After some spur-of-the-moment contemplation, I had come up with my alibi. Trina would be my excuse. We had been spending more time together lately since her dismissal, so using her as the shield for my excursion seemed like the perfect excuse.
I was nervous. I knew what I was doing was wrong, hypocritical even, but I had to see Devin. I knew this would be so freeing. I didn’t care.
I couldn’t wait anymore. The need to give in to my desires was all too strong. I’d wanted to flee and relinquish myself into the comfort of his arms since the day he left. I missed his embrace, his kindness, his laugh…everything.
James sat on the couch in the living room, mindlessly thumbing through a magazine.
He didn't know what I was about to do to him. I was about to commit the most egregious of sins, and he could not stop me. I couldn’t even stop myself. The magnetic field Devin wielded was relentless in its pull.
I walked into his field of view, and stood there for a moment, waiting for him to say something, anything. He looked up from behind his magazine.
“What?”
“I made plans with Trina this evening. I’ll be leaving in a little bit,” I said.
I caught myself off-guard at how ballsy a move this was.
"I made plans, too. Nathan and I are going down to that new bar by his house.”
“Sounds good. I won’t be back until late,” I said hurriedly, and headed for the door.
I sat there for a few moments before putting the key in the ignition, as I tried to grasp the gravity of what I was about to do. Though I was nervous, I felt resolute in my decision. I had to see him. I didn’t fear much, but I feared losing him again.
I typed in the address in the navigation app, hoping and praying I would get there ok. I had nightmares of going the wrong way down a one-way street, or having to take a detour and not know where I was going. I never felt confident when I drove downtown.
Finally, I started the car. I sat there for several moments longer, surprised that I was finding the courage to do this. Seven long years, I thought to myself. Seven long years I've waited for this day.
The journey down there went smoothly, much to my surprise. No one-way streets, no crazy detours, just smooth sailing all the way. But as closed in on arriving, my breathing became more rapid. I fumbled to turn the air conditioning up in my car, in an effort to both cool and calm myself down.
My stomach felt sick. I knew I needed to calm down, and I didn’t want to look like a nervous wreck. But damn. I hadn’t seen him in years! I didn’t want to come off like a fool.
I had a million thoughts rumbling through my mind. What if I say something senseless? What if I am misinterpreting how he feels? What if I get caught?
I was so determined at that point, I wasn’t sure I cared. If there were even the most remote chance that Devin still loved me, and that I could get him back, I would take it. I lost him once. I couldn’t lose him again. The thought of that was too much to bear.
I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him. I needed him. This was well beyond physical attraction. This was a magnetic attraction; an attraction to his soul I simply couldn't walk away from. His hooks had sunk into me so deep I knew they would never come out.
I fumbled for my phone to message him and let him know I was there, and within seconds, the screen lit up. He informed that I would need to check in, since it was a secured building.
It was a culture shock. Being a small-town girl, I wasn’t used to this upscale living.
As I made my way up the steps to the elegant building, I felt my anxiety build once more. I wasn’t crazy about heights, and the more I looked up at the building, the more nauseous I felt. But more than that, I was I was more concerned about how this evening would go.
The glass door was heavy as I pulled it open. I wondered if it was actually heavy, or if it seemed that way because of my shaky arms that were limp from my nervousness.
An older, fair-haired woman greeted me. She was most likely in her seventies, and her face appeared weathered yet soft. Her low, but gentle voice spoke from behind the sleek mahogany desk.
“Good evening, ma’am. Who are you here to visit?”
Oh good heavens, I thought. Now she will know I’m here to see Devin. I hated having to check in. Why can’t he just be a normal person living in a normal apartment?
I wondered if she would quiz him later on who I was, and what I was there for. Especially since Devin had not dated in years. Beyond his family, I doubt any female had been there in years, period. Surely she would wonder who I was.
I mused on what his response would be. Would he tell her I was just a friend? An ex-lover? Or would he tell her we were together?
“Ma’am?” she asked again.
She noticed that my mind had departed for a journey, and here I was just standing there, staring into space like an idiot.
“S-sorry,” I stammered.
Worried that I was coming off like an imbecile, I nervously brushed at the hem of my shirt, straightened my back, and in the most poised posture I could muster, I gave her my response.
“I am here to see Devin Brandt, apartment 702, please.”
I wondered why I had to act like such a nervous wreck. She probably thought I was insane.
“Oh, I have a feeling he will be delighted to see you! Let me ring him and let him know you are here.”
I stood there frozen. What is that supposed to mean? Maybe she already knew about our history. Was it possible that Devin told this woman about me? I tried to block out the thought from my mind. I was most likely interpreting her words wrong, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up. She picked up the telephone from the desk to call Devin, but she was too late. Coming in from my right side, through another set of glass doors, there he was.
He looked like heaven to me.
He was every bit as handsome as I had remembered. I tried to take it all in. It truly was like falling in love with him all over again.
“I had a feeling you’d still be down here talking to Mrs. Worthington,” he said with that grin I loved so much. He could make even the most mundane sentence sound so suave, and heady.
