Secrets That We Keep

by Linda Kage

  “Oh no.” Eyes growing big, I covered my mouth. “Did Bea think you and I were—”

  He winced. “I’m not really sure. She didn’t take it too well, though. I mean, we talked it out, and she says she believes me, but…” He shook his head and blew out a breath. “That expression on her face when she first heard her dad describe you…” He sighed. “It broke my damn heart. I absolutely hate making her even have to question whether I can be trusted or not.”

  “I’m so sorry, Parker. I wish I could help. Like talk to her for you and explain that there’s nothing at all to worry about from me.”

  He tipped his head, studying me curiously. I could see his brain whirring before he lifted a finger. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Would you mind meeting her?”

  I sat up straighter, brightening. “Really? No, I wouldn’t mind at all. I’d love to, actually. I’ve always wondered what she was like.”

  Parker immediately smiled the dreamy smile of a man in love with his lady. “Oh, she’s great. I think you two would get along perfectly. And, hey, we could make it, like, a double date if you want. Bring Twelve along and—” Cutting himself off abruptly, he cringed before adding, “That is, if Twelve is the man you were with last—”

  “Yes!” I blurted, feeling my face heat. “I was with Twelve last night.”

  He nodded. “Cool, then. We could make a whole evening of it, just the four of us. What do you think?”

  I’d never actually been on a date with Gracen before. But maybe we would go on them now that we were, you know, having sex together. He’d never done anything to make me think he never wanted to see me again. He’d referenced doing future things with me more than I expected him to, so he’d probably be okay with the idea. I think.

  And I kind of wanted Parker to meet him, anyway. Not only did I want to get his opinion on Gracen, but I honestly felt the two of them would get along well together, too.

  “I love the idea,” I said, feeling like life was very, very good right now. And I looked forward to the future.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Bella

  When Gracen finally returned my S.O.S. call, I answered on the first ring.

  “Hey,” I said, sounding breathless, even though I’d done nothing that should've winded me.

  “Hey,” he answered. “Sorry it took me a minute. I just woke up.”

  “You did?” Brow furrowing, I shook my head. “I thought you’d be at work by now. Isn’t this one of the Saturdays you go into the office?”

  “Decided to sleep in today,” he said, his voice distorted by a background scuffling sound that told me he was using his speakerphone. “So what’s up?”

  “I, uh…” Pausing, I took a breath. Since he wasn’t at the office, this might work even more to my advantage. So I just dove in. “I need your help.”

  “Kind of figured that, what with the S.O.S. message and all. What do you need me to do this time?”

  “Well… Did you happen to hear Dad last night at the baby shower when he was talking to Fox about the girl he saw him with outside the gym last week?”

  “Uh, yeah. I think so.” He sounded completely confused and was probably wondering where I was going with this line of questioning. “Everyone started wondering if he was seeing someone new, but he said she was just a client, right?”

  “Right.” I nodded, glad he’d at least heard all that. “So what I need you to do is go to the gym and check her out, maybe sneak in a picture, and then report back to me. Okay?”

  Gracen was suspiciously quiet for a second before he asked the dreaded, “And why would I be doing this?”

  “Because...” I closed my eyes and groaned regretfully before admitting, “If you don’t, I probably will, and I really, really don’t think I should.”

  Releasing a heavy sigh because I knew exactly what was going to happen next, I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to the steering wheel of my car, where I sat with the engine off in my driveway, trying to talk some damn sense into myself and not go to the gym right now. But I knew I was losing the battle, so I had called my twin for support, even though I knew what I’d have to confess when I did.

  When another beat of silence followed, I could tell he was putting all the pieces together.

  And then: “Isabella Teresa Lowe,” he growled sternly. “What the hell! Fox is who you’ve been sneaking around with? Holy shit!”

  I winced and fisted a hand to set it against my mouth. But dammit, that hadn’t taken him long to figure out at all.

  “I thought you were getting back together with Ethan or something?”

  I rolled my eyes. “As if.”

