“But—”
“You’re fired.”
Tears immediately sprung from my eyes. If he’d slapped me it would have stunned me less than hearing those words. “What?”
“I’ll follow you to your office so you can collect your purse, but then you have to leave. Someone will box up your personal effects and deliver them to you.” He stood then and made his way around the desk. “Leave your notebook here. Any of that information is relevant to my studies and doesn’t belong to you.”
My head felt as though someone had hit me with a brick. I slid the book on the desk, not entirely thinking clearly. I then stood and followed him down the stairs to my office.
What used to be my office.
We came down the stairs just as Eric was coming out of his office and locking his door. His smile dropped as soon as our gazes met. “Hi, Phil. What’s going on?”
“Dealing with a staffing issue. No concern of yours.”
I followed lamely behind him, acutely aware of Eric watching us. When I came into the office, Jasmine was at the printer. She started to say something, but I quickly shook my head. Professor Mickelson crossed his arms and narrowed his gaze at her. “You’re fortunate that it’s not my funding that pays for your services or else you’d be out the door as well. I expect you’ll be getting a call from HR later to discuss this situation.”
“What’s going on?” Jasmine dropped her papers on her desk. “Glenna?”
I couldn’t stay there any longer. I grabbed my purse and sweater and at the last second took my R2-D2 penholder, dumping all the contents on the desk. “Bye, Jaz.”
“What the hell?” Jasmine looked frantic. “Where are you going?”
“She’s fired. And if I have anything to say about it you will be as well.”
“No.” I spun around and marched over to get right in Professor Mickelson’s face. “Jasmine had absolutely nothing to do with this. I brought the cards in. I instigated the kiss. I’ll confess to everything, but she is completely innocent.”
“Glenna, don’t.”
“No, it’s fine. This is all on me, not you. Now excuse me, I’m going to leave before I start to cry.” I pushed past Jasmine out into the hall.
Eric hadn’t moved from where he’d been standing. Clearly, he’d heard everything that had transpired. As far as Mickelson knew, the professor involved wasn’t Eric. The least I could do was keep this shit-show from touching him as well. I didn’t stop.
“Glenna?”
I took the far stairs for the last time and held myself together until I got home.
22
I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the night locked up in my apartment feeling sorry for myself. Never in my life would I have ever thought that I’d get fired from my job. I worked hard and played by the rules. Sure, bringing the cards to work might have been a stupid idea, but it wasn’t as though I’d really done anything.
It didn’t take a genius to realize that Nell had been the person to lodge the complaint against me. No doubt she’d gotten the details from Jasmine while she was trying to explain the situation. Nell had always been a bit jealous, but I’d never realized quite how deeply that ran.
Maybe there was more to this than I’d first thought. Eric had said there was something in Jasmine’s body language that told him the kiss meant more than simply fulfilling one of the cards. But Jasmine and I had talked about that years ago. I was straight. I wasn’t her type. She was like my sister.
None of this made any sense.
The only thing that got me through the day was my upcoming supper with Eric at the Reading Street Pub. It forced me to wipe my tears and pull myself off my couch. After having a shower and picking out something nice to wear, I lay back down on my bed to air dry. It was only when my phone buzzed that I got myself going enough to read it. I even managed a smile when I saw Eric’s name.
Would you like me to pick you up?
No, I’ll take a cab. Faster.
I’ll see you at six.
I only had forty-five minutes to finish getting ready and get downtown. Even with my world coming to a bit of an end, life continued. I pushed myself up and ordered a cab.
The restaurant was far busier than it had been the last time we’d come. The bar area inside was packed, the waitstaff dancing around the tables delivering drinks and mouthwatering food. I was greeted at the door by someone who wasn’t Claude and gave her my name.
“Yes, Mr. Morris is here already. Let me take you back to your table.”
The evening air was cool, so I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t take me to one of the outside tables. Instead, we made our way to a back corner of the restaurant next to a fireplace. It was on, but unlike the one at the spa, there was very little heat coming from it. Eric stood when we came into sight, but he wasn’t smiling.
I had no doubt that he and Jasmine had discussed the details of my termination.
Eric came around the table and kissed me gently on the cheek before pulling my chair out for me. “Hi.”
“Hi.” The tension that had pressed down on me subsided a bit at his touch. “Thanks.”
“I’d ask if you were okay, but I can’t imagine you are.”
Of all the people I could be meeting with, Eric was the one with whom I felt I could be the most honest. “September is turning out to be a really shitty month.”
“I ordered some wine. I figured you wouldn’t mind.”
There was something strange about him, something in the way he didn’t quite meet my gaze as he filled my glass. Maybe he was feeling guilty for me taking the fall for something that he was a part of as well. It wasn’t his fault. “Today I will say yes to all of the wine.” I took a generous sip as soon as he finished pouring. It was sweet heaven after the day I’d had. “Thank you.”
