Complete Works of F Marion Crawford

by F. Marion Crawford

  Now I am going to tell you something. You have known me, man and boy, several voyages; and you are older than I am; and you have always been a good friend to me. Now, do you think I am the sort of man to think I hear things where there isn’t anything to hear, or to think I see things when there is nothing to see? No, you don’t. Thank you. Well now, I had passed the last becket, and I sang out to the men to sway away, and I was standing on the jaws of the spanker-gaff, with my left hand on the bolt-rope of the trysail, so that I could feel when it was board-taut, and I wasn’t thinking of anything except being glad the job was over, and that we were going to heave her to. It was as black as a coal-pocket, except that you could see the streaks on the seas as they went by, and abaft the deck-house I could see the ray of light from the binnacle on the captain’s yellow oilskin as he stood at the wheel — or, rather, I might have seen it if I had looked round at that minute. But I didn’t look round. I heard a man whistling. It was “Nancy Lee,” and I could have sworn that the man was right over my head in the crosstrees. Only somehow I knew very well that if anybody could have been up there, and could have whistled a tune, there were no living ears sharp enough to hear it on deck then. I heard it distinctly, and at the same time I heard the real whistling of the wind in the weather rigging, sharp and clear as the steam-whistle on a Dago’s peanut-cart in New York. That was all right, that was as it should be; but the other wasn’t right; and I felt queer and stiff, as if I couldn’t move, and my hair was curling against the flannel lining of my sou’wester, and I thought somebody had dropped a lump of ice down my back.

  I said that the noise of the wind in the rigging was real, as if the other wasn’t, for I felt that it wasn’t, though I heard it. But it was, all the same; for the captain heard it, too. When I came to relieve the wheel, while the men were clearing up decks, he was swearing. He was a quiet man, and I hadn’t heard him swear before, and I don’t think I did again, though several queer things happened after that. Perhaps he said all he had to say then; I don’t see how he could have said anything more. I used to think nobody could swear like a Dane, except a Neapolitan or a South American; but when I had heard the Old Man, I changed my mind. There’s nothing afloat or ashore that can beat one of your quiet American skippers, if he gets off on that tack. I didn’t need to ask him what was the matter, for I knew he had heard “Nancy Lee,” as I had, only it affected us differently.

  He did not give me the wheel, but told me to go forward and get the second bonnet off the staysail, so as to keep her up better. As we tailed on to the sheet when it was done, the man next me knocked his sou’wester off against my shoulder, and his face came so close to me that I could see it in the dark. It must have been very white for me to see it, but I only thought of that afterwards. I don’t see how any light could have fallen upon it, but I knew it was one of the Benton boys. I don’t know what made me speak to him. “Hullo, Jim! Is that you?” I asked. I don’t know why I said Jim, rather than Jack.

  “I am Jack,” he answered.

  We made all fast, and things were much quieter. “The Old Man heard you whistling ‘Nancy Lee,’ just now,” I said, “and he didn’t like it.”

  It was as if there were a white light inside his face, and it was ghastly. I know his teeth chattered. But he didn’t say anything, and the next minute he was somewhere in the dark trying to find his sou’wester at the foot of the mast.

  When all was quiet, and she was hove to, coming to and falling off her four points as regularly as a pendulum, and the helm lashed a little to the lee, the Old Man turned in again, and I managed to light a pipe in the lee of the deck-house, for there was nothing more to be done till the gale chose to moderate, and the ship was as easy as a baby in its cradle. Of course the cook had gone below, as he might have done an hour earlier; so there were supposed to be four of us in the watch. There was a man at the lookout, and there was a hand by the wheel, though there was no steering to be done, and I was having my pipe in the lee of the deck-house, and the fourth man was somewhere about decks, probably having a smoke, too. I thought some skippers I had sailed with would have called the watch aft, and given them a drink after that job, but it wasn’t cold, and I guessed that our Old Man wouldn’t be particularly generous in that way. My hands and feet were red-hot, and it would be time enough to get into dry clothes when it was my watch below; so I stayed where I was, and smoked. But by and by, things being so quiet, I began to wonder why nobody moved on deck; just that sort of restless wanting to know where every man is that one sometimes feels in a gale of wind on a dark night. So when I had finished my pipe, I began to move about. I went aft, and there was a man leaning over the wheel, with his legs apart and both hands hanging down in the light from the binnacle, and his sou’wester over his eyes. Then I went forward, and there was a man at the lookout, with his back against the foremast, getting what shelter he could from the staysail. I knew by his small height that he was not one of the Benton boys. Then I went round by the weather side, and poked about in the dark, for I began to wonder where the other man was. But I couldn’t find him, though I searched the decks until I got right aft again. It was certainly one of the Benton boys that was missing, but it wasn’t like either of them to go below to change his clothes in such warm weather. The man at the wheel was the other, of course. I spoke to him.

  “Jim, what’s become of your brother?”

  “I am Jack, sir.”

