by Haywood, RR
‘So what now then?’ Sam asks, ‘It’s a right mess down there…is Mr Howie coming back?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Lilly says, dropping her gaze.
‘Sierra is alright though isn’t she?’ Sam asks.
‘She see Darius shot.’
‘Darius was her boyfriend,’ Lilly says in explanation, ‘and she didn’t seem that fine a minute ago.’
‘Shock,’ Pea says, ‘maybe you could talk to her. You know, like tell her she shouldn’t be in charge right now?’
‘This no work,’ Lenski says.
Pea watches the two women. Lilly so young yet full of a natural authority and the way she speaks makes her seem so much older and mature and Lenski, stern faced with a coldness in her beauty and behind that mask Pea can see pain and deep worry in the Polish woman’s eyes. ‘You two look exhausted,’ Pea says softly, ‘it’s still really early…you should rest.’
‘We have much to do,’ Lenski says.
‘You both look knackered,’ Sam says, agreeing with her friend, ‘you two can rest here with us…we’ll keep a watch for a bit.’
‘We should get on,’ Lilly says but her body responds to the suggestion of rest and she seems to sink further into the ground as her body relaxes with Billy’s body curled round her. Too many problems. Too many things to do. The hole in the wall. The children need water and food. The mess in the fort needs cleaning up. The night has been pure hell and the day before was long and hot. The pressure building and never relenting. The heat sapping the strength from her body until it felt like she had nothing left to give. The frantic hours in the hospital and the bodies of the dead now stacked that need to be moved. She breathes out heavy and hot from the heat of her brother’s body. Sweat on her forehead again.
‘Let me take him,’ Pea says softly, warmly, almost maternally. ‘You rest now.’
‘But…’ Lilly flicks her eyes open, not realising they were closing.
‘It’s okay,’ Pea says, seeing and sensing the worry in the girl. ‘He’s your brother I know…I have children. We both do.’
The tone makes Lilly wake enough to see the two women properly. Both of them are late thirties, maybe early forties. The maturity is there to be seen. The experience of lives lived and the sadness of loss so evident. There is safety here. Lilly knows this and smiles weak and tired.
‘He is very hot,’ she whispers, ‘would you mind…I don’t want him to wake up and me not be here though.’
‘I’ll stay right here,’ Pea says, nodding earnestly. ‘I promise you.’
It’s too much. The kindness of the words, the soft brown eyes of the woman and the sadness of it all. She can’t speak for the lump growing fat in her throat and the tears spill down her cheeks tracking clean marks in the grime.
Pea doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. She smiles sad and warm and full of love all at the same time. As Sam gently lifts Milly from Lenski, so Pea shares the burden of a girl now crying silently. She takes the boy into her arms, leaning back and sensing the pure desolation of days of having to be tough and strong flow from Lilly who now feels so alone and lost.
‘Come here,’ Pea whispers to the girl. Holding back her own tears she gently eases an arm round Lilly’s shoulders who sinks into the hug. ‘It’ll be okay…everything will be okay.’
A mothers words. A mothers tone. A mothers hug and Lilly sinks into it, sobbing hard as the pain knots in her stomach. The arm squeezes, pulling her closer from a woman she doesn’t know who now holds her brother in her arms. ‘Shush,’ Pea says soothingly, ‘sleep now, it’ll be okay…everything will be okay…just rest…’
Six
‘You’s a builder then?’
She wakes with a start. Eyes batting open and instantly closing from the glaring sunshine.
‘No, no I’m not’
‘What bout you yeah? You’s a builder?’
The heat is incredible with a crushing humidity. Pain in her head from lack of fluids. Her body aching from having slept on the hard ground leaning against a hard wall.
‘One’s of you’s a builder, you get me? You’s want food yeah? You’s want water then’s you gots to be a builder, you get me?’
She swallows. Her throat is dry and sore from the fumes of the fire inhaled. Cognitive function comes slowly and she clings to the image of Nick smiling at her in the dream.
‘You done the DIY yeah? You’s built shit, you’s a bloke. You must have built shit before.’
‘I’m a computer programmer.’
‘You’s look like a builder, you know how to build a wall?’
