If I Can't Let Go (Mills & Boon Spice)

by BETH KERY

  “And this reputation you speak of,” she said slowly. “Was it, perhaps, provided to you by your sister Colleen?”

  He studied her for a moment before he forked some salad. “Let me guess. Eric has given you the opinion Colleen is a bit of a steamroller herself.”

  She laughed when she saw the sparkle in his eyes.

  “Maybe they’re both a little right,” Natalie murmured, still grinning. “I wouldn’t call Eric a steamroller, necessarily, but he’s very decisive. And he worries about me a lot. Too much, really, but I understand. He was eighteen when we lost Mom and I was only eleven. We don’t have any other family here in the states. My father died in Puerto Rico soon after my mother discovered she was pregnant with me. She and Eric came here with practically nothing but the clothes on their back and my mother’s dreams of giving her kids a chance for something better than she’d ever had.”

  “What did your father die of?”

  “Cancer. I never knew him,” Natalie replied quietly. Wind-driven rain struck the panes in earnest now. She raised a bite of meat to her mouth and glanced at Liam. “Are you and Colleen close?”

  “Yeah, we are,” he said unabashedly.

  “And what about your other sister, Deidre?”

  Liam nodded. “The three of us are all close in age—eighteen months between Deidre and Colleen, fifteen between Colleen and me. But Deidre hasn’t really lived in Harbor Town since she went to college. She was always working in other towns on her vacations. She was an army nurse for years, but recently she became a civilian. She’s still got wanderlust, though. She’s working in a hospital in Germany, at the moment. We talk as much as we can, but it’s hard while she’s overseas. Deidre is actually one of the reasons Marc and my mom pressured me to leave the Chicago P.D.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Liam grinned crookedly. “Okay, I was exaggerating a little. But before Deidre was in Germany, she spent two years in Iraq and Afghanistan. It was hard enough for my mom worrying about whether or not I was getting shot on the streets. Knowing Deidre had bombs exploding around her hardly made for peaceful nights for her.”

  “It doesn’t surprise me,” Natalie said before she reached for her glass.

  “What doesn’t surprise you?”

  “You becoming an organized crime detective…or Deidre ending up as a nurse serving in combat. You guys were always such daredevils. I remember how Deidre performed in that water show on Mackinac Island during the summers.”

  “Yeah. Deidre’s an excellent trick skier. My dad taught her. He taught us all.”

  “He did?” Natalie asked, unable to contain her curiosity over this tidbit of information about a man who had remained such a puzzle to her.

  Liam nodded. “He and his brothers were all naturals in the water—swimming, diving and skiing.”

  Natalie paused, digesting this novel information about Derry Kavanaugh. When Liam glanced at her, she thought she might have seemed too curious, so she kept the topic on a safer playing field.

  “Every little girl in Harbor Town thought Deidre was a goddess. I did. She was so cool I couldn’t even fathom her.” Natalie smiled in reminiscence.

  “Really? You knew who Deidre was?”

  “Of course. Everyone knew the Kavanaughs in Harbor Town.”

  “Did you know me?”

  “I knew who you were.” The “safe” topic had quickly veered into dangerous territory. “Now…I answered your question from before. You answer mine.”

  “I’d rather hear what you thought of me.”

  “I’m sure you would.”

  She stilled when he leaned toward her and spoke in a mock-serious, confidential manner. “I’d really rather hear about the girl doing the thinking.”

  After a stunned moment, she laughed. She couldn’t help it. No matter how much she knew she should keep a distance from him, Liam’s charm was impossible to ignore. He chuckled right along with her. She suddenly became aware of how close he was to her. His teeth were even and straight. Some orthodontist had made a mint off of Liam. He had a deep dimple in his right cheek. She could see the thousands of points of color in eyes that reminded her of the sea on a sunny day—cerulean blue with green, aquamarine and topaz interspersed, adding to their depth and brilliance.

  His smile faded. His brows drew together. He straightened and focused on eating his meal, suddenly looking serious and even a little fearsome in his intensity.

