Ashes for the Elephant God

by Vijaya Schartz

  "Are you really that naive?" I couldn't keep the edge off my tone. "At least, when she was the Rajah's daughter, you had the good sense to refuse her advances. I know she is gorgeous, but her soul is dark as a moonless night."

  "Kora? The princess of my nightmares? Of course… Why didn’t I recognize her sooner?" Despair spread on Mukunda's features as he dropped on the couch. "But I can't abandon my child," he pleaded, the glass in his hand forgotten.

  "How can you be sure it's your child? When was it conceived?" Conscious of my sharp tone, I made an effort to soften my voice. "Kora slept with Chad for months while having other affairs as well. Then there was Uli during the Nasik pilgrimage. Every other week she brags about a new conquest. Just recently, she even had the gall to console Chad's brother when he came for the funeral."

  "Good God!" Mukunda's obvious torment tortured me as well. "I had no idea..." He took his head in his hands as if to hide his shame.

  As I walked behind the couch, I laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Did you take a DNA test?"

  "Of course not. I had no reason to." He stumbled painfully on each word. "Besides, India is not the most sterile place to conduct such tests."

  "What about having it done abroad? It may sound complicated, but it's your life, your happiness, your future." I wanted to say OUR future, OUR happiness.

  "Damn right." Mukunda brushed back a fringe of hair and sat straighter. "I can't believe I was so gullible. She manipulated me like a puppet."

  "Don't blame yourself." I couldn't stand the anguish in his eyes. "You are honest, while she plays selfish games that ruin people's lives."

  "I'll send her to California. My father knows competent physicians there." Mukunda half smiled apologetically. "Golf acquaintances."

  "Are you even sure she is pregnant? It certainly doesn't show, and I have yet to see her with morning sickness." Suddenly the obvious hit me with such impact I dropped on the couch next to Mukunda. "Wait a minute..." I held my forehead against the conflicting feelings swimming inside. "If she's pregnant, why does she take birth-control pills every morning?"

  Mukunda turned pale. "She what?"

  The drumming of the rain on the wood shutters intruded on the deadly quiet that followed.

  "Such deceitfulness!" Mukunda rose and started pacing. "But why would she pretend?"

  "To marry you?"

  "But why? She knows I don't love her."

  "I don't know..." My confusion grew.

  Mukunda gulped the rest of his drink. "She even cried when she confessed her pregnancy. She swore I was the only man, the only possible father. She posed as a repentant sinner, ready to face her responsibilities, all sweetness and contrition... She even stopped smoking. And all the while her ex-lover was listening. The poor bastard."

  I cringed at the memory of Chad's scorched body. No wonder the poor man had despaired.

  Mukunda gave a nervous laugh. "She played me like a well tuned sitar, didn't she?" He went to the counter, picked up the bottle of toddy and held it high. "Shall we finish it?" His features relaxed and a wide grin split his handsome face.

  I knew what he was thinking. The same thought had just crossed my mind. If Kora had no hold on him anymore, nothing could prevent our love.

  Mukunda sighed. "I'm glad we had this enlightening talk." He poured the rest of the bottle into the glasses and sat beside me. "Finally my life is starting to make sense again… I see hope in my future." He held his glass aloft, as if toasting me. "Tell me, Fabienne, how do you see your future?" He took a sip, watching me intently.

  My mind reeled with new possibilities. Far from me now the idea of becoming a swami! Under Mukunda's undressing stare, my present thoughts lacked the purity required for celibacy. I drank some of the palm wine, enjoying its sweetness. "Only one man in the world can change my mind about shaving my head and donning the orange robe, and I fervently hope he does," I murmured.

  Mukunda gently took the glass from my hand and set it on the coffee table, next to his. "Will you allow me?"

  He moved closer. Long fingers caressed my hand then brushed up my arm, shoulder and neck. He traced the arch of my brow, played with the short curls in my hair. My scalp prickled. Mukunda's touch sent pleasurable jolts running throughout my body. I could hear my own ragged breath. The temperature rose in the muggy room. I felt vulnerable, naked under the shimmering silk of the blue sari, skin exposed from sternum to below the navel.

