Secrets That We Keep

by Linda Kage

  “You’re right; I shouldn’t have said anything to you,” she choked out before spinning away to escape.

  But I dodged in front of her so I could slam my hand against the door and gape at her. “Well, you did say something,” I accused incredulously. “So you can’t stop there. What the fuck really happened between you, and Bella, and Ethan?”

  Yellow shook her head, her breathing coming in unsteady bursts. I was causing her to hyperventilate, but I couldn’t seem to back off.

  “Just tell me,” I demanded impatiently.

  “I—” she tried through choppy breaths as she pressed a hand to her chest. “I didn’t—I didn’t cheat. I would never do that to Isabella.”

  “What’re you saying, then?” My heart rammed against the interior of my rib cage. Because if she hadn’t stabbed Bella in the back, then I wouldn’t have to hate her. “That he lied to you?” I guessed. “Told you they’d broken up or something? What?”

  “Oh God,” she said in a small voice before she clawed frantically at my arm, getting me to step back and unblock the exit.

  “Hey,” I said softly to calm her. “It’s okay. I’m moving. See.” Lifting my hands so she wouldn’t feel trapped, I added, “But you can’t say all this and then just leave.”

  “Why?” she snapped angrily, glaring up at me. Her eyes flamed with terror and frustration and rage. Balling her hand into a fist, she repeated louder. “Why can’t I go? You’re already denying everything before I can even say a single word, so it’s not like you’re going to believe me anyway.”

  “Believe what?” I cried, throwing my hands into the air. “You haven’t told me what happened. Just what didn’t happen? And if it didn’t happen, then why did you never tell Bella? Jesus, you were her friend. And she thinks you betrayed her.”

  “Well, she’s wrong, and I—” She shook her head savagely. “I kept her safe because sometimes it’s better to believe a lie.”

  I blinked, then shook my head before exploding, “What?” What in God’s name did that even mean?

  Yellow seemed to crumple under my incredulous stare. Shaking her head, she backed away from me. “I—I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  But she didn’t leave. Her chest was heaving, and her breathing had increased. Tears glittered in her eyes as she leaned forward and rested her forehead on the door.

  I had no idea what was happening, but I fell victim to all the innocence I wanted to believe she had.

  “Talk to me,” I pleaded, gently touching her back. “I want to help you. I want to understand. I just need to know what you aren’t saying here. And I will believe you. I promise.”

  She sniffed, and tears trickled down her cheeks. “I wouldn’t have said anything at all,” she started, her voice almost too shaky to be recognizable. “But I can’t handle you thinking of me that way. I can’t handle you thinking I’m a—that I’m a—”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Because I’m not. I swear it.”

  “Yellow.” My touch shifted to her shoulder and then down her arm to her hand. When I made it to her fingers, she interlaced hers with mine and squeezed tight, even as she shuddered and refused to look back at me.

  “I believe you,” I said.

  This time, I didn’t ask for details. I just left it at that. Everyone had their secrets. I should allow her to keep hers.

  She hiccupped a sob and whirled around, breaking our hold so she could lurch toward me. Rising up onto her toes and throwing her arms around me, she hugged me hard as she buried her face into my chest. “Thank you.”

  I hugged her back, cupping the back of her head in my palm and stroking the other hand soothingly down her spine. Neither of us spoke. She kept her thoughts to herself, and I held her, anyway.

  Afterward, she silently pulled away and looked up at me. Then she reached up and cupped my cheek in one hand for half a second, silently thanking me with her gaze, before she pulled away and left the room.

  Feeling strangely bereft at her absence, I fell into a chair and cradled my hands in my head. Blowing out a long, unsteady breath, I sat up again and wiped my face with my palms.

