by Hilary Wynne
When I look up at Marissa she’s staring at me, giving me a look, still trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I shake my head softly asking her to stop pushing the issue. She does, thank God, and the rest of meal goes off well. Everyone is eating and drinking and enjoying the surprise dishes Dario keeps bringing out. I’m not eating much, and I know Julian is noticing.
When we’re done, everyone sits there waiting for a bill I know isn’t going to come. Both Sean and Cory offer to pay, and Julian politely declines. As we get up to leave Julian gets a text message. He looks at his phone and his smile fades. He kisses me on the cheek, mumbles something about people not being able to do their jobs, and tells me to come find him in his office when I’m done showing my friends where our table is in Stellar. I nod and smile and exhale when he walks off. I’ve been feeling like I’m under a microscope all night. All of us girls excuse ourselves to go to the bathroom. We aren’t in there two seconds when Marissa jumps all over me.
“What the hell is up with you? I’ve been stressed out since the moment I saw you tonight. And don’t say ‘nothing’. Your makeup and hair says you’re upset about something.”
Her words make me laugh in spite of myself. “Am I really that freaking obvious?” I look around and they all nod and smile.
“What’s going on, Lex? I agree with Mari. You drank a ton and barely ate.” I should’ve known Shannon would notice too.
“Geez. I ate and I only had three small glasses of Sangria.” Plus the three glasses of wine from earlier. Honestly, I am pretty buzzed, but I try and pretend like I’m not as I tell them why I’m acting like a lunatic.
“First, I hate that you know me so well. I started doing my makeup and I couldn’t stop. It’s crazy, I know. Second, no need to call me out like that though, and third, I looked through a photo album of Julian’s and found a bunch of pictures of him and Alejandra. They looked so in love in all of them and it just upset me.” As the words come tumbling out, it even sounds stupid to me.
“And you’re upset, why? We all have old pictures,” says Lauren.
I turn and look at her. “I know. It was one picture of him and her on the beach that sent me over the edge. It looked exactly like the one he gave me for my birthday. He was looking at her like she was the fucking world to him. I hate it.”
Jenna jumps in. “He looks at you like that too.”
She’s trying to help and I appreciate it, but it doesn’t help. “I know he does, Jenna. I know he loves me. He loves me like he loved her...but when he found out she slept with his best friend, he ended it forever. Love wasn’t enough for him then and it won’t be enough for me now when he finds out I slept with my best friend. It’s not going to be different for him this time. It’s not different with me.”
With my admission of fear comes a steady stream of mascara laced tears. My friends are all looking at me sympathetically, but nobody knows what to say to me. After a few uncomfortable minutes, Marissa breaks the silence.
“Lex, you wanted us to all come out tonight and have a good time, and so far we are. Don’t blow it by freaking out about some pictures. I’m sure there’s nothing about his and Alejandra’s relationship that’s like yours. You’re the love of his life. You need to believe that and also believe you’ll be able to work through the Luke situation. Pull your shit together and let’s go have fun. You can tell him when you get back from Sanibel. Enjoy the weekend, okay?”
I reach over and pull her in for a hug. I whisper, “Thank you.” She hugs me back and winks. I hug all of my friends and thank each of them for helping me through this whole mess I’ve created. I grab some paper-towels and wipe away the makeup trails on my cheeks. I also use the Visine Jenna is handing me to help get the red out so it doesn’t look like I was crying. It helps a little. So does the fresh makeup I reapply. I add some lip gloss, take a few more deep breaths and go back to the lobby where we find Cory and Sean waiting for us. The whole way there I promise myself that I’m going to do everything I can to have a good time tonight.
Once we’re in Stellar, we find our table in the VIP section and as they all decide what they want to drink, I excuse myself to go find Julian. I certainly don’t need to drink anything else tonight. As I approach his office, I hear a very distinctive female voice laughing behind the slightly opened door. I pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and push the door open. What I see makes all the good feelings I had just summoned flee.
