by Ella Brooke
Back at the penthouse he stayed at when he was in the city, there was a little butterfly toy he had purchased for Marissa on a whim. There were hundreds, perhaps thousands of street vendors who plied their ancient trade in the older parts of the city, and one morning he had gone walking there. There was an older man who seemed to supplement his pension by making cunningly-wrought insects out carefully cut bits of soda cans. Adil had bought a butterfly for Marissa, but now he realized how very much the little girl would like it if she could see the craftsman at work. he smiled to think of how much her eyes would light up when she saw the man's clever tin snips come out.
Perhaps there was a solution to this problem, even if it was one that would take a little work.
***
When Annabel ended the call and turned around, she received a shock when she realized that a sleepy-eyed Marissa was lurking in the doorway behind her. At first she was simply startled, and then she went back over what she and Adil had said. Some of the conversations they had were really ones she would rather not share with her daughter, but this one had been fine.
"Oh my gosh, you gave me such a scare," she said, coming to her daughter. "You're meant to be in bed."
"Wanted water," Marissa said, slightly grumpy, and Annabel sighed.
"All right, honey, let's get you some water, and then back to bed, all right?"
Marissa nodded, and followed her mother to the kitchen. After sipping from her favorite glass, a small one with a bright cartoon fox on it, she glanced up at her mother.
"Was that Adil? Is he coming home tonight?"
"No, pumpkin. It sounds like his business ran late, and he's going to have to stay there for tonight. He's tired, and it's not good for him to fly so late and make himself even more tired."
"If he gets too tired, it'll be easier for him to get sick," Marissa nodded, parroting something she had heard her mother say from time to time. She looked resigned to Adil being gone, but she still sighed.
"I like it best when Adil is here with us," she said to her mother, and Annabel squeezed her hand.
"Very honestly, me too, pumpkin. But he'll be back by lunch tomorrow, and that's pretty good, right? We'll get to see each other, and eat together, and maybe watch a few movies and take a jeep out into the desert, doesn't that sound like fun?"
Marissa brightened up a little, but there was still a wistful look on her face when she climbed back into bed. It startled Annabel all over again how much she had grown over just the past four months in Sakhi. Ever since starting the treatment recommended by Dr. Singh, Marissa had been growing healthier and more vibrant by the day. With a guilty twinge, Annabel had realized how she hadn't even noticed how much weight Marissa had lost during her illness, and how skinny she became. Now her daughter will filling out, and with all of the sunshine and exercise, she was turning brown and healthy in the desert air.
"I just want Adil here," she said, turning on her side, and Annabel gave her a little kiss before turning off the light.
Back in her own bedroom, Annabel stretched out on the large bed, realizing how empty it felt. It was on nights like this when it was most difficult to think of the future, but at the same time, it was all that she could end up doing.
She knew the ins and outs of their bargain. After all the time that she had spent thinking about them, she knew them very well. She was going to give him a child. She was going to be the mother to that child, and someday, that child would be sheikh. It had all seemed so neat and compact when she was still in New York. It had been a desperate bargain, one she might have turned away from entire if Marissa had been a little less sick or if something about Adil had not grabbed her as hard as it had.
In Sakhi, though, things felt more muddled. She was seeing the shape of things, and she didn't know how to feel. When she and Marissa and Adil were together, it was magical. She could feel a shining net cast around them, protecting them, keeping them together and safe and sound. There was a kind of wonder to it, how happy three people could be together.
Then he left, and though there was plenty to see and do, and Marissa was always her delight, doubt crept in. Adil would call, and even though sometimes those calls were brief, they always left her warmed. however when they ended, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had a life beyond her, some kind of invisible path that she could not see.
He sounded different when he called, as well. There was always an edge to his voice, an impatience, perhaps even an arrogance. He was always kind to her. He always asked after Marissa. However, Adil felt... different in the city in a way that she could not precisely name, and it made her uneasy.
Was this her fate? Were she and Marissa meant to live in a strange bargain with Adil and Sakhi? She thought of the Greek goddess Persephone who had eaten six pomegranate seeds and earned herself six months in the Underworld and six months living above in the sunlight. Was that what she had created for herself and Marissa?
When Adil slept next to her, one arm curled around her or when she was cling to his side, these questions never occurred to her. Instead, she was surrounded by safety and warmth. on nights where she was alone, however, the doubts crowded in, and sometimes, she didn't sleep until the first light of dawn streaked the sky.
Chapter Fourteen
Annabel woke up the next morning to a happy shout. She jerked awake feeling as if she had not slept at all, and then she relaxed when she heard Marissa chattering in the kitchen accompanied by the lower rumble of Adil's voice. She was too far away to really hear what it was they were saying, but she could tell that everyone was happy and that everyone was safe.
She slumped back onto the mattress with a sigh of relief, but then after a moment, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and padded to the bathroom. She knew that they would give her rest if she needed it, but right now, she thought that she needed to be with them more than that.
