Magnum Bonum

by Шарлотта Мэри Йондж

  14th.-Mr. Barnes's income is five hundred thousand pounds, and he does not live at the rate of two hundred pounds. (Col. Brownlow.)

  l5th.-He has turned off all his gardeners, and the place will be desolation. (H. S. H.)

  16th.-He did turn off one gardener's boy for staring at him when he was being wheeled about in his bath-chair. (Alfred Richards.)

  17th.-He threw a stone, which cut the boy's head open, and he lies at the hospital in a dangerous state. (Emma.)

  18th.-Mr. Barnes was crossed in love when he was a young man by one Miss Anne Thorpe, and has never been the same man since, but has hated all society. (Query: Is this a version of being a misanthrope?)

  19th.-He is a most unhappy man, who has sacrificed all family affections and all humanity to gold, and whose conscience will not let him rest. He is worn to a shadow, and is at war with mankind. In fine, he is a lesson to weak human nature. (Mrs. Rigby.)

  22nd.-All his toilet apparatus is of "virgin gold;" he lets nothing else touch him. (Jessie.)

  "Exactly like King Midas." (Babie.)

  The exclusion from the grounds was a serious grievance, entailing much loss of time and hindrance to the many who had profited by the private roads. The Sunday promenade was a great deprivation; nurses and children were cut off from grass and shade, and Mother Carey and her brood from all the delights of the enchanted ground.

  She could bear the loss better than in that first wild restlessness, which only free nature could allay. She had made her occupations, and knew of other haunts, though many a longing eye was cast at the sweet green wilderness, and many regrets spent on the rambles, the sketches, the plants, and the creatures that had seemed the certain entertainment of the summer.

  To one class of the population the prohibition only gave greater zest-namely, the boys. Should there be birds' nests in Belforest unscathed by the youth of St. Kenelm's? What were notice-boards, palings, or walls to boys with arms and legs ready to defy even the celebrated man-traps of Ellangowan, "which, if a man goes in, they will break a horse's leg?" The terrific bloodhound alarmed a few till his existence was denied by Alfred Richards, the agent's son; and dodging the keepers was a new and exciting sport. At first, these men were not solicitous for captures, but their negligence was so often detected, that they began to believe that their master kept telescopes that could penetrate through trees, and their vigilance increased.

  Bobus, in quest of green hellebore, got off with a warning; but a week later, Robin and Jock were inspecting the heronry, when they caught sight of a keeper, and dashed off to find themselves running into the jaws of another. Swift as lightning, Jock sprung up into an ivied ash; but the less ready Bob was caught by the leg as he mounted, and pulled down again, while his captor shouted, "If there's any more of you young varmint up yonder, you'd best come down before I fires up into the hoivy."

  He made a click and pointed his gun, and Robin shrieked, "Oh, don't! We are Colonel Brownlow's sons; at least, I mean nephews. Don't! I say. Skipjack, come down."

  "You ass!" muttered Jack, as he crackled down, and was collared by the keeper. "Hollo! what's that for?"

  "Now, young gents, why will you come larking here to get a poor chap out of his situation. It's as much as my place is worth not to summons you, and yet I don't half like to do it to young gents like you."

  "What could they do to us?" asked Jock.

  "Well, sir, may be they'd keep you in the lock-up all night; and what would your papa and mamma say to that?"

  "My father is Colonel Brownlow," growled Robin.

  "More shame for you, sir, to want to get a poor man out of his place."

  "Look here, my man," said Jock with London sharpness and impudence, "if you want to bully us into tipping you, it's no go. We've only got one copper between us, and nothing else but our knives; and if we had, we wouldn't do such a sneaking thing!"

  "I never meant no such thing, sir," said the keeper; "only in case Mr. Barnes should hear of our good nature."

  "Come along, Robin," said Jock; "if we are had up, we'll let 'em know how Leggings wanted us to buy off!"

  Wherewith Jock made a rush, Rob plunged after him into the brambles, and they never halted till they had tumbled over the park wall, and lay in a breathless heap on the other side. The adventure was the fruitful cause of mirth at the Folly, but not a word was breathed of it at Kencroft.

