The Best Man

by Dianne Blacklock

  She swallowed. ‘Friday.’

  He swung around again, glaring at her. ‘Friday? Before or after we spoke?’

  ‘After.’

  ‘Was he with you then?’

  Oh fuck. She couldn’t lie to him any more, and now every lie she’d ever told him was going to come out.

  ‘Madeleine!’ he barked to get her attention. ‘Was he with you when I called?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Jesus Christ! You were lying through your teeth, planning to spend the night with him?’

  ‘No!’ she cried. ‘It wasn’t planned. It just happened.’

  ‘But you lied about him being there. You told me you hadn’t seen him, hadn’t spoken to him.’

  It was no use trying to prove she avoided actually lying to him on the phone. That would just be insulting.

  ‘I was out to lunch with the girls,’ she said, her voice trembling, ‘and he called to say he was back from Canberra, early, so I invited him to join us.’

  ‘And why wouldn’t you tell me that if you weren’t planning to sleep with him?’

  ‘I wasn’t,’ she insisted. ‘He wasn’t around – near me – when you called. I didn’t think I had a right to speak for him.’

  ‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Madeleine, that’s just bullshit.’

  Henry never spoke like that, she had barely ever heard him swear.

  ‘I know it sounds like that now,’ she said, trying to keep her voice calm, ‘but the only thing I was intentionally keeping from you was that we were all on our way out for drinks. I wasn’t going home.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t you tell me that?’

  ‘Because I knew you wouldn’t approve. You don’t like me drinking, or staying away. I just wanted to have some fun, a night out with the girls.’

  ‘And Aiden,’ he said grimly.

  ‘Yes, okay, Aiden was coming too,’ she said. ‘I didn’t think it was that big a deal.’

  ‘You didn’t think fucking Aiden was a big deal?’

  ‘That’s not what I said.’

  He rubbed his forehead. ‘How did it happen?’

  ‘I got very drunk, and he took me back to the apartment.’

  ‘And then what?’

  She gave him a plaintive look. ‘Henry, you don’t want –’

  ‘Who started it?’ he demanded, looming over her now.

  ‘I don’t know, I don’t remember.’

  ‘How the fuck do you not remember?’

  ‘I told you I was drunk.’

  He sighed loudly, turning away from her. ‘I can’t believe this is happening again.’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me a second time.’

  He frowned, looking back at her. ‘What?’

  ‘You know, the other time, with the author on tour.’

  ‘I’m not talking about that,’ he dismissed. ‘But this is the sort of shit I had to put up with from Aiden for years. When he used to drag me to those parties? Every time a girl came anywhere near me, he’d leap in and take over. He hated that his family liked me; he used to throw massive fits like a two year old. It was embarrassing. And then Gillian, he couldn’t stand that she barely noticed him. That was his crowning achievement, stealing her from me. Until this.’

  Madeleine was shaking her head. ‘I wish I’d known all this.’

  ‘Why?’ he said harshly. ‘Would that have stopped you from sleeping with him?’

  ‘Henry, I didn’t do it consciously, I was drunk.’

  ‘Jesus, Madeleine! Do you think that excuses you?’

  ‘No, I have no excuse, I know that.’

  There was a long pause before Henry said, ‘I can’t breathe.’ He walked to the doors to the balcony and threw them open. ‘This is so fucked up, Madeleine.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Is that all you can say? If you knew so well, why did you fucking do it?’

  ‘Because I was unhappy,’ she cried, getting to her feet. ‘I was lonely, I hated living up here, you were distant, always working . . .’

  ‘So it’s my fault?’

  ‘No! It’s my fault, it was wrong, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me. I don’t expect that, Henry. I have no right to expect that. You don’t owe me anything.’

  He turned slowly to face her. ‘You want me to release you, so you can be with him?’

  ‘No!’ she cried, horrified that he would even think that. ‘I don’t want that, Henry, I don’t want to be with him. I told him to go, to leave the country. I don’t want to ever see him again.’

  Henry was breathing hard, glaring at her. She couldn’t bear the look in his eyes. So much pain, so much disgust.

  ‘I can’t do this any more,’ he said finally. ‘I can’t look at you, I can’t be around you.’

