by Linda Ford
“Papa?”
“Yes, Teddy.”
“This is the nicest we’ve had it since Mama died.” He sighed contentedly.
“Yes, it is.” He never thought he would again feel the pleasures of home. A warning signal jolted up his spine. He jerked his hands to his side and closed his eyes tight. He felt like he was walking on a very thin board high above a raging storm with the Bell family following him. One misstep would send them all plunging into the turbulent waters below. Why should he feel this way? He accepted their hospitality with no intention of prolonging his visit beyond what was necessary. It was the best way to take care of Teddy.
Sooner or later, Ebner would discover what he was up to.
The tension in his spine increased. Surely Ebner wouldn’t punish the Bells for helping him. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling of disaster.
His thoughts darkened. He’d brought pain into too many lives already.
God in Heaven, protect these people from any harm.
It was all he could do at the moment. He needed their help until he finished the job at the Caldwells’ and took Teddy down east.
* * *
Rose turned out the lamp and darkness folded in on Lilly.
She tried to calm her thoughts, but they went round and round, faster and faster. Why had she told Caleb about their birth father abandoning them? It wasn’t like she usually gave it any stock or let it fill her thoughts. Not like Rose did. No, she liked things exactly the way they were.
Her heart kicked up a protest.
Okay, there were things she might wish for, but she’d realized how foolish it was to have dreams that depended on other people.
Caleb would never leave his son. He was a father his boy could count on.
That did not, she warned herself, mean he was a man another person could count on.
“Lilly, why did you get so upset when Teddy cried?” Rose asked.
Lilly sat up and stared at her sister, though in the darkness she saw little but the shape of her in bed. “Didn’t you?”
The shape moved and sat upright. “Of course I felt badly. But you acted like Caleb was leaving. Lilly, you haven’t fallen in love with him, have you?”
She snorted. “Me? I think I can live without the risk of falling in love.”
“What risk do you mean? Why are you afraid of falling in love?”
Lilly wasn’t sure how honest she wanted to be. “Well, first there is what happened with Karl—”
“He doesn’t count. We both agree he wasn’t the sort of man you want.”
Lilly didn’t remember agreeing to that, but she knew it to be true. Karl had been more interested in Karl than in a life with Lilly.
Rose pressed her. “What if you found a man like Wyatt?”
“I don’t think Cora would be willing to share him.” Lilly’s laugh sounded false, even to herself.
“You know what I mean. What’s to be afraid of?”
“What are you afraid of?”
Rose grunted. “I’m not afraid. I’m just waiting for someone to come along who sees my value. What are you waiting for?”
Lilly sighed. How could she explain it to her sister? What better way than with her motto? “You get close to people, it’ll just be one more loss down the road.”
“I don’t think you are talking about Karl.”
Surprisingly, she wasn’t.
“Now I see it.” Rose’s voice rang with victory.
“It’s dark. How can you see anything?”
“You saw yourself in Teddy. You felt his fear that his father would leave him. And all this time you say you don’t think about our past, don’t want to try and find out who our birth parents were. You say you like things just the way they are—”
“And so I do.”
“But don’t you see the past is controlling you? It isn’t Karl’s leaving you that has you afraid. It’s our father riding off and leaving us. You’re afraid another man might do the same thing. Maybe that’s why you pretended you cared about Karl. You knew he would live up to your expectation of eventually deserting you.”
“Girls.” Pa’s voice was coming from the other room. “Some people would like to sleep.”
“Yes, Pa,” the twins chorused and lay back down.
“I’m right,” Rose whispered. “And I think you know it.”
Lilly didn’t answer. Whether or not Rose was right didn’t change a thing. Either way, she had no intention of opening her heart to more loss.
Though it might be too late in Teddy’s case. She cared far more deeply for him than she knew was wise. Her heart would bleed more than a little when they left.
And Teddy’s father?
She wasn’t that foolish. All she felt for him was sympathy.
Within minutes she fell asleep, but sometime later, a sound startled her awake and she jerked up in bed.
Rose sat up, too, barely visible in the dark of night. “What was that?”
“Teddy’s crying,” Lilly murmured. She was grateful the darkness hid the sheen of tears in her eyes. In her mind a memory flashed, so sharp and painful she almost moaned. She had only been three at the time, but she remembered the fear that had threatened to rip her heart from her as she stood holding Cora’s hand, looking down a long, empty road.
Teddy’s sobs grew muffled and the low rumble of Caleb’s voice calming him eased the tension from Lilly’s spine. She lay back, her own painful memory fading into the night.
She woke the next morning to the sound of Pa starting the fire in the stove and Ma splashing water into the kettle, and she bounded from her bed.
Would Caleb have left already?
She was in her clothes and out of the room before Rose had even brushed her hair.
“Good morning,” Ma said.
Lilly answered without looking at her, her attention elsewhere. Caleb sat at the table with a cup of coffee between his palms, his eyebrows knotted together in concentration.
Pa held the coffeepot and filled his own cup.
Teddy sat on the floor next to Blossom.