  A few other lads did actually pay toll to the keepers, and some penniless ones were brought before the magistrates and fined for trespass, "because they could not afford it," as Caroline said, and to the Colonel's great disgust she sent two sovereigns by Allen to pay their fines and set them free.

  "It was my own money," she said, in self-defence, "earned by my models of fungi."

  The Colonel thought it an unsatisfactory justification, and told her that she would lay up trouble for herself by thus encouraging insubordination. He little thought that the laugh in her eyes was at his complacent ignorance of his own son's narrow escape.

  Allen was at home for Easter, when Eton gave longer holidays than did St. Kenelm, so that his brothers were at work again long before he was. One afternoon, which had ended in a soaking mist, the two pairs of Roberts and Johns encountered him at the Folly gate so disguised in mud that they hardly recognised the dainty Etonian.

  "That brute Barnes," he ejaculated; "I had to come miles round through a disgusting lane. I wish I had gone on. I'd have proved the right of way if he chose to prosecute me!"

  "Father says that's no go," said Robin.

  "I say, Allen, what a guy you are," added Johnny.

  "And he's got his swell trousers on," cried Jock, capering with glee.

  "I see," gravely observed Bobus, "he had got himself up regardless of expense for his Undine, and she has treated him to another dose of her native element.

  "She had nothing to do with it," asseverated Allen, "she was as good as gold-"

  "Ah! I knew he wasn't figged out for nothing," put in Jock.

  "Don't be ashamed, Ali, my boy," added Bobus. "We all understand her little tokens."

  "Stop that!" cried Allen, catching hold of Jock's ear so as to end his war-dance in a howl, bringing the ponderous Rob to the rescue, and there was a general melee, ending by all the five rolling promiscuously on the gravel drive. They scrambled up with recovered tempers, and at the sight of an indignant housemaid rushed in a general stampede to the two large attics opening into one another, which served as the lair of the Folly lads. There, while struggling, with Jock's assistance, to pull off his boots, Allen explained how he had been waylaid "by a beast in velveteens," and walked off to the nearest gate.

  "Will he summons you, Ali? We'll all go and see the Grand Turk in the dock," cried Jock.

  "Don't flatter yourself; he wouldn't think of it."

  "How much did you fork out?" asked Bobus.

  Allen declaimed in the last refinement of Eton slang (carefully treasured up by the others for reproduction) against the spite of the keeper, who he declared had grinned with malice as he turned him out at a little back gate into a lane with a high stone wall on each side, and two ruts running like torrents with water, leading in the opposite direction to Kenminster, and ending in a bottom where he was up to the ankles in red clay.

  "The Eton boots, oh my!" cried Jock, falling backwards with one of them, which he had just pulled off.

  "And then," added Allen, "as I tried to get along under the wall by the bank, what should a miserable stone do, but turn round with me and send me squash into the mud and mire, floundering like a hippopotamus. I should like to get damages from that villain! I should!"

  Allen was much more angry than was usual with him, and the others, though laughing at his Etonian airs, fully sympathised with his wrath.

  "He ought to be served out."

  "We will serve him out!"

  "How?"

  "Get all our fellows and make a jolly good row under his windows," said Robin.

  "Decidedly low," said Allen.

>   "And impracticable besides," said Bobus. "They'd kick you out before you could say Jack Robinson."

  "There was an old book of father's," suggested Jock, "with an old scamp who starved and licked his apprentices, till one of them dressed himself up in a bullock's hide, horns and hoofs, and tail and all, and stood over his bed at night and shouted-

  "'Old man, old man, for thy cruelty, Body and soul thou art given to me; Let me but hear those apprentices' cries, And I'll toss thee, and gore thee, and bore out thine eyes.'

  And he was quite mild to the apprentices ever after.'"

  Jock acted and roared with such effect as to be encored, but Rob objected. "He ain't got any apprentices."

  "It might be altered," said Allen.

  "Old man, old man, thy gates thou must ope,"

  Bobus chimed in.

  "Nor force Eton swells in quagmire to grope."

  "Bother you, don't humbug and put me out.