  I didn’t know what to think about Yellow Nicksen anymore. I just knew I couldn’t hate her, no matter what she’d done or hadn’t done. And I absolutely could not believe that she’d cheated with my sister’s fiancé, no matter how much evidence was stacked up against her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Fox

  THAT NEXT FRIDAY

  After getting plastered at my surprise birthday party, I didn’t feel like ever drinking again. So when I got a message from Julian saying we were having an impromptu guys’ night out, I instantly wanted to decline. But I knew everyone would ask why if I didn’t show up. I didn’t want to have to answer that, ergo it seemed safer to just go.

  There was always so much talk and conversation at these things, no one would notice if I moodily kept to the sidelines and simply existed in the group for a few hours without actually participating in anything.

  It wasn’t like I had anything else to do, anyway, except sit at home alone and be miserable.

  I’d been too chicken shit to call Bella all week long. After the drunken booty call text she’d never responded to, I felt like I’d messed up beyond fixing anything. If I called now, it would just prompt her to cut me free permanently.

  I wasn’t ready for that, so I had done my own thing these past few days.

  And she hadn’t tried to contact me once.

  Trying not to think about what that probably meant, I ordered a burger basket and Coke as I found a spot between JB and Beau at the table where Julian had reserved the back VIP room for us at his dad’s bar.

  “You missed the bet going around for the game tonight,” my brother-in-law informed me, barely able to take his eyes off the large screen that covered the back wall as he popped a handful of beer nuts into his mouth. “But Dominic’s holding the pot if you still want in.”

  I had no idea what game was playing or even what sport they were planning to watch, so I shook my head and waved a hand. “Nah. I’m good.”

  He shrugged, murmuring, “Suit yourself,” as he took a long drink from his bottle.

  I watched him a moment, studying the tight pinch around his mouth and the deep shadows under his eyes. He didn’t seem to be faring too well tonight either.

  Leaning his way, I lowered my voice just enough so that only he’d hear me. “How’s Bentley doing?”

  Initially, he flinched at the question. But when he glanced my way, he nodded as if to reassure me that she was fine. “Some days aren’t so good,” he admitted, keeping his voice low and watching the others as he turned his face my way to answer. “But she keeps getting better. She and Braiden went over to your parents’ tonight to start planning for the holidays or something with your mom. I think some mom-time will do her good.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Moms just had that soothing effect, I swear. Besides, keeping herself busy and distracted couldn’t hurt either.

  Beau nodded with me. “Yeah,” he agreed, even though he had to glance down and pick at the label on his beer as he said it. “We’ll be okay.”

  Before I could ask him anything else, Julian caught his attention from across the table and asked about his sister, since Lucy Olivia’s pregnancy seemed to be the hot topic in the group these days.

  As he answered that question, I turned my attention to my other side, but Dominic had taken JB’s attention, and they were talking about pregnant wives.

  Across from me, Trick was telling Gracen a story that was causing Gray to frown in baffled confusion, and further down the table, Luke was pointing between Cress and Maverick and ordering them to stop making out because—as he claimed—there was no tongue allowed at guys’ night. But he cut his lecture short when a cute waitress entered the room, toting a huge serving tray that carried our first round of meals. And by the way he looked at her, I had a feeling he’d be just fine with tongu
e at guys’ night if she offered hers up.

  “Here, Becca. Let me help with that.” Also an employee at the club here—but currently on his night off—Luke rushed from his chair to assist and help her pass out plates.

  Trick wasn’t far behind, appearing at her other side to assist as well. The two had her blushing and laughing as all three of them distributed the food together in no time.

  Setting an elbow on the back of Beau’s chair, Julian leaned toward him as he motioned his finger at the departing girl. “Notice it was all the single guys in the group who just tripped over each other to help the pretty waitress.”

  Beau snickered as he nodded in agreement. “Losers must think they stand a chance.”

  Luke flipped him the bird as he reseated himself. “She’s a coworker, thank you very much,” he explained defensively as he grabbed a ketchup bottle and unscrewed it. “I was just being nice.”

  “Me too,” Trick agreed, slipping back into his spot next to Gray and stealing a fry from his plate. “She’s my father’s employee.” Then he smirked and wiggled his brows Luke’s way. “And besides, I already hooked up with her last month.”

