The Undead Day Nineteen

by Haywood, RR

  ‘Yes, with your boobs.’

  ‘Not with me.’

  ‘Er, well you’re like attached to them so…’

  ‘So are you in love with me or my boobs?’

  ‘Um…the er…the boobs.’

  ‘Okay, I get the secondary in loveness because I am physically attached to my boobs.’

  ‘Yeah, unless you can take them off so I can put them in my pocket.’

  ‘They wouldn’t fit in your pocket.’

  ‘True.’

  She sighs, heavy and contented. Her hand reaches out to trace gently up my chest. She stops at a large dark welt so obvious in the bright moonlight flooding our cosy den. From one bruise to another she moves her fingertips. Cuts to bites to scratches. She leans closer, examining each one in turn. ‘Where’s this one from?’ She asks, stopping to look down at a nasty bite mark on my shoulder.

  ‘Dunno.’

  ‘Was it today?’

  ‘Might be,’ I say.

  ‘Skins knotting really quick if it was from today.’

  ‘Might have been yesterday.’

  ‘Still healing fast even if it was yesterday.’

  ‘Think it’s the infection?’

  She shrugs, which causes a serious distraction by the motion of her right boob lifting and falling down.

  ‘Did Lani heal fast?’ She asks quietly.

  ‘Very,’ I whisper with a wince at remembering Lani and a flood of guilt rushing through me for lying here naked in the back of the Saxon with Marcy.

  ‘Sorry,’ she grimaces and slowly looks up at me, ‘My big mouth.’

  ‘S’okay.’

  ‘Did you love her?’

  ‘Christ, Marcy,’ I shift uncomfortably, ‘I don’t know…I hardly knew her.’

  ‘I hope you love me more,’ she says with absolute seriousness and a fragility that belies the confidence she projects.

  I go to reply but suddenly can’t find any words. What do you say to that? Yes I will love you more? Do I deny ever having feelings for Lani? Did I have feelings for Lani? How did I feel about Lani?

  ‘Howie,’ she says in a dangerous tone of pre-empting that suggests a very awkward question is about to be asked, ‘Did you and Lani have sex in that room?’

  ‘Er… which one?’

  ‘The one you ran out of with your trousers round your ankles…that room…’

  ‘Oh that one.’

  ‘The one you went into with Lani then came out again a few seconds later with your pants down.’

  ‘Yep, yep with you now,’ I say as though thinking hard, ‘And er…it was more than a few seconds.’

  ‘Wasn’t,’ she mutters, ‘Did you then?’

  ‘Well, you know…the important thing here is to look forward and…’

  ‘You bloody did.’

  ‘I am neither saying I did or…’

  ‘It’s written all over your face.’

  ‘You can’t see my face. It’s dark.’

  ‘The moonlight you idiot.’

  ‘No look, just hang on a minute.’

  ‘She was trying to kill you.’

  ‘So were you!’

  ‘What?’

  ‘When you lured me with your pheromones.’

  ‘Oh back to that is it? Did Lani use pheromones too did she?’

  ‘I don’t think so, I mean…how would I know? Shit…I mean yes, yes she used tons of pheromones…like she was spraying them in my face and…don’t look at me like that.’

  ‘Spraying you in the face?’

  ‘Well yeah.’

  ‘She sprayed pheromones in your face?’

  ‘Look. What’s done is done and…’

  ‘Are you fucking nuts, Howie?’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘She was trying to kill you. She wanted to kill you. You had sex with a woman trying to kill you…what is that? I don’t even know what that’s called.’

  I shrug, ‘Dunno, stupid?’

  ‘Stupid? At least we had pheromones when you were humping my leg.’

  ‘Marcy.’

  ‘But Lani didn’t need pheromones. Oh no, Lani just needed a fucking grenade.’

  ‘Marcy!’

  ‘I can’t believe you did that, Howie.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Don’t what me. You fucked Lani in that room while everyone was outside waiting for you…that’s just weird.’

  ‘Eh? Here hang on a minute.’

  ‘And she didn’t even have pheromones.’

  ‘No I said I didn’t think she had any but then I said how would I know?’

