“Are you crazy?” I hissed, dipping down to check the stalls for feet.
“Relax, princess, no one is in here.” I was about to argue that that could change at any moment when the door swung open. Max pulled me into the nearest stall and jumped up onto the toilet. He made a ‘shhh’ motion with his hands.
“Duh,” I mouthed.
When the person finished using the urinal (ew) and washing his hands we waited to hear the click of the door before Max stepped down from the toilet.
“We should stay in the stall, just in case,” said Max.
“Ew,” I groaned. “I don’t want to share a stall with my best friend’s little brother. People make out in these things. People do worse than make out in these things!” I cried.
“Don’t flatter yourself. This is just so we don’t have to act like stunt doubles every time someone needs to take a leak.”
“Fine,” I agreed. “Just keep your nacho cheese breath at least 25 inches from my face.”
“Will do. But hey, it wouldn’t be that gross, right? I’m only a year younger than you guys, not even a full year, actually. Exactly how taboo is making out with your best friend’s brother?”
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at Max. “This is neither the time nor the place…”
“Hypothetical question,” said Max, not meeting my eye.
“I assume you dragged me in here for a reason,” I probed, drawing Max’s attention back to the problem at hand.
“Oh yeah.” He leaned close, violating the 25 inches rule in the process. “I have secured access to the Jumbotron.”
“Okay, for the four millionth time, a Jumbotron is not a real thing.”
“Oh, it’s real,” said Max. “The internet is full of Jumbotrons.”
“Right,” I said, thinking how Nora wouldn’t have batted an eye at the word Jumbotron. “But for the purpose of me keeping my sanity, can you please confirm that what you mean is, you have access to the laptop and projector?”
“Correct,” said Max.
“And?”
“And what?
“And what else? You did not just make me hide out in the boys bathroom to tell me that.”
Max looked sheepish, “Well, I got excited about how covert this operation is.”
I grabbed him by the ears, squeezed my eyes shut and let out a massive silent scream.
“Feel better?” he asked once I had reopened my eyes and stepped back.
“A little,” I admitted.
“Good,” he said, “Now, march out of this men’s room with your head held high,” he cried.
“Pushing it,” I warned.
Max smiled and ushered me out of the stall. “In all seriousness, Lucy, if Simon can’t see that you care about him after this...he probably doesn’t deserve you.”
I smiled a thank you, but didn’t agree with him. If Simon didn’t want me after this, it was because I’d burned our bridges one too many times.
Simon
It took literally everything I had in me to go to school after the holiday break. I was perfectly happy to wallow in self-pity and misery for another 48 hours, but Sam made me promise I would go or she would tell mom about the breakup. As it was, she was the one single-handedly diverting our mom’s overbearing attention and keeping her from bugging me about my relationship status. Which was truly the most appreciative I had ever been of my sister.
“You can’t let those losers win, Simon. Show them that you don’t care.”
“I do care,” I mumbled while staring out the passenger side window of the SUV. She agreed to drop me off on her way to the community college for her spring semester.
“But does she care?” she asked delicately.
It stung. Part of me still held onto the hope that Lucy did care, that the post had been a prank by someone else, but then a more rational part of my brain had me convinced what a stretch that was. She posted it directly onto her personal page, and maybe she didn’t mean for me to see it. Maybe she meant to share it with her friends and not with the entire school, but at that point, what difference did it make?
My heartfelt essay was a joke to her. I was a joke to her.
I hadn’t even turned on my phone since getting off that plane. It died from the non-stop buzzing notifications after only a couple hours. Assuming they were all excuses or apologies, I didn’t have the guts to read any of them. The vulnerability to even kiss Lucy, let alone admit that I had pretty intense feelings for her led to paralyzing humiliation. Even if she had an excuse, I didn’t trust myself to see through it.
