A Wilder Name

by Laura Resnick

  He angered her, frustrated her, amused her; he made her incoherent with rage, limp with contentment, giddy with joy, wild with passion, tearful with confusion. But she was always alive with him. She was never bored. She could never drift away as she chatted with him, thinking about other things while she made appropriate responses. Something about him inspired her complete participation, whether they made love, fought, talked, watched the sunset, or washed the dishes. Something about him made every moment vivid and important and full.

  She knew what he wanted: commitment. In terms of a relationship, what he was asking for was totally outside of her experience. The fear welled up in her that it might be totally beyond her capabilities.

  Nina stood on the brink. Was she ready to try? Maybe not, but she had to. It was worth it. He was worth it. She didn’t know if she’d succeed, but the alternative—walking away from him—was now unthinkable. There was too much promise burning in his eyes.

  Having reached her decision, Nina took a long hot bath and then called her parents.

  “Mom? Can I bring a guest for Thanksgiving dinner?”

  “Oh, Nina, are you bringing him?”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  Nina’s father got on the phone.

  “Well, it’s about time,” he said. “Everyone who buys milk and eggs can see in bold headlines who my daughter’s boyfriend is, and I haven’t even met the man yet.”

  Nina grimaced at the word “boyfriend.” On the other hand, she could hardly introduce Luke to her parents as her “lover.” Her mother wrestled the phone back from her father.

  “I’ll try to keep Pop from telling everyone in the neighborhood that your young man will be here for dinner, dear.”

  “Young man?” Nina repeated. The euphemisms would be overflowing by Thursday.

  “Your father, in his subtle fashion, has asked me to assure you that he won’t say anything to embarrass the boy.”

  “Yes, well, the boy can look after himself. In fact, Pop may meet his match. See you Thursday, Mom.”

  “Goodbye, dear.”

  Nina went to bed without calling Luke. She didn’t think she could face that yet. She still felt raw from their confrontation. Although she had decided she wanted what he did, she wasn’t sure how to express it to him. She lay in bed tossing and turning for hours. Finally she decided to call him. Perhaps doing it now was better than lying awake all night worrying about it.

  He answered on the fourth ring; there was a phone next to his bed. His initial comments into the receiver were fairly unintelligible and highly profane.

  “It’s me,” Nina said.

  “Me who?” he snarled.

  “Nina. Who else calls you in the middle of the night?”

  “Don’t start with me,” he warned. “What the hell time is it?”

  She glanced at her clock. Three o’clock in the morning. Serves him right, she thought. She had been lying awake half the night worrying about their relationship while he was sleeping the sleep of the just. She felt excessively annoyed with him.

  “It’s three o’clock in the morning. I see you had no trouble falling asleep.”

  “I did. I took some godawful homeopathic sleeping remedy Kate gave me on the last tour. I’m kind of groggy.”

  “Oh.”

  “What do you want?” he asked ungraciously.

  “Luke...” What on earth was she supposed to say? Just this once couldn’t he make something easy for her? There was a long pause. Then he said what she needed to hear.

  “Nina ... honey,” he had never called her that before. “Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?”

  She smiled warmly and held the receiver with both hands. Suddenly he was the Luke she knew and could talk to. She could picture him clearly, naked beneath the quilt on his big bed, hair tousled, left brow drooping slightly, eyes drowsy. She wanted to hug him.

  “Luke, what are you doing for dinner Thursday?”

  * * * *

  Nina managed to arrange to spend some time with Luke that busy week, including a lunch date during which she discovered to her horror that Luke didn’t like football.

  “You don’t like football?” Nina asked incredulously. “You’ve never said so before.”

  “You’ve never asked me.”

  “How could you not like football? What sort of a person are you?”

  “I like basketball,” he said in a conciliatory tone.

  “That’s not good enough.”