He leaned up against the desk that Mrs. Worthington was sitting behind, staring at me with those dark brown eyes. Oh, how I loved those eyes so much! The gleam in his eyes was hypnotic, and his stare was warm, and almost hungry. Every time I gazed into them, he rendered me virtually defenseless.
Not much had changed despite the passage of time. I thought he was perfect then, but the face of the boy I fell in love with developed into and even more handsome man. His chiseled face was still statuesque, and his midnight hair remained short, but styled neatly and with precision. He truly was the most striking man I had ever seen.
And those lips. Those lips! Just the thought of his lips against mine was enough to make my mouth water. I remembered the last time we had kissed. I remembered it clear as day. I didn’t realize it would be the last time I would kiss him, at least for quite a while.
Hopefully tonight I would change that. I had hoped to change a lot of things. I needed him to realize how much I still needed him.
“Walk with me,” he said as he reached for my hand.
The electricity surged inside me again as I felt his hand take mine. We made our way toward the glass elevator in the corner of the lobby.
Though my mind was wandering, it wasn’t enough to calm my nerves. I was so supremely excited, yet unbelievably nervous at the same time. The anticipation was eating me alive. I knew I had to gain my composure, but it felt next to impossible.
He looked over at me, and flashed that beautiful smile again, as if to reassure me I had no reason to feel so anxious. I couldn’t tell if it was the rush from being rocketed up seven stories in the elevator, or the acute chemistry between us, but I felt dizzy. I was in a state of euphoric bliss, and I hadn’t felt this high in long time.
Devin led the way as we departed the elevator. Afte
r walking what for what seemed like ages, we finally reached his apartment. He held the door open for me like the gentleman he always was, and my mind flashed back to our first date. I loved how chivalrous then, and it was comforting to know nothing had changed.
He was truly an old soul, stuck in the wrong time period. It was one of the many reasons I loved him so much.
As I heard the key unlock the door, I knew there was no backing out now. I was about to walk into his lair.
CHAPTER 7
_______
“Would you care for a glass of wine?”
I stopped to ponder. I wasn’t sure if drinking tonight would be a good idea, considering I knew I couldn’t stay. But I figured a single glass of wine couldn’t hurt.
I stood at the bar trying to take it all in while he poured each of us a glass, and I was in awe of the gorgeous view of the nighttime city skyline. I didn’t realize you could see so much from only seven stories up.
The scent of his cologne lingered in the air, and I was reminded of how much I missed that smell. My goodness! It was truly one of the best scents in the world.
The candles around the room flickered softly, and I couldn’t help but think the ambience in the room was just too beautiful. Everything was perfect. Gorgeous paintings of streets in Italy lined the walls, and a magnificent sculpture of an angel adorned the far left corner of the room. His eye for décor was impeccable.
And then, I noticed it. My heart skipped a beat. In the corner by the television hung a painting I had done of him so long ago. I couldn’t believe after all this time he had kept my painting. His sullen, beautiful face, and those deep, piercing eyes stared back at me from the wall. A smile crossed my face.
Devin turned around and noticed that I was staring at the painting. He must have been reading my mind, for I had not spoken a word aloud about the painting, yet he seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.
“There was no way I could let it go,” Devin said, as his velvety voice trailed off into the silence of the room.
I was so glad he had kept it and it made me feel special he wanted to keep a piece of me around.
“Come sit down and make yourself comfortable,” he said, as he ran his hand across the back of the couch.
Oh, how I love those hands. They were always so soft, and gentle, yet strong.
I sank into the soft leather of the couch. I was so comfortable; it was the most perfect piece of furniture to take a nap in on a lazy Sunday. My mind wandered, and
I imagined him relaxing here, and unwinding from a hard day at work. I wondered if he ever did that. I pictured us lying there together, intertwined in an embrace, and I wondered if had ever thought the same. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be inside his head, sometimes!
I reached over to grab the glass of wine and took a larger sip than I should have. My nerves still needed to calm down.
Within minutes, I felt the alcohol swirling through my veins. I felt enraptured and more alive than I'd felt in a long time.
He sat close to me, and I could smell the intoxicating aroma of his cologne mixed with a faded tinge of cigarette smoke. I hated the smell of the smoke, but on him, he wore it well. Then again, everything about him was so inebriating. It had always been that way for me.
He sat there looking at the blank television, lost in a reverie, almost with a melancholy look. All I could do was stare at how handsome he was as the flickering light from the candles danced on his face. It was such a sweet relief to see his face again after all of this time.
Yet, our closeness on the couch made my body ache. I knew feeling this way was wrong, but I wanted to give in. The temptation was there, and I wished to fulfill all of my yearnings. Everything about him was so fulfilling.
After a few moments in silence, Devin turned and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. Part of me wanted to, but there was a part of me that wanted to sit and talk.
I wanted to catch up on things, wanted to share my thoughts; I wanted to share everything with him. I was so comfortable around him. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. I wanted to be an open book and unfurl all of my pages to him.
