Crossing Center Ice

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Once the session was finished and Emily had left to take a rest, Avery quickly entered her notes, anxiety building with each passing minute knowing Kenton would show up. When she was done, she quickly grabbed her coat and shoved her arms into it. She was still buttoning it up as she left the room, her bag slung over her shoulder. Moving quickly, she followed the veranda around the house to the front, her steps faltering briefly when she saw Kenton’s car parked next to hers. Ducking her head, she walked past it and slid behind the wheel of her car, taking a minute to text her mom before pulling out of her spot and heading down the driveway.

  For a moment, she wanted to turn in the opposite direction of home. She just needed some time to herself. Anxiety had already been weighing heavily on her ever since Max had told her about Julian, and now this situation with Kenton just intensified her anxiety even more. It was just too much, and she wanted to escape it all—even if only for a little while. But there was no escaping any of it.

  Before getting home, she needed to have a conversation with Max about what had happened. Anxiety about how he’d react added to what she was already experiencing, making her stomach clench. Though she’d always respected the man and had appreciated that he’d chosen her for what she’d thought was a scholarship, she hadn’t ever spent much time talking with him. Finding out about her dad’s connection to him had strengthened a bond between them, but now she was going to him with a situation that some might say she was overreacting to. Would that be his assessment as well?

  She’d put his contact information into her phone the day he’d given her his business card, and now she used her Bluetooth to call him. It wasn’t her intention to rat Kenton out, but she needed Max to know that she’d quit as his therapist and the reason why. Hopefully, given what he knew of her past, he would understand her reaction.

  “Avery? Is everything okay?” Max’s voice echoed through the interior of her car as she contemplated how to answer his question.

  Deciding there was really no way to beat around the bush, she said, “I quit my job with Kenton Callaghan today.”

  There was a beat of silence before Max replied. “What happened?”

  Though she knew that Max had a close friendship with Steve and Emily, she wasn’t sure what his relationship with Kenton was like. Still, she had to be honest with him. Taking a deep breath and gripping the steering wheel tightly, she explained what had happened that morning.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Max said, his voice even and without judgment. “It sounds like Kenton made it impossible for you to continue to work with him. Thank you for letting me know. You didn’t have to because I’m not really a part of whatever arrangement you had with Kenton, but I appreciate you filling me in on the situation.”

  “I just thought that in light of your relationship with the Callaghan family, it was probably better that you were aware.”

  “I appreciate that. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Max asked.

  Avery wished that there was, but at this point, she had to deal with things herself. “No. Just let me know if there is any more news about Julian.”

  “I will.”

  After saying goodbye, Avery was left alone with her thoughts in the quiet of her car. She couldn’t take any detours when her mom was waiting for her to get home, but it was so tempting. Hopefully her mom wouldn’t ask too many questions about her day when she got home. Eventually, she’d tell her about what had gone down with Kenton, but right then, she wasn’t eager to hear her mom tell her that she’d been right about the man. Her caution about Avery’s feelings for him had been a point of contention between them, so there was no doubt her mom would feel that Avery should have listened to her.

  Maybe she was right, but at the moment, Avery just wanted some time to deal with the emotional aftermath of the morning’s events on her own.

  It turned out that she didn’t get a chance to think too much about things when she got home. She’d forgotten that it was a day off for the boys, so she’d had to stay upstairs with the family until Benjie had gone to bed that evening. Once he had settled for the night, Avery retreated to her room in the basement to do her nightly exercises before taking a soak in her tub.

  It was only then that she allowed herself to shed some tears. After all, she wasn’t the only one who would miss Kenton’s presence in their life. Maybe it was overkill to want Kenton completely out of their lives, but she couldn’t have Benjie thinking that the decisions his hero had made were good ones.

  She knew that the drug Kenton had taken was different from the ones Julian had taken that had fueled his attack, so her reaction to the situation wasn’t because she feared for her safety with him right at that moment. But Human Growth Hormone had been what Julian had started with as well—it hadn’t been banned in the NFL yet when he’d taken it—but HGH hadn’t been enough in his mind. He’d needed more when he’d gone to training camp and realized he wasn’t as strong as he’d been before the injury. Even though he’d been good enough to play for the team again, he hadn’t been good enough in his own eyes.

  That was the tendency that Kenton shared with Julian that had scared her and prompted her reaction to the discovery.

  What would happen when—after he’d taken the HGH to help with healing—he was still not happy with what the test results were showing? Would he then turn to other things the way Julian had? It was a risk that Avery just couldn’t take. No matter what her heart might be telling her, she just couldn’t take the chance. Doing so could end up costing her everything.

  Trust. The word popped unbidden into her mind as she lay curled beneath her comforter.

  When she’d begun to consider what word God might have for her in the new year, trust was the word that had come to her mind over and over again, through her daily devotional time and also through the sermons her pastor had preached as the old year had drawn to a close. Trust seemed to follow well on the phrase she’d chosen for the previous year.