  They were having lunch at a little Italian place Nina knew. Their return to New York had brought with it the pressures of their careers. Luke had begun work on the video of A Wilder Name and was trying to organize a recording of Once Bit Is Twice Shy; Nina was performing, beginning preliminary work on a new role, discussing a possible recording contract, and beginning initial discussions about roles for the following year.

  Nina and Luke both looked healthy and well-rested. Her time alone with Luke had strengthened their tenuous emotional bonds; what had begun with fascination and passion was now developing into a rich and full exploration of each other. And Nina had found respect, enjoyment, admiration, friendship, and companionship. She only hoped Luke’s feelings mirrored hers. For the first time in her life, she had found something in another person that was as absorbing as her music. For the first time, something was feeding the spiritual hunger that she had sought to assuage with art. Her delight in Luke was endless.

  Usually.

  At the moment Nina was looking at Luke like a suspect piece of meat.

  “I’m not sure I can continue sharing my breakfast cereal with someone who doesn’t like football,” she said.

  “You don’t share your breakfast cereal with me. There was nothing left to eat when I got up this morning.”

  “Never mind that, I’m feeding you now, aren’t I? But what am I supposed to do with these tickets?”

  As a token of her esteem she had, at great cost and personal effort, acquired two tickets to Saturday’s game and proudly presented them to Luke over lunch.

  “Sell them.”

  “You’re crazy! Do you have any idea what I went through to get these tickets? I’d rather sell my virtue.”

  “It’s a bit late for that,” he teased.

  “Well, you can sit home with the TV on Saturday for all I care. I’ll take Matthew.”

  “Who’s Matthew?”

  “Brother number three, in between Mark and Joe. He’s my favorite brother. He played piano for me when I sang as a girl. He taught me to play football and fight dirty with the neighborhood boys. When I got older he lied about my age to get me work singing in bars and clubs and made it clear that anyone who bothered me would have to deal with him. He’s the quiet one, which isn’t really saying much in my family. It just means he shouts less than the others.”

  “He’ll be at your house for Thanksgiving?”

  “Yes. He’s coming down from Vermont where he and his girlfriend live the good life. He builds log cabins. She makes cheese. And he’ll check you over pretty thoroughly to make sure you’re worthy of his little sister.”

  “Worthy of you? If he only knew the things I’ve had to put up with in the short time I’ve known you.”

  “Now, now, a gentleman never tells.”

  “As you’ve pointed out on more than one occasion, I’m no gentleman.”

  * * * *

  It occurred to Nina that it was only about six weeks since they had first met. The time they had actually spent together probably amounted to about two weeks. She needed at least twice that long to learn a role, to get to know an operatic character. He might have denied any intention of sweeping her off her feet, but that’s exactly what he seemed to be doing, she thought wryly. Still, he was impetuous by nature; perhaps he always moved this fast. That thought made her suddenly uncomfortable and she pushed it forcibly out of her mind.

  They were late arriving at her parents’ house. Nina had wanted to go by subway since it was the route she knew. Luke thought going by car
would be faster, easier, and cleaner. However, Luke didn’t know Brooklyn, and Nina, never having driven there, was fairly useless as a navigator. They wound up getting horribly lost for over an hour.

  “I’m sorry we’re late,” Luke apologized charmingly to Nina’s mother, Julia. “Nina insisted on taking me on a tour of the borough.”

  “She’s a great singer, but she has no sense of direction,” agreed Julia.

  “You look great, Mom. What’s the occasion?” Nina teased. She hadn’t seen her mother so dressed up since her first opening night in New York.

  Maria and Angela came running out into the hall, squealing enthusiastically. They grabbed Luke’s hands and dragged him into the sitting room to introduce their friend to the rest of the Gnagnarellis. Nina trailed along, enjoying the spectacle of Luke kissing wet babies, returning her father’s bone-crushing handshake without batting an eyelash, flirting with the goggle-eyed wives and girlfriends of her brothers, and trying to keep track of the names of those four male siblings. Even the dog got into the act, following him adoringly around the room.

