UNSHAKABLE (Able Series Book 4)

by Aceves, Gigi

  I stand back, my eyes softening while my dad’s eyes are cloaked by hurt. “You will never understand the hard choices involved in everything I do. What may seem to be a brush off in the end will not be, Sophia. I love you,” he says with conviction so resolute my tears fall. “It hurts that you question it, but it hurts more that you’re uncertain of its strength.”

  His eyes go to my mom and unspoken words are silently understood then he leaves without glancing my way. I wish I could have that. I desire to have that. However, all I have at this moment from Damien is nothing. Granted I’m giving him the cold shoulder, but isn’t the onus of it all on him?

  “Oh, Sophia. If only I could take this pain away from you, I would. It’s hard I know. I know it hurts to see the man you love be with someone else in the most intimate of ways, but let the anger out, allow the pain to surface because keeping it all in will kill you. It’ll kill your spirit. Cry, get angry, curse at the world, throw something, do anything, just allow yourself to feel.”

  I look into my mother’s eyes. Tears of pain for me, her only child, simmer at their edge, and the avalanche of emotions I’ve tried to keep from everyone comes roaring down. A loud wail, maybe a howl, purges out from the deepest part of me where all the hurt and pain are buried.

  “Why? He betrayed me!”

  “The why’s no one knows. Don’t question, for the answer you seek may not be what your ears want to hear. He didn’t betray you. He was betrayed himself, by the person he trusted enough to go to bed with.”

  “Why does it h-hurt so mu-ch.”

  I feel her lips on my forehead. “It hurts because you love him. It hurts because accepting its existence means recognizing it’s true. But when that hurt turns into acceptance and forgiveness is given, it’ll only be a memory. A painful memory, I know, but in time its sting won’t be accompanied with anguish.”

  Shaking my head I spew out, “I hate her! I hate her!” More sobs powered by anger this time makes my chest clench in pain.

  “Shh. . . . until we can be sure that she’s the leak of both the pictures and the audio tape, don’t concern yourself with her.” Pulling me off her chest, she looks at me. “I need you to be strong, stronger now more than ever. People out there are unforgiving. Destroying is their game, and I don’t want you to fall into that.”

  “I’m tired of being strong.”

  Pulling me back into her arms she says, “Hmm, you can never be tired of being strong because your source of strength is never too tired to give it. Seek His face, then maybe the shame that you feel will go away, the jealousy that eats you up will be replaced with trust in him, and the memory, well, you can never forget but you can let it go.”

  I sit up wiping my face while I force myself to take a deep breath. “How can I move past this alone?”

  “You’re never alone.”

  Hearing his voice, my entire body locks up. My eyes search my mother’s, conveying to her to tell him to leave. I don’t want him here. My mother shakes her head in response, and the click of the door cements her departure. My heart thuds like the beat of a drum not prepared to face the man that obliterated my heart, but still occupies its shattered form.

  The moment I feel his presence, my eyes close.

  Cause—one action caused my heart to bleed.

  Effect—perfect love’s effect wipes away the hurt enough for it to heal.

  DAMIEN

  “Can . . . can I touch you,” my pained voice echoes in the quiet.

  I wait for her answer while I take pleasure in her presence. Five days without seeing her has been pure torture—torture my heart can’t withstand. As it was with us when my main goal in life was to protect her, I stand still.

  My heart fights it, so I step closer. Slowly with confidence, I reach out to touch her. The tips of my fingers graze hers while her eyes follow my every move. I weave my fingers with her soft ones without resistance. The moment my palm hits hers, her head falls into my chest and my arms are instantly around her.

  But is it too late?

  “I’m sorry,” I say brokenly. “Say something. . . . scream at me . . . hit me, but please don’t ever say you don’t love me.”

  “I don’t hate you,” she whispers as she pulls away from me.

  “But do you still love me?” My eyes search hers for answers.

  “I do. I love you so much, that’s why it hurts too much. . . . help me to forget.”