  The phrase fear not had been her reassurance in the past year. A reminder that no matter the circumstances, God was her protector, so she had no reason to fear. It had made sense that after the reminder of God’s protection, He would give her a word that required action on her part. Trust. At the time, she’d thought maybe it was a directive for her to trust Kenton. Now she wasn’t so sure.

  At that moment, Avery hoped it wasn’t that, because she didn’t know if she could trust him.

  The disappointment on his father’s face was like a kick to Kenton’s stomach. Though there were things that he and his father had disagreed on, at the end of the day, Kenton had never wanted to disappoint his dad in such a major way as this. Since Gabe already knew what he had done, it made sense to tell his dad, plus he needed his dad’s wise counsel.

  “I’d ask what you were thinking, but I have a feeling I already know,” his dad said, his gaze shifting to the coffee mug that sat on the table in front of him. He wrapped his hand around it and lifted it for a sip. “I just fail to see how this ever appeared as a wise choice to you. You had to know that it was a slippery slope. Once you let people convince you to do something like this, it’s much easier for them to convince you of other things, which will always be presented in a positive light.”

  Kenton nodded, his gaze shifting to his own cup of coffee. “I just wanted to make sure that I healed better and more quickly, so that I had the time to rebuild my strength before training camp.”

  “And if you hadn’t been able to rebuild your strength? Would you have moved on to something stronger?”

  He wanted to believe that he wouldn’t have, but before the injury, he never would have believed he would have taken this step. “I called the doctor today and told him I don’t want any more shots.”

  “I’m glad you did that, but you’ve put yourself at risk now. All that doctor has to do is let something slip about what you’ve done so far, and you could find yourself in a world of trouble. I realize that the league has been quiet on the subject of HGH,
but I’d hate for you to be the one they choose to make an example of.”

  Though he didn’t want to have something like that as a dark mark on his career, Kenton had come to the realization that what mattered more, was that he didn’t want to lose Avery. The conversation he’d had with Wade a couple of weeks earlier had shown him more clearly the shift in his priorities. His agent hadn’t told him that he was wrong to have feelings for Avery. Nor had he blinked an eye when Kenton had told him that he wanted to talk about what would happen when his current contract finished at the end of the next season.

  All Wade had done was walk him through scenarios, trying to get a feel for what Kenton really wanted. Retirement had come up a couple of times in that discussion which made his actions even more ridiculous. If he was retiring, what difference did it make if he came back even better than he was before the injury? Just being able to skate for the final season of his contract should have been enough.

  If he’d lost Avery because of his stupidity, what he wanted for his future would change. But that wouldn’t be a positive change.

  “You have worked hard to stay out of trouble and keep attention focused on your game, not other things. I would hate to see that change now because of something like this.”

  “I know, Dad. I’m sorry.” And he was. Sorry…and so very angry with himself.

  Is this what happened when he made decisions on his own? At thirty-one years of age, he should have been able to assess the situation and realize how wrong the decision was. Usually, he ran decisions past Ward and his dad for their advice and counsel, but this time around, he’d believed what he’d been told by the guy and also by the doctor who’d agreed to administer the injections. On some level, it seemed that he had known what the reaction of Ward and his dad would be…which was why he hadn’t asked them for advice.

  “Maybe now is the time for you to re-evaluate other areas of your life too,” his dad suggested. “Perhaps if you’d been asking God for guidance in your life, you might not have made this particular decision.”

  No doubt his dad was right, but that had never been something he’d done. It was a strange thing though because it wasn’t that he didn’t think God could direct his life. In fact, he was quite sure that God did, but Kenton realized he had relied on the knowledge that his parents had prayed for God to guide him in any decisions he had to make. He knew that even Wade prayed for him, often telling him that as they discussed future plans.

  He wasn’t completely sure why he hadn’t felt comfortable praying for God’s guidance for himself. Maybe it was because he knew that he wasn’t living his life the way he should have been. The casual girlfriends. The locker room humor. He’d wanted to fit in during his first few years in the NHL, so he’d gone along with things that he’d known his family might not approve of. But now his decisions had led him down a path that could end up costing him the thing he wanted most.

  Kenton hunched his shoulders as he took a sip of his coffee. He felt like he was seventeen years old all over again and getting into trouble because he’d had some alcohol at a friend’s party. Except this time around, his dad couldn’t ground him or take away his phone. Sadly, he almost wished that he could have. Instead, his punishment was having to live with the larger consequences of his actions.

  They sat in uncomfortable silence as they finished their coffees, then Kenton excused himself to go to his room. All day he’d wanted to try contacting Avery, but he’d held off, knowing she probably needed to be able to think things through. But now he needed to see if she’d at least talk with him. He was partly afraid she’d refuse, but it would be even worse if she did agree to talk to him only to reiterate what she’d said that morning.

  He stretched out on the bed, resting his phone on his stomach as he tried to work up his nerve to call her. Over the years, he’d never been accused of being a coward, but fear was definitely front and center now whenever he tried to figure out what to do about Avery.