  “Well, why the hell else would you not tell me about someone you were getting involved with unless it was someone I would try to stop you from seeing because he was hurting you? But Jesus, Fox would never hurt you. Why would you hide Fox? Holy hell…” he breathed. “Now his groping you at his birthday party makes so much more sense, and…” He gasped in outrage. “That fucker! He sat across the table from me at guys’ night and listened to me worry about some new guy you were keeping hidden, and that jackass said nothing. He just let me keep stressing and—”

  “I didn't want anyone to know,” I cut in sternly. “The secrecy thing was my decision. So don’t berate him for being quiet; he was only respecting my wishes. Alright?”

  “No,” Gracen boomed. “It’s not alright. None of this makes any damn sense at all. Because why the hell would you keep Fox from me? Holy shit, why would you keep that from anyone? But most importantly, from me. I thought we told each other all our deepest, darkest…” He trailed off with a curse. “Fuck. I knew you weren’t telling me something. So guess what; I started keeping shit from you too. And now look at us. We don’t tell each other anything anymore. And it all started because you hooked up with Fox? A man who’s like a brother to me, and I would completely support you in dating. Really?”

  “I was scared, okay?” I cried, then gnashed my teeth and glared out the front windshield at my house. That dry ache that always preceded tears worked up my throat. “You know what? Never mind. Forget I called.”

  I’d gotten myself into this situation; I had to get myself out.

  But Gracen growled, “No. Don’t you dare hang up. Just talk to me, Bella. What are you so scared of? It can’t be Fox because that would be total bullshit. He has to be the most reliable, trustworthy man you could ever hook up with.”

  “I know that, but—” Feeling panic grip my lungs, I paused and took a deep breath.

  Gray must’ve realized I was beginning to lose it because he more softly said, “Sis? Dammit, sorry. I’m sorry for snapping. I’m just trying to understand.”

  “I don’t know what I’m scared of, though,” I tried answering, even though I knew that wasn’t an answer at all. My limbs began to tremble uncontrollably, and so did my voice when I confessed, “I just know I’m petrified.”

  Squeezing my eyes shut and hating how much weakness I was exposing, I rasped, “And it’s always been of different things at different times. At first, the idea of exposure when it was so new and fragile freaked me out. I didn't want a bunch of other people’s opinions in the family to cloud it. I saw what Beau and Bentley and then Teagan and JB had to put up with from us when they started to get together. I just wasn’t ready to deal with that when I wasn’t even sure if Fox and I would…”

  Oh, who was I kidding? From the very moment we had first kissed, I’d known somewhere deep inside myself that it would be him. For the rest of my life.

  “But then time passed, and I started to really, like, get to know him on a completely different level, and holy shit, Gracen. He’s—he’s just—”

  I gritted my teeth, totally wigging out because I was actually saying all of this aloud, to my brother.

  “He’s really what?” Gracen pressed gently.

  “Amazing,” I blurted. “He’s just—he’s so—I don’t know how to say this. But it scared me in a whole other way. When eve
rything went down with Ethan, it broke me. And then Fox built all that back up, but it also made me think, you know. If what happened with Ethan happened between me and Fox, it would kill me. I love him so much more than I ever even thought of loving another man, that it—it—”

  “Scared you into hiding from it,” Gracen surmised on a sigh. “And in effect, hiding your relationship from everyone else too.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed miserably.

  “Jesus,” he mumbled before asking, “How the hell long have you two been together?”

  I winced, positive my answer wouldn’t land favorably with him before I admitted, “Probably for over nine months now.”

  “Wow.” He snorted, and I could picture him shaking his head in disappointment. “And now you’re all knotted up in some jealous, insecure snit because Dad saw him hugging some blonde outside the gym? Well, no, you’re not going over there to spy on him. And neither am I. You’re going to trust your damn boyfriend because Fox is trustworthy. You got it?”