I hardly spoke to anyone all morning. At lunch, I couldn’t face Gray and the girls, so I found a quiet corner outside that wasn’t claimed by any major clique. The rusty old picnic table was spared from the snow by an awning, but it was still freezing as I bundled up to try to force down a turkey sandwich and soda. The only benefit from being cut off from technology was that it rekindled my relationship with my old paperbacks. Huddling over my weathered copy of Good Omens, I tried to pretend the blonde girl watching me from the cafeteria doorway wasn’t really there.
After a while, she disappeared, and I only knew that because I looked up when I felt someone approach, someone that was distinctly not her. A group of five piled onto the creaky bench around me. Daniel, Tabitha, the Carmichael twins, and even Hailey greeted me silently as they sat down. I watched, dumbfounded as they continued whatever conversation they were having before they decided to be the buffer between me and the social hell I faced.
Hailey offered me a Larabar. Could this new year get any weirder?
After lunch, I had American Gov., which I almost ditched. I literally stood in front of the building, nearly torn in two over the decision to either walk in or walk away. I couldn’t avoid the class forever, and I hadn’t ditched anything before, but that didn’t stop my feet from trying to walk into two different directions.
I did show up about twenty seconds late, which meant my arrival was noticed—by everyone. The whole school was aware of the incident. From the chatter around school, I could tell that some people thought it was hilarious, a few pitied me, but most were just decidedly curious.
All eyes in the class were on me as I wandered in, head-down toward my seat in the back, the seat directly next to Lucy. She watched me too. I couldn’t look her in the eye, but from my periphery, I could see that her mouth was turned down and her big green eyes were tired looking and trained on me in full puppy dog mode.
Every head in the room turned toward us like we were everyone’s favorite new show, completely ignoring Mr. Parker who was going over next week’s test. They were all waiting to see what I would do. Would I make a scene or ignore her? Maybe they just wanted to see the misery on my face firsthand like I was some sort of exhibit in teen despair. See the brokenhearted nerd in his natural habitat, single and rejected.
I could feel Lucy watching me as I stared down at my notebook. As Mr. Parker dimmed the lights to play a film, I heard the distinct sound of her whispering my name. I propped my head on my elbow and turned away from her. We couldn’t do this here. If I talked to her now, then she’d apologize, and I’d fold.
“Simon, please,” she whispered, and the desperate sound of her voice broke me. Hearing her speak for the first time since D.C., where we made promises to each other and said things that sounded like we meant forever, tore me to shreds. That wasn’t the same girl. That girl cared about me, but this girl mocked me publicly—twice.
But when she called my name again, I knew she wouldn’t let up until I answered, and I really didn’t want to draw the whole class’s attention. So, I turned toward her and finally looked her in the eyes for the first time.
Big mistake.
I averted my gaze quickly. Locking eyes reminded me of kissing her and made me want to kiss her, and that felt very much like a thousand sharp pencils being driven into my heart.
“Please answer my texts,” she pleaded in a near silent whisper.
“I left my phone at ho
me,” I muttered.
“Those posts weren’t me. You have to know that.” She sounded shaky, like she might cry, and I really didn’t want that. What I wanted was to end this conversation because it would go nowhere. So, I simply shrugged in response and turned back to my notebook to take notes on Minnesota’s state representatives.
“Simon,” she kept on whispering. “You know I would never hurt you.”
And without turning back toward her, I mumbled, “Never?”
She didn’t say anything to me for the rest of the class.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lucy
“Are you sure about this?” asked Nora, tugging at the sleeves of her oversized men’s suit jacket.
“Is she sure about it? I’m the one with a bowl cut wig on my head,” said Addy.
I shot Addy a death glare as I tucked my long blonde hair into a bald cap for the second time in my high school career. “If anyone gets to complain about their hair, it will be me, thank you.”
Addy, Nora, and I were hiding out in the girl’s locker room. It was the only place we could get ready without drawing unwanted attention. Plus, it exited straight onto the gym floor, a necessary function considering our plan to ambush the afternoon assembly.