  “Well, then, Jack, where’s Jim? He’s not on deck.”

  “I don’t know, sir.”

  When I had come up to him he had stood up from force of instinct, and had laid his hands on the spokes as if he were steering, though the wheel was lashed; but he still bent his face down, and it was half hidden by the edge of his sou’wester, while he seemed to be staring at the compass. He spoke in a very low voice, but that was natural, for the captain had left his door open when he turned in, as it was a warm night in spite of the storm, and there was no fear of shipping any more water now.

  “What put it into your head to whistle like that, Jack? You’ve been at sea long enough to know better.”

  He said something, but I couldn’t hear the words; it sounded as if he were denying the charge.

  “Somebody whistled,” I said.

  He didn’t answer, and then, I don’t know why, perhaps because the Old Man hadn’t given us a drink, I cut half an inch off the plug of tobacco I had in my oilskin pocket, and gave it to him. He knew my tobacco was good, and he shoved it into his mouth with a word of thanks. I was on the weather side of the wheel.

  “Go forward and see if you can find Jim,” I said.

  He started a little, and then stepped back and passed behind me, and was going along the weather side. Maybe his silence about the whistling had irritated me, and his taking it for granted that because we were hove to and it was a dark night, he might go forward any way he pleased. Anyhow, I stopped him, though I spoke good-naturedly enough.

  “Pass to leeward, Jack,” I said.

  He didn’t answer, but crossed the deck between the binnacle and the deck-house to the lee side. She was only falling off and coming to, and riding the big seas as easily as possible, but the man was not steady on his feet and reeled against the corner of the deck-house and then against the lee rail. I was quite sure he couldn’t have had anything to drink, for neither of the brothers were the kind to hide rum from their shipmates, if they had any, and the only spirits that were aboard were locked up in the captain’s cabin. I wondered whether he had been hit by the throat-halliard block and was hurt.

  I left the wheel and went after him, but when I got to the corner of the deck-house I saw that he was on a full run forward, so I went back. I watched the compass for a while, to see how far she went off, and she must have come to again half a dozen times before I heard voices, more than three or four, forward; and then I heard the little West Indies cook’s voice, high and shrill above the rest:

  “Man overboard!”

  There wasn’t anything to be
done, with the ship hove to and the wheel lashed. If there was a man overboard, he must be in the water right alongside. I couldn’t imagine how it could have happened, but I ran forward instinctively. I came upon the cook first, half dressed in his shirt and trousers, just as he had tumbled out of his bunk. He was jumping into the main rigging, evidently hoping to see the man, as if any one could have seen anything on such a night, except the foam-streaks on the black water, and now and then the curl of a breaking sea as it went away to leeward. Several of the men were peering over the rail into the dark. I caught the cook by the foot, and asked who was gone.

  “It’s Jim Benton,” he shouted down to me. “He’s not aboard this ship!”

  There was no doubt about that. Jim Benton was gone; and I knew in a flash that he had been taken off by that sea when we were setting the storm trysail. It was nearly half an hour since then; she had run like wild for a few minutes until we got her hove to, and no swimmer that ever swam could have lived as long as that in such a sea. The men knew it as well as I, but still they stared into the foam as if they had any chance of seeing the lost man. I let the cook get into the rigging and joined the men, and asked if they had made a thorough search on board, though I knew they had and that it could not take long, for he wasn’t on deck, and there was only the forecastle below.

  “That sea took him over, sir, as sure as you’re born,” said one of the men close beside me.

  We had no boat that could have lived in that, sea, of course, and we all knew it. I offered to put one over, and let her drift astern two or three cables’ lengths by a line, if the men thought they could haul me aboard again; but none of them would listen to that, and I should probably have been drowned if I had tried it, even with a life-belt; for it was a breaking sea. Besides, they all knew as well as I did that the man could not be right in our wake. I don’t know why I spoke again.

  “Jack Benton, are you there? Will you go if I will?”

  “No, sir,” answered a voice; and that was all.

  By that time the Old Man was on deck, and I felt his hand on my shoulder rather roughly, as if he meant to shake me.

  “I’d reckoned you had more sense, Mr. Torkeldsen,” he said. “God knows I would risk my ship to look for him, if it were any use; but he must have gone half an hour ago.”

  He was a quiet man, and the men knew he was right, and that they had seen the last of Jim Benton when they were bending the trysail — if anybody had seen him then. The captain went below again, and for some time the men stood around Jack, quite near him, without saying anything, as sailors do when they are sorry for a man and can’t help him; and then the watch below turned in again, and we were three on deck.

  Nobody can understand that there can be much consolation in a funeral, unless he has felt that blank feeling there is when a man’s gone overboard whom everybody likes. I suppose landsmen think it would be easier if they didn’t have to bury their fathers and mothers and friends; but it wouldn’t be. Somehow the funeral keeps up the idea of something beyond. You may believe in that something just the same; but a man who has gone in the dark, between two seas, without a cry, seems much more beyond reach than if he were still lying on his bed, and had only just stopped breathing. Perhaps Jim Benton knew that, and wanted to come back to us. I don’t know, and I am only telling you what happened, and you may think what you like.

