Crossing Center Ice

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Gabe: Pretty sure Maya’s parents will be happy to do the honors.

  Gabe: Now that that’s settled, tell us how the rest of the trip went.

  Though he wasn’t a fan of long text messages since he seemed to end up making more mistakes than the autocorrect could handle, Kenton took the time to tap out a recap of what all had gone down during his time with the team. At least it gave him something to do to help kill time on the flight. Gabe and Tristan were the ones to reply most frequently, but neither of them mentioned anything about Avery.

  Being on the wi-fi, he would still get Avery’s response—if she sent one. But as the minutes ticked by, Kenton began to lose hope that she was going to reply. He stared out at the white clouds that the wing of the plane sliced through, wondering what—if anything—he could do to connect with Avery again.

  He didn’t want to force himself on her, but a sense of desperation had taken up residence within him. It was almost panic-inducing to consider that whatever he’d had with Avery to this point was over with no hope of anything in the future.

  Never in his adult life had Kenton felt so vulnerable. He’d faced down the league’s toughest goalie in a shoot-out during a playoff game and had never felt as panicked as he did at the thought of never talking with Avery again. How had his feelings for her brought about so much vulnerability?

  All he knew was that if she gave him just one chance—because realistically, they hadn’t had an official first chance yet—he would try his best to be a man worthy of her. His heart wouldn’t let him be anything less than what she needed him to be.

  But first, she needed to talk to him.

  Avery picked up the grocery order for her mom before heading home. It was Elliot’s sixteenth birthday, and he was having a game and pizza party the next night to celebrate with his friends. She was glad to have something to do to distract her from the text she’d seen come in from Kenton earlier.

  It had felt like forever since they’d last talked, and it was getting harder and harder to not respond to him. She’d shed more tears than she wanted to admit to anyone over the events that had ripped Kenton out of their lives. And she’d prayed day and night, asking God to remove the feelings she had for him so that she could move forward without feeling like there was a big hole in her heart and her life.

  How was it that someone she hadn’t even confessed her love to had come to mean so much to her? In a way, it was probably a good thing that everything had worked out the way it had. There was no doubt that Kenton was going back to LA—if not now, at some point in the future. There was also not much doubt that she couldn’t hold a candle to the women he was usually linked to romantically. Those reasons were enough to be grateful for the distance between them now. Continued closeness with Kenton would have made his eventual departure from her life even more difficult.

  Avery hadn’t even needed to date the man to fall in love with him since she’d spent time with him every day. She’d seen so many sides to him in the time they’d worked together. His brash, cocky side. His focused, intense side. His angry, frustrated side. The side she’d been drawn to the most, however, was his more vulnerable one—the one she’d seen that day with his mom—although his friendly, flirty side was a close second.

  When Avery found herself blinking to clear her gaze so that she could see the cars in front of her, she knew she had to think of something else. Thoughts of Kenton had to be reserved for when she was in her room alone at night. Thankfully, it hadn’t taken Benjie long to figure out that Kenton was no longer a subject that should be brought up in her presence.

  Once home, she helped her mom put away the groceries then retreated to her room for a bit before the boys got home from school. She settled into her favorite chair and sat for a moment to remind herself of all the reasons she needed to stay strong when she read the message.

  When she finally did read it, Avery couldn’t decide if she was relieved or upset with its contents. Or rather, what it didn’t contain. There was no request for them to talk. No plea for her to understand. Nothing but a report.

  It seemed to be a clear indication that whatever she felt for him was not reciprocated. The pain that thought brought her robbed her of breath. Why did this happen to her? She should have known better. In fact, she had known better. She’d told herself that she wasn’t the type of woman Kenton went for. She’d told herself that he wasn’t going to be sticking around. She’d told herself that she couldn’t risk being with a professional athlete again. But that hadn’t been enough to protect her heart.

  Fear not.

  Trust.

  The words seemed to mock her now. She feared a lot where Kenton was concerned, and trust wasn’t something she had in abundance. Trust in God or trust in Kenton.

  Swallowing hard, Avery decided maybe it was time to respond to Kenton, if for no other reason than to be professional since that had been the tone of his text. And since he wasn’t asking to talk with her anymore, maybe it would be the closure she needed.

  I’m glad to hear that they were happy with your progress.

  She hadn’t anticipated a reply right away, but immediately she saw that the message was read, and the bubble with the three dots popped up. Her heart pounded as she waited for whatever his response would be.

  Kenton: Thank you for replying! I know I probably don’t have the right to say this, but I’ve missed you. I’m on my way back to Winnipeg. Currently an hour or so out of Chicago. I don’t want to pressure you, but is there any chance at all we could talk? Even just on the phone?

  Avery clutched her phone and tilted her head to rest it on the back of the recliner. Could she do it? Could she look at him or listen to his voice without letting him know how she felt about him? She’d been able to do it when they were working together, but the devastation she’d felt at the revelation of what he’d done had broken down all her walls. It felt like there was no way she was strong enough to do it.

  Kenton: Please. I’m not above begging.

  The thought of the cocky, brash man she’d first met begging to talk to her did something to Avery. Did it really mean that much to him? Surely he had enough friends that he didn’t need to keep her as one.

