios flashed through his brain.

  “She forged her mother’s name and cleared out her college bank account. She’s got twenty-five thousand dollars with her. I got a call from her parents a little while ago. They’ve been trying to reach her since the news broke about her connection to Jedda. They didn’t even know she was down here. They thought she was still at school. They’ve been worried sick. They said they had a message on their answering machine from her saying she was all right and very sorry for taking the money, but that she needed some space. She promised to call them soon.”

  “Call it in,” Michael said. “She broke the law by forging her mother’s name. Lindsey could get her back here and then, if her mom doesn’t want to press charges, at least we’ll be able to send her back home. Talk some more sense in to her.”

  “She’s not a child,” Crystal argued, a twinge of anger in her voice. “She shouldn’t have taken the money, but dragging her home won’t solve anything. If you’ve resolved the Brad issue, if she’s safe and Lindsey can tell us where she ends up, then the best thing you can do is let her be. Let her go sing in a club and rent her own place. Let her figure out who she is when no one is there to tell her.”