Through Alien Eyes

by Amy Thomson

  It took nearly eight days to finish piecing Toivo’s pelvis together. At the end of that time, they had picked all but the late-harvest Riesling grapes. Ukatonen was concerned about Eerin. The healing on top of the hard work of harvest, had left her weak and exhausted. She was in danger of getting sick.

  “We’ll take a break for the next few days,” Ukatonen announced. “We’re all tired, and I want to give Toivo’s bones some time to strengthen before we go on. Can your father spare us for a few days?”

  Juna nodded. “Right now, he’s busy with fermentation and racking. We’d just be in the way. Weather Control has scheduled some hard frosts in a couple of weeks, and then we’ll be picking the late-harvest grapes, after they’ve been sweetened by the frost.”

  “Good,” Ukatonen told her. “You need to eat well and rest. I have let you give too much of yourself to this healing.”

  “I doubt you could have stopped me,” Juna said. “This is my brother we’re working on, and I want to do everything I can to make him better.”

  “Rest then, so you will have more to give your brother when we begin again.”

  Juna woke late the next morning. She lay there, grateful for the chance to rest. Every day it had gotten harder to get out of bed, and the strange nausea that had plagued her on the trip over had returned. A day in bed would be lovely.

  She spent the rest of the day in bed, reading, and eating, and awoke the next morning awash in nausea. She barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. Something was very definitely wrong. Normally, she would ask the Tendu to find the problem, but they were still tired from healing Toivo.

  Besides, Juna thought with a smile, it would be a good excuse to see Dr. Engle. She could drop by on her way in to pick up Analin at the shuttle terminal. Juna had seen Dr. Engle briefly at the party, but he had been called away to see a patient, and they hadn’t gotten a chance to talk. He had been her doctor ever since she was a child.

  Juna remembered how gentle Dr. Engle had been with her and with Toivo, after her father rescued her from the camps. He had come and sat with her, and talked of his own childhood. He had lost a beloved little sister to the wave of resistant typhoid that had swept through Miami during the unsuccessful Secession revolt in the waning years of the Slump. He understood her guilt, and guided her gently out of the swamp of grief she had been mired in.

  In her teens, Dr. Engle had let her help out in the office, greeting patients, peering through microscopes, and studying anatomy and physiology in his old textbooks. His kindness had sparked Juna’s interest in biology, and started her down the path that led eventually to her degree in xenobiology and the Survey. She suspected that he’d always been disappointed that she hadn’t become a doctor.

  She thought of her brother’s face, brown as a chrysalis in the cocoon of his bed, his bones knitting as he slept. She had become a healer of sorts. It was an irony that Dr. Engle would appreciate.

  “Juna!” Howard Engle exclaimed. “It’s good to see you!” He threw his arms wide and enfolded her in a big hug.

  As always, Juna was surprised by how small he seemed in person. In her childhood memories, he loomed over her.

  Now she was a couple of inches taller than he was. “It’s good to see you too,” Juna told him. He held her out at arm’s length and looked her over. “You look great!” he said. “I guess the Tendu took really good care of you.”

  “It was pretty hard at first, but once I got used to it– ” She shrugged.

  “How’s your family?” he asked, taking her hand.

  “They’re fine.”

  “Your brother? How is he?”

  “His spirits are good. I think he’s happy to see me. He’s staying up at the house until the end of harvest. You should come by and see him. And I want you to get to know the Tendu. You’d like them, especially Ukatonen.”

  “I’ll do that,” he said, patting her hand. “Now, what brought you to see me?”

  Juna described her symptoms.

  “Hmm. Do you feel puffy? Bfeasts sore?”

  Juna nodded.

  “Well, I’ll have to run a couple of tests.” He got up and started rummaging through a cabinet. “So, what are your plans now that you’re back? You going to settle down? Start a family?”

  “I’d love to, but I can’t. The Tendu need me, and I just don’t have the time.”

  He sighed and shook his head. “You’re getting along in years, Juna. You don’t have that much more time.”