  “I know,” I said, wincing, “but—”

  “No,” he cut in sternly. “There are no buts here because we both know Fox. We’ve known him since he was fucking born. And you’re not going to let some bad past you had with another man ruin what you have going with probably the best man there ever was.”

  “He really is,” I whispered, feeling a tear trail down my cheek. “And you’re right. I would ruin everything by not trusting him now. So I won’t go. And I won’t ask you to, either.”

  “Good.” He blew out a relieved breath. “And I need to tell you something, too. But maybe not today. Not sure if we can handle two huge info bombs like that at once.”

  I furrowed my brow, curious by his evasive explanation. But I said, “Okay,” before asking, “Is it going to be something I won’t like?”

  When he paused, I sat upright in the driver’s seat. “Gracen?”

  “Maybe it won’t be as bad as we think,” he rushed to reassure me. “I want to get a little more information first, though. I don’t think I have the whole story yet, and I have this feeling I’m missing some key details, so as soon as I know everything, I’ll share it with you. ’Kay?”

  I nodded slowly. “Okay.”

  “Good. I’ll call or visit in a couple of days, then. Love you.”

  “Love you too,” I told him as he ended the call. Then I blew out a breath and squeezed my hands around the steering wheel in front of me.

  It was decided, then. I would not go and spy on my boyfriend. I would not recruit anyone else to do it either. I was going to trust a man I logically knew I could trust, and I was going to go inside now and forget about this small hiccup of crazy paranoia I was having.

  Yeah.

  Any second now.

  Just open the car door, Bella. And slide on out.

  Open the door.

  Open the damn door!

  I started the engine, and my heart skipped a beat, knowing that was the absolute wrong thing to do.

  But one little peek wouldn’t kill anyone. He’d never even know I was there. I’d get my curiosity appeased, my paranoia would die a quick, painless death, and the man I loved would never be the wiser that I had one minor, insignificant problem with believing him about some pretty blonde. And, boom, problem solved.

  Even as I backed my car from the driveway, though, the other side of my psyche screamed, What are you doing? You idiot! Go back. Go back home!

  My conscience said that all the way to the gym too. The very gym I knew Fox liked to frequent. After doing a quick pass through the parking lot and spotting his truck, I pulled into an inconspicuous spot not far from the front door in the opposite direction of where he’d parked.

  He would have no reason to even look this way when he came out. And I’d get a good clear shot of her. Then I’d know once and for all that our relationship was safe.

  I’d just gotten good and comfortable in stakeout mode, and my eyes were beginning to burn from how intently I was watching the exit of the building when a tap on my driver’s side window made me yelp in surprise and nearly jump out of my skin.

  Slapping a hand over my heart to keep it inside my chest, I glanced over, only to find Gracen glaring at me, eyebrows raised and stern expression set coldly.

  I sighed and rolled the window down. “How did you—”

  He lifted his phone. “You should’ve stopped sharing your location with me if you didn’t want me to know where you were, and besides, the only time you have ever called me to be your conscience and talk you out of doing something stupid was after you’d already done it. Now turn your car on, go home, and forget you ever attempted this.”

  “But—”

  “Nothing good can come from jealous-spying on your boyfriend, Isabella. I cannot believe that your self-esteem has bottomed out so low that you can’t even trust Fox—Fox of all people. My God. Did getting cheated on by Ethan fuck you up that bad?”

  “Yes!” I snarled. “It did. And Fox would understand that I need—”

  “Fox would be crushed if he knew you were out here, unable to summon even an iota of faith in him.”

  My chin trembled and eyes watered. “But I have to see it with my own eyes, Gray, please. I can’t—Someday I’ll be able to deal with this better. But not yet. Not today. Were you not listening when Dad described her? He called her some beautiful, flawless blonde with the prettiest smile. My God, it feels like Yellow Nicksen all over again.”

  Gracen flinched at that name, and I gave a humorless laugh. “And Fox outright admitted that she was pretty and probably his favorite client. El’s special,” I added, lowering my voice and trying to imitate what he’d said last night. “She’s a total sweetheart.”