  Her family was loud but well-behaved before dinner, keeping conversation light. When Nina’s mother came into the room to ask Michael’s wife for help in the kitchen, Luke astonished them all—except Nina—by insisting on being the one to help Julia.

  Over dinner it was clear that Luke and Julia had struck up a quick and easy friendship while making gravy and cooking sweet potatoes.

  “Luke says you told him I never taught you to cook, Nina,” Julia scolded, as Stefano carved the turkey. “The truth, Luke, is that when I tried to teach her she refused. She said she’d be a famous star and marry a rich man who could take her out every night, so why bother learning to cook?”

  “Mom!”

  Luke laughed. He could see by Nina’s appalled face that she had indeed said that as a girl. “It sounds just like her. And what’s the result? All she can make is reservations.”

  “All of our boys learned, but Nina can be very stubborn.”

  “I know,” Luke agreed dryly. “But she’ll have to learn now. I’m not rich enough to take her out every night to the kind of restaurants she likes.”

  Angela cut in swiftly, “Are you going to marry—”

  “That’s enough, Angela,” said Stefano. “All right, who wants light meat, who wants dark?”

  Nina’s cheeks were red. She didn’t risk a glance at Luke. She had dreaded someone asking probing questions. He was the first man she had brought home since Philippe, years ago. She knew this was open to misinterpretation. She was relieved that no one had assumed he was “the new fiancé.” Marriage? They couldn’t even agree on which radio station to listen to.

  “I’ll go get the muffins,” said Nina’s mother, getting up.

  “Julia, dear,” chided Stefano. “The kitchen is the other way.”

  “I just—”

  “We agreed we’d all wait and watch it together, dear.”

  “Yeah, Mom, no fair,” agreed Mark.

  Julia shuffled into the kitchen grumbling.

  “What’s that all about?” asked Luke

  “Football,” answered Nina.

  “We’re recording the game right now on that machine Nina bought us,” explained Stefano.

  “And the TV set Michael bought them,” added Nina.

  “We agreed we’d all eat at the table like civilized people this year and watch the game tonight without peeking at the results. So it’ll be just like watching it live.”

  “Luke doesn’t like football,” said Nina mischievously. That sorely affected his popularity with the Gnagnarellis, and it took him at least ten minutes to regain his halo.

  It was about halfway through the meal that Nina’s family forgot their resolution to be polite hosts and the conversation began in earnest. It started with Joe and Stefano arguing over something that had happened in Washington that week. Everyone had an opinion, of course, and soon the usual full-scale vocal war was going on over the dinner table.

  “But everyone knows politicians are mean,” insisted Angela.

  “That’s a very cynical view for a girl your age to take. I can see you’ve been talking to Joseph,” said Stefano.

  “Mark! You can’t possibly mean that!” Michael was shouting.

  “Grandma! Grandpa gave me the neck! I can’t eat this! Look at it!” The dog took an unattractive piece of turkey from one of Nina’s nephews as he waved it around.

  “Of course, I mean it!” shouted Mark. “If you’d read something besides your medical journals you’d know—”

  “And another thing—”

  “But I never said—”

  “How can you possibly agree—”

  Luke watched in astonishment. Nina grinned at him wickedly from across the table. He was in her usual chair, caught between Joe and her father.

  “Luke, will you tell this opinionated young—”

  “Luke, you’re supposed to be committed to—”

  Drawn into the conversation by force, Luke was soon absorbed in an hour of loud political, moral, and social debate, shouting along with all the Gnagnarellis. Nina sighed and concentrated on her food. She had known it would only be a matter of time—this was his cup of tea.

  Her “young man” was an unparalleled success. Her family didn’t all agree with his opinions, but they respected anyone who could so surely and loudly state them. Her father thought he showed good sense, even if he was a long-haired person who played loud music and screamed about sex for a living. Joe thought Luke sat on the fence too much, but then Joe was opinionated enough to drive a saint to drink. Nina’s mother thought he was a lovely and warmhearted boy who obviously adored Nina.