  “Not the way you want me to.” She looks away, but I pull her back pushing her chin up for her eyes to meet mine. “Let me heal this first,” I murmur as I kiss her chest above her heart. “Let me mute everything these have heard.” My lips touch her left ear then her right. “Let me erase everything these have seen.” I kiss both her eyes. “Finally. . . .” I stop and hold her face. “. . . . I want to change every negative idea this has thought of about me.” My lips rest on her forehead.

  “How? No one can wipe it out of my memory.” The pain in her voice destroys me.

  “Love, baby. Trust me, it can wipe out any hurt. Just allow me . . . let me . . . give me the chance to love you while you’re learning to forgive me. Just don’t ever forget to love me back.”

  “Will the hurt ever go away?” Tears trickle down her face, and as hard as I try not to drown in them, I do. I’m sinking—sinking in my own pain caused by my own actions.

  “In time it will. The moment you forgive me.”

  “It’s her I can’t forgive, but it’s your voice I can’t forget.”

  The band that’s holding my control snaps. My lips finally meet hers, cautious one minute and reckless the next. It slowly morphs into tender nips and loving kisses. I tuck her face into my neck and whisper, “It’s this voice that you’ll hear tell you every day how much I love you. . . . and it’s this mouth that will prove it.”

  “I love you.”

  Hearing her say those words restores everything that has died inside me.

  “God, you don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear those words from your mouth. There’s no other but you. No other. She means nothing to me, okay? She was available, easy. She was a means to an end, understand?”

  “I get that but . . . she. . . . her lips touched . . .”

  “You enjoy torturing yourself? Because I don’t.” I step back, needing her to see how upset it makes me when she allows this shit to fester and take root in her brain. We need to talk about it though, and ripping it like a band aid is the only way to go. “So, her lips touched mine. They didn’t consume me. Your lips, they consume me. Every inch of me.”

  “You were inside of her, loving her!”

  “I was inside her, but she was never inside of my heart where it matters. I wasn’t loving her. I was fucking her. Look, I’m not a virgin, nor am I innocent, alright? She was available, so was I, and it happened. Do I like what’s happening? Absolutely, not. Did I know I was being taped? Fuck no! But I promise you, I’ll find out who leaked it.”

  “It doesn’t matter. It’s out now!” She takes a step toward me, confident in her anger. “You don’t know how I feel because I see her every day, and every day I die just a little knowing she’s had you! She’s in my head the moment I open my eyes! My brain is filled with you and her in bed! Our truth is muddled because of your truth with her!”

  “That’s the problem right there. You put her there! Ask me who’s occupying my brain every single day. Ask me!”

  I’m so frustrated I can’t even think straight. Do I have the right to be? Yes! She’s giving too much power to someone who shouldn’t have it.

  Stubbornly she defies me. “Fine, I’ll tell you. You!” I point at her as I inch closer to her. “You are the first thing I think of when I open my eyes. It’s your face I see. It’s your kisses I remember. It’s your voice I hear. So, do me a favor and put me right there, too, instead of her!”

  She just stands and stares at me. Thankfully without tears on her face. While it gives my heart a reprieve, I know we’re at a crossroad. It’s either she learns
to accept this nightmare and we move on, or we don’t. One thing I know is that we can’t continue on like this.

  “Look, it’s either we get pass this or we don’t. I’ll fight for us because I want you—only you. Anyone that has come before you isn’t between us and certainly not in my brain space because I won’t put them there. Anyone before me isn’t here either. I refuse to give any man in your past the power to control me because what we have going on here is only between you and me. I’m not the one who’s going to give up here, Sophia. You’re the one who’s going to have to walk away.”

  I hate giving her an ultimatum, but it’s necessary. An important decision she needs to make, and the most important step she needs to take. As I wait for her answer, I pin her with my gaze, memorizing every inch of her as I prepare myself for the possibility of a single act ruining what I’ve always wanted.

  As I’m counting the seconds, an order comes through my earpiece—‘you’re needed’—and just like that, our moment is lost. Someone decides for her, for us. Sadly, I have to leave knowing that maybe her silence has been her answer all along.

