Through The Water: Fairest Series Book Two

by Myers, Shannon

  His grin widened as he came to a stop in front of me.

  I channeled every bit of my focus into not jumping into his arms.

  Mainly because he still had the one crutch.

  But also, because he left with no explanation.

  “Did you…” I cleared my throat, struggling to keep the affection out of my voice. “Did you forget something?”

  “Yeah.” Killian nodded before reaching up to cup my cheek, letting his thumb caress my bottom lip. “This.”

  His head lowered to mine, and I forgot to breathe—forgot that someone might see—forgot anything that existed beyond the two of us. It was selfish, but I’d missed the feeling of finding my face reflected in his eyes and basking in the glow of his attention.

  I watched from under my lashes, wanting to witness the moment Killian claimed my mouth with his. Instead, he held back, letting his forehead rest against mine while his thumb continued tracing a path across my lips.

  More.

  “I needed this,” he murmured, his minty breath warming my skin.

  The fluttering in my chest migrated lower, leaving me aching for the unfamiliar. A man shouldn’t have had the ability to work me into a frenzy just by breathing on me.

  Clearly, my previous heart issues were just indicators of a more serious underlying condition. A condition that left me willing to give up my plans of escape for more of Killian.

  The moment ended just as quickly as it began when someone announced the bus’ arrival. I pulled away, expecting an audience, but it seemed the massive art installation just off the elevators had kept us hidden from view.

  In fact, the only person watching was Killian. His chest rose and fell steadily as he waited for me to say something. His self-control might have remained intact, but I was on the verge of spontaneously combusting and needed a moment to collect myself.

  We hadn’t seen each other in ten days, and I wasn’t ready to walk away again, even if Tsega had insisted that the aquarium was a good time.

  I wanted answers—and more kissing, dammit!

  “Ari.”

  I shook my head, still wrestling with my emotions. “Not yet. I’m not ready.”

  Killian released a pained breath before taking a step back. There was nothing calm in the way he dragged his hands through his hair. “Look, Fynn said seizures could be caused by stress. I felt like—like maybe I was taking advantage of a situation.”

  In spite of the serious nature of Killian’s confession, I burst out laughing. Given that my preliminary plan had involved using him as a means of escape, it seemed like an entirely logical response.

  “They tried to wean me off my seizure medication. Turns out, that was a terrible idea,” I explained with another chuckle.

  Killian, however, did not share my humor. His lovely and decidedly un-caterpillar-like eyebrows pulled together in concern as he took in my reaction. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry—”

  My smile faded. I hated that his rejection could crush my spirit as easily as his absence had. “You’re sorry—so, you came all this way just to clear your conscience?”

  It would have been easier if he’d never come back at all. Because this time, I’d be forced to watch as he walked away from me for the last time.

  “I—” His throat bobbed in a swallow. “Is that what you want?”

  No.

  Yes.

  Can we go back to the part where you kiss me, and we never have conversations that feel like goodbye?

  After blinking away the conflicting thoughts and sudden tears of frustration that pricked my eyes, I offered up my best fake smile. “Look, I’ve got to go—the bus is waiting.”

  I brushed past him, allowing my nostrils the sadistic pleasure of furiously inhaling his cologne, before making my way toward the front doors.

  See—progress.

  “Ari.” I heard the squeak of his crutch behind me and considered breaking into a sprint to avoid hearing anything else. “Ari, wait!”

  It only hurts if you let it…

  I turned, trying to coerce my wobbling lips into another smile before giving up with a growl. “What? What else is there to say? I’m sorry I had a seizure and made you change your mind? Seriously, you could have saved yourself the trip because I got the message loud and clear the first time.”

  There was a small part of me that longed to tell him I was the one who’d saved him, just to see his reaction. But I wouldn’t trap a man in a cage built of obligation, forcing even the smallest measures of admiration to wither into resentment.