  A thick silence settled. Natalie resumed eating as well, even though her taste buds didn’t seem to be working any longer. Liam had undoubtedly remembered the purpose of their meeting wasn’t fun and laughter. It wasn’t as if they were old school friends or lovers. No, they were members of two families with a shared history of tragedy and strife who had joined together, albeit warily, for a very somber mission.

  Natalie was glad Liam must have realized that as they sat together, eating dinner while rain spattered on the windows.

  She’d do well to recall the same.

  The rainstorm blew out as quickly as it had rolled in. By the time Liam had loaded the dishwasher and Natalie had straightened the counters, the sun was poking through the clouds, making the wet rocks on the beach and breakwater gleam.

  The uncomfortable tension that had settled between them had never really faded while they finished their meal. Natalie found herself longing for escape. She was about to tell Liam she needed to stop by her office to see to a few important items when Liam shut the dishwasher and stood to his full height.

  “Now that the rain stopped, let’s go out on the terrace. I’ll tell you the other thing that might—” he threw her a warning glance “—or might not, be important.”

  “Okay,” Natalie said, her curiosity piqued, despite his attempt at downplaying things.

  The lounge chairs were still beaded with raindrops so Liam and Natalie remained standing, both of them gazing out at the lake which was mostly gray except where shards of sunlight created bands of light blue. The quick storm had brought a drop in temperature. A breeze off the lake caused Natalie to shiver. She rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms to warm herself, all the while noticing that Liam seemed unaffected. He stared out at the lake, his arms crossed below his chest, his bold profile fixed and thoughtful.

  “I guess you probably know that my dad was at the Silver Dunes Country Club bar before the accident.”

  “Yes,” Natalie said softly, aware of the sensitivity of the topic. “The Club was investigated for overserving him.”

  “The club was cleared of that charge,” Liam said. “My father had several drinks there, but witnesses and the bartender said he didn’t appear drunk, just quiet. Sullen.” He glanced swiftly over at her. “The Silver Dunes had a video camera mounted over the bar. The film was used to investigate whether or not the bartender or the Silver Dunes had any culpability in my dad’s intoxication and allowing him to get behind the wheel of a car that night.”

  “Your father’s insurance company’s attorneys used the video in the hearings as well,” Natalie added in a hushed tone.

  Liam nodded, his expression rocklike. “Right. The insurance company tried to use the tape to say it wasn’t possible that my dad was as intoxicated as the suit suggested, and therefore was not as reckless as was alleged. The bartender served him three drinks in the span of an hour and a half. Not ideal, but not enough to make a six-foot-four-inch, nearly two hundred pound man looped out of his mind. But the lab reports don’t lie. If my father hadn’t gotten tanked at the Silver Dunes Country Club that night, he’d poured enough booze down his throat later on to get a platoon ripped.”

  Natalie closed her eyes briefly when she heard his bitterness.

  “Where’s that video now? Does it still exist?” she asked breathlessly.

  “It exists. I just found out for sure this morning. I have a couple of friends who work for the Michigan State Police. The videotape is still catalogued in evidence storage.”

  “Can we see it?” Natalie asked incredu
lously.

  “I can.”

  She started slightly when she again recognized his volatility. It once again struck her—this time like a stinging slap—just what it was she was asking this man to do.

  She swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “If you decide you don’t want to watch that tape, I’ll completely understand.”

  “Would you?” he asked woodenly, still staring at the lake.

  “Yes. I would.”

  His eyes were narrowed into slits when he turned toward her. “I said I’d take this case. This is a viable piece of evidence, and I wouldn’t even consider overlooking it.”

  Natalie opened her mouth to protest, but something in his expression made her pull up short. She inhaled slowly and stared down at the damp stones of the terrace. This is what she’d hired him for, after all. It was ridiculous to feel regret that he was doing his job.

  “All right. Please let me know if you find anything important,” she said.

  “I’ll do that.”

  She gave him a shaky smile, not making eye contact, and waved toward the path at the side of the cottage. “I’ve stayed much longer than I planned. I really should be going. Thank you so much for dinner.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said.