  “I know. I guess I’m just going to have to get used to the idea of never having children. I should start thinking about what to do with my child-right.” Sudden tears of longing filled her eyes, and she found herself overwhelmed by sadness.

  Dr. Engle rubbed her back, and handed her a tissue. “There,” he murmured. “There.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said as her sobs subsided. “I don’t know what came over me.” The outburst had startled her; she felt shaky and uncertain.

  “You okay now?”

  Juna nodded.

  “Good.” He handed her a plastic cup. “I need a specimen. Go pee.”

  Juna did so. He took the specimen, and dipped a small strip of paper in it.

  “Hmm,” he commented and took another strip of paper and dipped it in the urine.”

  “Well?” Juna said.

  “I’d hang onto that child-right if I were you, Juna. You’re pregnant.”

  “I’m what?” Juna exclaimed in amazement.

  “You’re pregnant. You’ve got a baby in there. According to the test, you’re somewhere between five to six weeks along.”

  “That’s impossible. I can’t be pregnant,” Juna insisted. How could I possibly be pregnant? You gave me the contraceptive shot yourself, in this very office.”

  “You haven’t done anything to undo that shot?” Dr. Engle asked.

  “How could I?” Juna said. “I’ve been on board a Survey ship for the last six months. Before that I was on another planet, living among– ” She paused as the realization hit her. “Farradabenge!” she swore in Amharic. “The Tendu!”

  The Tendu must have done something to reverse the contraceptive shot. But when? She racked her brain, trying to remember when it was done. She shook her head. For all she knew, Ilto had done it when they first rescued her. Anito, or Ukatonen, or any one of the dozens of Tendu she had linked with could have undone her contraceptive shot without her realizing it. Even Moki could have done it. He had known that she wanted a baby. But he would never do something like that without telling her.

  “Juna, what are you talking about?”

  “The Tendu. They must have done this.”

  “Juna, are you saying that the Tendu got you pregnant? That’s not biologically possible, even if you did have– ” He stopped, and to her amazement, blushed.

  Juna followed his train of thought, and laughed. “No they didn’t make me pregnant. One of them must have reversed my contraception. But my partner must have gotten the shot too. I mean, doesn’t everyone get them nowadays?”

  “That depends,” Dr. Engle said. “Where was he from?”

  “He grew up on Cummings Station. His family was part of a religious commune.”

  “Hmm. There was a fairly strong pro-natalist sentiment on Cummings back then. Boys in the colonies weren’t required to get the contraceptive shot until about twenty-five years ago. It’s possible that your partner didn’t get an anti-fertility shot. Given the fact that you’re pregnant, I’d say it was extremely likely.”

  She looked up at the doctor. “I should have known, after all they did to me. I should have had my status checked.”

  He took her hand in his and-held it firmly. “Juna, don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. If anything, the fault is with the Survey doctors. They’re the ones who should have checked your contraceptive status.” He paused. “What’s important is what you’re going to do now.”

  Juna sighed. “This is all so unexpected. I-I need to think it over.”


  Dr. Engle nodded. “I understand.” He got up and paced, his chin tucked into his chest. “But there are legal ramifications. I’m supposed to contact Population Control immediately when I discover an illegal pregnancy.”

  Juna opened her mouth to protest, but the doctor held up his hand, forestalling her comments.

  “I know, I know,” he said. “You didn’t mean to get pregnant– it was truly an accident, rare as that is these days. The difficulty will be getting the Pop Con people to believe you. It’s going to be a major scandal.” He stood, hands behind his back, bearded chin tucked, thinking hard.

  “I could take care of it now, and not report it. There’d be some bleeding and cramping, worse than a normal period. I’d need to keep an eye on you, but it would be over in a day.”

  “You mean kill the baby?” she asked. The realization felt like a kick in the stomach. She folded her arms protectively over her stomach. “No. I mean I– ” She stopped, wordless, and started to cry again. She was pregnant. She had wanted a child so much and now here it was, and it was impossible. She had no idea what to do.

  Dr. Engle patted her on the back, but the tears continued to flow.

