A Wilder Name

by Laura Resnick

  She made her way to the bar and found that a simple club soda was obtainable with a little firm insistence. And after a considerable wait. She noticed several people whose faces matched those on the posters; she also noticed that they were all being served well ahead of her.

  She decided not to let it bother her. That kind of VIP treatment was a reality of fame. Several people jostled her, trying to get closer to the famous people nearby. Well, yes, a party like this was bound to attract a lot of hangers-on who could wangle an invitation, she reflected. She couldn’t, after all, pretend that her world didn’t also have its share of hangers-on.

  “Say, aren’t you Nina Gnagnarelli, the opera star?”

  “Robin!” Nina exclaimed when she recognized Luke’s blond drummer. “Did you just get here?”

  “About twenty minutes ago.” He eyed her revealing outfit. “I came alone, so if you want to dump that rock singer you came with...”

  “Careful, he’ll hear you, and he knows I like blonds,” she said with a smile.

  Nina’s club soda finally arrived, and she and Robin made their way back to Luke and Gingie ... and Sandy.

  “He’s so quiet, I keep forgetting he’s around,” Nina confided to Robin. “Ouch!” she added as someone stepped on her. More people had arrived, adding to the crush of bodies. There were two TV news cameras in the room, a number of journalists, and quite a few photographers. As Nina pushed past men who were thinner than her and women who were taller than her, loud rock music blared through the speakers, adding to the general chaos of sight and sound.

  “Where’s Luke?” Nina asked when she found Gingie.

  “He got snared by some company executive who dragged him off to talk about...” Gingie waved her hand vaguely “...business, I guess.”

  Robin and Gingie said hello and exchanged some goodnatured banter about her current relations with the record company.

  “So how did you meet Luke?” Gingie asked Nina loudly over the music.

  “It was fate,” Nina said dramatically. She gave a censored account of their first meeting.

  “That sounds like Luke,” said Gingie, laughing. “For a man who writes beautiful songs, he sure doesn’t do much sweet-talking in person.”

  “How did you meet him?”

  “Working. Years ago. He and this one—” she jerked a thumb at Robin “—were playing in Michigan, where I got my start. They came to see me one night. Their recognition of my brilliant talent and enormous sex appeal was the original basis of our friendship.” Robin rolled his eyes. “Luke encouraged me to go out on the road. We became close after we both moved to New York. Just two young, broke Midwesterners in the Big Apple.”

  “It’s hard to imagine you both unknown, poor, and struggling.”

  “Oh, we were all of that and more. I was desperately ambitious. Luke was, too. But it affected him differently. He had doubts about a lot of things, but even when he couldn’t get bookings or contracts, he just kept on going, never discouraged. He always believed that what he had to offer was worthwhile and that sooner or later someone would listen.”

  “And I did listen,” said a familiar voice. They all turned to see Kate Hammer. “I’m almost surprised they let you in the door, Gingie, considering your relationship with the company.”

  “They knew I wouldn’t come without Gingie,” said Sandy firmly. Nina looked at him in surprise. It was the most she’d ever heard him say.

  “Hello, Nina.” Kate gave Nina another bone-crushing handshake. “You don’t look like yourself.”

  Nina laughed. “We’re experimenting. I’m meant to look like a rock star’s girlfriend tonight. Next week Luke will have to look like a gentleman.”

  “I’ll buy tickets to that,” said Robin.

  “I’ll sell tickets to that,” said Kate.

  “I’m beginning to understand why Luke says you’re such a great manager, Kate,” said Nina.

  “With all due modesty, yes, I am,” said Kate. “Which is why I’m going to give Gingie a bit of advice.” Gingie grimaced. “There’s a reporter out there who wants to talk to you, Gingie. She’s a good journalist from a responsible rock review. I think that if you said a few conciliatory things about the company while you’re a guest at the party, it would go a long way toward softening their attitude toward you.”

  Gingie groaned and argued, but Kate finally convinced her. She pulled her arm out of Sandy’s grip and stood up.

