by Hilary Wynne
“Nada. It’s nothing. I love you. That’s all. I just really love you.”
I’m not sure he believes me, but because we’re standing in the middle of a group of people watching us, he lets it go. He places a small kiss on my nose and then one on my lips. It’s so soft and so tender. It’s perfect. He’s perfect. “Okay. Vamos a bailar.”
Julian grabs my hand and leads me out to the dance floor. I love to dance with him. He’s an amazing dancer, so sexy and fun to watch. He doesn’t usually get the opportunity to dance with me when we’re here and I’m thrilled he’s actually hanging out with me tonight. The others join us, and pretty soon we’re all out on the floor dancing, laughing, and letting loose. If I could bottle the moment I would. In this moment, right now, my life couldn’t be more perfect.
Chapter 11
I wake up to the sound of Julian getting sick in the bathroom. I shield my eyes from the morning sunshine and quickly knock on the bathroom door.
“Julian? Are you in there?”
I hear a faint yes and a few soft moans, and when I open the door, I find a very hot, sweaty, and green-looking Julian lying on the floor next to the toilet. His eyes flutter open when I walk in and he tries to smile. I bend down to help him up.
“Oh my God. Are you okay? What’s the matter?”
Julian puts his hand up telling me to back away and pulls himself up to a sitting position. “I’m sick. You need to go away so you don’t get sick. I’ve been throwing up for the last two hours.”
I ignore him and put my hand on his forehead. “You’re burning up.” I quickly look around the bathroom and grab a washcloth that’s lying on the counter. I soak it in cold water and put it on the back of his neck. “Can you get into bed or do you need to stay in here?”
“I don’t want you to see me like this, and I don’t want you to get sick so you need to go. I can take care of myself. I’m fine. I just have the flu or some—” His last words are muffled as he leans over the toilet and dry heaves. He looks mortified that I’m watching this happen and tells me to leave again.
“Stop it! I’m not going anywhere. You should’ve woken me up to begin with. I’ll spare you the trouble of repeating yourself. I know you can take care of yourself. I know you don’t want me to see you like this. I know you’re embarrassed and feel unmanly, blah, blah, blah. I don’t give a shit. I’m not leaving you. I’m going to take care of you and you can thank me later, okay?”
I get off my knees and walk to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. If he’s been throwing up for two hours then he has to be dehydrated. Hopefully he can keep a little water down. When I get back to the bathroom, Julian is standing up against the vanity and splashing water on his face. He also rinses his mouth out with mouthwash and turns to face me. He takes a step and stumbles a little. Holy crap, he’s weak. I get underneath his arm and lead him to his bed. He’s big and tall and heavy, and it’s hard to hold him up. I almost lose my balance a few times, but manage to get him in bed without incident. After I’m sure he’s okay, I go back to the bathroom to grab a trashcan for him so he doesn’t need to get up again. He’s already asleep by the time I get back to the room. I sit there for over an hour and watch him sleep fitfully. He’s tossing and turning and mumbling, and when I touch his head and chest, I find him soaking wet. It looks like his fever is breaking and that gives me a little comfort.
There’s no way Julian is going to be in any shape to go to Sanibel today. Last night we talked about leaving around ten so he could meet with the contractors around three. I don’t see that happening at all. I find my phone and call Danny. He insists on coming up and seeing how Julian is for himself. I quickly change out of my robe into shorts and a t-shirt. I let him in, and Danny walks right into the bedroom. Julian has woken up a little and tries to sit up, but gets a pained expression when he does.
“Lie down, Julian,” Danny and I say simultaneously.
Julian pulls himself into a sitting position and lies his head back on the pillow. He closes his eyes for a moment as he waits for what I’m assuming is a wave of nausea to pass. When he opens his eyes again, I see the resignation in them. He knows he can’t go anywhere.
“I’ll head up to Sanibel and take care of whatever you need me to. Just give me the details.”
Julian tries to shake his head. “I’ll just reschedule for tomorrow or Monday and go up then. No te preocupes.”
“I’m not worried about it, hermano. I’ll grab Rafi and we can head up and make a day out of it. I’ve got nothing going on.” I listen as Julian tries to argue with Danny about this, and after a few back and forths, I jump in.