They were in the field but in the dream Billy was safe. Everyone was safe. It was just her and Nick walking hand in hand through the long grass. Nick was smiling at her. Telling her everything will be okay and how they have to do the right thing and he will come back but she didn’t understand what he meant by that. Come back? From where? They were together so why would he come back?
‘I’m really not. I’m sorry, I don’t know the first thing about building a wall.’
‘You’s learn then yeah?’
Forcing her eyes open she looks across to one of the older youths standing at the edge of the group holding an assault rifle with two smaller children behind him.
‘You’s want food?’ The older youth calls out in a rough rasping voice, ‘you’s lot want water you got’s to fix the wall innit.’
‘Is he okay?’ Lilly asks the woman next to her still holding Billy.
‘He’s fine,’ Pea replies but her expression doesn’t relay the same message as the words, ‘he woke up a little while ago saying he was thirsty but…’
‘Haven’t they brought any water up?’ Lilly asks.
Pea shakes her head as Sam leans forward with Milly still in her arms, ‘It’s so hot,’ Sam whispers with a grimace.
Lilly nods and reaches out to wake Lenski. A hand on the Polish woman’s knee, a gentle shake and Lenski snaps awake. Her eyes open and staring at nothing. ‘What? What happen?’
‘Look,’ Lilly whispers, pointing at the armed youths.
‘Don’t fink you’s lot are listening,’ the older boy says, unsure of himself and trying to mask his nerves with false bravado. ‘We’s got a hole in the wall and needs someone to fix it yeah, you getting me or what?’
A huff from Lenski and she clambers to her feet, ‘Zayden, this enough. You no speak people this way.’
Zayden blanches at the sight of Lenski appearing at the far side of the group of people still hiding at the top of the wall. He didn’t know she was there. Sierra just told him to find someone to fix the wall and get them working.
‘Sierra said…’
‘What has been done?’ Lenski cuts him off threading through the crowd to peer down into the fort. ‘It is same,’ she snaps, glaring at Zayden, ‘why no work done?’
‘Been busy,’ Zayden shrugs, ‘Sierra said we’s got to eat and drink yeah? Said we’s tooled up now and in charge so’s we got to guard everyone and stay alert so’s we get food first.’
‘We need water up here,’ Lilly calls out, using the wall to pull herself up. ‘It’s hot. These people will be at risk of exposure and dehydration in this heat.’
‘Hey, Lilly,’ Zayden says, offering the pretty blond girl a big smile. ‘You’s can get some water yeah.’
‘Thank you,’ Lilly says, forcing herself to return the smile, ‘but everyone needs water.’
‘They’s get water when they work, you get me?’
Lilly thinks quickly as she looks at Zayden. He’s fourteen, maybe fifteen at the most. Big for his age too. Broad framed with pimples pushing through the first wispy hairs on his chin.
‘Zayden,’ Lilly makes herself smile broadly and hold her blue eyes on his dark brown and she notices the sudden self-conscious shuffle of his feet. ‘I am sure we can get everything done and fixed up just the way Sierra wants but it’s so hot,’ she makes a point of wiping the sweat from her forehead. ‘You can’t expect people to work withou
t water and food.’ She walks round the group of women and children sitting in front of her as Sam reaches behind her own back to grip the butt of the pistol. A movement that makes Pea tense and hold Billy close.
‘Tell you what,’ Lilly says, still smiling just for him, just for Zayden, ‘we’ll get everyone some water and food then we can get everything cleaned up and fixed. Is that okay?’ Womanly charms present for the first time in her young adult life. No. She did it once before with Nick in the field. You can have me if you want. Nick was different though. Nick wasn’t Zayden now looking her up and down with his eyes pausing on the swell of her breasts.
‘Sweet,’ Zayden says, his voice lower, rougher, hungrier, ‘s’good wiv me, Lilly.’
‘Thank you,’ Lilly says, making her eyes squint a bit in what she hopes is a look of genuine flirting. A dull pounding in the back of her skull. Her mouth feels so dry but she follows Lenski to the edge to look down. ‘Gosh,’ she says clearly. ‘There is a lot to do.’ She turns back, locking eyes on Sam leaning slightly forward with her hand hidden behind her back. A gentle shake of the head and Sam brings her empty hand round with a single nod as Pea breathes out the tension.