  Natalie closed her eyes briefly in defeat. She really had irreparably insulted him by asking him to take this job.

  Why had he accepted it, then?

  “Well, I’ll see you,” she said awkwardly.

  “Have a good night.”

  Liam’s deep, rumbling voice seemed to vibrate in her mind as she hurried around the corner of the house. She felt such a bewildering mixture of emotion that her chest ached with it. Was she really surprised he’d turned distant? She was the one who had hired him to relive old, painful memories. Surely she couldn’t expect him to adore her for that.

  Still, it hurt, his abrupt coldness there at the end. Her heart leaped, making her catch her breath when she heard Liam call out to her.

  “Yes?” she asked, turning around.

  She stood next to her car, the tension in her building by the second as she watched Liam walk toward her. It was a little like watching that storm rush the beach a while ago. His face was impassive but his eyes looked every bit as wild as a summer tempest.

  He reached for her.

  “Liam?” she asked, bewilderment and wonder mixing in equal measure in her query. He leaned down over her so close that she inhaled the intoxicating scent of clean male skin and spicy aftershave. How could his lips look so hard and determined and yet so sensual at once?

  “Just one more thing before you go,” he said, his voice husky.

  He leaned down and seized her mouth in a kiss. Natalie swayed on her feet, knocked off guard by the heat and power of Liam Kavanaugh striking her in a flood of sensation.

  After a few seconds, desire burned away Natalie’s shock. He caught her against his body.

  And she was swept away by the storm.

  Chapter Four

  He’d approached her like a conqueror, his mouth firm and very persuasive. But as soon as he felt her melt against him, he gentled, as if he were apologetic for the onslaught on her senses. He used his lips like a blind man uses his fingertips to know his world, discovering the shape and texture of her mouth through his sense of touch. He sipped, he nibbled; he sucked at his leisure. His mouth slanted unevenly over hers, sandwiching and caressing first her upper and then lower lip. She shivered uncontrollably when he bit with exquisite care and dragged his white teeth over the sensitive skin of her lower lip.

  He took advantage when her lips parted with a sigh and entered her neatly, his tongue searching, seeking, stroking. She found herself responding in kind, stroking him back tentatively at first…then not so tentatively.

  The kiss turned hot and wild, like a spark igniting in a forest of dry timber.

  Liam shifted his hips, pressing her bottom against the trunk of her car. A wave of heat flooded her body, making her dizzy. He continued to kiss her as if his existence depended on it. Maybe it was that imperative, because if he stopped, Natalie wondered if she’d be able to draw breath from the unpleasant shock.

  His hands swept down her body, skimming her ribs and the sides of her breasts before they encircled her waist and finally settled on her hips. He hooked his fingers into the belt loops of her jean shorts and tugged. Their bodies slid against each other as he gave a low, vibrating groan, and Natalie thought she knew why. He’d just cradled his hardness against her softness. It’d been like he’d shifted them into a perfect template…a divine fit.

  Natalie touched his shoulders as their tongues dueled. Excitement surged through her when she felt how tense he became in response to her caress, how he pulled her gently, but also almost desperately against the hard angles of his body.

  She felt strange—as if she’d been plunged into the middle of a carnal dream. The sun broke through the clouds and warmed her skin, but Natalie hardly noticed when Liam heated her so effortlessly. A tingling, hot feeling of excitement curled in her lower belly. Her rational nature and tight control receded into a misty background under the influence of Liam’s hands and mouth. She tangled her fingers in the hair at his nape and then explored the bare skin and corded muscles of his neck.

  It thrilled her to feel a shudder run through him at her touch.

  Amazing…awesome, even, that she could make such a strong man tremble with just a caress. He was having the same effect on her, causing her to quiver by spreading his big hands over her hips and rubbing her in a slight circular motion, increasing the already taut friction between their straining bodies.