  “Watch him for me,” she said to Nina and left.

  Nina took Gingie’s place next to Sandy and smiled at him encouragingly. Red as a beet, Sandy smiled back shyly. She chatted with Kate and Robin, who told her funny stories about Luke’s early days. Kate talked about how, when she began managing them, she had dragged Luke kicking and screaming to a French men’s hairstylist to refine his image.

  “He kept insisting that only women went into that sort of place. His sister cut his hair till the day I met him.” Kate laughed. “You should have heard him howl when the stylist tried to put hair spray on his hair.”

  Kate and Robin finally excused themselves to go greet some other musicians. Nina was left alone with Sandy. Although the boy was about as entertaining as a tree stump, Nina was growing to rather like him. Amidst all the flamboyance, noise, and pretentious chatter going on around them, she found something appealing in his simple bashfulness. She also admired his doglike loyalty to Gingie. Anyhow, who needed conversation? Just watching events around her was enough.

  Greedy eyes and grabbing hands seemed to be everywhere. She knew that whereas opera singers usually had long careers with a gradual rise to success and often worked well into their autumn years, rock stars often had short careers of meteoric success and humiliatingly fast downfalls. That was a lot of pressure to live with, and it showed in many faces. Luke was notable for his longevity in the field. But then, he was also notable for real talent and craftsmanship as a performer and composer, for his ability to improve and grow, and for his reliability and stability. In fact, Luke was notable for a lot of pretty remarkable qualities, Nina thought proudly.

  How on earth did such a direct, forthright, moral man like Luke deal with this life-style? she wondered. Of course, Luke had always been very ambitious; he wanted to write and sing, and he would deal with the devil himself to do that. But could she deal with all of this as part of his regular working life?

  “Sandy! Here you are! We’ve all been looking for you!” A plump, middle-aged man laughed with false heartiness and crowded Nina as he sat down next to her. When he turned away to call someone else over, Nina said to Sandy, “Who is he?”

  Sandy frowned. “I’m not sure. Promoter, I think”

  Within moments, a dozen or more people descended on them. Sandy was good at being unnoticeable, but now the paparazzi had found him at last. Nina cringed inwardly, wishing they hadn’t been discovered. She guessed that Sandy felt the same way, since he edged nearer to her like a frightened puppy. She patted his hand reassuringly and tried to take control of the situation, wishing Luke were there. Or even Gingie. She was definitely out of her milieu.

  Everyone barraged Sandy with eager questions. Naturally, that produced no results, so they started questioning Nina, as well. Using all of her social skills, Nina got other people to talk about themselves, thus giving her a little breathing space. The self-important ramblings of most of the group irritated her, as did the increased bodily contact of the man sitting next to her. He kept leaning closer and closer, his arm slung along the back of the seat, his breath fanning her face. Finally, he put his hand on her thigh. She started as if she’d been burned. The man looked at her with glinting eyes. Nina pointedly removed his hand from her leg. Sandy slipped his arm through hers and pulled her closer.

  “Don’t touch her,” Sandy said firmly.

  The boy might not talk much, but quality was more important than quantity. When it counted most, Sandy knew how to choose his words well.

  “Excuse me,” said the pudgy man, with dripping sarcasm.
“I didn’t realize she was attached for the evening.”

  Nina was furious now. She was not accustomed to being talked about as if she weren’t there, and she was definitely not accustomed to being mistaken for the sort of woman who “attached” herself to a celebrity for an evening.

  “I’m not attached to him. I just don’t appreciate you handling me,” she said icily.

  “Come on, honey, lighten up. You be nice to me, and I’ll be nice to you.”

  A girl with enormous quantities of purple hair interrupted the scene. “Hey, I’ve seen you before, haven’t I?”

  “I don’t think so,” said Nina.

  “Yes, I have. You’re Luke Swain’s girlfriend, aren’t you?”

