ALoveSoDeep

by Lili Valente

  Caitlin and I step off the shuttle, and jog hand in hand toward the international terminal, with eight minutes left before our flight is due to board. Just from the way her palm is sweating in mine, I can tell she’s starting to stress. Big time.

  “I’ll get the boarding passes,” I say as we hurry through the automatic doors. “You say goodbye to Sherry, and get the kids ready to go through security.”

  She nods and gives my hand one final squeeze before we part ways—me toward the self-serve kiosks, and her toward an anxious-looking Sherry, who is holding a sleeping Emmie in her arms. In the next row of seats, Ray and Sean lean tiredly against each other, a pile of backpacks at their feet. Caitlin and I agreed the kids should only bring their essentials, no suitcases. The lighter we travel, the more quickly we can move, and we can always buy new clothes and toys when we get to Porec.

  I print out the boarding passes and tuck each pass into the corresponding passport, hoping I’m saving us time, and that the kids are going to remember their new names just in case someone asks. Emmie, at least, looks too far gone to do more than drool on my shoulder as we pass through security, but hopefully Caitlin’s talk with the boys this afternoon made an impression. I know Ray and Sean are tough, but they’ve been through a lot the past year, and God only knows when the next stressful situation is going to be the one that breaks them.

  The only person I’m not worried about is Caitlin, who was a champion through the entire ordeal with Isaac, and started the van with a steady hand a minute after we left the house. Gone is the trembling, shattered woman who had trouble holding it together after Ned Pitt almost killed her. I don’t know if it’s the fact that Isaac is obviously going to live, or that Caitlin is simply that much tougher than she was before, but I can tell she’s already put our interlude with Isaac behind her and moved on, her focus on the future.

  I couldn’t be prouder of her, and I can’t wait to get on that plane tonight. I’ll breathe easier as soon as we touch down in Frankfurt, and have a few thousand miles, and an ocean, between her and my parents.

  “We ready?” I ask as I reach Caitlin and Sherry, who are talking in whispers so as not to wake Emmie. “Is everything okay?”

  Caitlin turns, driving a hand through her hair. “No. Danny ran off.”

  “What?” I ask, glancing around the terminal, wondering where he could have gone.

  “It was at the hotel,” Sherry clarifies in a tone that makes it clear she feels terrible for losing one of the kids. “He went to get snacks from the machine down the hall, and didn’t come back for a long time. Then Ray found a note in the bathroom. Danny said he’s not coming with you guys tonight. He wants to fly back to Maui with me next Tuesday to say good-bye to Sam, and then meet you after. He promised he’d come back to the hotel tomorrow morning after y’all were gone.”

  “I should have known something like this would happen,” Caitlin says, teeth digging into her bottom lip hard enough to turn the skin white. “He let me off the hook way too easy this afternoon when I told him we weren’t going back to Hawaii.” She curses softly. “God, that kid. What are we going to do?”

  “We’re going to get on the plane,” I say, glancing at Sherry. “Assuming you’re okay with taking Danny back to Maui with you next week?”

  Sherry nods. “Totally. I don’t mind at all, and he can stay with me and Bjorn until you guys book another flight for him. Danny and I get along great, I just feel so bad.”

  “Don’t feel bad,” Caitlin says, squeezing Sherry’s arm before turning back to me. “But I don’t know, Gabe. What if something happens and we can’t get him to Croatia to meet us? What will we do then?”

  “We’ll figure something out,” I say, adding gently. “And he’s a smart kid, he’s going to take care of himself tonight, and come back to Sherry tomorrow the way he promised. But if we don’t get going, we might not make the flight, and we’re not guaranteed another chance out of the country.”

  Caitlin filled me in on her sister’s warning on the way to the airport. She knows the danger is real, and after only a moment, she nods.

  “Okay, let’s go.” She grabs Emmie’s backpack and her own from the ground. “Ray, Sean, grab your bags, guys, we’ve got to hustle to make it on the plane.”

  “I want pretzels,” Sean says sleepily. “Will they have free pretzels on this one?”

