by Linda Ford
“To the best of our ability. Bring them both inside.”
Caleb again put his slightly battered hat on his head and turned to Teddy. “You want to visit the Bells for a while?”
Teddy nodded and grinned and then almost leapt into his father’s arms. As soon as Caleb set him on the ground, Teddy put the crutches in place and headed for the house. “I knowed he’d bring me here.”
Lilly went to the back of the wagon, from which Caleb lifted Blossom. The dog raised her head and licked Caleb’s hands.
“She’s looking better,” Lilly said.
Caleb grinned. “Must be all the loving she gets from Teddy.”
“I expect you’ve done your part by tending her wounds.” Even a quick glance revealed they were clean.
“There’s been no change in Teddy’s leg.”
“I’m sorry. But it’s only been a few days.”
Caleb held the dog, his gaze on Lilly as if seeking something from her. Was he discouraged? Perhaps he felt he’d failed.
“It’s a lot of work to take care of an injured dog and a boy needing special attention.” She hoped he’d find her words reassuring.
He nodded. His eyes darkened, and then he shifted his gaze to Blossom. “Where do you want me to put her?”
“I suppose Teddy will sleep on the cot, so why don’t you put her on the floor beside it?”
“Good. She’ll keep him company.”
They went indoors and settled the dog. Lilly brought water and food for her and grinned at how eagerly Blossom took both. “It’s good to see her gaining strength.”
Teddy hurried over and sat on the floor beside her. Blossom wriggled from nose to tail. Teddy patted her head. “She’s going to be better soon, so then she can run and play with me.”
Caleb slowly brought his gaze up to meet Lilly’s. She read the despair there, knew he was wondering if Teddy would ever be able to run and play again.
Ma observed them. “Love and proper care work wonders. Have you had your supper?”
Teddy answered immediately. “Pa’s been awfully busy. Says there’s no time for cooking.”
Caleb groaned.
“It’s okay, Papa. I’m not ’plaining.”
Caleb rolled his eyes.
“We were about to eat,” Ma said. “Please join us.”
Teddy was on his feet headed for the chair he’d formerly occupied before Ma finished her sentence.
Even Rose chuckled at his eagerness.
Soon they were gathered around the table. Pa held out his hands and Caleb took the one on his side.
As Lilly took the hands of Rose and Ma, she thought how Caleb and Teddy fit right in, how the family seemed livelier with them there. And how glad she was to see him across the table.
Thankfully, Pa said grace at that moment, preventing her from examining the thought.
After the meal, Caleb grabbed a towel and helped dry the dishes.
“Just like Wyatt used to do,” Rose murmured.
What did she mean by that? But she couldn’t ask and get an answer in front of everyone else.
After the kitchen was clean, Lilly helped Caleb prepare the poultice. They took care of Blossom and then she supervised Teddy’s exercises.
“You’re doing good.”
He smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. “If I didn’t need...”
She understood what he didn’t say—if he didn’t need the money, if he didn’t need the job, he would make different choices. He’d take care of Teddy himself. But wishing didn’t change anything. If it did, she could wish for a man to love her like she wanted. She could hope for a family of her own. But she knew the folly of wanting those things. She’d never forget the disappointment and pain of opening herself up to those dreams, only to have them snatched from her.
Caleb finished Teddy’s exercises and stepped back. “I’ll bring Teddy’s things in.”
Lilly glanced around. Pa was reading. Ma was knitting. Rose was writing in her book of cures. That left her to accompany Caleb. “I’ll come with you.” She sensed how difficult it was for him to consider leaving Teddy.
They went outside to the wagon. Caleb reached into the back for a small trunk, groaned and stepped back. “I don’t want to leave him. I’m all he has.”
She rubbed his arm. “He has Blossom. We’ll take good care of them both.”
“I have no doubt of that, or I wouldn’t even have considered this. But he’s just a small guy who has lost his mother. I don’t want him to think I’m leaving him, too.”
“You can make him understand.”
“I’ll put him to bed before I leave.” He hoisted the trunk and returned indoors with Lilly following.
She couldn’t imagine how hard this was for both of them. If only she could do something to make it easier.
Caleb put the trunk at the end of the cot. “I’ll help you get ready for bed, Teddy.”
Teddy stood at Pa’s side, looking at something Pa had drawn. At his father’s word, he went to Caleb.
“Am I going to sleep here?”
“Is that okay?” Caleb asked.
He nodded. “Blossom will want me to stay close.” He slipped into his nightshirt and Caleb folded his clothes neatly and put them on top of the trunk.
Teddy sat on the bed with an expectant look on his face. He signaled for Caleb to move closer so he could whisper something.
Caleb nodded. “I’ll ask.” He turned to Lilly. “Teddy wants to know if you will listen to his prayers.”
“Me?” The request slammed her in the middle of the chest and then the feeling eased, leaving her insides quivering with yearning and pleasure. She could love this boy. If she let herself.
“Please,” Teddy begged.
She’d stood lost in contemplation long enough to make him think she’d refuse. “I’d be honored.” She sat on the bed and Teddy crawled into her lap and closed his eyes.