Julian is sitting down behind his desk and Kelsey is standing behind the desk, leaning over, as they look at something on his open laptop. From across the room, I can see her boobs hanging out of a very low-cut blouse and know if Julian turned his head slightly, his face would be in them.
I clear my throat so they know I’m there and they both look up and smile at me. I have a hard time smiling, but dig deep for something that resembles one. Kelsey doesn’t know me well enough to read any of my expressions, but Julian can tell right away I’m not happy with the situation. He has an amused look on his face, as if he thinks it’s funny that I’m uncomfortable, which only makes me more upset. I ignore him for a minute and focus on Kelsey and her boobs. She must notice because she straightens up quickly and takes a step backward. She’s still smiling though.
“Hi Lexie. It’s great to see you again. Julian told me you were coming in with a bunch of friends for dinner and to hang out.” She comes around the desk and stands in front of me.
“Nice to see you too, Kelsey.” My smile and my voice are phony, but she doesn’t seem to notice. I get a better view of her now. She has on a tight black, knee-length pencil skirt, the white, almost sheer blouse that seems to have fallen open, and a pair of last year’s Kate Spade black, wooden-heeled pumps. I know they’re last year’s because I have the same pair in navy. I hate that this woman has such similar tastes in shoes, and it’s obvious by the way she looks at Julian that she has similar taste in men. My imaginary claws come out a little.
“Uh huh, we’re all here. Julian always takes such good care of us.” I turn and look at him. “You’re going to come and join us now, right?”
Kelsey looks at me, then at Julian, and then at me again. She senses the tension that has materialized. Before Julian answers, she responds and it really pisses me off.
“I’m not surprised to hear that. From what I’ve seen, Julian takes good care of all the people around him.”
Oh no you didn’t, bitch. Did she really just go there?
“Thanks for all of the compliments, ladies. I’ll finish this up and email it to you Kelsey. You don’t need to stay here and work anymore. It’s been a very long day.” He’s dismissing her, which is a smart move on his part. This could get ugly.
She turns and looks at Julian and smiles brightly, never losing her confidence. “It has been a long day. Thank you so much for spending most of it with me, showing me everything I need to know to keep you on track.” The next smile directed at me isn’t as bright. “See you around, Lexie.” She glances down at my shoes as she walks out. “Cute shoes. I have a similar pair in red. Looks like we have the same taste.”
My whole body tenses as she walks by me, and as soon as she passes the threshold, I shut the door and lock it. I turn and face Julian and see he has the nerve to be laughing. I walk over to his desk, push his chair back, hike my skirt up and climb onto his lap. I put my lips on his and run my tongue across the seam of his lips. “It’s not funny. I don’t like her and she wants to fuck you. Don’t argue with me about it either because I know girls, and she’s so obvious with that outfit. I’m not going to let it ruin my night because I’m the one here with you right now and you’re going to fuck me, or I’m going to fuck you.”
I can’t remember the last time I shocked Julian, but I guess I must’ve now because he’s speechless. He stares at me and reaches around and slides his hands down my back. His hands feel soft and warm as they move slowly down and stop just above my ass.
“Okay?”
Julian nods his head sligh
tly and lifts me off of his lap. He reaches up under my skirt and gently pulls my panties off. He winks at me and smiles sexily. “I wanted to rip these off of your sexy ass, but you will be putting them back on when we get done fucking.” Julian licks his lips and I swear I have a mini orgasm as a smoldering warmth courses through my body. I’m buzzed and feel a primal need to claim my territory. All of my earlier craziness about the picture is gone as I realize I have a real, current threat to contend with.
I lick my own lips and reach down to unbuckle his belt. I also unzip his pants and watch as his rock hard erection springs out into my waiting hand. “Have I told you lately I love that you don’t wear underwear? I love the access.” I don’t wait for his answer as I kneel in front of him and take him in my mouth. I feel Julian’s strong hands tug gently on my ponytail as I slide my moist lips up one side of his throbbing shaft and down the other. When I run my tongue slowly around his soft head, I hear him moan deeply.