  Sniffing, I shook my head and focused on my brother. “Can you believe he actually said that to me?”

  “El?” Gray repeated on a slight frown.

  “I don’t know.” I rolled my eyes and waved a distracted hand. “That’s what he called her.”

  “El…” he murmured again, speaking to himself this time.

  Gaze lifting to the sports complex, Gracen pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows as he did whenever he was concentrating. Then he dropped his gaze to his phone and did something.

  “What’re you...?” Squinting, I lifted myself higher in order to see better. But all it looked like he was doing was checking his recent calls list.

  “He didn’t call me this morning,” he said to himself, sounding stunned. “Son of a bitch, he didn’t—” He returned his attention to the gym as his eyes widened with some kind of realization. “Holy shit.”

  “What?” I turned to look but didn’t see anyone exiting the building.

  “Dad never met her, did he?” he murmured, still speaking to himself.

  “Met who?” I demanded.

  But Gracen was still ignoring me as he answered his own question. “No. Why would he have? I didn’t even meet her until—Jesus.” Turning to me suddenly, he reached in through the window and grasped my arm abruptly, making me jump.

  “Listen to me, Bella,” he told me, his voice as serious as I’d ever heard it. “I need you to go. Right now.”

  “What?” I sputtered, shaking my head in total confusion. “Why? What did you just figure out?”

  He shook his head too. “I’ll tell you later. I swear. Now have a little faith in me, and please, just do what I say.”

  “What the hell is going on?” I demanded, starting to grow alarmed. “What do you know?”

  “Hell, I’ll even follow you to your house, make you some hot chocolate, pop some popcorn, and we’ll talk. Okay? If you want, we can invite Fox over after he’s finished with his session, and we can all just talk this out. What do you say?”

  Trepidation crawled over my skin in eerie waves. I shuddered through it and shook my head distrustingly. “No. You’re freaking me out, bubba. So whatever you have to say, just tell me now.”

  But he refused. “Not here. Please, I just—I need a moment to—”<
br />
  Darting a glance toward the entrance of the gym, he broke off, paling to a sheet white. “Shit.”

  I whipped my attention around and heaved out a breath when I saw Fox emerge, wearing jogging shorts and a T-shirt with running shoes. A hefty sports bag was draped over one shoulder as he grinned over at the woman leaving the building with him and laughed at something she said.

  My heart stopped dead in my chest, and my vision wavered.

  Dad had been right; she was beautiful. Perky blond ponytail, killer body, engaging smile. Even as she struggled a bit to lug her oversized bag on her shoulder, she looked absolutely perfect. She was just like—

  Wait.

  I blinked and tipped my head to the side. She wasn’t just like Yellow Nicksen at all. Because she was Yellow Nicksen.

  In the flesh.

  And yet, my brain still tried to deny it. Pointing at her, I looked over at Gracen. “Is that—?”

  His expression swirled with guilt.

  “No,” I whispered, shaking my head as pain and betrayal spiked through me. “And you knew?”

  He lifted his hands to free himself of all culpability. “I just figured it out thirty seconds ago, I swear.”

  Well, thirty seconds was too long a wait for him not to share with me, in my opinion.

  “You rat bastard,” I seethed, reaching for the door handle and shoving. “I can’t believe you didn’t warn me.”

  “Hey!” He slammed the door closed again before I could barely get it open. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “I’m killing the bitch, once and for all,” I growled, pushing back and trying to open the door again, but my backstabbing brother put all his weight against it, forbidding me from exiting the vehicle. “Get out of my way, Gracen.”

  “No!” he boomed. “You are not thinking clearly. She’s just his client; he’s not cheating on you. I promise. Just go home, Bella.”

  “As if!” There was no way I was going home until I rendered that skank bald. “He might not be cheating. But that doesn’t mean she’s not trying. I mean, why the hell would she pick my boyfriend to be her life coach? She’s trying to steal another one; I know it.”