  Nina didn’t particularly like the word “girlfriend” to begin with, but in this context it somehow made her sound like some rock groupie sleeping with Luke for the privilege of being seen with him.

  The pudgy man next to her looked at her sharply. “So you’re Luke’s?” he mused.

  “Do you know him?” Nina asked coldly.

  “I’ve seen him around.”

  “Meaning you don’t,” Nina finished.

  “I’d heard there was a new girl,” said a smug young man with a nasal voice. “Interesting.”

  Nina had all she could stand of sleazy innuendo and repulsive people. Without a word to the others she stood up, took Sandy’s hand, and led him away. She could hear people snicker and make snide remarks as they walked away.

  What on earth was she doing here? This was the antithesis of everything she enjoyed, this loud music, tasteless, decor and bad company. She could never adjust to this.

  “Could we go find Gingie now?” Sandy asked plaintively.

  “Yes, of course,” said Nina.

  By now everyone had recognized Sandy, and they had an exhausting time pushing through the crowd of eager wellwishers as they searched for Gingie.

  They found her, at last, having a noisy and vituperative fight with a representative of the record company. A reporter eagerly scribbled down everything they said while someone took photos. Sandy and Nina finally dragged Gingie away from the fray while an interested crowd watched.

  “So much for mending your fences,” said Nina dryly.

  “I had good intentions. Really,” Gingie insisted. “He just incensed me.”

  “Can we go now?” pleaded Sandy.

  “Yes. Absolutely. Do you want to come with us, Nina?” asked Gingie.

  “No. I’d better find Luke. He’d worry if I just disappeared.”

  It took her a long time to find Luke, and she was feeling much worse for the wear when she did. He was deeply embroiled in conversation with Kate and a man in a conservative suit. There were so many people in the way Nina could hardly see Luke, but he was obviously arguing, and he looked unhappy about something.

  There must have been fifty people between Nina and Luke, many of them just standing there, hoping to meet him, hoping to touch him, trying to catch what he said to Kate and the other man.

  Luke was an extraordinary man and knowing him was a privilege, but something about this idolization of him appalled and disgusted her. She was a woman involved with a difficult and demanding man. Tonight, however, she realized that to everyone except their personal friends, she was just some pretty girl who’d found her way into a rock star’s bed.

  That shouldn’t matter to her, but she found it did. The opinion of strangers shouldn’t count, but the pressure of Luke’s public life made it impossible to ignore.

  Nina nearly sobbed with frustration as she pushed past people who glared at her or made snide comments. Several simply ignored her requests to let her pass. By the time she reached Luke she felt ready to cry, but she didn’t want to make a scene and embarrass them both.

  “Nina!” Luke put his arm around her and drew her close. Nina closed her eyes and relaxed against him, burrowing into his sheltering warmth. Luke and the other two people finished their conversation. Nina only heard bits and pieces. Something about a tour. Luke didn’t want to do it. Kate and the other man thought he should. Nina didn’t care. She just wanted to get out of here. She told him so as soon as there was a chance.

  He looked at her strained, unhappy face and agreed immediately. Kate reminded him hesitantly that there were several speeches scheduled at midnight, and Luke had promised to say a few words.

  He sighed. “Can’t someone else do it?”

  “I think,” Kate said carefully, “it would be a show of good faith if you did it, Luke.”

  Luke looked back at Nina and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Nina made her decision then. She would never come between Luke and his work, just as she would never let him come between her and hers. But she wasn’t staying at this party another minute.

  “It’s okay,” she said calmly. “You stay. I’ll take a cab home.”

  “No.”

  “Be sensible, Luke.”

  He sighed again. “I’ll come outside with you”

  The street, although not empty, seemed blissfully peaceful after the party. Luke took her arm and led her away from the building, trying to get away from prying eyes and interested stares.

  “I’m sorry I left you alone like that, honey. I never intended to. I meant to stay right by your side all night. But I had to talk to someone from the company, then Kate and my tour manager cornered me....” He rubbed a hand over his tired face. “And I don’t need to ask to know that you had a lousy time and you’re upset.”