  “I have to go. Whatever you come up with tell me or don’t, it really doesn’t matter because it won’t change anything up here.” I tap my head. “. . . . Or right here,” I mutter tapping my chest.

  Not waiting for a response, I turn to leave because that’s the only thing left to do.

  Cause—Can one action destroy something beautiful? Or what’s worse, can one person hold that much power to cause another to walk away from the love of her life?

  Effect—There’s always one after every action. It’s hard for me to understand that losing her is the effect of that one act, especially when I was deceived myself.

  SOPHIA

  “IS YOUR HEAD OUT OF your ass?”

  Groaning loudly I respond, “I don’t have time for this, Dar.”

  “Oh, that’s right. Then get over yourself and hit the dance floor. Stop moping around and dance with Mark. The recital is exactly four months from today! This will put us on the map. So please, pull on your big girly panties and your damn spanks if need be, and get to it!”

  She’s right, but after last night’s talk with Damien, I’m in a rut. A deep, unsurmountable rut. Like him, I’m not ready to end what we have, but I don’t know how to move forward. All I do is step back—back from the filth of anger, jealousy, and disgust. Continuing to fight myself over this is too exhausting.

  As the music fills the air, my body reacts to it without directions from my brain. I’m lost inside my own world where nothing hurts, other than my muscles. Ten hours later with the music fading in the background, my heart dreads facing the music of reality. My tired body appreciates and welcomes the silence. After taking a shower and saying goodbye to a very appreciative Mark and a satisfied Darcee, I head on back to my hell on Earth.

  “Luke, home please.”

  “Just forgive him, Soph.” His imploring look saddens me.

  “There’s nothing to forgive, Luke. Nicole tricked him,” I answer, looking out the window.

  “So, what’s the problem, then?” Sarah chimes in.

  “I can’t forget. It’s bad enough there’s a picture out there in cyber space, and now there’s an audio. It plays one hell of a porn video in my head.”

  “Luke, go straight to the hospital. Sophia just needs a lobotomy,” Sarah mumbles.

  “Seriously, Sophia, just call him. Either end it or mend it, but don’t leave him in limbo.”

  I don’t know what’s stopping me from calling him. Is it pride? I don’t know. All I know is just the thought of Nicole brings me back to square one, where the struggle to get to step two is mentally debilitating. And seeing Nicole as soon as I enter the residence isn’t helping either. I swear I can’t escape her no matter how much I try. Going straight to the kitchen I open the fridge to fix myself a salad, only to be stopped by my dad.

  “We waited for you, sweetheart.” He gives me a welcoming hug then mumbles, “Let’s eat!”

  Sure that his minions will join us, I silently think of an excuse when he pulls me to the dining room. Seated at the table are my mom, Joe, Nicole, and Richard, dad’s security adviser. This lot has been the faces I’ve seen day in and day out, and dinner doesn’t look appetizing right about now.

  In a sign of solidarity, my mom reaches for my hand. Joe turns on the TV to watch the evening news when a video of my Dad’s press conference this morning flashes across the screen. Then the camera pans out, focusing on Damien who’s standing a few feet away from dad while Nicole looks his way as she positions herself next to him.

  The host’s voice sounds off saying, “It seems that Nicole and the man in question are back on speaking terms. Is love in the air in the White House? But one questions, where does Sophia fit into all of this? Stay tuned after this commercial break.”

  Dad quickly turns the TV off, but it’s too late since I’m making a quick exit before I lose my mind and bitch slap Nicole. Turning to my mother I excuse myself, leaving the room as fast as possible without looking at the bitch of the hour. I dare not turn to look even though heavy footsteps are closing in on me.

  Familiar hands pull my elbow stopping me. “Sophia, I need to talk to you.”