  Jack stuck by the wheel that night until the watch was over. I don’t know whether he slept afterwards, but when I came on deck four hours later, there he was again, in his oilskins, with his sou’wester over his eyes, staring into the binnacle. We saw that he would rather stand there, and we left him alone. Perhaps it was some consolation to him to get that ray of light when everything was so dark. It began to rain, too, as it can when a southerly gale is going to break up, and we got every bucket and tub on board, and set them under the booms to catch the fresh water for washing our clothes. The rain made it very thick, and I went and stood under the lee of the staysail, looking out. I could tell that day was breaking, because the foam was whiter in the dark where the seas crested, and little by little the black rain grew grey and steamy, and I couldn’t see the red glare of the port light on the water when she went off and rolled to leeward. The gale had moderated considerably, and in another hour we should be under way again. I was still standing there when Jack Benton came forward. He stood still a few minutes near me. The rain came down in a solid sheet, and I could see his wet beard and a corner of his cheek, too, grey in the dawn. Then he stooped down and began feeling under the anchor for his pipe. We had hardly shipped any water forward, and I suppose he had some way of tucking the pipe in, so that the rain hadn’t floated it off. Presently he got on his legs again, and I saw that he had two pipes in his hand. One of them had belonged to his brother, and after looking at them a moment I suppose he recognized his own, for he put it in his mouth, dripping with water. Then he looked at the other fully a minute without moving. When he had made up his mind, I suppose, he quietly chucked it over the lee rail, without even looking round to see whether I was watching him. I thought it was a pity, for it was a good wooden pipe, with a nickel ferrule, and somebody would have been glad to have it. But I didn’t like to make any remark, for he had a right to do what he pleased with what had belonged to his dead brother. He blew the water out of his own pipe, and dried it against his jacket, putting his hand inside his oilskin; he filled it, standing under the lee of the foremast, got a light after wasting two or three matches, and turned the pipe upside down in his teeth, to keep the rain out of the bowl. I don’t know why I noticed everything he did, and remember it now; but somehow I felt sorry for him, and I kept wondering whether there was anything I could say that would make him feel better. But I didn’t think of anything, and as it was broad daylight I went aft again, for I guessed that the Old Man would turn out before long and order the spanker set and the helm up. But he didn’t turn out before seven bells, just as the clouds broke and showed blue sky to leeward— “the Frenchman’s barometer,” you used to call it.

  Some people don’t seem to be so dead, when they are dead, as others are. Jim Benton was like that. He had been on my watch, and I couldn’t get used to the idea that he wasn’t about decks with me. I was always expecting to see him, and his brother was so exactly like him that I often felt as if I did see him and forgot he was dead, and made the mistake of calling Jack by his name; though I tried not to, because I knew it must hurt. If ever Jack had been the cheerful one of the two, as I had always supposed he had been, he had changed very much, for he grew to be more silent than Jim had ever been.

  One fine afternoon I was sitting on the main-hatch, overhauling the clockwork of the taffrail-log, which hadn’t been registering very well of late, and I had got the cook to bring me a coffee-cup to hold the small screws as I took them out, and a saucer for the sperm oil I was going to use. I noticed that he didn’t go away, but hung round without exactly watching what I was doing, as if he wanted to say something to me. I thought if it were worth much, he would say it anyhow, so I didn’t ask him questions; and sure enough he began of his own accord before long. There was nobody on deck but the man at the wheel, and the other man away forward.

  “Mr. Torkeldsen,” the cook began, and then stopped.

  I supposed he was going to ask me to let the watch break out a barrel of flour, or some salt horse.

  “Well, doctor?” I asked, as he didn’t go on.

  “Well, Mr. Torkeldsen,” he answered, “I somehow want to ask you whether you think I am giving satisfaction on this ship, or not?”

  “So far as I know, you are, doctor. I haven’t heard any complaints from the forecastle, and the captain has said nothing, and I think you know your business, and the cabin-boy is bursting out of his clothes. That looks as if you are giving satisfaction. What makes you think you are not?”

  I am not good at giving you that West Indies talk, and shan’t try; but the doctor beat about the bush awhile, and then he told me he thought the men
were beginning to play tricks on him, and he didn’t like it, and thought he hadn’t deserved it, and would like his discharge at our next port. I told him he was a d —— d fool, of course, to begin with; and that men were more apt to try a joke with a chap they liked than with anybody they wanted to get rid of; unless it was a bad joke, like flooding his bunk, or filling his boots with tar. But it wasn’t that kind of practical joke. The doctor said that the men were trying to frighten him, and he didn’t like it, and that they put things in his way that frightened him. So I told him he was a d —— d fool to be frightened, anyway, and I wanted to know what things they put in his way. He gave me a queer answer. He said they were spoons and forks, and odd plates, and a cup now and then, and such things.