  "I dreamt of this moment so many times..." Mukunda's lips hovered tantalizingly close to mine, his blue gaze piercing my soul.

  I ached with a desire I could not control. My lips parted with longing as Mukunda laid me back against the couch. "I love you so much," I whispered, caressing his hair.

  "Fabienne, I loved you even before I was born and will continue to love you long after we both die." He bent over me, soft lips barely brushing mine.

  "Please, kiss me," I implored.

  Eyes closed, I savored the sweetness of the fluttering kiss. But I wanted more, much more. Reaching around his back, I pulled him down to me. The strong muscles eased down, weighing deliciously on my body, while the stone-hard length of his erection bruised my inner thigh.

  As if answering a signal, Mukunda's kiss suddenly turned passionate, so greedy that I forgot the rest of my body for a while. I gladly responded to the desperate intensity searing my lips and mouth, to the probing of the soft tongue, enjoying the pressure of strong hands holding my head. I never wanted it to end.

  "Dear God, I love you so much," I heard him murmur raggedly against my ear as he covered my neck with small kisses, then he cupped my breasts in his hands and kissed the cleavage as well. Rising suddenly, Mukunda slid his arms under my shoulders and knees. "Come," he said as he swept me off the couch.

  I hooked my arms securely around his neck, while he carried me to the dark bedroom. He laid me down on the bed before lighting a single candle. Sitting on the side of the bed, Mukunda stared into my eyes, lowering himself for another long, unhurried kiss.

  Undoing the buttons of the safari shirt, I slid my hand on the muscles of his chest. Soft hair bristled under my touch. The musky perfume, activated by body heat, filled up the room. Mukunda’s deft hand slid the sari’s smooth silk up my thighs, stirring a new wave of unchecked lust.

  "You are wearing the perfume," he marveled, kissing down my neck. He nuzzled my breasts then trailed his tongue down a vertical line, lingering around my belly button.

  As I arched slightly under the pressure of his mouth, fingers grazed the tip of my hardened nipples through the blue silk, before spreading shivers on the exposed skin of my abdominal muscles. Mukunda's hands glided up my back to the hooks of the silk choli.

  "I never wanted any man like I want you now," I managed to breathe in his ear. I pushed away slight guilt at the memory of Pierre, the casting couch, and several casual encounters devoid of passion. At long last, I knew what true love felt like.

  The many hooks of the choli came undone, one by one, Mukunda punctuating each one with a kiss in a strategic spot, the hollow of my neck, behind the ear, under the arm, the corner of my lips, the eyelids. When the choli finally slid down my arms, Mukunda's mouth engulfed one nipple while gentle hands massaged my hardened breasts, sending my desire skyrocketing. I held his head into my breasts, elated, loved, and fiercely wanting. Heat surged through my loins under the layers of silk.

  Mukunda's hand slid to my hips, tugging at the silky pleats, loosening the waist, until he could pull down the sari, like a discarded cocoon, leaving me utterly naked. Fluttering shadows enhanced the hills and valleys of my exposed body. Everything felt right. We belonged together and I knew now that nothing could ever separate us again, not even death.

  "Sweet Mother of God, look at you. You are so beautiful." Mukunda shed the safari shirt and joined me on the bed, covering my nudity with his hard body, one hand caressing my hip. "Such smooth skin," he murmured nibbling my ear.

  "We have so much to rediscover about each other." I press
ed my breasts into his chest, eyes closed, holding on to him in a desperate grip. Mukunda held me tight for a while, strong arms enveloping me protectively. The golden torso quivered under the pressure, while the green fragrance of his aftershave, blending with the sweet musk on my heated skin, drove me beyond consciousness, to a state of pure bliss.

  Everything about his maleness felt new, yet so familiar. When he rose on one elbow, the regular lines of his face caught the candlelight, and my body arched toward him, longing for his contact. Mukunda smiled, caressing the length of me, as if trying to remember my erogenous zones, then he sealed my lips, making me forget everything else. I immersed myself in the kiss, losing track of time and place.

  When his mouth slid down to my breasts, then moved on to my navel and mound, I ceased thinking all together. Soft cries of pleasure escaped my lips as I writhed in his firm grip. I never saw or felt his slacks come off.