  She perfectly felt his arousal but she wasn’t offended. It all seemed so natural…so good, despite the newness of the sensation. She gloried in the knowledge that she could evoke such a strong response from him. A hazy fog of sensuality encapsulated her. For a brief, magical moment she knew only the taste of Liam, the feel of him…and the fierce need to experience more.

  She was so overwhelmed by the power of Liam’s kiss, that it didn’t really penetrate her awareness that a car was approaching until Liam pulled away. She opened her eyelids sluggishly, feeling like there was a weight pressing down on them. His face hovered just a few inches above her own. He studied her through a narrow-eyed gaze, his eyes gleaming crescents.

  She started when a car door slammed just feet away. A sound of distress leaked out of her throat when she saw Brigit Kavanaugh, Liam’s mother, hesitating by her dark blue sedan.

  “Liam?” Brigit asked uncertainly.

  “Yeah, Ma,” Liam replied without removing his gaze from Natalie. How could his voice sound so even? Natalie wondered, disorientated. She jerked her hips and dropped her hands from his shoulders. She’d been holding him as if he was a life preserver and she’d been drowning.

  What the hell had just happened?

  Liam’s mouth flattened and he stepped back.

  “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to intrude,” Brigit said, sounding contrite. “I brought over the buffer for the floors. I tried to call first, but—”

  “It’s okay,” Liam said gruffly, glancing away from Natalie for the first time since his mother had arrived. Natalie’s gaze flickered over Brigit Kavanaugh as embarrassment began to zoom through her veins like a toxin. Her cheeks flamed hot, and she felt slightly dizzy.

  She knew who Brigit Kavanaugh was, of course, even though they’d never officially met. Liam’s mother was in her late fifties or early sixties, Natalie would have guessed, but she appeared ten years younger. She still had an excellent figure—petite and fit. Her blond hair was styled in a fashionable cut that emphasized Brigit’s high cheekbones and a pair of striking cornflower blue eyes. Despite all the cold shoulders Brigit had received from some Harbor Towners when she’d moved here with Liam and Colleen fifteen years ago, she’d managed to win the townspeople over with her hard work on philanthropic projects and her willingness to always help out people in need.

  Brigit w
as the type of woman who commanded attention even from a distance, but she was downright formidable up close. Even though Brigit’s glance at her was mild enough, Natalie sensed the power of her personality.

  “It’s really turned lovely after that rain, hasn’t it?” Brigit directed her question toward Natalie with friendly politeness.

  She doesn’t know who you are, a voice in her head shouted. If she did, she wouldn’t be so civil.

  She recognized that Liam’s mother was trying to ease Natalie’s discomfort, but Brigit’s attempt had the opposite effect, for several reasons, one being that Brigit seemed perfectly comfortable with the idea of coming upon her youngest son while he was making out with a woman. Of course, Brigit had probably witnessed him dallying with countless females since he was old enough to date. Natalie was just another forgetful face in the ongoing stream of women that paraded across the stage of Liam’s life.

  She’d hired him to do a job. One second, their arrangement had been going fine—professional, if tense—and the next she’d been melting beneath Liam’s kiss like a piece of chocolate dropped on the pavement beneath a scalding summer sun.

  “Excuse me,” Natalie murmured throatily as she threaded her way between Liam’s body and her car. She felt Liam’s stare tingling on her neck, but she got in her car and shut the door without another word. Casting a furtive glance at Liam and his mother, she turned her vehicle in the circular turnabout and drove off. Brigit looked a little confused, but Liam’s face looked fixed and somber. Undoubtedly, he was already regretting that kiss.

  Why had Liam kissed her? Natalie wondered for the thousandth time as she locked up the office two nights later.

  Once again, she was the last one to leave. Out of her two officemates, both attorneys, she was the only single one, and her work habits reflected the fact that she had no one to rush home to at night.

  She did a mental eye roll when she realized she was feeling sorry for herself. It was a new thing for her, to mope about her single status or about the fact that she occasionally experienced feelings of acute loneliness. She’d had the recurrent feeling since her mother had died. Natalie didn’t like to consider that this mood had settled much more since last Sunday.