  ‘We bloody knew,’ she hisses with genuine anger that up to this point I mistook for playful anger, ‘we both bloody knew what happened to us…’

  ‘I still wanted you,’ I say weakly, ‘pheromones or not.’

  ‘And Lani too by the sounds of it and Lani had a gun and a sodding grenade in a room full of guns and sodding grenades.’

  ‘Hey…’

  ‘You could have let Meredith kill her.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘There was no need to go into that room. She’d lost it. She’d turned fully. She was gone, Howie. Meredith or Dave could have taken her out…I didn’t know it then but now I’ve seen you all fight I can look back and know now…I know now,’ she says nodding at me, ‘Why did you go in there with her?’

  ‘Fuck knows,’ I say as she sits up glaring at me and it takes every ounce of self-control not to look down at her naked breasts.

  ‘Why?’ She demands. ‘Why did you go in there with her?’

  ‘I don’t know. I just did. I wanted to see if I could save her…she turned back once maybe she could have done it again.’

  ‘No. You knew she was turned. You said it. You said I see you.’

  Oh fuck.

  ‘…and she said I see you too…’

  Shit.

  ‘I’m a woman, Howie. Women remember these things. You knew she was turned and you were speaking to the infection…’

  ‘Look, just hang on…’

  ‘So you went in there knowing it was the infection and you fucked an infected!’

  ‘Marcy!’

  ‘No, Howie,’ she says glaring at me, ‘you did that. You had sex with her knowing she was turned. That’s fucked up.’

  ‘It wasn’t like that. It was…I don’t know…Christ, Marcy. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing half the time. It was instinct…like…heat of the moment…it was Lani…in that room was Lani…’

  ‘She was fucking turned,’ she says tugging her bra out from under my leg, ‘You could have just kissed or talked to her…you could have tried to reason or…I don’t know but you had sex with her…with it…’

  ‘It wasn’t fucking like that.’

  ‘What was it then?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘No go on,’ she says putting her bra on then shoving my leg to find her top, ‘What was it?’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re being like this.’

  ‘Like what? Angry at the man I lo…at the man I like having sex with women who are trying to kill him?’

  ‘What?! One of them was you.’

  ‘Same difference.’

  ‘Eh? That doesn’t make any sense.’

  ‘So go on? Tell me, why did you have sex with her?’

  ‘I’ve told you.’

  ‘You haven’t. You said it was Lani…if it was Lani then why not talk to her and try getting her help…you could have brought her to me for a start.’

  ‘You?’

  ‘I turned her, I might have been able to…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You did what? You turned Lani? You bit Lani?’

  ‘I er…’

  ‘Careful now, Marcy,’ I say, sitting upright and no longer feeling the urge to look down at her breasts. ‘Did you bite Lani?’

  ‘Howie…’

  ‘She was under your control, so she was one of yours. You bit Lani.’

  ‘So what. You still fucked
her in that room and I was infected when I did that. What’s your excuse?’

  ‘Why did you bite her?’

  ‘To get to you obviously.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It wasn’t me. It was the infection. I did as bid, Howie. I did as I was told.’

  ‘Oh no…no no, you were never fully turned.’

  ‘I was still infected. I took Lani to get to you. I did that. See, I admit it. I can admit the shit things I have done, Howie. I can admit every single one of them.’

  ‘Now that’s fucked up.’

  ‘Why did you have sex with Lani in that room?’

  ‘This conversation is over.’

  ‘No. You might lead everyone else but you don’t bloody pull rank on me. Why?’

  ‘I just said this conversation is over.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Leave it, Marcy.’

  ‘No. Why?’

  ‘Marcy,’ I say through gritted teeth.

  ‘I want to know why.’

  ‘Because we didn’t have sex before. Happy?’ I ask, staring at her, ‘We tried but I couldn’t do it. Something came over me in that room. I don’t know…it just fucking happened…’

  ‘You and Lani didn’t have sex?’

  ‘No. I just said that…no we did, but only in that room. We tried but I couldn’t…I was exhausted and…’

  She stares at me, clearly thinking before speaking low and soft, ‘You killed ten thousand today,’ she says, holding that strange look.

  ‘We did, not just me.’

  ‘Today must have been one of the hardest. You were fine with me.’