She showered quickly and pinned her hair up in its customary braid. She selected a bottle green dress that Adil said brought out her eyes, and then she paused, feeling slightly dizzy on her feet. She hung on to the closet door until she felt as if she had her feet more properly situated underneath her, and then she headed for the kitchen.
I really need to learn to sleep better, she thought. Adil's going to worry himself sick if I start coming on all woozy.
"Mama, Mama, come see what Adil got me!"
She would have answered her daughter, but Adil caught her in his arms before she could do so. He swept her up close and planted a deep kiss on her lips, making Marissa giggle even as Annabel tried to keep herself from falling in to it. If her daughter hadn't been watching, it might have been a different story, but she was, and after a moment, Annabel had to push Adil away.
"I had no idea that you were going to be so early," she said, looking up at him.
The smile on his face was slight, and she could see the weariness there.
"Honestly, my pilot didn't either. All he knew was that he got a call around six this morning from me saying I wanted the plane good to go in an hour. I just wanted to be back here with you, with the desert."
Annabel was touched by the longing she heard in his voice, but there was a part of her that couldn't help but sympathize with the pilot, who, it sounded, had been pulled out of a dead sleep by his employer's whim.
It was easy to push away the niggling worry at the back of her mind however and to allow Marissa to drag her over to the beautiful dollhouse that Adil had bought for her. It was a painstaking recreation of a 16th century French chateau, complete with miniscule furniture, a stove that worked if you were so brave as to slide a piece of hot coal into it and elegantly dressed little dolls as well.
"This must have cost a fortune," Annabel protested quietly, but Adil only shrugged.
"I bought her a little metal butterfly yesterday, but last night it seemed... a bit inadequate. I purchased this from a craftsman that I know well, and I had it shipped here. I met it on the doorstep, and I cannot feel too guilty about anythi
ng that makes Marissa this happy."
Annabel certainly could not deny the fact that Marissa looked ecstatic with her new possession, and she had to be called twice to come eat the breakfast that the cook had left for them. Even then, Annabel noticed that her daughter slid one of the dolls into her pocket, carrying it to the table with her.
"Marissa, did you say thank you to Adil for your present?" she asked, and Marissa nodded happily, saying thank you a few more times for good measure.
Adil waved the thanks off with a smile, and something about that bothered Annabel, though she could not put her finger on it.
"She will receive many presents throughout her life," he said with a cheerful shrug. "It is good that she appreciate them, but many of them will also be people trying to curry favor with her. She should learn to have some distance in general."
"What does 'curry favor' mean?" asked Marissa, looking up with interest.
As Adil explained the concept to Marissa, Annabel realized why it made her uneasy.
She had always prided herself on not trying to force her daughter into any one direction. While providing structure and support, she had always wanted Marissa to figure out who she was for herself. She wanted Marissa to really understand herself, and though she would always guide and protect her daughter, she was intent on Marissa growing up to be her own person.
Annabel realized with a slight sinking sensation that she had altered the course of Marissa's life in an enormous way simply by entering into this bargain with Adil. Her daughter would be the sister to royalty, someone to be courted, someone to be flattered and possibly even threatened. She was going to grow up much like Adil had, and what of the child that came of their union? What would that be like?
"Excuse me," she said, standing up. She suddenly felt dizzy with all of it, how much she had altered her daughter's world and her own. The bubble that occurred when Adil came back felt suddenly dangerous and strange rather than safe and loving as it had always felt before.
"Mama?"
"Everything's fine," she promised her daughter. "I am just going to step outside for a breath of fresh air," she said, smiling a little. It felt weak on her own face, but shaking her head, she walked away.
Behind her, she could hear Adil telling Marissa that she would be just fine, that she needed a moment.
Outside of the air conditioned comfort of the hacienda, the desert day was already heating up. She put the oasis at her back and looked out over the desert. Even to her inexperienced eye, it looked dangerous and unforgiving, a place where people could disappear and never ever be remembered.
Annabel stared at the bright blue sky until her head felt calm, again, breathing slowly and cautiously. Her eyes drifted shut, and she listened to the wind.
She loved it here, she realized suddenly. She had thought it was a beautiful place before, but somehow, over the last few months, as her daughter had improved and as she and Adil had grown closer and closer, it had become home. There was a part of her spirit that would always be with this land, forever, and she did not know whether that was something that should alarm her or not.
"Are you all right?"
There was a small sound as Adil closed the door behind him, stepping out onto the stone patio with her.
"I am, I just felt a little dizzy and wanted some air. Hopefully I didn't scare Marissa too badly?"
"No, I told her you would be fine, but that you would give her a kiss when you came back in. So, you know, don't make me a liar."
She smiled a little at his joke, but the smile faded when she looked at him.
He was dressed in a dark blue suit, fresh off of the plane. It was slightly rumpled, but it was still cut perfectly for him, giving him the air of a man entirely in control of his part of the world. It showed his power and his wealth, and though Annabel was certain that there were women would find it appealing, it made her uneasy. When she thought about it for a moment, she could see why.