  Killian’s face paled, and he came to a sudden stop. “Changed my mind? Jesus Christ, Ariana. You really think I’d tell you I wanted to be with you, only to take it back the next day?”

  Promises were easily made and easily broken; I knew that as well as anybody.

  His eyes narrowed as he took a step toward me. “Answer the question. Do you really think that you mean so little to me—”

  “I woke up, and you were gone,” I whispered, avoiding his gaze, afraid of what I might find reflected in his eyes. “What was I supposed to think?”

  Killian flinched at the cold assessment before jerking his chin in a nod. “You’re right. I got scared and ran, thinking nothing could be worse than the seven minutes I held you during that seizure. Turns out, I was wrong. The hardest thing has been living without you for the last ten days.”

  “Why did you come back, Killian?”

  I had to will my feet to stay where they were when he admitted, “I came back for you if you’ll have me.”

  The tingling sensation returned with a vengeance as I watched his teeth come together, flexing the muscle in his jaw. But before I flung myself into his arms and plastered his face with kisses, I had a few questions I needed answered.

  “What if it happens again?”

  He stilled. “I won’t leave if that’s what you’re asking—not unless you want me to. No amount of apologizing can take away the hurt I caused when I walked away from you, and that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The only thing I can do is keep showing up to prove it to you.”

  This time, I erased the distance between us to place my hand against his chest, feeling the steady thrumming beneath my palm. “Do you promise you won’t look at me differently than you did before—” I bit down on my lip. “I don’t want you staying out of some sense of pity.”

  Killian held my eyes with his. “I feel a lot of things when I look at you, Ari, but pity isn’t one of them.”

  The rumbled tone of his voice reignited the spark of longing in my lower belly, and I gazed up at him in confusion.

  What was he doing to me?

  He chuckled at my dazed expression before bringing his arms up to encircle my waist, tucking my head beneath his chin. “I missed you, girl.”

  I didn’t care if someone saw us. It felt right—like maybe I’d been made to fit him. So, I stopped holding my breath long enough to whisper, “I missed you too, Killian.”

  * * *

  “What’s wrong? I thought you’d love this place.”

  I frowned distractedly at the glass, just as puzzled by my reaction as Killian seemed to be. When Tsega first mentioned the aquarium, I’d envisioned a few fish tanks, backlit by fluorescent bulbs. But this was an elaborate theme park, complete with underwater tunnels and a train that passed through the shark tank.

  The only real light came from within, casting everything in soft blue light. Sea life surrounded us on both sides, immersing us in an oceanic experience, and making it hard to pinpoint what it was about this place that left me feeling unsettled.

  “It’s just,” I paused as a sea turtle lazily swam up, suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. “They’ll be confined within these plexiglass boxes forever.”

  Killian used his crutch like canes as he moved to join me at the loggerheads’ case. “I don’t know, they look pretty happy to me.”

  A smaller one watched him curiously, using a flipper to drag itself along the front of the case. �
�Hey, little guy. See? He’s damn near smiling.” He tapped his fingers lightly against the glass. The loggerhead moved closer, before turning its head toward me.

  “Wait a minute, buddy,” Killian chuckled, rolling up his sleeves. “You moving in on my girl? I think he’s hitting on you, Ari. Hold my crutch, because I’m gonna have to kick this turtle’s ass.”

  I smiled at the possessiveness in his words and turned to study his profile. Not long after his apology, Tsega had appeared from behind the art installation to drag me onto the bus. Once he realized that True North had rented out the entire space for the day, Killian decided to tag along.

  Separately—as in, he brought his own vehicle.

  It hadn’t exactly left us with an opportunity to talk or perhaps repeat a particular earth-shattering kiss, just to see if it was as good as I remembered.

  After all, I did have a brain injury, so really, it was for purely scientific reasons that I found myself staring at his full lips. I’d been holding my hand down at my side for the last hour, flexing my fingers, practically begging him to touch me.

  It was an invitation he’d yet to accept.