‘There is tap,’ Lenski says, ‘bottom of ramp. They use tap. Wash and drink.’
Lilly catches the way Zayden stiffens at being told what to do by Lenski. His eyes hardening as his chin inclines with a retort forming on his lips.
‘Is it working though?’ Lilly asks, blinking heavily as she looks at Zayden and the two other boys, drawing their attention back to her. ‘I know some of them were broken last night, shall we go and check?’ She asks, her eyes lingering on Zayden.
‘Yeah alright,’ Zayden switches instantly, his mouth forming a smile that shows chipped and broken teeth already stained brown from lack of brushing.
‘We shall be right back,’ Lilly says, making her voice loud enough for everyone to hear. ‘I’ll call up, Lenski and you can start sending them down. That’s okay with you isn’t it, Zayden?’
‘S’good wiv me,’ Zayden says, staring at Lilly’s backside and turning to nod with a grin at the other two smirking boys.
She feels like shit. She feels the worst she has ever felt in her life with a thirst that borders on being dangerous but if she feels like this then so must everyone else, Billy included. She walks along the edge of the crowd with Zayden and only looks back when they reach the top of the vehicle ramp. Pea and Sam staring after her looking intensely worried and Lenski stood with her arms folded as the two boys glare and show that surly disdain.
‘It is very warm today,’ Lilly remarks as they descend the ramp.
‘S’hot as fuck,’ Zayden says.
Nick would have apologised for swearing. He would have blushed and said sorry with that shy smile. Instead she looks at Zayden smirking and staring into the fort to make sure the others can see him walking with Lilly.
They reach the bottom and the tap fitted to the wall. ‘I do hope it works,’ Lilly says, more to make conversation. ‘I am so very thirsty,’ she twists the spoked top and offers a silent prayer when the cold water rushes out, ‘oh that is good,’ she says, smiling at Zayden.
‘Get some yeah?’ Zayden says, ever the gentlemen as he nods at the tap, ‘you’s take as much as you want, Lilly.’
‘Aw, you are sweet,’ she says. She bends over realising the instant she does it that he can see down her top and she fights every instinct not to turn round. You do what you have to do. He even shifts position to get a better view. That smirk on his face as she glances up and no attempt to hide the direction of his eyes. She drinks. She is thirsty and water is water. The cold fluid fills her mouth, instantly easing the parched feel and soreness in her throat. Drink while you can. She sucks on the flow, pulling mouthfuls in to drink down into her empty stomach. The water runs off her chin, down her neck and glides towards her cleavage. She knows this. She can feel it and she hates it. She hates every second of being gawped at in this way.
‘Gosh,’ she stands up feeling genuine relief wash over her, ‘that was very nice.’
‘Yeah?’ Zayden asks, mesmerised by the rivulets of water gliding down her golden skin.
‘Lenski,’ Lilly says softly, waving towards the top, ‘Lenski? LENSKI?’ She shouts but softly, womanly and watches as Zayden turns round.
‘SEND ‘EM DOWN YEAH,’ Zayden booms, his voice cracking and breaking showing his real age and immaturity.
‘I think that did it,’ Lilly jokes, feeling her way on pure instinct. The first adults and children appear at the top. Coming slowly at first as though afraid but going faster as they see Lilly waiting and smiling at the bottom.
They start drinking. Gulping water down as adults get the children to the front to drink like slaves under the watchful eyes of an armed guard. Drinking thirstily to ease the headaches and fight the fatigue brought on by the sapping heat.
‘Zayden,’ Lilly calls his attention, not that she needed to as his eyes haven’t left her for a second. ‘There’s another tap just down there, is it working?’
‘I’s check it,’ he strolls off, the big man with the big gun and casually twists the spoked top. ‘S’working, you’s lot, get down there and drink yeah.’
More come down. They all come down. The lure of water too great and even the most terrified make the move.
‘Hey,’ Pea says as she and Sam come down with Lenski, the two armed boys following the last of the people down the slope. ‘He’s asking for you.’
‘Thanks,’ Lilly takes Billy into her arms and walks down to the second tap with the others. Zayden having walked off to boast at the two boys at seeing Lilly’s breasts as she bent over to drink water.