We ordered our meal and Eric did an excellent job talking about everything except the gigantic elephant in the room. He even tried to make a few jokes, though as funny as he’d been pretending to be Professor Cyborg, humor when he was trying to be funny wasn’t his strong suit. Still, he was making an effort to cheer me up and for that I was thankful.
It wasn’t until we’d finished dessert that his entire demeanor changed. The eye contact I’d come to associate with him began to happen less the more we chatted. It was when he poured the last of the wine into our glasses that I realized he wasn’t looking at me at all.
“I think we need to talk.”
If there were more ominous words in the English language, I certainly didn’t know what they were. I set my glass down and ran my hands across my thighs. “We have been talking. For over an hour now.”
He winced. “You know what I mean.”
“Talk about what?”
“Today.”
“There’s not much to say. Nell was upset over Jasmine kissing me. She found out about the cards and told the administration. They told Mickelson and I’m out the door.” Dammit, I wasn’t going to cry again. I wouldn’t give the situation that power over me. I cleared my throat and smiled. “I’m going to have to pick a bottle of this up on the way home.”
“We were both a part of this.”
“I know. But you’re not to blame for what happened.”
“That kiss wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t pushed Jasmine into it.”
“You didn’t—”
“I did and you know it.” He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I’m to blame for this. For your life getting ruined.”
Setting my glass down, I reached out and took his hand in mine. “You’re not.”
“Would you have acted on those cards if I hadn’t pressed you about them? Would you have brought them to the barbecue and nearly had them seen? Would you have ever kissed Jasmine anywhere, let alone at work?”
My body felt as though someone had been punching me all day long. Hearing Eric speak, all I could feel was a giant wave of exhaustion wash over me. I pulled my hand away and reclaimed my glass. “What are you saying?”<
br />
“Would you?” There was something almost desperate about his tone. Pleading.
“No. You know I wouldn’t have.”
I couldn’t imagine he thought I was going to say anything different, but the look on his face mirrored my own when I’d gotten home this afternoon—broken. “That’s the problem. Whether I’d intended it or not, I’m the reason you lost your job.”
“No, Nell is—”
“I don’t think we should see each other again.”
The air in my lungs froze. My head swam and my vision darkened around the edges before I forced another breath. “What?” I could barely get the word out past my lips. This couldn’t be happening. Not on top of everything else.
This wasn’t fair.
Eric’s face was blank, his gaze fixed on the candle on the table. “This is just like . . . I can’t go through this again. I thought I was ready, that what had happened in the past was a onetime thing. But after today, I can’t do this again.”
I didn’t have any fight left in me. I didn’t even really understand what he was trying to say. “Is this about Grace?”
He looked at me, his fingers flexing on the glass. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
“So you’re breaking up with me because of something that wasn’t really your fault because it was similar to something that happened to you in the past but you won’t talk to me about it? How the hell am I supposed to process this?”
“Glenna, you’re a wonderful, sweet woman—”
“I don’t want to be wonderful or sweet. I want to be with you.”
He leaned in, started to reach for my hand, but stopped short. “I was told once that sometimes the best decisions for you are the ones that hurt the most when you make them. You might not think so right now, but it’s better for you if we break things off.” He sighed and his head slipped forward as though it suddenly became too heavy for him to hold. “I’m not good for you. For anyone.”
What the hell could I say to that? “I disagree. You’re kind and funny and sexy. Any woman would want you. I want you.”
“You say that now. But what happens a week from now, or a month. What happens if you can’t find another job and you’re not sure how you’re going to pay for your rent?” He leaned back and looked away. “Sooner or later you’ll start to resent me. You’ll hate that you did something out of character, something that you wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been the one to encourage you. There are many things I can handle, but having you grow to hate me isn’t one of them.”
If he was trying to keep me from hating him then he was doing a piss-poor job of it. “Eric, please.”
“I wanted to give you this supper. A sort of thank-you. I’d been traveling down a dark road for a long time and you brought me some light. I wish it could have lasted, that I could have been the man you deserve to have. You’re a wonderful woman and despite all the crap that you’ve been through, I know you’ll come out on top.”
“Stop.” If he kept talking I knew there was no way I’d be able to keep from crying. As it was, my body ached from keeping the tears bottled inside. “Don’t say anything else.”
His lips pressed together so hard the skin changed color.
“This isn’t fair.” I finished my wine. “All my life I’ve played things safe. I’ve done what I was supposed to do, said all the right things. I bent over backward to help Mickelson. I never chased after men because that wasn’t what nice girls did. It wasn’t until Great Glenna’s letter that I even thought that having this sort of adventure was possible. Girls like me didn’t get guys like you. Smart and funny and sexy. But I thought, hey, maybe Great Glenna was right. Maybe Jasmine was right. I couldn’t play things safe and have the life that I fantasized about.”