“Julian, you said this needed to be dealt with today. I’m sure Danny can handle it. You need to get some rest. Tell him what he needs to know and do, and let him go. You’re wasting his time right now.” My voice is a little more authoritative than I mean it to be, but it works.
I turn my head and find Danny laughing at me. “What’s so funny?”
Danny shakes his head, looks back and forth between Julian and I, and smiles. “Not sure I have ever heard anyone tell Julian what to do. Well, where he listens at least.”
“She’s taking advantage of my present state, and she’s right. This needs to get done today.” He turns his head and looks at me. “Don’t think this is going to be a habit, you bossing me around.”
I shake my head and get off the bed. “Whatever. I’m going to go downstairs and get you some Gatorade.” As I walk out, I hear Julian giving Danny all the details he needs before he meets with the contractors. I wait in the living room so I can talk to Danny before he goes, and we walk to the elevator together.
“Thank you for going. He obviously can’t. I know this is his responsibility.”
Danny snickers a little, and then looks frustrated. “Julian wouldn’t be so stressed out if he let people help him. There’s no reason I can’t handle this. He thinks he needs to do everything. This is my company too, and I’m capable of making decisions.”
The elevator doors open and we step out and walk toward the lobby. “I’m sorry if I implied you couldn’t. I didn’t mean to. I’m sure you can handle it. I just know Julian feels responsible for the project.”
“No worries, Lexie. But you should already know Julian feels responsible for the whole entire world, not just this project. He needs to let other people take care of things … and take care of him. I’m very happy to see he lets you. It’s a big deal. I hope you know that.”
I laugh a little as I give him a quick hug. “I’m not sure he has much of a choice at the moment.”
“I’m serious. You found a way into a place only a few people have ever gotten.”
Danny’s words sit heavily on my shoulders. I know this about Julian; I know he doesn’t let people in. He told me that himself right at the very beginning. It’s been an awesome responsibility and one I haven’t handled great.
“Call me if you need anything. I’m going to try and keep his phone off. We got home really late and he didn’t get any sleep.”
I get some Gatorades from the little store in the building and head back upstairs. I find Julian sound asleep, so I take his phone from his nightstand and walk toward the living room. It feels heavy in my hands. The last time I looked at his phone I found the texts from Caroline that sent me over the proverbial edge. I don’t want to cross any lines here, but he really needs to sleep and I don’t want his phone to keep going off. I find Candace’s number amongst the hundreds of contact names and send a text.
Julian: Hi Candace. It’s Alexa. Just wanted to let you know I’m with Julian and he’s very sick. The flu, I think. He’s asleep and needs to be. If you really need him I’ll wake him up, but I wanted to let you know why he might not answer.
I get a reply right back, and hold my breath as I see the little bubbles indicating she’s typing. I’m sure she’s going to write something shitty.
Candace: Damn. Thanks for letting me know. A bunch of people have been sick here this week so I
’m not surprised. Make him rest. He needs it. I should be okay and will only call if it’s an emergency. Have him call when he’s up to it.
I look at the message three times to make sure I read it right. She was nice. Whoa. She’s always rude to me. Maybe we’re all growing up a little.
Julian: Will do. Thank you.
I walk back into the room and find Julian leaning over the side of the bed. Poor guy. I grab a clean wash cloth and run it over his face and neck. I help him lie back down when he’s done being sick.
“I sent a text to Candace telling her you were sick. Hope that’s okay. She said she had it all under control and would only call if she really needed you. Danny is good too, and will call later tonight. Is there anyone else you’d like me to call?”
“I’m not an invalid, Alexa.” Julian is embarrassed.
“No. You’re not an invalid. You’re sick. Really sick and I’m taking care of you. Deal with it.”
Julian glares at me and rolls on his side. “Do I have a choice?”
“No.”
“Lexie?”
“Yes, Julian.”
“Thank you.”
I think he’s back asleep before I even answer.
