A Race for Love

by Jillian Dagg

  He smiled, as he sat down opposite her. "How's it going?"

  "Fine," she told him.

  He called the waiter and ordered two beers.

  "Richard?" she said, knowing he wasn't supposed to drink alcohol.

  "I'm back on beer," he told her, "nothing stronger though."

  She smiled, "And what else?"

  "A few headache pills and a mild tranquilizer but only if I feel I need them. Tony says I'm in pretty good shape physically. I might go and get some practicing in. See how it goes."

  "Then you really are going to race again?"

  His eyes held none of the warmth that she'd grown used to. "What did you expect?"

  She met his cool glance. "I don't know," she said, shaking her head.

  "It's my job," he told her. "Like going to the office every day."

  Only you could get killed, she added silently.

  After lunch Richard took her up to the top of the CN Tower.

  She was able to see most of the city, despite it being a hazy day. The excitement of the sight-seeing trip diminished his words at the lunch table. They wandered through the narrow streets of the Yorkville shopping area, hand in hand, the peace of their relationship a tangible thing now.

  "You know," Richard said as they came out of a little art gallery arm in arm, "I feel like a different man from the one who came home with you last spring. And it's largely due to you."

  Tanya felt a rush of pleasure and smiled up at him. She was needed. He depended on her. Even if he were not madly in love with her, he had acknowledged his gratitude. At this moment, it was enough.

  He pulled her down some steps into a little restaurant.

  "Come on, let's have some supper before we get on our way."

  They'd finished their dinner and were about to leave when a female voice came floating through the air. "Dickie, I haven't seen you for ages."

  Tanya looked up to see a tall willowy woman in wide black trousers and a skimpy black top. Her glossy brown hair fell to her shoulders in a shining pageboy.

  "Dianna." Richard stood up.

  "You're walking, Dick?" the woman said glancing curiously down at his lean muscular legs.

  "Of course," he said, his voice cool, "did you ever think I wouldn't?"

  Dianna smiled sweetly, "No, I knew you'd come through on top. You always do." She looked at Tanya.

  "This is my wife, Tanya. Tanya, this is Dianna Watson."

  "Wife?" Dianna raised a skeptical eyebrow, then smiled affectedly at Tanya, "How do you do?"

  Tanya nodded to Dianna, acknowledging the introduction coolly, though her emotions were in turmoil. Was Dianna the woman who had caused Richard so much pain? Or was she another of his old flames? She knew that she was bound to run into one of them someday, but she wished it had not been this particular one.

  "How did you ever manage to snare Richard?" Dianna asked. Her tone was openly incredulous. Mocking blue eyes flicked over Tanya and then moved away as though she were hardly worth a moment's attention.

  "Tanya and I met in England when I went home for my parents' funeral," Richard said stiffly.

  "I'm so sorry, darling, I didn't know about your parents."

  "I wouldn't expect you to," Richard told her.

  "And I suppose in that time of weakness you fell in love?"

  Dianna probed.

  Tanya held her breath.

  "We got married."

  Tanya hoped that the tears forming behind her eyes did not show in her face. Well, at least he hadn't lied. He had always been honest. She supposed that this was one of the qualities that she had always admired in this fierce, proud man. But she could not help feeling that he had let her down.

  He had exposed her to this cruel woman.

  Dianna's smile was creamy. She has found out what she wanted! "We should celebrate, Dickie. I know a great little place—it's new..."

  "Tanya and I have to get home," Richard said tersely.

  "You do?" The tone was insulting. As if Richard couldn't possibly want to go home with such an insignificant little nobody!

  "You forget, I've been ill, Dianna. Now, if you don't mind."

  He rose and Tanya took the cue to rise with him. She gathered her purse.

  "Are you still up north?" Dianna persisted, laying a tanned, brown hand on his arm.

  He shook it off. "We are." He held Tanya's hand, his fingers warm and secure.

  "'Bye for now," Dianna gracefully acknowledged defeat, adding, however, "I'll look you up—"

  "Do that."

  Richard and Tanya hurried out to the street. They walked in silence to where he had parked the car.

  Richard drove expertly and rapidly along the narrow street crowded with motor traffic and pedestrians. He appeared to be totally concentrating on his driving. Only when he reached the highway and had slowed to a more relaxed pace, did Tanya feel that she could ask the question that had been tormenting her.

  "Is Dianna the girl you loved?" She wondered if she should be using the past tense. It had been impossible to tell from Richard's behavior. He had seemed to be in a hurry to get rid of Dianna, but on the other hand he had not expressed any special affection for Tanya.

  "Yes." He finally answered her question.

  "I see."