  When Mukunda finally came up on me and rent my body with a steely thrust, my mind erupted into ecstasy. And as our bodies merged, rapture transported my soul back to the hot springs of another lifetime…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Maya, divine illusion

  A door opened in the next room. I turned on the soft bed, a gentle breeze from the overhead fan cooling my naked body. The air smelled of musk and candle wax. In the rays of sunlight filtering through the shutters, the statue of Kali on the rattan nightstand smiled rather than grimaced, blood-red tongue sticking out like that of a mischievous child.

  We had made love until dawn, slept a few hours, then succumbed again to the hunger of our bodies. The most wonderful night of my life... I smiled and stretched like a satiated cat.

  "Good morning, beautiful! Did you sleep well?" Already dressed, wide shoulders filling up the doorframe, Mukunda smiled, then he came to sit on the bed.

  "I haven't slept this late in months," I purred, with a sigh of contentment.

  Mukunda kissed my forehead, sleepy eyelids and lips. "I love you so much," he whispered in my ear.

  I clung to his shoulders for reassurance, smelling his aftershave, feeling the rough weave of his safari shirt against my naked skin. Would the dream vanish as the day wore on, or would our lives be changed forever by last night's romance? "I need you," I murmured.

  "I know, my love." Mukunda held me securely. "I couldn't live without you, and I promise I won't let anyone keep us apart."

  I closed my eyes in gratitude, enjoying the embrace. "Thank you. I love you more than anything in the world."

  After squeezing me gently, Mukunda disengaged himself then cheerfully announced, "Chai and papaya for brunch? That's all I have."

  "Sounds wonderful." I smiled.

  I took a quick shower while Mukunda prepared the tea, then I changed into white pajamas from my canvas bag and joined him on the veranda for breakfast.

  Mukunda lifted his gaze from the slices of papaya he arranged on a tray. "I can't figure out how Kora could fabricate such a lie, and even less imagine why."

  "Me neither." I sat on the offered canvas chaise and held my cup for him to pour the milky tea. The familiar pleasing smell made me feel safe. "Kora doesn't even like India. Why would she want to marry someone whose life is here? She should know you'll never go back if you can help it." I bit into a slice of papaya, licking the sweet juice dribbling on my lips.

  Sitting across from me on a chaise, Mukunda smiled. "You know, Fabienne, you are the only person who understands this about me and India." He sipped some tea but didn't touch the papaya.

  "That's because I feel a bond with this land as much as you do." I helped myself to another slice of sweet fruit.

  Mukunda stared at me. "Everyone else is expecting me to go back to California as soon as the dam is operational, but I won't."

  "I know..." I realized at that moment that I didn't want to go back to France either. I smiled, pushing the tray toward him. "Aren't you going to eat?"

  He shook his head. "I had some earlier, after my morning jog."

  "So, that's how you keep in shape." I gave him a sidelong glance.

  He laughed at the compliment. "That, and climbing mountains, windsurfing, swimming, flying kites..."

  "I used to climb, but I haven't in months, and I never missed it or even thought about it, until now..."

  Mukunda reached over the small table to caress my hair. "I wish I could stay here all day with you, Fabienne." His eyes clouded over. "But I must get to the dam. After last night's blow up of the levee, I can only imagine the chaos." He smiled. "Would you like to stay here today and rest?"

  Remaining all day stuck in a strange house with nothing to do but wait for a lover's return was not my style. "I'd rather get back to the ashram," I said softly, hoping it wouldn't hurt his feelings. "I have work to attend to."

  "Work?" Mukunda looked baffled.

  Having finished the last bite of papaya, I wiped my hands and mouth with the linen napkin on the table. "The French translation of Baba's last book... Only two chapters left."

  Mukunda whistled, looking at me with renewed respect. "Quite a responsibility, isn't it?"

  I smiled at his show of admiration. "It's not that difficult when you understand the concept and master both languages. Baba doesn't speak in riddles."

  "I see..." Mukunda brushed back a lock of blond hair and cleared his throat. "Well, I can drop you off on my way, I suppose." He hesitated then took my hand. "Shall I pick you up tonight for dinner?"

  "Absolutely." I smiled, squeezing his fingers.