I need some fresh air so after I’m sure he’s okay, I head out to the terrace. I call Marissa and let her know what’s going on and then call my mom. I lie and tell her I’m at work and will try to stop by tomorrow. She’s disappointed, but understands. I wish I could tell her about Julian. I know technically I can, but I need to be a hundred percent sure we’re truly back together before I let her know. I do decide to let her know about the baby part though.
“Mom, I need to tell you something. I don’t want you to get any crazy ideas though.”
“What is it, Alexa? I don’t like the sound of that. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Mom. I talked to Julian. The baby isn’t his. For sure it’s not his.”
There is a huge pause on the other end of the phone. I wait for her to collect her thoughts. “Oh honey. That’s great news for you. What does that mean for you and him?”
“It’s great news for him, Mom. He’s processing the whole thing. It’s very complicated. We are talking, but we have some things to work through. So, I’m not sure what it means for us.”
She cuts me off mid-sentence. “Alexa, if the baby was the reason you weren’t together and there is no baby, it shouldn’t be very complicated.”
Ugh. My mom is so tunnel-visioned sometimes.
“I wish it wasn’t complicated, Mom, but it is. I left him. I walked away and hurt him. He’s not sure he can trust me.”
“That’s silly. Oh course he can trust you. You didn’t do anything wrong. This whole mess was his fault. He’s crazy if he doesn’t just slip that ring back on your finger. I’m sure he will, Alexa. He’s a smart guy.”
Leave it to my mom to put her own crazy little spin on things. I guess I should appreciate that she’s in my corner, but she really has no clue. “Listen, Mom, I need to get back to work. I love you. I’ll call you tomorrow if I can stop by, okay?”
“Okay, honey. I can make dinner and we can talk about this some more. Your dad is going to be happy to hear this news. He’s a big fan of Julian’s.”
“Bye, Mom. Love you.”
After I hang up, I quickly check on a still-sleeping Julian and then head back out to the terrace. I haven’t eaten anything at all today and only had a half-cup of coffee. My stomach isn’t feeling great, and I’m choosing to believe it’s because I drank a lot last night and have a hangover. I feel it growl a little and tell it to be quiet. I am not getting sick.
I haven’t spoken to Jill in a few days so I call her. I know my mom will be on the phone with her soon, and I want her to hear the news from me first. She doesn’t answer so I leave her a message.
“Hey there. Sorry I missed you. Just wanted to tell you before Mom does that the baby isn’t Julian’s. It’s a long story, and pretty complicated. He and I are talking, but have some things to work out before we can move forward. I’d love to talk about it with you soon. Hope you’re okay. Love you.”
I probably shouldn’t have left a message, but she should know. I never told her about Luke and I don’t know if I can. She has her own issues dealing with “cheating” because of what happened with her husband, and I’m not sure how she’s going to feel when I tell her, if I tell her, that I slept with Luke. I remind myself again that I didn’t technically cheat on Julian, but as the days go by and I see how our break-up impacted him, I have a hard time convincing myself the details really will matter.
The afternoon passes in the same way. Julian wakes up and falls back asleep. I keep an eye on him and watch TV. Around five the phone buzzes and when I look at the caller ID, I see it’s Marisol calling. She leaves a voicemail. She calls right back and then sends a text telling Julian to answer his phone. Then she calls again. This time I answer.
“Hi Marisol. It’s Lexie. I have Julian’s phone and saw you called.”
“Lexie? Hola. What’s going on? Danny said Julian is sick. Is he okay?”
“He has the flu, I think, and he’s basically slept the whole day. I’ve tried to keep the phone away from him so he could rest. He was up all night and this morning getting sick.”
“Oh, pobrecito! I’m going to come bring him some sopa de pollo so he has something to eat when he can. I started making it when Danny called and it’s almost ready. He loves my soup when he’s sick. He should’ve called me. Mi hijo. He never lets people help him. I’m glad you’re there with him. I’ll be over soon with the chicken soup.”
I’m about respond when I realize she’s hung up. Oh okay. I guess she’s coming over. I need to take a shower before she shows up and when I walk back into the bedroom, I find Julian in the bathroom brushing his teeth.
“Hey. You’re up.”
He’s leaning on the vanity and I can see he has no strength. He’s so pale too. “Barely. I needed to brush my teeth.”