  “I’m sorry, I– ” she sobbed. “This is so sudden. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Juna,” he said, squatting down, and gently pulling her hands away from her face, and looking directly up at her. “Go home, think it over tonight. Call me in the morning.”

  “But the Pop Con– ”

  He shook his head. “In your case, it can wait a day. Call me tomorrow, when you’ve thought it over.” He took her hands in his again. “I wouldn’t do this for anyone else, Juna. I’m trusting you not to do anything foolish.”

  Juna nodded, dried her tears, washed her face with the warm towel that he gave her, and headed home. It was a good thing that Dusty knew the way. Juna sat in the cart in a stupor, staring unseeingly at the horse’s rear end. A baby. A baby of her own. The idea made fountains of joy erupt inside her. She was no longer alone.

  But the practicalities. It was impossible. How could she manage a bami and a baby? What about maternity leave?

  At least she could afford the child-right– she had years of back pay stacked up in her account, enough to make her moderately wealthy. But she was unmarried. It would be much harder to raise a child all alone. And then there was Bruce. How would he feel about this? She liked him, but she couldn’t imagine being married to him.

  “Oh, god,” she muttered, rubbing her forehead. There was so much to think about. She let the horse walk on, her mind churning with possibilities and potential problems. Suddenly she realized that they were standing in the driveway in front of the barn. Dusty was switching his tail and looking back at her, ears forward in puzzlement. She had absolutely no idea how long she’d been sitting there, lost in thought.

  “I’m sorry, Dusty,” she said with a rueful smile as she climbed to the ground. “Let’s get you rubbed down and turned out into the paddock.”

  Ukatonen came out of the house as she began unharnessing the horse.

  “Let me do that,” Ukatonen said. “You should be resting.”

  “I’m pregnant,” she told Ukatonen. “I’m going to have a baby.”

  “That’s why you should be resting,” Ukatonen pointed out.

  “You knew?” Juna said, startled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You didn’t know?” he said, turning fuchsia in amazement.

  She shook her head, “I wasn’t expecting it. I had a contraceptive shot to keep me from getting pregnant. It got undone on Tiangi without my knowing it.”

  “I see,” Ukatonen said. “You were fertile when I met you. So it must have been Ilto or Anito who did it.”

  “What am I going to do, Ukatonen? I can’t have a baby!”

  “Why not?” he said.

  “I’m all alone! There’s no one to help!”

  “I don’t understand. How can you be alone? There’s your family, and you have us as well.”

  “Ukatonen, a baby needs almost constant supervision for years. We’ll be traveling all the time. A baby would get in the way. And then there’s Moki. A bami doesn’t have to share its sitik with anyone. How is he going to feel about a baby?”

  “He’s fascinated by your family, Juna. He sees how much you love Toivo. I think he’d like to have a sibling of his own that he could love like that.”

  Juna shook her head. “It’s so complicated. There will be trouble when it gets out.”

  Ukatonen turned purple in puzzlement. “I don’t understand. Why is this?”

  “Ukatonen, I’m pregnant with an unlicensed child. Among our people, it is not allowed. I told you a little bit about Population Control, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, I remember. The number of children that your people can have is limited. The rest seemed rather confusing.”

  “Well, you’re supposed to get formal permission to have a child. You fill out an application, and Pop Con checks that you have enough child-rights, and then they send you to a doctor to turn off your contraception. Then you start trying to get pregnant. In my case, one of the Tendu undid my contraception. I got pregnant by accident. That never happens among my people. People will think that I did this on purpose.” She shook her head. “It’s going to be a mess.”

  “I could undo the pregnancy,” Ukatonen offered.

  “No,” Juna said. “I mean, I don’t know whether or not to keep the baby. I want to. I want to very much, but it will be so difficult.” She rubbed her face with her hands and got up to unharness the horse.

  “You should be resting,” he told her.

  “As soon as I’m finished with this.”

  “Sit down. Let me do it.”

  “But– ”

  “You can tell me what to do. I need to learn.”

  Dusty eyed Ukatonen curiously, ears forward, nostrils spread wide.

  “What do I do first?”