The three of us walked over to a long counter with mirrors above it. The counter served as a resting place for hair brushes, retainers, and contact lenses. During my brief stint as a cheerleader I had been really good at snagging the spot closest to the wall. Outlets for curling irons and hair dryers were hard to come by in the dog-eat-dog world of high school cheerleading. As much as I hated being tossed in the air by a half dozen girls I strongly suspected didn’t like me, it felt slightly less dangerous than what I was about to do.
“How come your suit isn’t all baggy?” asked Nora, looking Addy up and down. She was right, Addy didn’t look half bad in a suit. Not like Nora and I. We truly fit the characters thanks to our very tall, slightly chunky Dad’s.
Addy giggled, “I borrowed my suit from Max. He’s but a wee little boy,”
I gave Addy a skeptical look.
“Alright,” she answered, “It’s his eighth grade graduation suit. He used to be a wee little boy. Still funny.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling funny,” I said. “Because it’s almost time to show Delinki High your Moe impression in its full glory.”
Addy doubled over pretending to heave.
“Guys,” said Nora, her voice shaking just a little. “I don’t know if I can go through with this.”
Addy and I made eye contact through the mirror. This was to be expected of course. Nora couldn’t perform in the talent show, despite her awesome singing voice. Doing a comedy skit dressed in the Halloween costumes we were still being mocked for wearing was way out of her comfort zone.
On either side of Nora, we laced our man-suited arms through hers. “You can do this,” said Addy. “We won’t make you talk too much. Just hit Max a bunch. That should be easy for you, right?”
Nora’s mouth turned up in a smile. “I can do that.”
“Me too,” laughed Addy. “Gladly.”
Above us we heard the thunder of hundreds of student feet finding a place on the bleachers. We weren’t a huge school. Eight hundred students tops. But eight hundred was a lot of pairs of eyes to be staring at me as I plead for forgiveness. We waited for what felt like hours, our hearts beating at twice their normal rate as we waited for Max to give us our cue.
Finally, he poked his head through the locker room door.
“Cu-kaw!” he whisper-shouted. “Cu-kaw!”
Addy let out a frustrated breath beside me as the three of us took our place at the top of the stairs.
“I told him not to do that,” she whispered.
I was too busy searching the crowd for Simon to pay attention to what Addy was saying. At first I didn’t see him. I was one second away from heading back into that locker room to accept my fate as the girl who hurt Simon Hawkins—again, when I spotted him in the third row of the senior section. He was flanked by Daniel and Hailey Yi. He didn’t look happy. Not mad, just not happy.
Max’s voice came over the school sound system. “As junior class representative, I have prepared a video and comedy skit for today’s assembly.”
From his seat behind the podium our principal rose and crossed his arms over his chest. I watched as he leaned over to Mr. Parker. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I was pretty sure it was something along the lines of, ‘this was not on the agenda.’ Maybe he would stop it right now. Pull Max away from the microphone with a giant cane like in old comedy sketches. No such luck. Max continued.
“Without further ado. I give you Max Altman and the Three Stooges!” Cheers and laughter exploded from the student body as Nora, Addy, and I tripped across the gym floor, poking and smacking each other along the way. Behind us a giant screen lowered. Simon pointed to Gray across the gym, and with the hit of a button, the screen lit up with muted footage of the original three stooges.
“It’s good to see you guys back on tour,” said Max, winking at a very nervous Nora. “Maybe you would like to tell us what you’ve been up to lately?”
Addy grabbed the mic from her brother and launched into her Moe dialogue with such perfect inflection that I wasn’t all too sure she hadn’t been practicing for far longer than this plan had been in motion. In true Stooges fashion, I grabbed the microphone from Addy, pulling it up to my lips with a ragged here goes nothing breath.
“Hey now, we agreed it was my turn to tell the jokes.” Beside me, Nora stood still as a donkey. I had to nudge her in the ribs to get her to eek out her only line.