  “What?!” Luke cried incredulously. “The hell if you did. I’ve been working on her for over a year, and she’s barely just now starting to warm up to me.”

  Trick merely shrugged with a self-congratulating chuckle. “Hey, I can’t help it if the girl’s got good taste.”

  “Motherfucker,” Luke hissed, still gaping in disbelief before demanding, “Did you really nail her?”

  With a flinch, Trick shook his head. “Nail is such an ugly term.”

  “You suck,” Luke howled. “I can’t believe I put that much effort into someone, only for you to come along and steal her right out from under me.”

  “Dude, sorry.” Starting to look contrite, Trick shrugged. “But if you want her now, she and I are—”

  “I don’t want your damn leftovers! Are you kidding me?”

  Before they could argue longer, JB spoke up, motioning between me and Gray. “Why didn’t these two notice the waitress? They’re still single, aren’t they?”

  “Hey, that’s right,” Beau said suddenly, turning to me with interest. “Is there something you need to share with the class, Fox?”

  “What?”

  Well, shit. As every guy in the room turned his gaze on me, I gulped uneasily. I couldn’t lie to them, but I couldn’t break Bella’s confidence either. Especially if I wasn’t sure if we were even a non-thing anymore.

  So I shrank back, eyeing each man who was suddenly watching me before mumbling, “No.”

  So they turned to Gray, who finally seemed to realize he was the sole focus of the room. Glancing up from the phone screen he was scowling at intently, he blinked at us and said, “Huh?”

  “What’s up with you tonight, Lowe?” Julian asked him pointedly.

  “I, uh...” He cringed and glanced down at his phone again as if unsure if he should say anything. Then he blurted, “I think Bella might be seeing her ex again.”

  “What?” some of the others cried in outrage, while I nearly choked on the drink I was taking.

  As I coughed and sputtered, Julian asked, “You mean the asshole who cheated on her?”

  My brother-in-law finally reached over and slapped me on the back. “You okay there, Fox?”

  Eyes watering, I nodded, mumbling, “Yeah. Fine. Just went down the wrong pipe.”

  My gaze veered back to Gracen as he answered Julian with a nod. “Yeah. She’s been texting some fucker that goes by the Warthog, and she won’t tell me shit about him.”

  I immediately lowered my gaze, feeling like I’d expose myself and break Bella’s confidence if anyone noticed the guilty expression on my face. But fuck, Gray was seriously worried about her. And he was like a damn brother to me. Every man here was. Yet I was lying to all of them by keeping silent as they made faces at each other and murmured, “The Warthog?”

  “Why would she keep a relationship from me?” Gray went on. “Unless it’s a toxic one.”

  We weren’t toxic, I immediately wanted to defend. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I mean, aside from me feeling as shitty as I did now for lying to my brothers, and losing my self-confidence while I stressed over reasons why she was so resistant to committing herself to me, and drinking myself into oblivion on my birthday because I’d been so scared about losing her. And—

  Holy fuck.

  Had we become toxic?

  Because of one secret?

  Wiping a hand over my face as the men around me tried to think up reasons why Bella wouldn’t open up to Gray, I plummeted into a cold sweat.

  “Maybe she realized she was into women instead of men,” Cress guessed as the waitress returned with another round of meals.

  Neither Luke nor Trick rose to help her this time, eyeing each other warily as she distributed food, while Gracen shook his head, muttering, “Like I’d care about that.”

  “I’m sure she’ll come around and talk to you when she’s ready,” Julian, the voice of reason, answered.

  Gray nodded, though he still seemed concerned as the conversation around us moved on and the waitress finished her task. I lifted my hand before she could leave the room, and I ordered a beer.

  I think I needed a drink after all.

  Two hours later, I couldn’t see straight.

  “Hey, you okay?” Beau asked, grabbing my arm to steady me when we all stood to go home and I immediately tripped over my damn chair. Which I probably would’ve done if I’d been sober.