“Mmm, baby. You do this so fucking well.”
I’m feeling confident so when he puts his hand on my head and pushes down, making me take him all the way in, I don’t resist. He begins thrusting into me and rolling his hips rapidly. I can feel his legs start to shake. His movements are forceful and uncontrolled, and it’s obvious he has no interest in prolonging his release. I gag a little when he starts to explode into my mouth, but I don’t pull away until the last kick of his orgasm has ended. As soon as he finishes, I feel his hands under my arms. Before I get a chance to stand up on my own, he pulls me up and sits me on the desk in front of him. “Lean back and put your heels on the arms of the chair.”
This is so hot. Julian pulls my skirt up so it’s around my waist, and when I look up at him, his eyes are black with lust as he admires my naked body. He pulls his chair closer to the desk and gets right in between my legs. I put my heels on the arms of the chair just like he asked me to and bend my knees. His face is at an even level with my crotch and I feel his warm breath blowing on my sensitive flesh.
I try to scoot forward to initiate real contact and I hear Julian chuckle. “So impatient, sexy girl. I’m right here.” With those words, Julian wraps his arms under and around my thighs, pulls me as close as he can without pulling my ass off the desk, and launches the most intense assault on my sex, licking and sucking on my throbbing clit, driving me crazy with his supremely talented tongue and mouth. I find myself trying to grasp onto something to hold onto and when I can’t find anything, I reach back over my head and grab onto the edge of the desk. I feel like I need to ground myself as he takes me somewhere otherworldly. It’s that fucking good. When Julian slides his tongue inside of me and flicks my clit softly on the way out, I take my turn and explode into his mouth. I literally feel the rush of wetness and when I hear Julian’s moan, I know he felt it too.
I need to lie still for a moment and get my breathing under control, but Julian has other plans. He puts his hands on my waist and pulls me off of the desk and onto his lap. He’s hard again and glides into me easily. He lifts me up and down as I ride him, and each time I slide down his length, the pressure on my clit sends a shockwave of sexual energy throughout my whole body. The orgasm I just had left me very sensitive and it’s almost unbearable.
We’re staring at each other with the same intense focus we get when we’re completely connected, and I see so much in his eyes. Right now he’s looking at me like I’m his world and I want to hear him say it. I want him to tell me once again that I’m all he wants and all he needs. I also want him to know he’s all I want and need too.
“You’re mine, Julian. All mine.” It’s more a statement than a question, but he answers.
“I am yours, just yours, and you’re all mine, baby.”
My whole core begins to contract as my third orgasm of the night starts to rush through my body. At the same time, I feel every muscle in Julian’s body tighten and tense as he releases himself into me. We cum together and cling to each other as we give ourselves over to the pleasure.
Afterwards, I lie my head on his chest. I feel his heart pounding and hear his labored breaths. We stay like that for what feels like forever, with Julian still inside of me, his arms wrapped around me. I couldn’t feel anymore connected to him than I do in these moments when our hearts are beating in sync. I wonder how I could ever worry he’ll leave me. We need each other to breathe, to feel alive.
I’m stirred from my reverie by Julian’s whispered words. “You’re finally all mine.”
I lean back so I can look him in the face and see right away the physical has been replaced by the emotional. Julian just went somewhere in his mind too. I place my lips softly on his and whisper back. “I was always yours. My head might not have known it, but my heart always has, and if any other woman needs to be reminded of that, I’m up for the job.”
And just like that, the seriousness and intensity of the mood is broken as a genuine laugh comes from Julian. “Kelsey and I work together, Lexie, and she’s doing a good job. I need the help, so unless you want to come work for me, you need to play nice.”
“I’m not sure me working with you would be a good idea. I have a feeling I’d want to take care of you often. Not a lot of work would get done.”
Julian smiles big and tightens his grip around me. “You’re probably right, but you can’t blame me for asking.” I kiss him lightly on the lips as I raise myself off of him. I can feel the wetness from our orgasms on the inside of my thighs as I slide my panties back on and it makes me smile.