She closed hers as well, more to contain the bittersweet joy of being near this child than to prepare for prayer.
Teddy prayed for his father, Blossom and each one in the Bell family, and then he asked God to make his leg remember how to work. “Amen.”
A still quiet filled the room.
Lilly slowly turned her gaze to Caleb. His dark eyes were filled with hope and despair. She knew her own eyes must have shown her feelings of joy and pleasure, because she could not contain nor control them. He smiled as if he were correctly reading the tender feelings his son brought to her heart.
He turned away. His expression softened as he studied Teddy. “I’ll tuck you in.”
Lilly scurried out of his way.
Teddy crawled under the covers. “Cozy,” he said, his voice soft with contentment.
Caleb tucked the blankets tight and bent over to kiss him on the forehead. His hand lingered, brushing Teddy’s hair back, wiping an imaginary spot of dirt from his son’s face. He sucked in air and straightened. “Good night, Teddy. I’ll be back tomorrow evening. Be a good boy.” He wheeled around and headed for the door.
Teddy sat bolt upright in bed, the cozy covers tossed aside. “Papa, you’re going?”
“Yes, I thought you understood that. But I’ll be back.”
“No, Papa. You said you’d always be close enough to hear me. You can’t go. You can’t.” Tears and sobs intermingled with Teddy’s anguished words.
Caleb hesitated at the doorway.
Lilly held her breath. Would he leave? What choice did he have? Her heart echoed Teddy’s cries. Her birth father had left her and Rose and Cora. Wasn’t he supposed to stay close and take care of them? She pushed her fist into the pit of her stomach in an attempt to stop the pain. Was she so unimportant, so unlovable, so forgettable that even her own father could walk away?<
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She wanted to pull Teddy into her arms and shelter him from such fear, but she was riveted to the spot as firmly as if someone had driven nails through her shoes.
Chapter Ten
Caleb stood in the doorway, Teddy’s cries tearing wide wounds through his heart. He had promised Teddy he would never leave him, he would always be close.
But he had to work.
Who would comfort his son when he cried in the night?
“Papa, Papa, don’t go,” Teddy sobbed.
Caleb closed his eyes as pain seared from the soles of his boots to the top of his head. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave his son. Somehow he had to work things out. He turned slowly and faced the Bells. “I can’t leave him.”
Mr. and Mrs. Bell nodded. “We understand.”
Teddy’s sobs shuddered to a stop. He swiped at his tears.
Lilly jumped to her feet. “Ma, Pa, why can’t Caleb stay?” She flung about to face Teddy. “If your papa stayed here overnight, would you be happy to stay with us during the day?”
Caleb shook his head. “My job—”
“You can ride back and forth. It’s not far on horseback. Go back in the morning. Come here after work.” She turned to her parents. “Don’t you think that would be good?”
The older couple looked at each other, stayed silent for a moment and then nodded at the same time. Mr. Bell answered. “You’re welcome to stay and leave Teddy here during the day.”
It sounded like a good idea, but Caleb shifted his attention to Teddy. His son would have to approve. “What do you think, Teddy?”
“Could Blossom stay with me?”
Lilly answered his question. “She certainly could.”
“And you’d come here every night?” he asked Caleb.
“Every night.”
“Then I guess it’s all right.”
“Good. I’ll park the wagon and come back and get Teddy.” He meant to sleep in the wagon as they had done previously.
Mr. Bell waved away Caleb’s plan. “No need for that. Teddy is already settled. You can sleep with him if you don’t mind being crowded, or better yet, bring your bedroll in and sleep on the floor beside him. Unless you object to sleeping on the floor.”
Caleb laughed as much with relief as with amusement. “No objection at all. Teddy, I need to take care of the horse and wagon and then I’ll be back. Okay?”
Teddy nodded. “I’ll wait for you.”
He almost told the boy to go to sleep, but he understood Teddy would not settle until he saw Caleb ready to sleep beside him. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Lilly followed him to the door. “I’ll get your horse some feed.” Caleb left the wagon parked beside the barn and then led the horse inside, where Lilly put out a bit of grain and some hay.
She leaned on the pitchfork handle, her chin resting on her clasped hands. “Caleb, I hope I haven’t put you in an awkward position.”
He brushed the horse down. “How’s that?”
She made a sound, half snort, half laugh. “I can’t see the Caldwells being happy about you riding over here every evening.”
He turned the horse into the manger for its feed, using the time to consider his reply. Ebner most certainly would raise a ruckus if he knew where Teddy was staying. “What is good for Teddy is more important to me than what Ebner thinks.”
“Very noble. But you might lose your job.” She cleaned up a bit of scattered hay, making it impossible for Caleb to see her expression. Did she approve of his decision or consider him foolish?
He felt he needed to explain his behavior to her. “I promised Teddy I would always be close enough that he could call me.”
She studied him with a look of confusion. “But you won’t be here in the daytime.”
“He’s okay during the day. Night is when he gets scared and has frightening nightmares. I can’t imagine what he’d do if I wasn’t there to hold him and tell him he was safe.” Memory of the horrors that plagued his son gripped Caleb so hard he struggled to breathe. “I can’t leave him.” He choked out the words.