Caleb hadn’t left. And he hadn’t had his first cup of coffee. A grin tugged at Lilly’s lips. “Good morning, Caleb.”
He grunted.
Teddy held a finger to his lips. “He hasn’t had his coffee yet.”
She nodded. “I kind of thought that.” Unable to resist the urge to tease him, she sat down across from Caleb. “Is it too hot to drink?” she asked in her most innocent voice.
He glowered at her and gulped a mouthful, gasping and waving his hand at his mouth to cool his burnt tongue.
She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing, but she knew he could see the amusement that made her eyes smile.
“Lilly, leave the man in peace,” Pa said. He turned to Caleb. “Forgive her. She’s not a coffee drinker, so she doesn’t understand.”
Lilly chuckled. “I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Teddy. How does he put up with this day after day?”
Caleb cautiously swallowed more coffee. His eyes slowly softened, and he sighed. “With a great deal more kindness than you’ve shown.”
She grinned. “Sorry.”
“You are not.”
“You’re right. I’m not. Like Pa says, I don’t need coffee to make me cheerful in the morning.” Was the man unreasonable if he didn’t get that first drink?
“Papa didn’t have coffee right away for the past few days,” Teddy said. “He got up early and hurried to do the chores before everyone else was up. And he didn’t even get mad at me.”
Lilly widened her eyes. “Wow, I’m impressed.”
Caleb quirked his eyebrows. “I’m really quite noble, you know.”
Rose joined them. “Don’t see
how a noble person could work for the likes of the Caldwells.”
Caleb shrugged. “They pay well, and besides, I didn’t know I’d stepped into a feud.”
“I suppose not,” Rose acknowledged. “And maybe having you there will mean we will get some warning when they plan to do something.”
Caleb’s expression grew dark. “You’re asking me to spy?”
“She is not.” Lilly jerked to her feet. “Rose, how could you?”
Rose leaned close and spoke so quietly Lilly doubted anyone else could hear. “Don’t be so naive. Don’t you wonder if he is spying for the Caldwells?”
Lilly could only gape. It wasn’t possible.
Rose continued, more loudly. “Besides, are you going to say that if you knew ahead of time they planned to chase your sheep into the river you wouldn’t have stayed home to protect them?”
“Well, of course I would have,” Lilly said. She sank back to her chair. “I would have done anything to save my lamb.”
Caleb sat back. “They did that?”
She nodded.
“And worse,” Rose added.
“I wish I’d known before I took the job, but now—” He shrugged.
“Girls,” Ma said. “This isn’t appropriate table conversation.”
“Yes, Ma,” they chorused.
Pa refilled Caleb’s cup. “We don’t hold you responsible for what the Caldwells have done, do we, girls?”
Lilly answered quickly. “Of course not.”
Rose mumbled something. Lilly knew she wasn’t willing to overlook the fact that Caleb worked for the Caldwells.
Lilly set the table and Rose helped Ma prepare the food. Soon a hearty meal was on the table. Caleb ate hurriedly, glancing frequently at the window. As soon as he was done, he pushed away from the table. “I must be on my way.” He knelt at Teddy’s chair. “You be a good boy. I’ll be back tonight.”
“We’ll expect you for supper,” Ma said.
He hesitated a moment and then nodded. “Thank you. For everything. I’ll certainly pay you.”
Pa waved away his offer. “We’ll see.”
Lilly grabbed her shawl. “I’ll show him the cross-country trail. It’s much shorter.”
They left the house. Caleb’s long legs ate up the distance, forcing Lilly to trot to keep up.
He lifted a saddle from his wagon and tossed it on the horse. She pointed out the trail.
He swung into the saddle and paused to look down at her.
She patted his leg. “I’ll take good care of Teddy. We all will.”
“He has a special fondness for you.”
The words melted her heart. “And I for him.”
Caleb touched her hand and rode away. He lifted his hat at the crest of the hill and waved to her. She waved back and stood watching until he was out of sight.
He would return tonight, just as he said.
Because of Teddy, she reminded herself. Not because of her. She turned and retraced her steps as the truth of her words settled into her heart.
She would not expect any man to return to her. That led only to disappointment and pain. As Rose had pointed out, she’d learned that lesson at a very young age and she’d had it reinforced throughout her life.
Unless she’d simply trusted the wrong people. Or like Rose suggested, chose the sort of person she knew would leave her simply to prove her point. The thought felt so wrong she couldn’t accept it.
No. It was in looking for and longing for what she didn’t have that she found disappointment. She was more than content living on the farm with her family, tending the garden and the animals. But she’d accept the company and care of Teddy and his father for a short time, even knowing it couldn’t last.
The pain would be worth the joy of the moment.
Chapter Eleven
Caleb kept his horse at a steady pace as he rode toward the Caldwell ranch. He reached the yard just as the other cowboys headed out from the cookhouse. Good timing. Ebner would have no cause for complaint.
He tended his horses and set to work on the barn chores. He had almost completed them when Ebner stepped in.
“Good to see you back at work.”
“Did you think I would leave?”