  "Old man, old man, if for aught thou wouldst hope, Thy heart, purse, and gates thou must instantly ope. Let me but-"

  "Get Mother Carey to write it," suggested his cousin John.

  "No; she must know nothing about it," said Bobus.

  "She'd think it a jolly lark," said Jock.

  "When it's over," said Allen. "But it's one of the things that the old ones are sure to stick at beforehand, if they are ever so rational and jolly."

  "'Tis a horrid pity she is not a fellow," sighed Johnny.

  "And who'll do the verses?" said Rob.

  "Oh, any fool can do them," returned Bobus. "The point is to bell the cat."

  "There'd be no getting in to act the midnight ghost," said Allen.

  "No," said Jock; "but one could hide in the big rhododendron in the wolf-skin rug, and jump out on him in his chair."

  In Allen's railway rug, Jock rehearsed the scene, and was imitated if not surpassed by both cousins; but Allen and Bobus declared that it could not be carried out in the daylight.

  "I could do it still better," said Jock, "if I blacked myself all over, not only my face, but all the rest, and put on nothing but my red flannel drawers and a turban. They'd take me for the ghost of the little nigger he flogged to death, and Allen could write something pathetic and stunning."

  "You might cut human ears out of rabbit-skins and hang them round your neck," added Bobus.

  "You'd be awfully cold," said Allen.

  "You could mix in a little iodine," suggested Bobus. "That stings like fun, and a coppery tinge would be more natural."

  There was great acclamation, but the difficulty was that the only time for effecting an entrance into the garden was between four and five in the morning, and it would be needful to lurk there in this light costume till Mr. Barnes went out. No one would be at liberty from school but Allen, and he declined the oil and lamp-black even though warmed up with iodine.

  "Could it not be done by deputy?" said Bobus; "we might blacken the little fat boy riding on a swan, the statue, I mean."

  "What, and gild the swan, to show how far his golden goose can carry him?" said Jock.

  "Or," said Allen, "there's the statue they say is himself, though that's all nonsense. We could make a pair of donkey's ears in Mother Carey's clay, and clap them on him, and gild the thing in his hand."

  "What would be the good of that?" asked Robert.

  However, the fun was irresistible, and the only wonder was that the secret was kept for the whole day, while Allen moulded in the studio two things that might pass for ass's ears, and secreted cement enough to fasten them on. The performance elicited such a rapture of applause that the door had to be fast locked against the incursion of the little ones to learn the cause of the mirth. When Mother Carey asked at tea what they were having so much fun about they only blushed, sniggled, and wriggled in their chairs in a way that would have alarmed a more suspicious mother, but only made her conclude that some delightful surprise was preparing, for which she must keep her curiosity in abeyance.

  "Nor was she dismayed by the creaking of boots on the attic stairs before dawn, and when the boys appeared at breakfast with hellebore, blue periwinkle, and daffodils, clear indications of where they had been, she only exclaimed-

  "Forbidden sweets! O you naughty boys!" when ecstatic laughter alone replied.

  She heard no more till the afternoon, when the return from school was notified by shouts from Allen, and the boys rushed up to the verandah where he was reading.

  "I say! here's a go. He thinks Richards has done it, and has written to Ogilvie to have him expelled."

  "How do you know?"

  "He told me himself."

  "But Ogilvie has too much sense to expel him!"

  "Of course, but there's worse, for old Barnes means to turn off his father. Nothing will persuade the old fellow that it wasn't his work, for he says that it must be a grammar-school boy."

  "Does Dicky Bird guess?"

  "Yes, but he's all right, as close as wax. He says he was sure no one but ourselves could have done it, for nobody else could have thought of such things or made them either."

  "Then he has seen it?"

  "Yes, and he was fit to kill himself with laughing, though his father and old Barnes were mad with rage and fury. His father believes him, but old Barnes believes neither of them, and swears his father shall go."

  "We shall have to split on ourselves," elegantly observed Johnny.

  "We had better tell Mother Carey. Hullo! here she is, inside the window."

  "Didn't you know that," said Allen.