“What are you smiling about?”
“I can feel you all over the inside of my thighs. It’s sexy.”
Julian chuckles and puts his pants back on. “That’s not all me, Corazón. You were very wet. That’s us you’re feeling.”
I smile brightly back at him. “Then I can feel us on the inside of my thighs. I love it, and I love you.”
By the time Julian and I catch up with my friends in Stellar, they’re a few drinks in, and are dancing and having a great time. “Look who decided to join the party!” Marissa is definitely buzzed.
“Sorry. We had a few things to discuss.” I smile at all of them so they know things are good between Julian and me. Shannon hands me a shot glass with I don’t know what in it. I look at it for a second, consider downing it, and look at Julian. He doesn’t say a word, but I know he doesn’t like when I start doing shots, so I put the glass down. “No shots for me tonight.” I get a very subtle nod from him and I know I just made a good decision. An emotional Lexie mixed with shot-girl Lexie doesn’t equal a rational Lexie.
I’m staring at Julian when I see a huge smile break across his face. I turn around and see Danny and Rafi walking towards us. As soon as Rafi is near enough, Julian grabs him and gives him a huge hug. “Que haces aqui? And why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I just got in a few hours ago and it was last minute. I thought I’d come home early for the wedding.”
Rafi turns to me, kisses me on the cheek and takes me in his arms for a friendly hug. “It’s great to see you, Lexie.”
“You too, Rafi.” And I mean it. Julian lights up whenever his younger cousin is around. His family means a lot to him, and I love seeing his affection and relaxed nature come out when they’re around.
“Hey, Danny.” I lean in and give Danny a hug as well.
“Hola, Lexie.” Danny greets the rest of my friends and when his eyes get to Lauren, he noticeably looks her up and down and switches from a friendly smile to that distinctive Bauer, ‘I want to touch your naked body’ smile. Lauren meets his gaze for a second, gets a little flushed, and looks away quickly. I see her grab Sean’s hand and pull him closer. I watch as Sean’s smile disappears as he notices the exchange. Most people wouldn’t notice it, but I know what I’m witnessing. I know the pull of that smile and I know Lauren is very conflicted. I think she makes a smart choice when she takes Sean’s hand and leads him off toward the dance floor. Danny’s eyes follow her and I watch him as he burns an im
aginary hole in her little black dress with his scorching gaze. He turns to look at me when they’re out of sight and sees I just watched the whole exchange go down.
“You’re a bad boy, Danny. Women do not stand a chance against that Bauer smile. Play nice.”
I hear him laugh as I turn to Julian, who looks amused, and has the same smile on his face. “Yes, the smile is a weapon, Julian. It makes women’s panties melt. You know it and I know it. And all the women who are on the other end of it know it. So as far as you are concerned, I’d prefer if you’d save it for me. I can handle it.”
Julian pulls me in close and places his mouth next to my ear. He whispers seductively and his sweet, warm breath gives me the chills. “You can handle it? Is that so? You’re immune to my charms now, Alexa?”
I feel a rush of heat pass through my body. I pull back and look at him, then lean forward to whisper in his ear. My first impulse is to be sarcastic and flirty, but honesty wins out instead and I let my guard down. “I’m not immune to anything when it comes to you. You know that. I haven’t been in control of anything since the moment I touched you for the first time. You look at me and my whole world stops spinning, or starts spinning. I just want to be the only one you look at like that. Forever.” My voice started out sounding sexy, but by the time I finish, I know he can hear the emotion coming through.
Julian takes a step back and looks at me with a million questions in his eyes. He’s looking at me intensely and searching for answers. I force a small smile out and blink back the tears that have formed as he looks at me with nothing but love. “Que pasa, mi amor?”
I know better than to tell him nothing is wrong, especially when he’s specifically asking me what’s wrong. How do I tell him that nothing is wrong and that everything is wrong? How do I explain I’m filled with so much love when he looks at me that I’m moved to tears? How do I explain I’m so afraid he’ll stop looking at me like that the minute he finds out about Luke?