  Okay.

  Kenton: Really? You have no idea how happy you’ve made me. Can we meet tomorrow?

  Avery was kind of glad that she had a reason not to agree to that. Not tomorrow. Sorry. It’s Elliot’s sixteenth birthday and we’re having a party for him. Maybe Saturday night.

  Kenton: Elliot’s birthday? Tell him happy birthday from me! I miss the boys too.

  Avery wasn’t sure what to say to that. The truth was, they had missed him as well. Just like she had, but she wasn’t going to say that yet.

  I’ll tell him.

  Kenton: Any chance I could get him a gift?

  Having seen the type of money he’d spent on their family at Christmas, Avery could only imagine what he’d buy Elliot for his birthday. She wouldn’t put it past him to buy the teen a car.

  I think you’ve spent quite a bit of money on him already. He doesn’t really need anything.

  Kenton: If you’re sure, but I would love to get him something.

  I guess I can’t stop you from how you spend your money.

  Kenton: True, but I don’t want to upset you by going against your wishes where Elliot is concerned.

  Avery appreciated that about him even though she didn’t want to be appreciating anything new about him. I know Elliot would love a gift from you, so I’ll leave that to your discretion.

  Kenton: I’ll give it to you on Saturday. How has Benjie been doing with his games? Winning many?

  It was hard to remember what all stood between them when Kenton got chatty like this. For a moment, she just wanted to forget it all and pretend like things were as they’d been before that moment in the gym.

  He’s won the last three. They’ve done well.

  Kenton: That’s great to hear! His team is doing better than mine these days…

&nb
sp; Kenton: Looks like I need to go. We’re going to be landing in Chicago shortly. I’ll text you tomorrow to make arrangements for Saturday. Is that okay?

  She felt a sense of relief that he didn’t plan to corner her when she was there to work with his mom the next day. That’s fine.

  Once the conversation was over, Avery let out a big breath, her cheeks puffing as she did. Instead of feeling like she was going to gain closure with Kenton though, she had a feeling that the meeting would only make her heart hurt worse.

  Kenton was shocked that Avery had agreed to meet with him. After silence from her for almost two weeks, he’d anticipated that she would reject his request once again. But not only had she not rejected it, she’d also engaged in a bit of casual conversation with him. For the first time since that day in the gym, he had hope.

  He took care getting ready for their meeting, choosing to wear a pair of slacks instead of jeans, and a nice button-down shirt instead of a T-shirt or sweatshirt. After putting on a splash of cologne, he grabbed the small bag that contained the gift he’d picked up for Elliot in the airport in Chicago. Duty-free had been his friend that day.

  The house was quiet when he ventured downstairs. Mitch and Gabe, along with Maya, had left that afternoon for two weeks in Thailand. They would arrive back just before Bennett and Grace’s wedding on Valentine’s Day, and if the rumor was correct, Maya would return with a ring on her finger.

  Though love and a relationship had been the last thing on Kenton’s mind when he’d first arrived home, things had definitely changed in the last three months. Maybe it was the way his siblings were all falling in love and getting hitched, or maybe it had just been finding the right woman. Hopefully, she would give him the opportunity to make things right and to find out if she had any sort of feelings for him.

  He’d hoped to meet her during the day, but Avery had said she’d prefer to meet him after Benjie had gone to bed. That had limited where they could meet which he’d thought would mean Tim Hortons, but she’d suggested someplace else. Somewhere he had never been before. He just hoped it wouldn’t be as noisy as Tim Hortons could be at times.

  The cold that greeted him as he walked from the house to his car was a pointed reminder that he wasn’t in LA anymore. Thankfully, he’d started the car, so it was warm when he slid behind the wheel. Anticipation had brought butterflies to life in his stomach, and he found himself praying—yet again—for Avery to at least listen to what he had to say. He wanted to try to preserve his friendship with her if nothing else, but he really wanted so much more.

  It was interesting how this whole situation had been what had revived his faith. The situation with the HGH had shown how much his pride and selfishness had dictated his decisions. Even as he’d considered retirement as an option, he’d felt the need to compromise everything in order to return to the game better than he’d left it. That had been his pride calling the shots, he realized now.

  What had happened had been a humbling experience for him, and it had made him realize how bad he was at making decisions for himself. With his dad and Wade’s guidance, he did okay. When his only responsibility was getting the puck across center ice and trying for a goal, he did okay. But the minute he was faced with not meeting his own standards, he didn’t stop to ask if those standards were realistic, the way Wade and his dad would have. No, he stupidly went in search of things that could aid him in reaching those standards.

  It didn’t escape his notice that he did better when he listened to the two men who sought God’s will for their own lives and prayed for him. But at nearly thirty-two years old, Kenton knew he needed to take responsibility for his own life. In understanding that, he’d taken the time to speak to both Wade and his dad in the past day to share what he was feeling and his desire to seek God’s will for his life.