  Therefore the boys, leaning and sprawling round her, half in and half out of the window, told the story, the triumph overcoming all compunction, as they described the morning raid, the successful scaling of the park-wall, the rush across the sward, the silence of the garden, the hoisting up of Allen to fasten on the ears, and the wonderful charms of the figure when it wore them and held a golden apple in its hand. "Right of Way," and "Let us in," had been written in black on all the pedestals.

  "It is a peculiar way of recommending your admission," said Caroline.

  "That's Rob's doing," said Allen. "I couldn't look after him while I was gilding the apple or I would have stopped him. He half blacked the little boy on the swan too--"

  "And broke the swan's bill off, worse luck," added Johnny.

  "Yes," said Allen, "that was altogether low and unlucky! I meant the old fellow simply to have thought that his statue had grown a pair of ears in the night."

  "And what would have been the use of that?" said Robin.

  "What was the use of all your scrawling," said Allen, "except just to show it was not the natural development of statues."

  "Yes," added Bobus, "it all came of you that poor Dickey Bird is suspected and it is all blown up."

  "As if he would have thought it was done by nobody," said Rob.

  "Why not?" said Jock. "I'm sure I'd never wonder to see ass's ears growing on you. I think they are coming."

  There was a shout of laughter as Rob hastily put up his hands to feel for them, adding in his slow, gruff voice-"A statue ain't alive."

  "It made a fool of the whole matter," proceeded Bobus. "I wish we'd kept a lout like you out of it."

  "Hush, hush, Bobus," put in his mother, "no matter about that. The question is what is to be done about poor Mr. Richards and Alfred."

  "Write a poetical letter," said Allen, beginning to extemporise in Hiawatha measure.

  "O thou mighty man of money, Barnes, of Belforest, Esquire, Innocent is Alfred Richards; Innocent his honest father; Innocent as unborn baby Of development of Midas, Of the smearing of the Cupid, Of the fracture of the goose-bill, Of the writing of the mottoes. All the Brownlows of St. Kenelm's, From the Folly and from Kencroft. Robert, the aspiring soldier, Robert, too, the sucking chemist, John, the Skipjack full of mischief, John, the great originator, Allen, the-"

  "Allen the uncommon gaby," broke in Bobus. "Come, don't waste time, something must be done."

  "Yes, a rational letter must
be written and signed by you all," said his mother. "The question is whether it would be better to do it through your uncle or Mr. Ogilvie."

  "I don't see why my father should hear of it, or Mr. Ogilvie either," growled Rob. "I didn't do those donkeyfied ears."

  "You did the writing, which was five hundred times more donkeyfied," said Jock.

  "It is quite impossible to keep either of them in ignorance," said Caroline.

  "Yes," repeated all her own three; Jock adding "Father would have known it as soon as you, and I don't see that my uncle is much worse."

  "He ain't so soft," exclaimed Johnny, roused to loyal defence of his parent.

  "Soft!" cried Jock, indignantly; "I can tell you father did pitch into me when I caught the old lady's bonnet out at the window with a fishing-rod."

  "He never flogged you," said Johnny contemptuously.

  "He did!" cried Jock, triumphantly. "At least he flogged Bobus, when-"

  "Shut up, you little ape," thundered Bobus, not choosing to be offered up to the manes of his father's discipline.

  "You think you must explain it to my uncle, mother," said Allen, rather ruefully.

  "Certainly. He ought to be told first, and Mr. Ogilvie next. Depend upon it, he will be far less angry if it is freely confessed and put into his hands and what is more important, Mr. Barnes must attend to him, and acquit the Richardses."

  The general voice agreed, but Rob writhed and muttered, "Can't you be the one to tell him, Mother Carey?"

  "That's cool," said Allen, "to ask her to do what you're afraid of."

  "He couldn't do anything to her," said Rob.

  However, public opinion went against Rob, and the party of boys dragged him off in their train the less reluctantly that Allen would be spokesman, and he always got on well with his uncle. No one could tell how it was, but the boy had a frank manner, with a sort of address in the manner of narration, that always went far to disarm displeasure, and protected his comrades as well as himself. So it was that, instead of meeting with unmitigated wrath, the boys found that they were allowed the honours and graces of voluntary confession. Allen even thought that his uncle showed a little veiled appreciation of the joke, but this was not deemed possible by the rest.