  “First you need to introduce yourself to the horse,” Juna told him. She got up, and took Dusty’s head. “I’ll need to help,” she insisted. “There’s a can of treats just under the seat. Open it up and hand me a couple.”

  Juna told him how to unharness the horse and rub him down. Dusty sniffed Ukatonen over anxiously at first, but he settled down quickly under the enkar’s kind, firm handling.

  “He likes you.”

  Ukatonen shrugged. “I’ve dealt with animals for a long time,” he said.

  When Dusty was unharnessed, they led him out to the paddock, and watched as the horse ambled over to an open mesh bag of hay hanging from the fence and started to eat.

  “Oh, Ukatonen. What am I going to do?” Juna said as she watched Dusty eat. She felt overwhelmed.

  “For now, rest, eat,” Ukatonen said. “You must take care of yourself and the young one.”

  Juna shook her head. “There’s so much to worry about.” Just then Danan drove up with a truckload of supplies, and Juna remembered that she was supposed to collect Analin at the terminal. “Oh my god! Analin! I forgot to pick her up.”

  “It’s all right,” Ukatonen told her. “Danan and I will go and get her. You should rest,” he said. “If you wish, I’ll help you fall asleep,” he said? holding out his arms. “You’ll think better after a good nap.”

  Eerin looked at him. For once Ukatonen could see the strain on her face. “Thank you, en. I appreciate it.”

  Moki was out in the barn with Danan, helping clean and oil Herman’s bridle when Ukatonen came in to talk to him.

  “Your sitik has just found out that she is pregnant,” Ukatonen said in skin speech.

  Moki’s ears lifted. “You mean she didn’t know about the baby?” he asked, pink with surprise. “How could that be!” He had been puzzled by his sitik’s failure to speak about the baby, but now he understood why she had said nothing.

  “You know how body-blind humans are,” Ukatonen reminded him. “And without her allu, she cannot sense what her body is doing anymore. Besides, she’s had
a lot on her mind, these last few weeks.”

  “I wish she had her allu again,” Moki said wistfully. “Our linking isn’t as close as it was on Tiangi.”

  Ukatonen brushed his shoulder in sympathy. “I wish I could make it easier for you.”

  Moki shrugged. “She’s my sitik. Without her, I wouldn’t be alive now. Besides, there are compensations. We are here, seeing things that no Tendu has ever seen. And I will be the first Tendu to have a sister. That will be interesting.”

  “I’m glad you’re pleased about the baby. But Eerin’s very frightened and confused. She may decide not to keep the child. You must help her understand how you feel.”

  Moki looked solemn. “I will do what I can, en.”

  “You must reassure Eerin,” Ukatonen told him. “It would be good if she kept the baby. We would learn a great deal about humans from watching one grow up. And we can help teach it about the Tendu.”

  “I should go to Eerin now,” Moki said.

  “In a while,” Ukatonen said. “She’s asleep now. But she forgot to pick up Analin, so you and Danan should go and meet her at the shuttle station.”

  Moki nodded. “Danan?” he said, speaking in human sound speech. “Something’s come up, and Juna couldn’t pick up Analin. Can we go out to the shuttle station and get her in the truck?”

  “Sure,” Danan said. “Isoisi isn’t going to need it for another couple of hours. Is Juna-Tati all right, Ukatonen? I saw you help her up to her room and she looked kind of upset.”

  “She just needs to rest for a bit,” the enkar said. “You’d better hurry. Analin’s shuttle will be here in twenty minutes.”

  “Okay, let me grab the keys and we’ll be on our way!” Danan said.

  Juna awoke to find Moki perched like a gargoyle on the footboard of the bed, watching her.

  “Hello, bai,” she said.

  “Hello, siti,” Moki replied. “Are you feeling better?”

  Juna sat up in bed. “Yes, I am.”

  “Ukatonen told me that you just found out about the baby. I’m looking forward to helping you raise it. I’ve never had a sister before.”

  “Moki it’s not that easy– ” Juna began and then stopped as his words sank in. “It’s a girl?” she asked.