  “Look at him, just eyeing you like I’m not even standing here,” Killian said in mock frustration, the side of his mouth quirking up ever so slightly.

  “How can he be happy in a place like this?”

  He kept his eyes on the glass when he answered as if he was conversing with his reptilian enemy, and not me. “Well, according to the sign, loggerheads are endangered. In here, he has the perfect habitat and is completely safe from predators. Oh, and he never has to worry about food—sounds like a kick-ass life to me.”

  My chest tightened when I realized what it was that bothered me.

  The turtle was me.

  “Maybe he seems happy because he doesn’t know anything else. Maybe, to him, the walls have always been there. And sure, he’s safe from predators, but only because he’s living as a prisoner. He’ll never know the world beyond this box—forced to rely on his captors for everything!” Several staff members turned at the sound of my raised voice. I gave a weak wave before turning away in embarrassment.

  Killian lifted a brow, blatantly amused by my outburst. “You alright there, slugger? Are we still talking about the turtle?”

  Were we?

  Even before his return, I’d considered tabling my plans of escape. Tsega was right, I wasn’t in any condition to brave the world on my own. But this place with its pretty glass cages stoked my fears, making me think that maybe I’d never be fully prepared.

  “Let’s look at something else.” My tone was laced with desperation, but I strode ahead, hoping he hadn’t seen the terror reflected in my eyes.

  The bright colors seemed dull now that I saw them for what they were—possessions. Endangered and rare were interchangeable terms here, something that made an object more valuable to its owner.

  Why else would they display their shiny, exotic collectibles in glass cases if not to boast of their wealth and power?

  If those loggerheads were scarred or damaged in some way, they’d still be in the ocean, blissfully unaware that places like this existed. They wouldn’t be worth catching.

  Just like Brad hadn’t bought me. He’d purchased the one thing that made me valuable, something worth conquering. Once I’d been stripped of it, he’d lock me in a pretty cage, only trotting me out for show.

  When Ashlynn had admitted to losing her virginity to Matt, she’d lost her worth in Tristan’s eyes. Back then, I was ignorant of just how deep the corruption went, never imagining the uproar it would have caused had the church found out. At the very least, the scandal would have put an end to Tristan’s lucrative side business.

  I swallowed, suddenly dizzy with the realization that I’d just discovered Tristan’s motive for murder. He hadn’t just auctioned off his daughters to the wealthy donors within the church. He was a man who was willing to permanently silence anyone or anything to keep his secrets safe.

  If Matt had tried to speak out over Ashlynn’s death, I never heard it. But by then, he might have been off fighting in a war. Maybe he’d come home and just assumed she’d moved on.

  Killian’s hand moved to my lower back, sending a small jolt of excitement through my core. The visceral reaction was enough to send my thoughts scurrying off in an entirely new direction—one that involved dark corners and kissing… lots and lots of kissing.

  “You’re making that face again,” he noted dryly, his fingers tightening against my skin. “Hate to break it you, slugger, but everything in here is locked behind glass.”

  I licked my suddenly dry lips before meeting his stare. “Yeah? That doesn’t seem right.”

  “You wanna see it wild and free, maybe you’d better put in a request for a field trip to the ocean next time.”

  With the exception of an accident I couldn’t remember, I’d lived my entire life in next times and maybes, letting someone else dictate my fate. If I didn’t try to chart my own course, then Killian would eventually become just one more thing I missed.

  “Promise me we’ll go someday,” I said in a wobbly voice, extending my pinky finger. “Right here, right now.”

  Killian took it in his with a grin. “Absolutely, slugger. Once you’re released, we’ll go down to Galveston for the day. I was also thinking, if it doesn’t interfere with your schedule, maybe you’d like to join me in West Palm Beach for spring training. You wouldn’t have to stay the whole time—”

  What would it be like—to only feel small when wading into the vast waters of the ocean?