  “I’ll buy you pretzels from the stewardess if they don’t,” I say, leaning down so that Sherry can more easily shift Emmie into my arms. Emmie snuffles and turns her cheek the other direction on my shoulder, but doesn’t wake up, and thirty seconds later we’ve waved good-bye to Sherry and started toward security.

  At ten-fifteen on a Monday night, the security line in the international terminal is nearly deserted. Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Clement and their sleepy daughter, Sophie—as well as Mrs. Clement’s two younger brothers, Derrick and Henry Dawes—are swept through the family line in just a few minutes, spared the ordeal of having to remove shoes by a quick sweep of Mr. Clement’s palms, proving he hasn’t been tampering with any chemicals or explosives in his recent past. (Though it’s a good thing they didn’t sweep Mrs. Clement, instead, as she might have had gun powder residue clinging to her skin.)

  The Clement clan reach their gate with a few minutes left to spare, and take their place at the end of the long line waiting to board the plane to Frankfurt. Seeing an opportunity to obtain the pretzels he promised his young brother-in-law, Mr. Clement leaves his bag with his beautiful wife, and heads into the travel shop a few yards away, where he grabs bottled waters, energy drinks, pretzels, granola bars, Starburst, M&Ms, and a coloring book, for when his daughter, Sophie, wakes up.

  He is in line to pay, certain he has plenty of time to rejoin his family in line, when his phone vibrates against his hip. He fumbles with his purchases, cradling them in one arm so he can pull the phone out of his pocket to see the name on the display.

  It is a familiar one.

  I blink, not able to make sense of seeing my father’s name on my screen. I had already slipped into Mr. Clement’s skin and was looking forward to a peaceful flight with my family to Frankfurt, Germany. I don’t intend to answer the call, but for some reason I find myself tapping the green button and putting the phone to my ear.

  “What can I do for you?” I ask in a pleasant voice, determined not to give my father the satisfaction of knowing how much he’s hurt me. All the hurt is almost over. As soon as I get on that plane, there is nothing but a bright future with a beautiful, strong, sexy woman, who loves me, exactly the way I am.

  “Where are you?” Dad asks, not bothering to hide his irritation. “You need to come home, your mother’s worried.”

  “I bet she is.” I smile at the clerk behind the counter as he rings up my purchases. “Mom hates it when things don’t go according to plan. And you two really put a lot into this one, didn’t you? Quite the investment of time, money, and deception.”

  My father sighs. “You’ve made contact with Caitlin.”

  “You could say that.” I pass over two twenty dollar bills, the clerk hands me back a few coins, and I claim my bag of goodies before starting back to the boarding line.

  “Just know that you have to take everything that girl says with a grain of salt, son,” my father says in his best litigator voice. “She’s an accomplished liar. She pulled the wool over all of our eyes last summer. But as soon as you went into the hospital, we saw her true colors. All she wanted was money, and she was willing to do anything to get it. She tried to blackmail me and your mother and—”

  “Oh please, Dad,” I say with a laugh, stopping next to a row of wall phones no one is using, to watch the boarding line creep forward, not wanting to get close enough for Caitlin or the kids to overhear my conversation. “I don’t know which is more impressive, the number of lies in that sentence, or the number of idioms. I thought you were supposed to be an award-winning orator. Seriously, I’m embarrassed for you.”

  “Gabriel, you need
to be very careful,” Aaron says, his irritation with me coming through loud and clear. “Things are going to be put into motion tomorrow that, once they’re started, can’t be stopped. If you want to avoid going to jail with that girl, you need to come home right now, and have a long talk with me and your mother about how we move forward from here.”

  I hum beneath my breath, lifting a hand to Caitlin when she turns to look for me. She hitches Emmie higher in her arms and lifts her brows. I hold up one finger and she smiles, and it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Because there is nothing but truth in that smile, nothing but heart and hope. I know what real love feels like now, and nothing my father can say can destroy what Caitlin and I have rediscovered.

  All the money and power and influence in the world can’t hold a candle to the power of this kind of love.