  “I ... it...” Nina sighed, too. “It was awful for me.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

  “No, it’s not,” she said firmly. “I’m a grown woman. You can’t stick to my side like glue every time we’re with people in your business. Surely the whole point of tonight was to see if I can handle this sort of thing, and we can find that out better if I’m on my own.”

  “And can you?” he asked huskily.

  Tears clouded Ninas eyes. “I don’t know,” she said after a long moment.

  He was agitated now. “I should never have brought you here. It was a stupid idea.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” she argued tearfully.

  “We’re never going to another one of these parties, either of us.”

  “It’s not the party.” Nina tried to pull herself together enough to explain. “Whether you go to parties or not, you’re still Luke Swain. You’re still a public idol, you record music and give concerts and have fans all over the world. Reporters and photographers still follow you, women still throw themselves at you, and everyone wants a piece of you. And I just ... hate it,” she finished softly.

  Luke looked absolutely miserable, and she hated herself, too, for that. But she had to be honest with him; he never settled for less.

  “We can’t talk here,” Nina said at last. “I should go home”

  “All right. As soon as I’m done here, I’ll come over and we’ll talk—”

  “No.” Nina steeled herself against the look of alarm on his face. “I really need to be alone tonight to think about this. I don’t want to say things I don’t mean or haven’t thought over.”

  “Nina—”

  “Please.”

  She could see his internal struggle before he finally said, “Okay. I’ll come over tomorrow—No, I can’t, dammit! We’re taping a video at the studios. Tomorrow night, then.”

  “No, I’m singing.”

  They looked at each other in frustration, their incompatible schedules somehow emphasizing the hopelessness of their situation.

  “Day after tomorrow,” he said.

  “I’ll be waiting at home for you.”

  He hailed a cab for her. She didn’t look at him. He didn’t touch her. He seemed like a stranger. What an anticlimax, she thought.

  He opened the taxi door for her, a habit she had insisted upon. She got inside. He gave the driver her address.

  “Nina?” It was dark. She could hardly see his face.

  “Yes?” A pau
se.

  “Don’t let it go.” He shut the door and watched the taxi drive off.

  Nina spent a miserable, restless night trying to put everything into perspective. She had tried to end her relationship with Luke before it began, seeing heartache in their future. Now it was too late to walk away.

  She was in love with him.

  She was almost angry at him for that. She had tried to be careful and sensible, and he hadn’t let her. She’d tried to maintain her distance, and he kept pulling her closer. There was no way she could simply walk away now; a part of her would be left behind with him forever. But how could she handle staying with him?

  She had been shocked after they were mobbed outside a concert by his fans, positive she wanted no part of his world. Although the incident was frightening, it had assumed its proper perspective after a while and now the memory was a source of laughter between them.

  However, she hadn’t really learned to deal with the publicity that surrounded him, the demands on his time and energy, the unorthodox people in his business, or the fans who disrupted every day of his life. Why did it keep getting harder instead of easier?

  Sheer exhaustion, mental and physical, finally took its toll. Nina fell into a restless slumber and slept till midafternoon. She woke up groggy and cranky. She still felt confused and indecisive.

  She was glad to go to work that night. She loved the high ceilings, dark corners, and resonance of the theater. She loved the swelling, soul-searing sounds of Verdi, the professional competence and courtesy of her colleagues, the warm enthusiasm of the audience. She could have stayed onstage all night, letting her love of singing shield her from the fear and frustrations of the day; but the performance ended, and it was time to return to reality.

  She was in her dressing room, wearing a thick bathrobe and removing her make-up when she heard a knock against her open door. She looked up.

  “Jesse!” she exclaimed. “You didn’t tell me you were coming!”

  The old saxophonist and his wife Rebecca entered the small room. Both of them were smiling, and Jesse carried a bouquet of flowers for Nina.

  “We wanted to surprise you. We haven’t seen you for weeks.”