  “Yes,” I breathed, releasing his finger to run my hand along the outside of his arm. He released a sharp breath when I tugged him forward. Closer. “I’d like that.”

  A visible shudder moved down Killian’s body, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he debated with himself.

  Disappointment wrapped around my heart like one of the tentacles on my necklace. I needed him to touch me, to erase all the doubts in my mind that told me we could never be together.

  He lowered his head to mine, speaking softly through gritted teeth. “Do you know how hard it is for me not to kiss you when you touch me like that? But I don’t know if our rule is still in effect. Christ, Ari. Do you need me to be your friend here—what do you want?”

  I lifted my chin, fighting the smile tugging at my lips. “I just want you to treat me like a normal girl.”

  Killian’s eyes flashed as they moved over my body, lingering for a few extra seconds on my breasts before he jerked his chin in a nod.

  “There’s just one problem with that,” he bit out in a taut voice. “You’re not a normal girl.”

  “Oh.” I let my arm fall back to my side and put some distance between us, trying to inject cheerfulness in my tone as I stopped in front of another case. “Did you see these? Longnose killifish. That’s interesting.”

  You know what else was interesting? Being told you weren’t normal and not knowing whether it was a compliment or an insult.

  “Hey,” Killian murmured in my ear, his fingertips trailing lightly down my spine. “That didn’t come out quite like I’d hoped it would.”

  He straightened when a couple of patients from our group stopped to read the sign. I took the opportunity to turn around to face him, searching his eyes for some insight into what he was feeling.

  “Come here.”

  With his left hand on my shoulder, Killian led me through the door for the bathrooms and into a deserted hallway. The lighting was harsh compared to the aquarium’s, and it took several seconds for my eyes to adjust.

  “What are—”

  I didn’t get a chance to complete the thought before he was pushing me forward. There was an audible thud as his crutch fell to the concrete, and the heavy door slammed shut behind us.

  Killian’s chest brushed against mine as he guided me back against a wall, before bracing his hands over my head. “I’m sorry.” He released a sharp breath. “I suck at saying the right thin
g—”

  “Don’t,” I warned, letting my hands slowly move up the muscles in his arms before coming to rest against his neck. It seemed like a tragedy that he’d brought me in here just to apologize. He pulled away, and I tightened my grip with a growl of frustration.

  Did this man not understand how badly I needed to touch him?

  “Ari—” Killian pleaded, the muscle in his jaw twitching in earnest as he inhaled a deep breath. His resolve was close to slipping, he just needed a little push.

  “I need to feel you.” I reached for his hand, placing it against my hip. “Don’t you want that?”

  “Does it fucking feel like I don’t want that?” He growled, grinding his hard length against the lower part of my belly. “If you’d let me, I’d fuck you up against this wall right now. But you’re not a normal girl. Not to me.”

  There it was again.

  Two words that felt like a judgment.

  “Why?” I stifled a moan as my hips arched forward, instinctively seeking the friction of him. “Because of my brain injury? The seizure? What is it that makes me so abnormal to you?”

  My body’s response was foreign but not unwelcome. If sex wasn’t meant to be pleasurable, then why did the mere feel of Killian leave me needy with want?

  “Christ,” he muttered with a ragged breath, tightening his hold on my hip. “I ache for you, Ari, in a way that I’ve never experienced with anyone else. But our first time together won’t be in a dirty hallway—”

  It wasn’t that dirty.

  “Please,” I begged, throwing in some very unladylike moans. I didn’t want to stop, not when it felt so good. Killian caught my hands as they inched their way down his torso, quickly pinning them above my head with a low growl.

  Sensing that I wasn’t about to be deterred, he dipped down and let his full lips brush against mine. His tongue moved in all the ways I wished his body would, tangled and twisted around me.

  There was something incredibly sensual in the way he held my hands against the wall, guiding our movements using only his mouth. His stubble roughly scraped along my jaw, his lips devouring my earlier doubts.