  Her throat tightened so much she had to squeeze the words out. ‘I understand. I’m so sorry.’ She turned and ran away across the living room.

  ‘Madeleine!’ he shouted after her.

  She grabbed her bag and keys from the hall table and flew out the front door and up the stairs, still in her socks. She jumped into the car, her trembling hands fumbling to get the key into the ignition. She dragged the gear into reverse and shot out of the garage. She had to get as far away as she could. Henry couldn’t look at her. He didn’t want her anywhere near him.

  Chippendale

  Madeleine turned into the garage and swiped her card, her hand still trembling. She didn’t know how long it had taken her to get here; there wasn’t much traffic at this time on a Monday night, but she’d had to pull over several times. She felt sick, and she was crying so much that at one point she couldn’t see the road ahead. All she wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep. That single thought pushed her the rest of the way, and she didn’t stop again until she drove into her space at the building and turned off the engine.

  It was over. Henry said he couldn’t look at her, and she’d seen in his eyes that he was never going to be able to look at her again.

  She dragged herself out of the car. Her limbs felt so heavy, she could barely imagine getting herself over to the lift, let alone up to the apartment. But somehow she had to, and somehow she did. She stepped out at her floor and walked up the corridor, still in her bedsocks. She pushed her key into the lock, and opened the door. Tears welled again, partly out of relief that she was finally here. She could go to sleep and blot everything out for now. She leant heavily against the door to close it behind her.

  ‘Maddie.’

  Aiden appeared in the doorway to the bedroom, wearing only jeans, which he was hastily zipping up. She stared at him in a daze.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.

  Madeleine blinked. ‘What are you doing here?’ she replied. ‘I asked you to stay away.’

  ‘But you said you were going home tonight.’

  ‘Well, I’m back, so you have to leave.’

  ‘What’s happened, Maddie?’ said Aiden, his voice dripping with concern. ‘You talked to Henry?’

  ‘I don’t want to discuss it with you.’

  ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘No, of course I’m not all right,’ she said, walking across the room. ‘But I’m not going to talk about it with you. I just want to go to bed. You have to go,’ she added, dumping her bag on the table. ‘I’m going to use the bathroom, and when I get out I want you gone.’

  Aiden didn’t move; he just stood there in the doorway, like he was guarding it or something. ‘You don’t look very well, Maddie. Have you eaten?’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  ‘Maybe you should eat,’ he said. ‘Let me grab a shirt, and I’ll take you somewhere.’

  ‘No,’ she sighed, exasperated, coming towards him. ‘I don’t want to eat. I just want to use the bathroom.’

  He still didn’t move from the doorway.

  ‘Aiden, please get out of the way and let me through,’ Madeleine said firmly. She thought she heard m
ovement in the bedroom. ‘What’s going on?’ She pushed him out of the way and walked in. ‘For fuck’s sake. Natalie?’

  ‘Hi, Mad.’

  Natalie was sitting up in her bed, her sheet draped loosely around her obviously naked body, with her just-fucked hair and a stupid just-fucked expression on her face. Madeleine wanted to slap her.

  ‘This is awkward,’ said Natalie.

  ‘I can explain,’ Aiden began.

  Madeleine looked at him. ‘I think this is fairly self-explanatory.’

  ‘Maddie, I –’

  ‘Shut up, Aiden,’ she snapped, turning and heading out of the room.

  ‘Wait, I’ll go with you, we can talk about this,’ he said, following her.

  She spun around again to face him. ‘What is there to talk about? You’re a consenting adult, you can fuck whoever you want. Clearly you’re not fussy. I just think it might have been prudent to find somewhere else to do it.’

  ‘I live in a share house,’ Natalie called from the bedroom.

  Madeleine stormed back across the living room to the bedroom door. ‘Did you get in touch with Liv yet?’

  ‘No,’ said Natalie, ‘I haven’t had a chance.’

  ‘Well, you better call her, or better still, show up at work first thing tomorrow,’ Madeleine snarled. ‘Either way, I don’t think you’re going to have a job for much longer.’ She turned away again, snatching up her bag and heading for the door.