  His blue eyes smiled for him as Mukunda kissed my fingers lightly then rose. "Let's go, then."

  *****

  I stepped out of the Mahindra Jeep as the ashramites returned to the dorms after their morning chores. A few heads turned at the unusual occurrence, but no one commented about my escapade. As I watched Mukunda drive off, a cry made my head turn. Kora stood there, staring at me, white as a pill despite her makeup, unsteady on her feet, threatening to collapse any second.

  I grabbed her arm, but she recoiled at my touch, a horrified look on her face, as if she had seen an apparition from hell. When she tried to pull her arm away, I held it firmly, wrinkling the sleeve of her pale green dress.

  "That's all right," I told a young woman in a saffron sari who volunteered to help. "I'm her roommate, I'll take care of her,"

  "Are you really here?" Kora's eyes had rounded to the size of the small brass cymbals we used to accompany our chanting. "But I thought you..."

  "I know... You left me to die out there, didn't you?" I herded Kora none too gently through the ashram gate.

  "But I saw you... How did you get out?" Kora trembled in my grip, her eyes darting around.

  "I must have friends in high places..." I smiled briefly. "How did it feel to know someone would die because of you?" I guided her past the temple, through the gardens, hardly noticing the fragrance of new gardenia blossoms. If we went to the dorms, our conversation might be overheard. What we had to say couldn't bear witnesses.

  "You can't prove anything!" Kora's color returned, as did her natural anger, as soon as we reached a deserted garden path.

  "Is that all you worry about? Proof?" Despite my previous dealings with Kora, I still couldn't fathom such lack of morals. "What about conscience?"

  "Conscience is for the weak." Kora's shrill voice bordered on panic. "If you squeal, I'll deny everything."

  "You won't have to." Despite my uneasiness around the elephant, I stirred Kora toward the privacy of the white tent protecting Shankar from the rain. "I didn't tell, and I won't."

  "You told no one at all?" Kora stared at me in obvious surprise.

  I shook my head. "Not a soul."

  She stopped suddenly, jerking her arm loose.

  "Keep walking." I shoved her toward the large tent.

  "But why?" She ducked under the canvas flap.

  I followed her inside Shankar's smelly lair, savoring my small victory. "I have my reasons."

  When Shankar trumpeted at our entr
ance, I shivered but hid my fear.

  "Blackmail?" Kora asked with restored confidence, ignoring the elephant's call for attention.

  I attempted a short laugh and shook my head. "Why not, if that's the only language you understand."

  "Ha! I knew it." The green eyes gleamed, and I noticed they matched the color of the dress. "So, you want, money?"

  "You won't get off that easy." I repressed a more biting remark. "I'm worried about you, Kora. I need to understand. I want you to tell me the whole truth."

  "About what?" The false innocence in her tone irritated me.

  From the temple, the Ohm Namah Shivaya chant spread lazily through the loudspeakers over the ashram grounds, bathing everything in the purity of the powerful mantra.

  Although aching to join the chanting, I steeled myself for what I had to do. "I want to know about you, about everything you did, and about what you are doing here for starters."

  Kora smirked. "Right. So you can use it against me?"

  "No," I said softly. "So that I can help you."

  Kora whirled and faced me. "I don't need help. Besides, why would you want to help me, after all the rotten things I did to you?" The stunned expression on her pretty face told me of her utter confusion.

  "Our karmas are linked, Kora," I explained, as gently as I could. "Yours, mine, Mukunda's, even Shankar's. None of us can be happy unless all of us are. And you have to be very unhappy indeed, to hate with such passion."

  "I don't believe in karma." Kora's statement sounded final.

  I tried to keep an even tone. "How can you not, when you remember your previous incarnation?"

  "I was rich and I killed in my previous life. In this one, I feel much the same." Kora now paced the large tent. "Nothing's changed. I'm not being punished for my so-called mistakes, and Kali still protects me."

  "What about Shankar? Isn't it punishment enough to have him as an elephant instead of a lover or a brother? And what about his karma?"

  Kora gaped, looking at me with round eyes, as if for the first time a glimpse of understanding reached her muddled mind. Lines of tension marked her face. "I do miss his human form."