  "No, you don't see," he shouted, aggressively passing a car, "you don't see anything at all."

  "I understand." Of course she did. He loved Dianna. She might as well face the fact.

  "You're always so damned serene and understanding!" he said angrily, refusing to look at her.

  "But—" She wanted to contradict him.

  "I don't want to talk now, Tanya! I don't want to hear any more of your platitudes and your sweetness-and-light philosophy—"

  Blinking back tears, Tanya stared out of the window. The bottom had gone out of her world. But that did not change her feelings for him. She realized that she loved him more than anyone she had ever loved in her whole life. For the first time she'd felt needed—and yes, cherished, she thought sadly, remembering his lips on her throat, and his soft, gray eyes as they had watched her wake that first morning when they had been together.

  But there was no use dwelling on that now. She had fulfilled his needs, that was all. Why was it that people had discarded her all her life like an old toy? Dianna was beautiful, sophisticated. She could see how Richard might love her. And probably still did. He had said himself how he had nearly gone crazy when she had left him. He had used Tanya when he had been ill, but now that he was his old virile self, he would push Tanya off and go back to Dianna's more experienced charms.

  Dianna obviously still wanted him. At least now he was whole.

  She had made it perfectly plain.

  What would Tanya do if Richard left her? How would she survive? Now that she had met Richard, she had lost all desire to be on her own. All that she wanted was to be with him. The thought was like a cry. It was so loud in her that she was afraid that Richard might hear it. She glanced at him anxiously. But he was hunched over the wheel, his eyes sternly focused on the road, his jawline taut, seemingly without a thought of the forlorn figure by his side.

  Soon they were home. Richard parked the car and bounded up the steps to turn on the house lights before Tanya had even moved from her seat. She could remember how she had first helped him up the steps. Sometimes, she'd had to hold him at the top landing while he caught his breath.

  An unbidden picture flashed into her mind. Richard, sitting white-faced on a rock by the lake, while she raced breathlessly up to the house to fetch his pills. But that was all over. He was well. For that alone, she would be grateful. She got out of the car and walked slowly up the steps into the house.

  Richard was leaning by the mantel, idly twirling his leather jacket by one finger.

  "I'm going to call John and try out some driving tomorrow," he announced, his eyes dark on her.

  "That's fine," she told him.

  "Do you want to come with me?"

  "Do you wa
nt me to?"

  "I think you should. Then you'll see what I do for a living."

  "Then I'll come." She had to face up to it sometime; it might as well be now.

  He swung his jacket over his shoulder. "We'll have to leave early."

  "I'll be ready," she promised.

  Then she went into the bedroom. Grabbing her robe, she went into the bathroom to take a shower. When she came out, Richard was sitting in bed reading a book.

  She got in beside him, avoiding any contact with his body.

  "I'm sorry," he said as she snuggled down under the sheet, and turned her back.

  "What for?" Her voice was muffled. She hoped he couldn't hear the tears in it.

  "For saying what I did in the car."

  He leaned over to kiss the back of her neck, gently lifting her long hair. Then he took her shoulders and turned her toward him. Unwittingly, as though in a dream, she wound her arms around him. His mouth descended to meet her parted lips. What matter the agony she had felt? She was with him now.... In a very few minutes she had even forgotten the existence of Dianna Watson.

  The sun was bright in a hazy sky when they left the next day. Richard appeared tense; Tanya remained quiet. She did not want to provoke another outburst like yesterday's.

  When they arrived at the track, they met John Laughton.

  Richard told her to wait with John.

  "It'll take awhile to change," he told her, "we have to wear all our equipment these days. The sponsors have too much tied up in us."

  "What equipment?" Tanya asked.

  "Flameproof underwear, gloves and socks. "That kind of thing."

  "Just to practice?" Tanya asked surprised

  "That's when most accidents happen. Anyhow, see you in a while."

  Richard left them and John glanced at her anxious face.

  "Don't worry," he said, "it's just a precaution. It doesn't mean he's going to crash again. A crash as bad as he had only happens once in a while. I've been driving longer than Richard and I've only managed a broken leg and a fractured skull."

  "That's all?" Tanya smiled shakily.

  "Minor scrapes," he shrugged. "Come on, let's sit in the sun and relax."

  They sat and talked and Tanya relaxed slightly. Two mechanics were preparing the car that Richard was to use.

  John informed her that the factory team had provided two cars for John and Richard to use in preparation for their starting a new season.

  But when Richard came toward them in white overalls, Tanya felt a cold shiver of apprehension as she watched him.

  His eyes were completely cold and emotionless. He was all business as he glanced at John. "Ready?" he said in clipped tones.