Ebner grunted. “Then who would muck out the barn?” His tone conveyed the message that only Caleb would be desperate enough to take the job.
Caleb shrugged. He couldn’t deny it was the sort of job he might have once shunned. Now all that mattered was doing all he could to pick up the pay.
Ebner listed a number of chores that would keep a man hopping all day. Caleb didn’t care. He’d do them and leave. He smiled as he thought of the welcome he would receive at the end of the day. Teddy’s smile, a hot meal and—
Would Lilly be gladder to see him than the others would?
He jabbed the fork into the muck so hard the shock jolted up his arm. It wasn’t a thought—or rather, a hope—he could allow himself.
He worked hard all day, finished the list of assigned chores and then washed up at the pump.
Ebner hurried over. “You figure on leaving?”
Ignoring the challenging tone, Caleb answered. “I finished my day’s work. I don’t think you’ll find any reason to complain about how well the chores were done. Now I’ve got a boy to take care of.”
Ebner jammed his fists to his hips and scowled. If he could find a reason to order Caleb to stay at the ranch, he would, but Caleb only worked there. Neither Ebner nor the Caldwells owned him.
His horse stood saddled and ready and he took up the reins. “I’ll return in the morning.” He swung into the saddle and rode away before Ebner could find any reason to make him stay.
Not that Caleb could have been persuaded on any grounds. He meant to get back to Teddy and the Bells. And even if he only pictured Lilly when he thought of the Bells, he wasn’t about to admit that.
Teddy was in the yard when Caleb rode in and waved and yelled. Blossom was huddled at Teddy’s side. Lilly stood nearby, a basket of carrots in her arms.
A sense of peace and contentment came over Caleb.
“Papa, guess what?”
Caleb dropped to the ground and swept Teddy into his arms.
“Guess what?” Teddy demanded again.
Caleb set his son on the ground. “Let me see if I can guess.” He studied him slowly. “I don’t think you’ve grown since this morning.” He turned Teddy’s head from side to side. “Still just two ears.”
Teddy giggled.
Caleb lifted his hands into the air. “I give up. What?”
“I got to help Lilly in the garden.”
“Is that a fact?” So far he had avoided looking directly at her hovering by Teddy’s side, but now he raised his gaze to hers. “So what did you do?” he asked the boy. “Dig carrots?”
“No, I couldn’t with one foot, ’member?”
As if he could forget.
“I helped pick them up and then Lilly took them to their root cellar.” He pointed to a dugout door. “She won’t let me go in there. Says there are too many spiders. I’m not afraid of spiders, am I, Papa?”
Caleb’s gaze held Lilly’s. She tried to hide a shudder, and he chuckled. “Maybe Miss Lilly is afraid of them.”
She gave a firm shake of her head. “Not afraid. I just don’t like them.” She let herself shudder visibly this time. “Creepy, crawly things. Ugh.”
“Are you headed there now?” He indicated the basket full of carrots.
“Yes, I’m about to take in these carrots.”
“Let me take them to the cellar for you.” He reached for the basket.
Lilly eagerly accepted his offer and led the way.
Rose crossed the yard with another basket, this one full of
potatoes. She laughed. “She’s just a tiny bit afraid of spiders.”
Lilly frowned at her sister. “So are you.”
“Not like you. I’d never let it deter me from doing anything.”
“I took my fair share of loads into the cellar.”
Caleb leaned close to Rose. “Hang on a minute. There’s something in your hair.”
“A spider?” She practically screeched the word.
He laughed and flicked something away. “Just a leaf.”
She jammed her hands on to her hips. “You did that on purpose.”
Lilly crowed with laughter. “He called your bluff. Serves you right.” She patted Caleb’s shoulder. “Good job.”
They looked at each other. He felt as if he could almost lose himself in her smiling, approving eyes.
Grinning, satisfaction warming his insides, he entered the dark, dank cellar and poured the carrots into the bin built against one wall. It held a goodly supply of carrots. More than he figured a family of four could eat in five winters.
He left the cellar, dusting his clothes to make sure no spiders came with him. “You planning to feed an army?”
Lilly chuckled. “We need lots to sell and give away.”
“Who do you give them to?”
“Anyone who needs them.”
He puzzled that a moment. “If you give them away, who buys them?”
“People we don’t like.” There was no mistaking the anger in Rose’s voice.
“Rose, that’s not true,” Lilly protested. “We sell them at the store in town.”
Caleb knew who Rose had been talking about, but he decided to let that particular conversation slip by without comment. “Do you want me to dump your potatoes?” He held a hand out to Rose.
“Thanks.” She handed him her basket. Likely she didn’t care to risk encountering any spiders.
He stepped in again and dumped the potatoes. That bin was only about half full—there were likely lots left in the garden still. If he had the time to spare away from his job at the Caldwells’, he would help dig them. He stood admiring the bounty and shared in the sense of satisfaction, even though he wouldn’t be one of those who benefitted from the Bells’ garden. Seeing a root cellar full in preparation for winter brought to mind so many things he had lost—home, hope and dreams. He sighed and went outside again.