  ‘Wait, Maddie,’ said Aiden, grabbing her arm.

  She flung it off. ‘Don’t touch me, don’t ever touch me again. I can’t believe I ever thought you were a good guy. You’re not, you’re a manipulative, over-grown spoilt brat, and you’re the one who needs to grow up, Aiden.’

  He looked like she’d just spat in his face. Good.

  ‘I’ve lost the best man I’ve ever known, because of you.’ She stabbed his chest with her finger and he winced.

  ‘Maddie, I’m sorry. Let me go with you now.’

  ‘I don’t want to go anywhere with you, and the greatest regret of my life will always be that I ever set eyes on you.’

  With that she turned on her heel. Aiden didn’t try to stop her as she marched determinedly across to the door, reefed it open and slammed it behind her. She almost ran down the corridor to the lift. When she got to the garage and into her car, she sat there, catching her breath. And that was when she realised she didn’t know where to go. She couldn’t gatecrash Liv’s on a school night, what with the kids, especially one who was recovering from emergency surgery. Nor could she lob up to her sister’s – she couldn’t even imagine facing Genevieve and having to tell her everything . . . Madeleine didn’t want to talk about it, she wanted to be left alone, and Genevieve would never be able to do that. She ached for Henry, but Henry said he couldn’t be around her. A sob escaped from her throat. There was only one place where she would feel safe, and nurtured, and where she wouldn’t have to explain herself. She started the engine and drove out of the garage.

  Morning

  Liv was in a mild panic; her mother should have been here by now. Joy prided herself on her punctuality, so if she was late it was for a reason, and the reason no doubt was to punish her daughter for having the audacity to go to work when she had a child recovering from surgery.

  When Liv had arrived at the hospital yesterday afternoon, they were all set to discharge Dylan.

  ‘Are you sure he’s okay to be going home already?’ Liv asked.

  ‘Does your house have a lot of stairs?’ Dr Ennis asked her.

  ‘No, it’s on one level.’

  ‘Then it’s the best place for him to be,’ she assured Liv. ‘He shouldn’t be climbing stairs for a few days, or lifting anything, obviously. Apart from that, he’s eating and his bowels have already moved, so there’s nothing keeping him here. He’s going to recover more quickly in his own home, but naturally he can’t be left alone. That’s not going to be a problem, is it?’

  ‘Of course not.’ But Liv’s head was spinning. She had to go to work tomorrow, she really didn’t have a choice. She’d talked to Jane and they’d come up with a plan of action to deal with the nosy journalist, and she had her own plan to deal with Natalie, if she ever showed her face in the office again.

  So that meant she was going to have to bow and scrape to her mother, and ask her to come and stay with Dylan for most of the day. And for that her penance would be five disapproving grunts, ten loaded remarks and a whole shitload of judgement. Putting up with all that was surely proof enough that there was nothing Liv wouldn’t do for her boys.

  While Liv was packing up Dylan’s things in the hospital room, Rick had called on the landline. ‘Hi, is Dylan about?’

  ‘He’s just getting changed in the bathroom, they’re discharging him.’

  ‘Really? Already?’

  ‘They gave him the all-clear, but someone’s going to have to stay with him at home,’ she said. ‘I don’t suppose you can take some time off work?’

  ‘Nah, sorry, Livvie.’

  And her mother would think that was perfectly reasonable.

  ‘But I was planning to visit him tonight,’ Rick went on, ‘so’s it okay if I call by the house?’

  At least he was asking. ‘It’s okay, Rick, but you can’t stay for dinner. You can’t keep lobbing up uninvited and taking over. It really has to stop.’

  ‘Okay, okay,’ he said, ‘I understand.’

  She had a thought. ‘In fact, you can actually make yourself useful tonight. I have to pick up some food, I can’t drag Dylan around a supermarket, but he can’t be left at home alone, and it’s certainly not right to leave Lachie responsible for him.’

  ‘No, of course,’ said Rick. ‘So, you go to the supermarket when I get there, I’ll stay with him.’

  His tone was unusually obliging and agreeable. Liv sensed a shift in attitude, but she wasn’t to know quite how seismic a shift it was until he arrived at the house that evening.