"Do... do you want to go change?" she asked, and he cocked his head at her.
"I could if you wished, but why?"
She gave him a smile that she was certain he could see as false. It felt strange and irritating on her face, but she wasn't quite sure she was ready to tell him the real reason yet.
"You just look... I don't know, stiff and uncomfortable standing there like you are ready for a meeting. Surely it will feel better if you put on your normal clothes..."
Adil glanced down at his suit, a slightly baffled look on his face.
"All right, I suppose. I'll change quickly, and I'll come right back, all right? Are you going to be all right while I do that?"
Annabel wondered if she looked particularly distraught or frenzied. She did her best to present herself as calmer, to smile a little wider, to nod.
"Yes, I'll be right here. I am fine, I promise you."
He gave her another look as if he did not quite believe her, but he turned to go. Annabel finally felt as if she could draw a full breath.
She didn't think that there was a way she could explain herself to him without sounding as if she must have gone quite mad. Something about seeing him in the suit took her back all those months ago to snowy New York, where a man had sent all of her papers flying and stolen a kiss without her permission. She remembered a man with a superior look in his eyes who had presented her with a handful of cash that he hadn't even counted and how that had made her feel.
When Adil was at the hacienda with her and Marissa, he typically wore soft loose trousers and tunics, the clothes the people of Sakhi wore traditionally. They were made of plain linen, but they were luxurious in their own way. Once, he had brought down the long rectangular wrap that could be arranged over those clothes, a bit like a kilt, a bit like a sari. It had been embroidered until it could almost stand up on its own, and she and Marissa had touched it with awe.
"It is what a sheikh might wear to a dinner of state or to a ball," he said with a slight smile. "There are still traditional balls held twice a year. The last one happened not terribly long after you arrived here, but perhaps I can bring you both to the next one."
When he wore his hacienda clothes, he was the kind and generous man who made her heart beat faster. Adil's smile in the desert was wide and unaffected, and he made her feel as if her heart could sprout wings and fly.
When he wore his suit fresh from the city, she wasn't sure who he was.
She knew it was ridiculous, but Annabel felt incredibly relieved when he came back dressed in linen. He shut the door behind him, and immediately he went to take her into his arms. It was not a passionate embrace, though there was passion in it. There always was between them.
"Better?" he asked, and she smiled, aware that her request had probably sounded incredibly daft to him.
"Much," she said. "Is Marissa all right?"
"Playing happily and telling her dolls all about the world they live in," he said.
"That's good. I'm sure she will love it."
He shrugged, and it struck her all over again that something that likely cost more money than she made in six months was just a trifle to him.
"I have missed you," he whispered. "I have missed this."
She settled into his arms, looking up at him.
"I am sorry whenever you go, and sometimes, when you come back, it takes a little bit of time to get used to you again. I am sorry."
He hugged her close, nodding.
"I could see that."
They stood in that close embrace for a moment, and then he guided her to one of the benches close to the house. Instead of letting her sit on the wooden bench, however, he sat down and drew her into his lap.
"There are many stories told about my family," he said, and she wondered at the change of topic. "Some of it is history and quite true. The rest of it is superstition or rumor that got blown up enough that people thought it was true for a very long time. Some people say that that is simply a different kind of truth, and sometimes, I agree."
"How do you mean?
" she asked, tracing the very tip of her finger over the curve of his cheekbone.
"The al Mahsi clan has always been full of good horses and good riders. Our horsemen ride longer and harder than any other, we always know when we can push our mounts and when we can't, and we always take the desert races.
"It is a very old story that the horses of Sakhi were a gift of the desert. By virtuous lives or impressive deeds, we pleased the desert, and it opened and gave us the horses we ride to this day. Since the al Mahsi clan was always known for their horses and riders, we were thought to be especially favored.
"They said that we were sworn to the desert, and because of that, it gave us our gifts."
"Sworn to the desert," Annabel said, tasting the oddness of the phrase on her tongue. "It sounds both beautiful and terrifying in a way."
"It is, I suppose. But one thing that my father has always told me, as we entered a global era, is that that does not change, no matter where I go. Whether I am in a city in China or on the western coast of Canada, I am sworn to the desert, and I must carry it in my heart."
He looked up at her, and the only way she could describe that look was searching.
"I am having trouble with it lately," he said. "I travel away from the hacienda, and all I can do is dream of returning. I leave, I grow angry. I feel as if I cannot tell north from south, as if I am penned in all sides."
Annabel thought of the hard edge she had heard in his tone over the last few trips to the city, and she understood. She hugged him a little tighter, because after all, this was the man who had rescued her daughter, who had been so very kind to her.
"I'm sorry," she said. "That sounds terrible."
He looked up at her, and she realized he wasn't finished.
"I need the desert, and for all that you two have only been here a short while, you carry it in your hearts."
Annabel frowned at him, but she was distressingly certain she knew what was going to come next.
"What do you mean?"