  “Did you hear me, son?” my father asks. “It’s time to get your life back on track before it’s too late. You have a legacy to live up to. I don’t want you to pay the price for falling in with the wrong kind of girl, but if you give me no other choice…”

  “There’s always a choice, Dad,” I say. “You had a choice whether or not to defend people you knew were guilty. You had a choice whether to try to bully me into being exactly like you for my entire childhood.”

  “Now, see here, Gabriel, I—”

  “And you had a choice whether or not to trick me into having the surgery, and then lie to me about Caitlin after,” I say, judging by the stunned silence that Aaron is surprised to learn I’ve recovered that particular memory. “But even though I want to hate you for telling Caitlin I was dead, and breaking her heart, I can’t. Because without you, I wouldn’t have had the surgery, or be here with Caitlin right now. I have a second chance at life with the woman I love because of you, Dad, so I want to say…thank you. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your life. I hope you can forget you ever had a son who caused you so much trouble.”

  I hang up before he can answer, and move to tuck my phone back into my pocket, but at the last minute I toss it into the trash can along with the receipt from my purchases. I join Caitlin and the kids in line and take my backpack from Ray, who shoots my paper bag an interested look.

  “Any candy in there, Gabe?” Ray asks.

  “Starburst and M&Ms,” I say, laughing when his eyes light up. “But you have to ask Caitlin when it’s okay to have them.”

  “As soon as we find our seats and get buckled in,” Caitlin says, smiling at Ray. “I think we all deserve a treat.”

  “I want M&Ms before my pretzels,” Sean says, looking more awake than he did a few minutes ago, clearly excited by the beginning of our adventure. “No, I want M&Ms and pretzels at the same time!”

  “Gross,” Ray says, wrinkling his nose.

  “It’s not gross,” Sean protests in a louder voice. “It’s delicious.”

  “Hush guys, you’ll wake Emmie,” Caitlin says, glancing up at me as we shuffle a few steps closer to the front of the line. “Everything okay?”

  I nod. “Just saying goodbye. Looks like we were smart to leave tonight.”

  Her eyes widen. “Your parents?”

  “My dad,” I said. “But it’s okay. He didn’t have any idea where we were. We’ll be gone before he figures out where we’ve gone.”

  Caitlin nods, her brows drawing together. “How about you, are you okay?”

  “I’m perfect.” I put my arm around her shoulders, and draw her close to my side for the rest of our shuffle to the front of the line. We separate long enough to give the stewardess our tickets, but come back together as we walk down the jet way. We sit together on the flight, with Emmie sprawled across our laps, and Caitlin falls asleep on my shoulder just after the movie.

  But I stay awake, watching her sleep, too high to close my eyes. I’m high on escape, and on anticipation for our life ahead. But most of all, I’m high on the love I feel for this woman I am lucky enough to call mine. No matter what the future holds, or how many lies we’ll have to tell to protect ourselves from the past, I know one thing will always be true—loving Caitlin is the greatest rush I’ll ever know.

  Epilogue

  Caitlin

  Seven summers later

  “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

  -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

  We arrive at the summer cottage the same time we do every year, just after the spring chill has faded from the air, but the sea is still too cold to swim in, while the village of Porec is still relatively tourist free, and the only bustle on the streets is from the fisherman heading out to sea in the early morning light.

  I always get up early the first few days of the trip to sit on the porch with a cup of tea and watch the ships drift out toward the horizon, savoring the moments of peace before the chaos of the day begins. It’s something I’ve done since that first summer, when we came here fresh from that miserable year that is a dim memory now, but this is the first time Danny has joined me in my early morning ritual.

  My brother, like most twenty-year-olds, isn’t big on getting up before sunrise.

  “You’re sure you’re going to be okay?” he asks, tucking his sandy blond hair behind his ears. It’s long enough to tie back, but still tangled from sleep at five-thirty in the morning. “You don’t need me to stay a little longer?”