“Why certainly.”
“Alright, then Mr. Hot Shot,” said Addy. “You tell the jokes today.”
I cleared my throat and cued Gray to transition to the next slide in our video. It was the picture of Simon and I from the 6th grade dance. Me with glasses and freckles, unafraid of who saw that my arm was slung around a big fat, glasses-wearing nerd.
“I’m going to break character now,” I said quietly into the microphone. I stretched my arm out to point at the screen above us. “Those two kids were best friends,” I said, locking my gaze on Simon. “Back before any of us cared who dated who or who deserved to be Homecoming royalty.”
I could feel the room growing tense, but I continued anyway. “When I was a sophomore I traded that friendship in for popularity.” A screenshot of Simon’s Harry Potter fan-fic filled up the screen behind me. I watched as he covered his hands over his mouth like he couldn’t believe this was happening—again.
“I got what I wanted. I didn’t have to win Homecoming Princess—you all treated my like royalty, anyway. I guess it is easier to laugh with someone than to tell them what they are doing is wrong.”
Simon lowered his hand.
The next slide was a shot of him I snuck with my phone. He was talking to an imprinted owl at the refuge. One of Thelma’s permanent residents.
“But at some point over the last few years,” I continued, “I started to realize that it really didn’t matter how many of you liked me or wanted to be me, if we are really being honest, because I’d lost the person who liked me all along.”
Simon bit his bottom lip, like he was itching to say something but afraid to all at once.
“I spent all term trying to show Simon I was sorry for what I did, and that I wanted to be friends. More than friends,” I said, nodding my head at Gray. Gray grinned as he transitioned the picture from Simon at the refuge to our rooftop kiss.
Most of the crowd hooted and hollered. Our principal, however, took a cautious step forward. I needed to hurry up.
“I thought I had succeeded, but then someone I hurt in the past took it upon themselves to sabotage my relationship with Simon by hacking my social media and email account. I won’t say who it was but...”
Max grabbed the microphone and coughed. “Trevor, cough-cough, Trevor Hatfield.”
I raised an eyebrow at Tr
evor who sat blushing like a schoolgirl in the front row. Before taking the microphone back from Max.
“I didn’t post those excerpts from your essay, Simon.” I spoke directly to him now, trying not to let the emotions in the pit of my stomach form their way into tears. “I didn’t post it or that terrible meme. Because the truth is...” Addy and Nora each stepped closer for support. “I am kind of obsessed with you.”
My feelings betrayed me as tears began to squeeze from the corners of my eyes and stream down my cheeks.
Unsure what to do next, Addy grabbed the microphone and smacked me on the head with it.
“Ouch,” I cried, looking at her like she’d lost her damn mind.
“Too much of this lovey-dovey stuff,” she said, only she wasn’t Addy. She was Moe again, and the whole gymnasium was nervous laughing as our principal finally made his way across the gym floor to put a stop to our performance.
Simon
Everyone’s eyes were still on me but for completely different reasons. Addy, Lucy, Nora, and Max were whisked away to the principal’s office before I could even say a word to her. Which was a small blessing since I had no idea what I would even say at all.
That presentation was...something. At first, I wrote it off as some humiliating senior prank, but then Lucy had the mic, and she was looking at me. Then everyone was looking at me.
And my fanfic was basically on a Jumbotron. So...my emotions were torn.
But then she said she was obsessed with me. That she never posted that meme, and for a moment, I saw her eyes brimming with tears. Even with that dumb bald cap and all, she had me struck.
I had a weird epiphany while I watched her make a fool of herself and be far more vulnerable than I could ever be. For the first time, I thought to myself, that’s my Lucy.
In some way, she had always been my Lucy. Even when the school thought they owned her because of some image of popularity. She still came back to me, and maybe...hopefully, she always would.
Nerdy by New Year Page 14