“Sure,” I said sweetly, my face glowing with happiness.
I still couldn’t believe I was here in his presence. It was so damn exhilarating.
“I have the perfect movie we could watch,” he said.
He picked some sort of comedy I had never heard of. In that moment, I didn’t even mind. We could’ve watched anything, gone anywhere, done anything. I didn’t care. All that mattered was that we were together.
Even while the movie was on, I couldn’t stop stealing glances at him. Every time he laughed at some scene in the movie, I laughed too. I couldn’t help but smile every time he did, and the warmth of his smile lit up the room more than all the candles in the room combined.
About half way through the film, his arm brushed mine, and my adrenaline kicked into overdrive. The minute I felt his body heat against mine, I felt like I wanted to surrender myself completely to him.
I couldn’t stand the separation between us any longer. But I didn’t dare say anything, or make the slightest move. I didn’t want him to think I was coming on too strong. I wanted him to make the first move.
“You can lie down, if you’d feel more comfortable,” he said in that sickeningly charming voice of his.
I had met no one before in my life with a voice quite like Devin’s. His voice could bring out the most carnal feelings in me in an instant. He had not only a way with words, but a way with his voice as well.
He didn’t have to ask me twice. I nestled myself against him, lying on my right side. Once I had finally situated myself, he draped his arm around me, and his hand lightly grazed my stomach. I had missed the feel of his touch so much.
The warmth of his body pressing against me, and the feel of his heart beating made me light up inside. I could feel the rhythm of his heartbeat pulsating on my back. I could feel the warmth of his breath against my neck, and that’s when I lost control of my impulses.
I gently took my fingers and guided his soft, warm hand underneath the hem of my camisole. He didn’t seem phased by it all. His fingers caressed my stomach, drawing little circles just underneath my navel. They felt like magic, and my skin tingled in response.
I sharply inhaled in reply. If he went any lower, I would surely lose control. It was almost painful how his fingers teased my delicate skin. He had a wicked way of pulling me in, and trapping me in his spell.
Our hearts were beating rapidly and my breathing grew more shallow and audible. Being so close to him made by body ache with need. I was ready to go, and the agony was raging inside was killing me.
I could tell he was reading my mind. Slowly, he lowered the strap of my camisole, leaving my shoulder completely exposed. I felt like I was on fire now and the electricity between us intensified rapidly.
With the softest touch, he pulled the left strap down. I felt him brush aside my short mess of blonde curls and felt his velvet-like lips kiss the top of my shoulder. The electricity shot through my body again. His fingers twirled through my hair, pulling the strands ever so lightly.
“Your hair is so beautiful,” he breathed against my neck.
His voice is like heaven, I thought. He pulled me a little closer against his body. His embrace was so comforting, and I felt like we were melting together, our bodies were so close. The feeling elated me. I wanted to stay in that moment forever.
I was so enthralled I couldn’t even speak a word. He continued to caress my shoulder, his touch as light as a feather. He kissed my shoulder and slowly made his way up to my neck. He knew that was my sweet spot I couldn’t resist. By now, I was grinning from ear to ear. I simply couldn’t help myself.
Everything that happened after that almost seemed like a dream. But the lovesick haze we were in was better than any dream I had ever had before.
Before I knew it, we had switched positions. He pull
ed himself on top of me, and every minute was pure perfection. Our lips finally met.
It had been way too long. I almost had forgotten how soft and full they were. I could taste his sweetness and the smoke on his breath, and the aromatic mixture sent electricity surging up and down my spine.
Our tongues soon became entangled, and yet another wave of electricity came over me. His kiss was an aphrodisiac, and I became light-headed.
We kissed for what seemed like an eternity; I would’ve preferred to stay there for all eternity in that moment. As we kissed, we caressed each other’s bodies. We struggled to drag each other closer and closer into each other as though we were in some tug-of-war game.
I pulled his face deeper into mine, and at times even our teeth touched each other, as each kiss grew deeper and deeper. It was almost animal like, yet beautiful just the same. This sense of losing control was unlike anything I had ever known before.
Without saying a word, he lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his upper body, while simultaneously wrapping my arms around his neck. I clung to him like I was about to fall to my death, though I knew he would never let me fall. As I held on tightly, I buried my face into his neck; the scent of his velvety soft skin drove me crazy. The whole room spun in a reckless haze and the fevered frenzy we were in was beyond comparison.
Devin gently laid me down on his bed. I couldn’t get over how comfortable and cloud-like it bed was. It was no wonder he had such a hard time waking up every morning. Who could blame him with a bed so soft?
I sat up long enough to slip out of my top and then sank back into the comfort of the bed. For the first time in a long time, I felt so free. He accepted me; all of me.
He leaned over me and pulled both of my hands up over my head. His hands enveloped around my wrists, pinning me down to the bed, but I didn’t mind the restraint. He gazed at me with such adoration, the way you’d admire a painting in a museum. It was almost as if he was inside my head.
“You’re far more perfect than any statue of a goddess I’ve ever seen,” he said in almost a whisper.
Sweetest Release Page 5