  I smile. “I’m fine. Gabe already has Emmie enrolled in dance lessons three days a week, and Ray has his job at the bookstore to keep him busy. We’ll just have to find a way to keep Sean entertained until his friends from school come down in a few weeks, but everything else is under control.”

  Danny’s eyes drop pointedly to my swollen belly. “But what about You Know Who?” he asks, our nickname for the unborn baby.

  Gabe and I decided we didn’t want to know the sex until our son or daughter was born, which resulted in my brothers coming up with all kinds of nicknames for the baby including Critter, Loin Fruit Number One, and Creature from the Womb Lagoon. Needless to say, I’m glad “You Know Who” is the name that stuck.

  “The baby is fine. We’re both doing great, and Gabe is hovering enough for three fathers,” I say. “Go have a great summer with Sam.”

  “Did I hear my name?” Gabe steps out onto the porch, coffee in hand. He’s wearing striped pajama pants, and a battered gray tee shirt, with his hair sticking up in ten different directions, and sleep puffing the edges of his bright blue eyes, but he still takes my breath away.

  The man keeps getting better looking—or I keep falling deeper in love with him, one or the other. Either way, just looking at him is still enough to make me feel lit up from the inside out.

  “Caitlin said you were cramping her pregnant lady style,” Danny says, grinning that wicked grin I would say he inherited from Gabe if they were related by blood.

  “I did not.” I shift over on the porch swing to make room for my husband. He sits, and I swing my legs into his lap, knowing I’ll get a foot rub as soon as he finishes his coffee. “I said you were very…attentive.”

  Gabe lifts a skeptical brow. “Well, the baby will be born soon, and then I can hover around her crib, instead. Give you your space.”

  I shake my head, lips curving. “You know I don’t want my space.” I lean in for a kiss and Danny groans.

  “Could you please give it a rest, you two?” he asks. “Some of us haven’t seen our girlfriends since Christmas. It’s not fair to rub your love in everyone’s face.”

  “Don’t be jealous,” Gabe mumbles against my lips as he kisses me again. “She has terrible morning breath.”

  I pull back with a laugh and slap his arm, careful not to spill my tea. “I do not, you rat. I brushed my teeth before I came outside.”

  Gabe grins as he sets his coffee on the table beside the swing, brings his coffee-cup-warmed hands to my puffy ankles, and begins to rub. “Just trying to ease Danny’s pain, draga.” Out of all of us, Gabe has assimilated to our new country the best. We all speak Croatian now, but Gabe is the only one
who uses Croatian pet names.

  We probably could have gone back to the states several years ago—Gabe’s parents never did turn over that tape, and no charges were filed against me—but we liked our new home even more than we thought we would.

  It felt good to start over in a place with history, and a weight to it neither of us had ever felt in South Carolina. We all ditched our fake personas a few months into our adventure—a relief for everyone, especially the kids, who had a hard time getting used to their new names—and Gabe and I applied for citizenship. We have decided to stay in Croatia indefinitely, though Emmie and the boys are still citizens of the United States.

  “So have you gotten hold of Sam?” Gabe asks, his nimble fingers working their magic on my aching feet. I never dreamed being eight months pregnant would be so hard on my ankles, but they hurt even worse than the small of my back.

  Danny shakes his head, and the smile fades from his face. “No. But I’m sure she’s just busy with finals and other college girl stuff.”

  “I’m sure she’ll call soon,” I say, hoping I’m right.

  Miraculously, Danny and Sam have stayed together for seven years, maintaining their relationship long distance during the school year, and meeting up on Maui every summer, when Sam goes to visit her mother, and Danny goes to stay with Sherry and Bjorn. Their relationship has lasted longer than a lot of adult marriages. It would be sad to see them break up now, when Sam is halfway through college, and Danny is making enough money as a videographer and extreme sports tour guide to set them up with a nice little nest egg by the time Sam graduates.

  Danny shrugs. “Yeah. I’m sure she will.” But he doesn’t sound sure, and I can tell his light, teasing mood is gone for the day. “I’ll go finish packing, then. If you’re sure you don’t need me hanging around.”