  I nod in response, and my dad follows me to my room where he motions for me to sit next to him on the bed. “I’m not going to sugar coat this for you. Nicole is a victim as much as Damien is. You shouldn’t hate her because whatever happened between them happened before you. We can sit here and assume she released the tape, but until we’re one hundred percent sure my hands are tied. If what’s eating you up is why she taped it, is that a crime? How it was leaked is the crime. Nicole has been working for me for three years. It’s only fair to give her the benefit of the doubt. So please extend her the same courtesy. But make no mistake, if there’s proof she caused all this, she’ll be dealt with swiftly and hard. I promise you that.”

  My dad is too trusting for his own good. It hurts to hear him defend her, but knowing deep down he can’t really do anything for now saddens me.

  “I don’t like the idea, and I certainly don’t like her. I’m sorry if that’ll cause a problem for you, but I can’t . . . I can’t look at her and not think about them together.” I laugh, but it falls flat. “I’m really trying hard to forget, but it’s all I see no matter where I turn. Tonight being a prime example, it was on the evening news. Every time we share a glance, she mocks me with her damn eyes silently saying ‘I’m the victim, not you. Everyone’s on my side, not yours’.”

  I pause only to make sure the right words leave my mouth. “Dad, being here in close proximity with her is killing me. I can’t move on if the reason I need to is in my face every time I turn around.” I take a deep breath for courage. “I want to move out. I’m twenty-three. I should’ve moved out a year ago, but I stayed because you guys wanted me to. Now, please just accept my decision.”

  He starts pacing then says, “You know that’s gonna be a nightmare, Sophia!”

  “And I’m living in a nightmare! She’s my nightmare!”

  Shaking his head, he moves to leave. “I need to talk to your mom about this.”

  I hug him from behind, needing to let him know this is the absolute last thing I want to do. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Dad. I need to do this for me, for my sanity. The longer I’m here the more my anger festers, maybe if I don’t see her as often, it’ll be easier to let this go. Aside from her connection with Damien, she’s getting between us.”

  “Where?” He asks as he grips my hands.

  “The apartment above my studio. Remember we renovated it. It’s practically in move-in condition. I just need to convert my office into my bedroom. It’s in a safe neighborhood. Security cameras are already in place, so I don’t think it’ll be that big of a deal. The media might make a hay day about it, but what does it matter at this point.” Sadness is evident in my voice.

  “I don’t care about the media. I care about my baby girl. Y
ou’re leaving me because of what my job is doing to you.” Even though sadness coats my voice, his is covered in grief.

  “Dad, I’m not leaving you because of your job. I’m leaving because I have to for my own sanity, and this is the only way I know how. It may seem that way to you, but trust me it isn’t.”

  “Please don’t think I’m taking her side, because I’m not. I need to walk a fine line, Sophia, so that if and when the timing is right to strike, I can. I can’t preempt any defense without clarity and solid proof. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “I totally understand your position. I know your hands are tied until you have enough evidence. I get that. I hope you understand where I’m coming from, though. She works for you, not for me, and I shouldn’t be forced to be in a working relationship with her. Not after this.”

  My dad turns to hug me, tightly. “Please don’t leave before I get back.” He leans in to kiss me as he rocks us back and forth.

  “Get back? Are you going somewhere?”

  He pulls back, swings his arm over my shoulders as we walk toward door. “I’m leaving in an hour for Afghanistan to visit the troops. It’s a secret visit. Don’t . . .”

  His answer freezes me. The thought of him going somewhere dangerous ramps up my nerves tenfold, then it doubles thinking maybe. . . . he. . . .

  “Is . . . Is Damien going with you?” My eyes zero in on his.

  He nods, and my feet move as I’m running down the hallway with Sarah right behind me. My dad might have called out, but I only have one thing in mind. I need to see him.

  “Luke, we’re headed. . . . I’m guessing your way.” I hear Sarah speak through her mic.

  I run as fast as my feet will take me, passing hallways and making turns along the way. Finally, I get to my destination with only a wall separating us. I take one slow deep breath and raise my hand to knock when the door opens from the inside, revealing someone I only know as part of my dad’s detail.