  “You’re not at all like that article I read at the grocery store said you would be,” Julia said over coffee.

  “What did it say I was like?”

  “That you were arrogant—”

  “He’s that all right,” said Nina.

  “Hot-tempered—”

  “Check,” said Nina.

  “Unpredictable—”

  “Ditto,” said Nina.

  “Impetuous—”

  “Did a personal friend write this article?” Nina asked Luke.

  “And a ladies’ man. Dozens of girlfriends. Irresistible to women,” Julia finished with a sly look at Nina.

  “Are you sure they meant Luke?” Nina asked.

  “Yes. And it listed the women, too. You were at the end of the list, Nina. The others—”

  “Mom, don’t tell me you read that tripe?” said Michael. “It should be banned.”

  “Banned? Did you say banned?” exclaimed Mark. “Michael, don’t you know—”

  The shouting was still going on an hour later when Nina was reluctantly scrubbing pans in her mother’s kitchen while Matthew dried them. They were alone, enjoying the relative peace and quiet. Matthew wasn’t saying much, but then that was like him. He had been friendly to Luke all through dinner, but Nina had known by the look in his eyes that he was studying Luke carefully. She didn’t ask what he thought. When he knew he would tell her.

  “I’ve got two tickets to Saturday’s game. Want to go?” she asked.

  Matthew lived in Vermont, so it was a long trip for him to come back down to New York in two days time.

  “You’re kidding! Little sister, I’ll take you to eat afterward any place you want.”

  She smiled a private smile, remembering when Luke had made a similar offer.

  When they were done with the dishes Matthew spoke to his girlfriend. She agreed they would simply stay with Nina’s parents until Saturday and drive home Saturday night.

  Luke cornered Nina as the family was settling down to watch the football game.

  “Can we go now?”

  “But I want to watch the game.”

  “Please, Nina. You can borrow the cassette from them next week. I don’t want to sit through three hours of football. Anyhow, I have an incredible headache.”

  “I can believ
e that,” she said, giggling. “Okay. Let’s say goodbye.”

  Maria and Angela protested as loudly as if Luke were going off to Siberia. Nina’s mother looked as young as Nina when Luke kissed her on the cheek.

  “Hope we’ll see you again, son,” said Nina’s father, giving Luke a friendly slap on the back.

  Nina sat close to Luke with her head on his shoulder as they drove back to Manhattan.

  “Are they always so ... like that?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “I can see what motivated you to bury yourself in your music.”

  “Didn’t you like them?”

  “Oh, I liked them a lot. They’re just a little bit exhausting.”

  “So are you,” she pointed out evilly. “You fit in like you were born among them.”

  “But there’s only one of me,” he said easily. “And you know how to shut me up, don’t you?” There was a naughty silence. “Stop that or I’ll drive into a telephone pole.” Nina obeyed.

  “What’s your family like?” she asked curiously.

  “Quieter than yours.”

  “Most people’s are. What else?”

  “Similar to yours in some ways. They work hard, they hold strong opinions, they like to argue. They’re very wrapped up in farming and local country life. My mom is very open and friendly. My dad is hard to get to know, but he’s a warm man. My sister is funny and strong and beautiful. She works as a midwife.”

  “What was it like growing up for you?”

  He thought about that for a while before answering.

  “My folks were great about letting me go my own way. Of course, if I got into trouble, I had to get myself out. It taught me early to be independent. I had a pretty normal boyhood, I guess. It was as a teenager that I started to feel closed in and claustrophobic. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in one place doing the same old thing. I was dying to know what was beyond the wheat fields, how other people lived, what they thought. And then there was my guitar. Believe it or not, I was shy in those days, and writing songs was the only way I could express anything. Playing in the band was the only time I really felt a part of it all.”

  “And now?”

  “Now, as you have often pointed out, I have no trouble expressing myself. And feeling like a part of things depends largely on your attitude to life. And the music, the music is how I give out and give back what life gives me, good and bad.”