  ‘Okay, well, I’ll get going now,’ she said, picking up her handbag. ‘They’ve eaten, I managed to throw together some chicken and pasta that wasn’t too much on Dyl’s tummy. And I’ll bring home plenty of jelly and yoghurt and whatnot for dessert.’

  ‘All right,’ said Rick. He looked a little preoccupied. ‘I’ll walk you out.’

  She frowned. ‘No need.’

  ‘I just want to have a quick word,’ he said, lowering his voice.

  Liv groaned inwardly. What now?

  They stepped out onto the front porch and Rick pulled the door closed behind him.

  ‘What’s this about?’ said Liv. ‘I need to get to the shops.’

  He nodded. ‘I won’t keep you. I just wanted to say . . .’ But then there was a long pause while he seemed to be mulling something over.

  ‘Rick?’ she prompted. ‘You know you haven’t said anything yet?’

  ‘Sorry.’ He roused himself. ‘I wanted to say . . . well, so, David is a real person?’

  Liv sighed. So that’s what this was about. ‘I don’t want to discuss David.’

  ‘No, wait, Liv,’ Rick said, holding up his hands. ‘I’m not trying to have a go. He seems like a pretty decent sort of bloke.’

  She was listening.

  ‘It was a bit of a shock, that’s all.’ He folded his arms, leaning back against the door frame. ‘The truth is, I always thought you and I would end up together.’

  ‘What?’ Now it was Liv’s turn to be shocked.

  ‘All this time you’ve been there, I thought you’d always be there, you were like this permanent fixture in my life. I still saw us growing old together.’

  ‘So let me get this straight,’ said Liv, but not unkindly. She was actually rather amused. ‘You were going to work your way through the alphabet, dating, cohabitating, whatever, and then come back to me when you were old and grey, and probably needing a nurse, and you expected that I would be sitting out on the porch in my rocking chair, waiting for you?’

  ‘Well, when you put it
like that . . .’ He flashed her one of his cheeky, boyish grins, and Liv couldn’t help smiling back at him. ‘Ahh, Livvie, I was a bloody idiot, wasn’t I?’ he said. ‘I gave you nothing but trouble.’

  ‘I don’t know, there are two beautiful boys in there that you had something to do with.’

  ‘Thanks for saying that.’

  ‘Well, it’s true.’

  He straightened up. ‘So anyway, I just wanted to clear the air, give you my blessing.’

  ‘You know I don’t need it, right?’

  He looked sheepish.

  ‘But I appreciate it all the same,’ she added.

  ‘I just wanted to wish you the best,’ said Rick. ‘You deserve to be happy, Liv.’

  ‘I wish you’d tell my mother that.’

  It was a quarter to nine when Liv finally heard the doorbell. She raced up the hall to let her mother in.

  ‘Oh great, you’re here.’

  ‘Yes, of course I am, I just wanted to stop by the shops to pick up some things for Dylan. I’ve got jelly, yoghurt –’

  ‘I already stocked up –’ Liv stopped herself. ‘That’s very thoughtful, Mum, thanks.’

  She walked her mother back down the hall, trying to move her along. ‘I’ve laid out Dylan’s medication along the bench here,’ she said, as they came into the kitchen. ‘And I’ve written down all the times, and the doses. Does that all make sense?’

  ‘Honestly, Olive, I’m not an imbecile.’

  ‘I know that, Mum. I just wanted to run you through it, because I have to get going.’

  And there was the first disapproving grunt.

  Liv ignored it and soldiered on. ‘Lachie’s already left for school, and Dylan was still asleep when I last checked.’

  ‘Are you sure he’s all right?’

  ‘Yes, he’s a teenage boy, they like to sleep in,’ said Liv. ‘Anyway, it’s the first unbroken night he’s had in . . . well, since before Friday. So I’m not surprised he’s sleeping so long. It’ll be good for him.’

  ‘Hm.’ And the second disapproving grunt. ‘Well, seeing as the boys aren’t around, I don’t mind telling you that that little show you put on at the hospital the other day was a disgrace. You should be ashamed of yourself, Olive.’