She stood beside him and rubbed his arm.
He could not deny himself this bit of comfort. He covered her hand with his and pressed it tight to his forearm.
“No father should ever leave his children.”
Her words sounded as if her throat were as tight as his. Her mouth twisted.
“I will never leave him. It’s a promise I made to both myself and him.”
“I didn’t mean to suggest you would, but not every child is so fortunate. Thank God for people like Ma and Pa who took us in.”
If he wasn’t mistaken, her words conveyed regret as much as gratitude. He curled his fingers about her hand where it lay on his forearm. “Lilly, what happened to your parents?”
A jolt shook her and he held her hand tighter, narrowing the distance between them to only a couple of inches. Whatever had happened, it still had the power to shatter her world.
“My mama died. My papa left us in the middle of the prairie and rode away.”
Did she realize when she spoke of them she still sounded like a little girl? He ached to pull her into his arms and comfort her as he would have Teddy.
“We never saw him again. Don’t know what happened to him or why he left us.” She shook herself a little, pulled her hand away and squared her shoulders. “So you see, I know that not all fathers promise to never leave their children, and even fewer keep that promise.”
He stood silent and waiting, hoping she would open her past a bit more. Somehow he knew, though he couldn’t explain how, that inside she had a room full of sorrow she needed to empty.
But she placed the pitchfork in the tack room, dusted her hands off and faced him, her expression serene, as if all her thoughts were joyful and peaceful.
He knew otherwise.
“Are you ready to go back to the house?” she asked.
He nodded. “Teddy will be anxious.”
They stepped into the dusky evening and closed the barn door behind them. A cat slipped inside just before the door shut. Grub sat waiting for them and almost fell over his own feet in his rush to get to their side.
Caleb chuckled. “Don’t suppose he’ll teach Blossom his ways, do you?”
She laughed. “Are you suggesting that would be a bad thing?”
“Hmm. Let me think.” He rubbed his chin. “I guess it depends on whether I want a big clumsy animal or a dog who will protect my son.”
She stopped and rubbed her chin, imitating his contemplative action. “I’d think the answer would be obvious. Isn’t it your job to protect Teddy?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. Not that he needed to. The question had been purely rhetorical. “So it seems what Teddy needs from Blossom is a playmate. Besides, Grub isn’t clumsy. He’s just...” She pressed her lips together to search for a word she liked. “Overeager.”
“If you say so.”
Grub, sensing they were talking about him, turned around in an excited circle and ended up on his back with a silly grin on his face.
Caleb chuckled as Lilly patted the dog.
“You’re a good old dog, no matter what he thinks.”
Grub scrambled out from underfoot and they continued on their way to the house.
“How do you know what I think?” he asked.
“You’ve made it plain you think our dog is useless.”
“Only as a guard dog,” he said. “He’s very good at...other things.” He purposely made the words vague, matching his voice.
“Yes, he is.”
When they reached the door, Grub flopped down beside the house and Caleb and Lilly stepped inside.
Teddy sat with Rose beside him looking through a book. Mrs. and Mr. Bell had pulled chairs
close to the cot and were looking at the pictures along with them.
Caleb ground to a halt. He’d once dreamed of such a homey scene.
He and Amanda had loved this child. Her murder had robbed Teddy of this sort of attention. Was he doing the boy a disfavor by letting him enjoy it here with the Bells, knowing it would be temporary? He answered his own question. He couldn’t deny him the joy, nor could he take the boy back to the Caldwells’ knowing he would have to neglect the poultices and exercises if he meant to keep his job.
Mr. and Mrs. Bell pushed their chairs back to the table. “Girls, it’s time for bed,” Mr. Bell said. “This little fellow needs his sleep, and we’ll need to rise early in order to get breakfast ready for Caleb before he leaves.”
“Oh, no need to put yourselves out.” The last thing Caleb wanted was to become a burden to them. “I’ll take care of my own needs.” He had supplies in the wagon and had cooked his breakfast almost every morning since that awful day.
“Nonsense,” Mrs. Bell said. “That would be plumb foolish when we have an abundance to spare.”
“Besides.” Lilly spoke softly, as if she didn’t want Teddy to hear her. “Don’t you think you should make sure Teddy is okay before you leave?”
He squinted at her. She knew it was an argument he couldn’t ignore, but why would she use it? Did she want him to stay for breakfast? Or was she only thinking of Teddy and how it felt to have a father leave you behind? He studied her gentle smile a moment, but she revealed nothing in her gaze.
For Teddy’s sake, he would accept their invitation. “It’s most generous of you.” He would pay these people for their kindness.
Rose and Lilly went to one room. Mrs. Bell pushed the kettle to the back of the stove and fussed about tucking Teddy in again.
“I’ll leave you that lamp.” Mr. Bell nodded toward the one in the middle of the table, lit another and then headed for the bedroom.
“Good night,” Caleb said. Mr. and Mrs. Bell said good-night before they closed their door and two voices called good-night from the other bedroom. He stretched out on his bedroll, his hands clasped behind his head. The sound of those friendly good-nights lingered in his head like a sweet melody.