  The two men walked over to the car. Tanya hung back, reluctant to involve herself. Richard checked the car. Then he pulled on the protective hood and put his crash helmet over the top. He climbed into the car and adjusted the safety belts.

  John leaned down to say something and Richard roared off to the track.

  John carne back to Tanya, his hands in the back pockets of his white jeans.

  "He's good," he said. "It'll be great to see him back."

  "Did he ever win?" she asked in a small voice.

  "You don't know much about this business, do you! Of course he did. Actually he was on a winning streak when he crashed. It was too bad."

  "Too bad that he almost died! Tanya found it incredible that anyone would want to return to something that had almost caused his death. She watched John checking the lap times for several minutes, but the high-pitched roar of the engine began to irritate her. Excusing herself from John, she walked out to the Ferrari. She leaned against it, the sun warm on her bare arms. She could still hear the roar of Richard's engine, now mercifully muffled. A little yellow car drew up beside her and a fashionably dressed young woman hopped out.

  "Hi," the young woman said to no one in particular. She removed her large, round sunglasses and focused more closely on Tanya. "Any action around here?" It was Dianna Watson.

  "Richard's practicing," said Tanya reluctantly.

  There was a pause. Dianna fluffed her hair.

  "So you're Tanya," she said indifferently. It was more a statement than a question.

  "We met last night," Tanya reminded her.

  "I remember." Dianna's smile did not reach her eyes. "Is this Dick's first time since the accident?"

  Tanya nodded. She wished Dianna would go away and leave her alone. She couldn't leave herself without appearing rude. Besides, it might appear cowardly and she wanted to prove, at least to herself, that she could hold her own with this unpleasant female.

  "It's exciting, eh?" Again, Dianna was probing a nerve.

  "I'm not sure. It scares me." The words were out before she could check them. Why did she have to spill out all to this irritating woman? Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut?

  Dianna looked pleased. "It's his life, honey," she said smugly. "If you're his wife, you'll have to put up with it. He's already had about the worst crash he could have and he's lived through it. About the only thing worse than that is to be crippled for life—or to die."

  "Please," Tanya said.

  "I'm only telling it like it is. You have to be hard, honey, if you marry a racing driver. And believe me, baby, I'm not kidding. Take it from one who knows. I may not have been married to one, but it was the next best thing." She smiled meaningfully at Tanya, now shaking inwardly with rage.

  Dianna opened her handbag and took out a pack of cigarettes. "Have one? It will steady your nerves."

  Tanya shook her head as she tried to collect her wits for a suitable comeback, or at least to stop this hateful woman from developing the conversation any further.

  Dianna continued to needle Tanya. "Did you know Dick for a long time before you married him?" she asked curiously.

  "I lived with his parents for five years," Tanya replied. She hoped that Dianna would think it had been a long-term romance. That would give her pause.

  Dianna was visibly startled. "Then you already knew that he was a racing driver?"

  Tanya nodded.

  Dianna was disconcerted. Tanya could almost see her wondering how well she and Richard had known each other over the years. But Dianna was not through yet. "Did Dickie ever tell you about us?" she shot back.

  "Yes," said Tanya quietly. "And I think you were cruel to leave him when he needed you most."

  "So you do speak your mind sometimes, don't you?"

  Dianna was considerably taken aback.

  "When it concerns Richard, yes. And now if you'll excuse me, I think I will go and see how my husband is doing."

  Dianna put out her cigarette. "I think I'll join you, if you don't mind."

  The two women walked toward the racetrack.

  "You also have to remember," Dianna said. "This is how he makes his living. It's money in the bank."

  Tanya nodded. "I know that."

  John was leaning against the fence, a stopwatch in his hand, waiting for Richard's car to appear. Another man stood beside him with a clipboard and a pen.

  "Hi Dianna," both men said.

  "Hi. How is he doing?"

  "Fine," John said and looked at Tanya. "This is Jeff Denver;

  Jeff, Tanya, Dick's wife."

  "Hi," the man glanced at her shyly and turned back to his clipboard.

  "Well, what do you think?" John asked Tanya.

  "What's there to think?"

  "In a few months you'll be down here cheering with the rest of us," John told her.

  Tanya forced a smile, "I hope so."

  She moved away from John, Jeff and Dianna. She didn't like Dianna one bit. How could Richard have loved such a woman?

  Richard's car completed a lap and John and Jeff let out exclamations of delight.

  Dianna jumped up and down in excitement. "He's good," she said to John.

  "Not bad for first time back," John looked pleased. "That was good time."

  "He'll always be the best," D
ianna said.

  Tanya let out a sigh. Dianna obviously knew a lot about racing. That could be why Richard was attracted to her.