  That meant that he was going to this meeting with Avery praying that it was God’s will that she love him as he loved her. But if not, he prayed that he could accept her decision with grace and manage to still have a friendship with her. Somehow, he needed her to be in his life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Kenton spotted Avery’s car as he pulled into the parking lot of the small building whose sign matched the name she’d given him earlier. The parking lot didn’t look too full, so he hoped the café would be conducive to the conversation they were about to have. With neither of them having a place of their own, they were at the mercy of public places when they wanted to talk.

  He glanced at the narrow windows which had shutters on each side of them and spilled soft light into the night. When he stepped into the café, he was greeted by mellow music and the delicious aroma of coffee and baked goods along with a low hum of conversation.

  Tables with two or four chairs around them filled the center of the room. Around the perimeter, there were low coffee tables flanked by couches and armchairs. Lights hung low over all the tables, giving a feeling that each seating area was separate from the others. Heavy curtains framed windows that were sectioned into glass panels with the wood dividers catching the snow outside.

  Because of the low lighting, it took Kenton a minute to scan the room and find Avery. She was seated in an armchair in a corner at the far side of the room. The second Kenton spotted her, something settled within him. Her hair was down and hid part of her face as she leaned over the mug she had cupped in her hands. Without even realizing it, he began walking to her, as if drawn by an invisible cord.

  “Hey,” he said gently so as not to startle her.

  Her head still jerked up, her eyes going wide when she saw him. Though she smiled at him, it was a small smile, and her eyes showed her apprehension at meeting him.

  “Hi.”

  He’d barely settled into the armchair to her left when a server appeared with a small tray tucked under her arm. “Can I get you a coffee to start?”

  “Uh…yeah. A large coffee, please. Also, a small assortment of pastries if you have them. Three or four of whatever you recommend.”

  “Sure thing,” she said then turned to Avery. “Can I get you a refill?”

  “I’m good still, thanks.”

  “Okay. I’ll be right back with your coffee and pastries.”

  Once she’d left, Kenton shrugged out of his jacket and laid it on the chair beside him, drinking in the sight of her as he did so. She wore a light blue sweater that brought out the blue of her eyes rather than the green. In the soft drape of it around her neck, he saw that she still wore the necklace Benjie had chosen for her. He was sure that thrilled the boy as much as it did him.

  Given the fact that she didn’t say anything, Kenton assumed she was waiting for him to start the conversation. Too bad he wasn’t sure how to do that. Apology first or small talk?

  “I’ve never been here before. Is this a new place?”

  “No. It’s been here a few years. My friend Caroline and I come here a lot. It’s open late, so it works for us to come after the kids are in bed.”

  “Like you did tonight with Benjie?” Kenton hadn’t really understood the need to wait until so late to meet, but he wasn’t going to argue with her.

  “Yeah. I figured it would be easier for me to come after he was asleep.”

  “Did you not want him to know you were meeting me?” Kenton asked in a moment of clarity as he thought of the situation.

  She regarded him for a moment before nodding. “He might misunderstand.”

  Kenton didn’t like the sound of that but waited until after the server had placed his order on the coffee table and left, before asking, “How are your mom and the boys?”

  “They’re fine. Mom has been busy working on some special orders from her Etsy store. Elliot has been getting ready for a science fair at school. Thankfully, he doesn’t require much help with it. Benjie is still mainly focused on hockey.”

  “I’ve missed them.” Kenton paused. “And you. I’ve really missed you.”

  Avery’s brows drew together as she held her mug close to her chest. �
�How has it been going with Hunter?”

  Did she think that he only missed her for the therapy? Though he had, it was more that he missed spending time with her. He missed seeing her smile when he performed an exercise to her standard. He missed her laugh when he’d make a snarky remark about something she was making him do. He missed her gentle touch when she needed to get his attention or correct something he was doing wrong. He even missed her frown when he’d pushed harder than he should have.

  What he didn’t miss but couldn’t seem to get out of his mind was her look of devastation when she’d discovered what he’d done.

  “It’s going fine with Hunter, but I do miss you there.” He took a sip of coffee then met her gaze. “I’m really sorry about what I did, Avery. I wasn’t thinking it through. I’m sorry for not trusting you.”

  Her frown deepened. “I just never thought you’d do something like that. It felt like everything I thought I knew about you was wrong. It was like I didn’t know you at all, but then I guess as your physical therapist, there was no reason for me to know you beyond the therapy sessions.”

  “You can tell yourself that, but you know that’s not true. We had…have a friendship. And you do know me—probably better than any woman who isn’t related to me. My decision was made out of fear and pride. I’ve realized now that I have nothing to prove. My injury doesn’t define who I am. If I can’t go back to the game in the same condition I was before I was hurt, it doesn’t negate everything I’ve been able to accomplish.” Kenton felt a familiar sense of desperation, but this time it was a desperation to not lose Avery. It had nothing whatsoever to do with hockey. “I stopped the injections immediately, and while I was in LA I told my coach what I had done.”

  Avery’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. The NHL doesn’t have a protocol for testing for HGH yet, but I needed the coach to know.” Kenton sighed. “I know that I got off easy. If I’d been playing in the NFL, the consequences might have been a lot different.”

  Avery caught her lip between her teeth as if considering how to respond to that.