The children drink first. Billy and Milly reviving themselves with long gulps under a flow that soaks their heads and hair. Pea and Sam stand side by side, watching the two kids as Lenski remains sullen with her arms folded.
‘I check Maddox,’ Lenski says, nodding at the tap to show she will drink then check on Maddox.
‘Okay,’ Lilly says quietly, ‘Have you still got it?’ She asks Sam.
‘In the back of my jeans,’ Sam says and casually turns round, ‘Can you see it?’
‘No it’s fine,’ Lilly says.
‘This is shit,’ Sam says, muttering under her breath.
‘It is,’ Lilly says.
‘Lilly,’ Pea says quietly, ‘listen, this is a shit thing to say…but that boy can’t take his eyes off you.’
‘I know,’ Lilly whispers, showing the sadness in her eyes.
‘Use it but don’t push it too far,’ Pea says, checking the vicinity around them, ‘just…just be careful.’
‘I will.’
‘We should stay together,’ Sam says, looking at Pea and Lilly.
‘We’ll try,’ Lilly says, ‘I know these people a little bit but if I get separated…’ Her eyes fill with fresh tears at the thought of her brother alone in the fort without her.
‘Hey, we’ll stay with him. I promise,’ Pea says quickly, her hand reaching out to rub Lilly’s arm.
‘I’ll shoot anyone that goes near him or Milly,’ Sam says firmly, ‘but on that note…how do you shoot it?’ She asks with a quick grin.
‘Thank you,’ Lilly says to both of them with real feeling in her heart, ‘There’s a lever on the side, above the trigger. It shows a red dot when you push it forward. If you can see the red dot the safety is off, then you just point and shoot but the recoil is immense. Hold it with both hands.’
‘Got it,’ Sam says and looks at Pea, ‘you’d better be careful now, Pea. I know how to shoot you.’
Humour. Weak and pathetic but something to cling to.
‘I can still run faster than you,’ Pea fires back with a wink at Lilly and a wince at the sadness in the girls eyes, ‘hey, it’ll be okay. Maddox will wake up or…or Mr Howie might come back.’
‘They take many ammunition,’ Lenski says, pushing her hands through her soaked hair, ‘Mr Howie yes. He take many. Maddox he say no
come back.’
Lilly’s stomach tightens again. Another knot on top of the brick that sits in her gut.
‘Rinse your head love,’ Pea says to Lilly, ‘You look flushed and hot, get some on the back of your neck, it’ll cool you down.’
‘What’s your name?’ Milly asks, wide awake and no longer thirsty.
‘Pea,’ Pea says, smiling down, ‘And this is Sam.’
‘HAHA! Pea…’ Milly laughs, clapping her hands in delight, ‘Do you like peas? I like peas. Mr Howie likes peas and Clarence likes peas. Billy, do you like peas?’
Lilly rinses her head and Pea was right. It takes the heat from her head and the icy river running down her neck sends pleasant shivers through her body. She rubs her hands over her face, sluicing the sweat and grime away.
With her eyes closed, Lilly stands up and reaches her hands to push through her hair, pulling the strands back ready to be fastened in the band held on her wrist. Her vest top rides up, showing inches of stomach.
‘Christ love,’ Sam moves in front of her, tugging the girls top down at seeing Zayden staring fixed at Lilly.
‘That boy’s not healthy,’ Pea remarks, moving in front of Sam and Lilly to break the line of the sight from the sullen armed youth to Lilly. Zayden blinks and scowls. His face hardening. ‘He’s coming over,’ Pea mutters.
Lilly’s own resolve hardens. These people need food and shade. The fort is insecure and that means her brother is in danger. You do what you have to do. You protect your own.
‘Hey,’ Lilly steps round Sam and Pea to smile at Zayden, disarming his sulky countenance, ‘that feels so much better. Right, what shall we do first? We need builders for the wall, right? Well,’ Lilly says, moving closer to him, ‘I was thinking we should get some of these people clearing this mess up,’ she waves a hand at the broken burnt and ruined tents in the middle of the fort, ‘And obviously the bodies need moving and while they’re doing that I can try and find out who knows how to fix a wall. Did you find anyone when you were asking, Zayden?’