  I shake my head and pull a face, ‘I don’t know, Marcy. I don’t know what you want me to say.’

  ‘Nothing,’ she says with a quick smile, ‘It’s fine.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I said it’s fine,’ she says reaching in to kiss me softly on my lips.

  ‘I’m so confused,’ I mutter between kisses.

  ‘You’re a man. It’s normal.’

  ‘Why…I mean…so you’re not angry that I had sex now?’

  ‘Oh no, I’m bloody fuming with you right now.’

  ‘Huh? Why you kissing me then?’

  ‘Because you said you couldn’t have sex with Lani because you were exhausted but I know you’re exhausted now and you still had sex with me.’

  ‘Fuck me…’ I shake my head trying to keep up.

  ‘I just did,’ She whispers and kisses me again before pulling back to tug her top down over her head, ‘We’d better get back in. Who’s next on watch?’

  ‘Er…’

  ‘I was thinking actually, Should we sleep in separate beds in there? I mean, will it be weird for everyone else if we’re in the same bed?’

  ‘I er…’

  ‘We should, yes. We’ll stick to our own beds tonight. I’d hate it if the dynamics changed. Mind you, we can put our beds next to each other. Shall we do that? What do you think?’

  ‘I don’t know what I think.’

  ‘As long as you’re thinking about me it’s fine,’ she says as she stands up to pull her trousers on, ‘I really need the bathroom. Come on, get dressed.’

  I get dressed. It seems the simplest thing to do given the fug of absolute confusion in my head. Give me a room full of snarling zombies any day of the week. I’d go in unarmed with one arm tied behind my back and wearing a blindfold instead of trying to make sense of the conversation we just had.

  ‘Will you come to the bathroom with me?’

  ‘You’ve got an assault rifle.’

  ‘Yeah but it’s dark.’

  ‘And a pistol. And a knife.’

  ‘It’s dark.’

  ‘And a room full of armed people…and a massive dog.’

  ‘Come to the bathroom with me.’

  ‘Okay, Marcy.’

  ‘Are we taking first watch tomorrow night?’

  ‘I er…’

  ‘We will, okay? We’ll do first watch.’

  ‘Okay, Marcy.’

  She goes to walk off then stops and comes back, holding her assault rifle out to the side so she can press her body into mine, ‘I loved tonight,’ she says kissing me again, ‘I really did.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘I haven’t messed your head up have I?’

  ‘Completely.’

  ‘In a bad way?’

  ‘I…’

  ‘Ah, you’ll be fine. You’re Mr Howie. Come on, it’s spooky as hell down that corridor.’

  Thirteen

  Clarence grunts and rolls over, sensing movement in the room.

  ‘Closer,’ Marcy whispers, pushing her thighs into the mattress held in her hands, ‘put it closer.’

  ‘Ssshhh.’

  ‘Closer, put it next to yours.’

  ‘I thought you said we shouldn’t share a bed?’

  ‘We’re not. We’re sleeping next to each other,’ Marcy replies staring across the mattress held between her and Howie.

  ‘But…it just makes a double bed…like Paula and Roy.’

  ‘No, Paula and Roy share a double blanket and we’ve got our own blankets.’

  ‘So…’

  ‘Just put the bloody thing down, Howie.’

  ‘Okay, here?’

  ‘Over a bit…move it over a bit…oh for fuck’s sake put it down I’ll push it in. There, see?’

  ‘Just share a bloody bed,’ Clarence groans, his voice muffled from his face half pressed into his pillow.

  ‘Marcy said we can’t,’ Howie whispers.

  ‘Why not?’ Clarence asks.

  ‘It might be weird,’ Marcy says.

  ‘Weird,’ Clarence mutters, sitting up to stare at the two frozen in the act of moving the mattress, ‘Nothing is normal anymore. Who’s on watch?’

  ‘You’re up, mate,’ Howie says.

  ‘Right,’ the big man swings his legs out and blinks in the dim lighting of the room. Flickering candles at the edges bathing a soft orange glow. Gentle snores, fidgets and breathing from the others sound asleep. He rubs his eyes, stretches and exhales slowly. ‘Keep an eye for a minute while I make a brew.’