  Letting out a long breath, he picked up the phone and pulled up Avery’s contact information. He’d added a picture that he’d taken of her when she’d been skating on the outdoor rink on Boxing Day. Wisps of hair had blown across her smile, and her eyes sparkled beneath the knit cap she wore. The cold air had pinked up her normally pale cheeks. Her joy at skating had magnified her beauty.

  Finally accepting that he had nothing to lose, Kenton tapped the screen to call her. He put the phone on speakerphone and found himself praying that she would answer. As it rang for the second time, he breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn’t immediately rejected his call, but then it continued to ring until a voice came on and told him the number didn’t have voicemail set up. His sense of disappointment was keen as he ended the call.

  He knew that she’d still be coming to work with his mom because his dad hadn’t said anything about her canceling or quitting, but Kenton couldn’t bring himself to bother her at what was essentially her place of work. However, he needed to find a way to talk with her.

  After hesitating for a bit, he focused on the phone again, this time bringing up a text screen. He spent a few minutes reading back through their previous texts, a sense of sadness filling him. If he’d truly lost Avery—even though he had never officially had her—it would be something he’d regret for the rest of his life.

  It took him lots of typing and deleting before he had a text message that he hoped would entice Avery to at least talk to him. He needed her to know that he understood her concerns and wouldn’t continue on with the treatments. Unfortunately, his gut was telling him that that promise might not be enough. She seemed to have looked past the treatments themselves to the fact that he’d made the decision in the first place. And that might not be something she could get past.

  Hey Avery – Would we be able to talk? I’m sorry about what happened this morning. Please give me a chance to talk to you about it.

  Though he had hoped for an immediate response, Kenton wasn’t surprised that he didn’t receive one. He needed to keep in mind that she owed him nothing.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  When the weekend finally arrived, Avery breathed a sigh of relief. For two days, she wouldn’t have to worry about running into Kenton. Her anxiety had peaked each day as she’d walked into the therapy room. She knew that he wanted to talk to her. The text she’d ignored for the past four days had proved that. But she wasn’t sure she was ready—or even able—to talk to him yet.

  She still hadn’t told her mom what had gone down. Since her mom had still expected her to leave around nine-thirty each day, Avery had done just that—except she hadn’t gone to the gym as her mom thought she had. The first day, she’d gone to the clinic to see if she could work there again, but even though everyone had been happy to see her, she knew almost immediately she couldn’t be there. As she’d looked around at the people waiting for treatment, all she could think was that they were potential threats to her instead of potential patients. That kind of a mindset wouldn’t work, so in the end, she’d had to tell them that for the foreseeable future, she wouldn’t be back.

  She had felt like such a failure because she hadn’t been able to overcome her fear and anxiety in order to work there again. No doubt she was going to need to return to therapy in order to deal with the trauma of the clinic attack. She’d managed to put it out of her mind for the most part, except for the nightmares that still came periodically, but visiting the clinic had resurrected memories of the attack all over again. Just one more thing that she needed to get a grasp on.

  So, instead of going to the clinic or the gym at nine-thirty every morning, Avery had gone to a coffee shop and spent time trying to figure out what had happened to her life and what she was going to do in her future. She knew she needed to talk to her mom soon about what had transpired since she couldn’t keep going to the café each day. All it would take was one day where her mom checked her location, and the gig would be up.

  She also knew she needed to talk to Benjie about why Kenton woul
d no longer be part of their lives. But it was hard to want to talk about things with either of them because as soon as she had those difficult conversations, it would feel final.

  “Hey, Mom,” Benjie said as he walked into the kitchen. “Would we be able to invite Kenton to my game tomorrow?”

  Her stomach knotted as she pulled her cup of tea from the Keurig. Was she ready to have this discussion with Benjie? “Not this time, sweetie.”

  Benjie frowned. “Why not? I haven’t seen him since that day at his house when we went skating. I thought he’d come to more of my games.”

  “Remember the discussion we had that day?” Avery asked. She leaned a hip against the counter and lifted the cup to her lips for a sip.

  Benjie’s frown turned into a pout as he crossed his arms. “I told you that I understood. That I wasn’t going to mention that you should date him.”

  “I know, but I still think that perhaps spending less time with him is a good thing. He already knows you’re a good player. He’s told you that. I don’t think it’s necessary for him to keep coming to your games.”

  Benjie puffed out a sigh of clear annoyance. “It isn’t because I want him to know I’m a good player. I just like the idea of him being there to cheer us on.”

  “I’m still not sure. Let’s just leave it for now. We’ll revisit this in another week or two.”

  She could see that he wanted to argue with her, but apparently, whatever battle was brewing in his mind, the side that didn’t want to be grounded won out. “Fine. I’m going to go play a video game.”

  As she watched him stomp off, Avery knew she was on borrowed time when it came to putting off the discussion she needed to have with him.

  “What’s going on, sweetheart?” Avery turned to see her mom come in from the hallway. “Benjie looked like he had a storm cloud over his head just now.”

  “He wanted Kenton to come to his game tomorrow.” She slid a tea pod into the Keurig and grabbed her mom’s favorite mug to put beneath the spout. “I told him no.”