  Stupid chair.

  “I’m fine,” I slurred, brushing his hand away, except I missed my aim.

  “Yeah, no. No, you’re not,” he told me, his voice amused before he called, “Hey, can someone take Fox home? His place is out of my way.”

  “His place is more out of my way than yours,” Luke called, disclaiming all responsibility.

  “I gotta stop by the store and pick up some ice cream and pickles,” Dominic answered with a wince. “Apparently, Skylar’s having cravings.”

  Eww.

  Stomach gurgling over the idea of mixing ice cream with pickles, I groaned and shook my head before slapping a hand over my gut. Or maybe there was just too much alcohol sloshing around in there.

  “Dude, he ain’t riding with me,” Trick announced. “Looks like he’s going to hurl any moment.”

  Another handful of rejections were quickly tossed in after that before a reluctant voice answered, “Dammit, I guess I can take him. His place is on my way.”

  Recognizing the speaker, I winced.

  No, I wanted to whine. Anyone but—

  A heavy hand slapped down on my shoulder. “Looks like you’re with me, Parker. Spew on my leather seats and you pay for the detailing.”

  Great. This was just great.

  I opened my lashes and sighed at Gray. He had the same dark hair and blue-gray eyes as his sister, and it hurt like fuck to look at him. This ache tore through me in a violent rush that kind of made me want to bawl.

  When I blinked at him, seeing first Bella, then Gracen, I wavered on my feet, and he clasped my shoulders between his hands as he said, “You going to be able to walk by yourself, or do you need help?”

  With a scowl, I backed away from him and started toward the exit of the VIP room. “I can walk perfectly fine by my damn—”

  Hissing out a shock of pain, I scowled at the corner of a table that had jumped into my path and hip-checked me in the freaking thigh.

  Violent fucking furniture.

  “Watch where you’re going,” I snarled at the table, nudging the obstructive shithead out of my path.

  “Yeah, I think I better give you a hand,” Gray announced as he wrapped his fingers around my upper bicep and guided me away from the table before the two of us came to blows again.

  I made a face at the table before sniffing Gracen’s way. “I still would’ve tripped over it, even if I’d been sober.” This room was
like a minefield; I wasn’t sure how anyone could navigate it.

  “Right,” Gray agreed in a cajoling tone. “Of course you would have. But wow, did turning twenty-five hit you that hard or what? This makes two weekends in a row you haven’t been able to hold your liquor.”

  That’s because liquor wasn’t meant to be held; it was meant to be drunk. Hello.

  “You just don’t understand,” I tried to turn to him and explain as we walked along, only to run into his shoulder.

  “Dude! What is wrong with you?” Tightening his grip on me, Gracen tried to straighten me back out, but I kept facing him until I reached out with both hands and clutched his face between my palms.

  “You’re like a brother to me, do you know that?” I asked.

  “Uh…” His brow furrowed in absolute confusion. “Yeah,” he finally added before briefly touching the side of my head and adding, “You’re like a brother to me too, man. Now could you stop creeping me out with the touchy-feely shit? It’s fucking weird.”

  “Yeah,” I said with a nod and slowly dropped my hands. “Yeah. I can do that.” But the longer I looked at him, the shittier I felt. I knew he was worried about Bella, and I could alleviate his concern with probably three simple words.

  I’m her secret.

  But I said nothing.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, apologizing for more than he could ever know.

  He patted my back in forgiveness. “It’s okay. Now let’s get you home.”

  I don’t remember much of the rest of the trip to his car. I can only hope I didn’t vomit on his leather seat. They couldn’t be that cheap to clean.

  The next thing I knew, a hand was nudging my shoulder. “Hey, Fox. Wake up, man. You’re home.”

  “What?” My head lolled across the seat I’d been sleeping against, and I opened my eyes to peer out the passenger side window into the dark night.

  For some reason, I expected to see Bella’s house, but when I took in my own brick apartment building, I groaned in misery.