  ‘I made you one,’ Marcy says, ‘It’s on the reception desk.’

  ‘Thanks, Marcy,’ Clarence says, waving a hand at her.

  ‘You knackered mate?’ Howie asks, ‘I’ll get someone else to go if…’

  ‘I’m fine, let them sleep,’ Clarence says. He stands up to thrust his right foot through the leg of his trousers, pauses to find his balance then carries on. ‘Who’s going after me?’

  ‘I am,’ Dave says quietly.

  ‘Do you ever sleep?’ Clarence asks.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I put some biscuits out there too,’ Marcy says, finally sitting down on the edge of her mattress now moved against Howie’s.

  ‘Cheers,’ Clarence says, sitting back down to tug his boots on, ‘Anything going on?’

  ‘Nah,’ Howie says, pulling his top over his head, ‘Few noises from the people in the rooms.’

  ‘Noises?’

  ‘Yeah like crying out, nightmares I guess.’

  ‘Oh right,’ Clarence says, looping his lace round the back of his left boot to retie securely at the front, ‘That’s to be expected.’

  Marcy yawns, a deep sigh emanating as she exhales, ‘I’m so tired.’

  ‘Sleep,’ Clarence says, ‘and don’t worry about it being weird. Everything is weird. Weird is the new normal.’

  ‘Won’t it freak the others out?’ Marcy asks, ‘If Howie and I…well, you know.’

  ‘They won’t bat an eye, Marcy,’ Clarence says.

  ‘I said that,’ Howie says.

  ‘Well, we’re not in the same bed…next to each other but…’

  ‘You’re worrying too much,’ Clarence whispers, standing up to heft his rifle and bag, ‘get some sleep.’

  They take the clothes off that they only put back on a short time ago. Boots off. Trousers tugged down. Marcy yawns again. Howie lies back rest
ing his head on his pillow staring up at nothing. A day of such magnitude and a night of such wonder that his mind simply ceases function as the pre-cursor to sleep beckons. A sensation of movement and Marcy eases down onto her mattress with a gentle sigh. Her hand reaches out, brushing his leg. His hand finds hers. Fingers entwining.

  ‘Fuck it,’ Howie whispers, more to himself. Take comfort when you can. He breaks the connection of their hands and rolls to his side, shuffling to move from his mattress to hers.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Marcy asks softly.

  ‘Roll over,’ he says, resting a hand on her hip as though to guide her onto her side.

  ‘You spooning me?’

  ‘Yes.’

  She rolls quickly, a turn of her body that pushes back the instant Howie pushes into her. His arm over her waist, drawing her closer. Her legs go forward, his legs pushing into them. Bodies pressing.

  ‘Hair,’ he lifts his head, yacking to free the strands from his mouth.

  ‘Sorry,’ she reaches up, smoothing her locks down under her head, ‘Better?’

  ‘Yeah,’ he rests back down, breathing deep, breathing Marcy, feeling the warmth from her body radiating into him.

  She smiles. A gentle twitch of the lips and her eyes close heavy and content. His arm protective around her. His leg going over hers. Enveloped. She feels his heart through her back. The steady beat of it. Her arm shifts under his wrapped so close about her. She finds his hand, pushing her fingers between his and as she does so, so he kisses the back of her neck, gently, softly. His head nuzzles into hers. Her fingers squeeze. Tiny gestures of meaning that render the use of words impotent.

  So they sleep. Bodies exhausted. Breathing that slows, becoming deeper. The pressure in their fingers eases. In the warmth of the night they sleep together. Surrounded by safety with a giant standing sentinel at the doors keeping the darkness away.

  He sips the tea and nods the satisfied nod of a soldier showing pleasure at the perfectly made brew, ‘not bad, not bad at all.’ Pressure on his leg and he looks down to see two brown eyes staring up. He smiles and shifts position to sling the rifle to his back, freeing a hand to reach down and tickle the top of her head.

  A plate of biscuits on the top of the desk and they’re even arranged in order of selection. Custard creams, Ginger Nuts, Nice, Digestives and some pink wafer things. Thought taken and the effect is not lost. It’s the small things that make the difference. Someone caring enough to make a hot drink and put biscuits on a plate.