Standing, I gently set my napkin on the table. “I did try and my life fell apart. It’s not fair and I don’t like this.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Can you drive me home?” When he winced, I held up my hand. “On second thought, never mind. I’d rather take a cab. Thanks for dinner. I hope you find what you’re looking for someday.”
I walked away, from the last good thing I had left in my life.
Part 4
An End’s New Beginning
23
Being unemployed was a strange state of affairs. The first day after I was let go, I got up the same time I always did. I had a shower and raced around trying to pull together something to eat so I could make the bus on time. It wasn’t until I was about to pour some cereal that I realized what I was doing. There was in fact no rush, because I had nowhere to go.
So I made oatmeal.
After I finished my hot treat—I nearly drowned it in maple syrup and added chocolate chips for good measure—I called Mom.
“Hi, baby. What’s going on?”
“Hey. It’s been a bad week.”
“What happened?”
“Oh you know. I got fired.”
“What?”
There were many things I could talk to Mom about, but telling her about sex cards that I’d found after Great Glenna’s funeral was something I didn’t have the ability to do. I left that bit out but told her most of what had happened.
“After I read Great Glenna’s letter, I figured I should take a chance with Eric. None of this was his fault, but he certainly felt like it was.”
“I never did like that professor you worked for. Your father and I thought he was taking advantage of you from day one.”
“He wasn’t that bad.”
“He was. You just didn’t want to admit it because he gave you a job before you even graduated.”
“There aren’t a lot of positions for communication researchers. It was a great opportunity.” Despite how things turned out, I didn’t regret my decision. Not really.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to pull together a résumé and check out some job postings on Monster. If I can’t find anything then I might reach out to a placement agency or something.”
“That’s a good place to start. And you know if you need anything, your dad and I are here to help.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Why don’t you come for supper tonight? We can talk and help you come up with a plan.”
“Maybe. I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. I love you, sweetie.”
“I love you, too.”
After I hung up with Mom, I got a text from Jasmine. She was still furious, wanting to reassure me that there was nothing Nell could ever do to make things up to her or me. They were done, kaput forever. That didn’t help me feel any better because I knew how much Jasmine cared for Nell. While she’d been involved with the kiss, she didn’t deserve any of this either.
After I read Jasmine’s rant, I swiped over to Eric’s last text. It still hurt my heart to even think about him, about how things had ended between us. I knew there was more to what he’d said, but he’d yet again refused to talk about it. Whatever had happened between him and Grace was getting dumped on me.
No matter how awesome things had been between us, I refused to pine after someone who wouldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. It pissed me off. Screw him for being such an asshole about things. I should text him, tell him exactly how I felt and what I thought about him.
Jerk. Asshole. Evil villain.
Damn you, Professor Cyborg.
I’ll get you next time, Super Vixen.
I tossed my phone on the couch and stomped over to my shoes and purse. I needed to get out of here. Résumés and angry text messages could wait.
The air was crisp, fresh in a way that it could only be in the fall. I walked through Toronto, enjoying the bustle without the stress of needing to be anyplace in particular. I made my way to the subway and without realizing where I was going, ended up in the part of the city where Great Glenna was buried. One short bus ride and I could be there.
It was strange how different a graveyard is when it’s em
pty. The wind blew a bit stronger and the air felt cooler as I walked amongst the rows to where Great Glenna rested. Her letter was still folded neatly in the side pouch of my purse. When I got to her grave, I knelt down and pressed my hand to the fresh sod that had been laid since the last time I’d been here.
I took out her letter and sat with my back pressed to her gravestone. It only took a moment to read it again, but instead of sadness, all I felt was anger.
“Your letter sucked, Great Glenna. It made me do something that was so not what I would normally do. I went after adventure and it fucked everything. Why couldn’t I simply have my fantasies and be happy? Have my job with my shitty-ass boss who may have been stealing my ideas and passing them off as his own. It might not have been perfect, but I was happy.”
Had I been? I enjoyed what I did, and I loved working with Jasmine, but had I actually been happy?
I thought back over the previous three years of my life. I went to work every day, but I rarely felt excited about what I was doing. I tended to eat the same things, walk the same routes, follow the same routine day after day. It wasn’t so much that I’d been in a rut, but I had grown complacent with my life.
Even the men in my life hadn’t been all that exciting. I’d mentally blamed the not-so-exciting sex on my partners, wishing they would have taken things to the next level. But I seemed drawn to men who I knew weren’t the right ones, who could never give me that passion that I’d wanted. It wasn’t their fault we weren’t a good fit.
Without consciously realizing it, I’d been sabotaging my happiness for years.
That was, until I’d found the cards. The last three weeks with Eric . . . shit, I couldn’t imagine being happier. The times I’d spent with him, the crazy sex we had, the laughter we’d shared. None of that would have been possible if I hadn’t found those cards, hadn’t followed Great Glenna’s advice and taken a chance to find the man who was right for me.
Eric.
I wiped at the tears as they rolled down my cheek.
30 Nights Page 21