“Go lie back down and I’ll bring you whatever you need.”
He finishes and gets back in bed. “You don’t have to stay here all night. I’m okay now.”
“Great. Thanks. I have a big party to go to. I was hating that I had to miss it.” I roll my eyes at him. “Stop trying to get rid of me. I’m not going anywhere, and by the way, your mom is coming over with soup. She called and insisted.”
Julian laughs softly. “I’m sure she did. She must’ve talked to Danny. And speaking of Danny, has he called?”
I grab his phone off the dresser and hand it to him. “Here. I’m sure you’re dying to check in with everyone. I’m going to go take a shower. Don’t get any crazy ideas about getting out of bed either.”
“Yes, boss. Are you planning on joining me back in bed?”
I look over my shoulder at him. “Really, Julian? You must be feeling better if you’re thinking about sex.”
“Sick or not I always want you, mi amor.” I laugh at him as I walk into the bathroom. That man has a one-track mind for sure, but I’m glad he’s feeling better.
The warm water feels great and I stay in the shower for a while. I think about the last twenty-four hours. Wow. It’s all a bit crazy and jumbled in my head. I haven’t seen his mom in months. I know she’s very protective of her kids and I have no idea how she feels about me now. I guess I’m about to find out.
When I get out the bathroom I don’t find Julian in bed. I change back into my shorts and t-shirt and go look for him. He’s on the couch and Marisol is fussing over him. She looks up at me when I walk into the room and makes her way toward me. I stand still and when she gets close, she takes me in her arms and gives me a huge hug. I guess that answers my question about how she feels about me. She whispers in my ear so Julian can’t hear her.
“Estoy feliz. I’m so happy you’re here. You should be here with him, Lexie.”
I pull back and see her eyes are wet and it makes mine well up. I whisper back, “I’m happy I’m here too.”
>
“Bueno. Let’s get him something to eat. Are you hungry? You look pale. Are you sick too? Go sit down near him and I’ll bring you some soup.” She’s like a drill sergeant and I’m sincerely happy to let her take over. I’m exhausted. I only got a few hours of sleep last night, I’m still a little hung over, and I’ve been worried about Julian all day. “I’m just tired. I’m not sick. But, yes, I’d like some soup too please.”
I look at Julian and he’s smiling. He mouths the words “thank you.” I blow him a little kiss and lean my head back. Ahh. It all feels normal in a totally abnormal way. The soup smells amazing and when Marisol sets a bowl for me on the coffee table, I feel what I think are hunger pains rolling in my stomach. I get a spoon of the soup to my lips and put it right back down again. Uh oh. Those are not hunger pains I’m feeling. Oh no! I drop the spoon and run down the hallway into Julian’s bathroom. I barely make it before I throw up.
In between bouts of vomiting, I put my hair in a ponytail, kick the door shut and lock it. I don’t want him to see me like this. How hypocritical, right? It was okay when he was throwing up. I’m the one who is mortified now. I hear someone trying to open the door. “Open the door, Lexie.”
“I’m fine, Julian. Go lie down.”
He tries again. “Open the damn door. I’m not kidding.”
“Go away. Please.” My body is wracked once again and I know he can hear me getting sick. He pounds louder.
“God damn it! Open the door!”
I swear I think he’s going to break it down so I open it and sit back down next to the toilet. I grab a wet washcloth and hold it over my mouth. Both Julian and Marisol walk into the bathroom. I want to die. Marisol bends down next to me and puts her hand on my forehead. “Dios mio. You’re sick too. Pobrecita. Julian, go lay back down. I’ll stay here with her.” She turns and looks at him. “Go! Ahorita.”
Julian looks at me with questions in his eyes, but I guess I’m not the only person he listens to because when his mom tells him to leave, he does. Thank God. For the next hour, Marisol takes care of me as I follow in Julian’s footsteps and repeatedly get sick. I’m burning up too, and can feel the strength leaving my body every time I throw up. When I’m pretty confident there’s nothing left in me, I let Marisol help me up. I brush my teeth and splash water on my face. I’m horrified by my reflection in the mirror. I look like death. That came on so quickly and so hard, I feel like I got hit by a truck.
