by Abigail Agar
“It is fine.” Victoria smiled reassuringly. “I understand that I have put you through a lot. I know that it has not been easy for you both, and you have spent a lot of money too ...”
“We do not mind about that. You are worth it.”
“Mother, I appreciate everything that you have done, but now I believe that this is the right thing for me. I think that I shall very much enjoy life in the country.”
“Alone?” the Duchess did not feel convinced. Much as her marriage was not perfect, it meant that she could have her children and that her life was always busy and filled with noise ... or it was until the girls grew up. She could not imagine anyone choosing to live by themselves. “You cannot honestly want that. Do you not think that there are other things that we should try first?”
Victoria shook her head firmly. Other ideas, other plans to marry her off were not an option. “No, I believe that this is what I need. I want this. I am not like Eleanor and Charlotte; I do not need what they have. I would like a simpler, quieter life. I would enjoy spending the endless days alone. That would make me happy.” She flickered her eyes between her parents. “And it would take the strain off of you too. I know that it must be hard for you to fend off gossip about me too, and I do not like that I am to blame for that. I do not wish to be an embarrassment or a burden. I do not want to be the person who ruins the family reputation.
Please listen to me, she begged with her eyes. Please hear what I am asking of you. Please realise that this is what I want.
The Duke and Duchess shared a look, during which they had the silent communication that could only come from being married for a very long time. They did not need to be exactly in tune with one another to do that, the years living under one roof did that for them. The Duchess did not like the plan at all, but she did want Victoria to be happy. The Duke was not sure that this was the best idea either, but the Turner family could not just do nothing.
“I shall have a look into it,” he eventually told Victoria sternly. “I am not promising that I can make this happen, but I will see what I can sort.” He stared at his daughter, realising just how different she truly was to his other two daughters. “I suggest that you use the next few weeks to work out if this is something that you genuinely want.”
“It is your sister’s birthday at the end of the month, and they shall be visiting because of that,” the Duchess interjected, desperately needing to find any reason to prolong her daughter potentially leaving home forever. She would not have minded so much if Victoria was getting married, that was normal, but this was anything but. “We should not do anything before then. That will give us all time to adjust.”
Victoria did not like that deadline; it was far too long for her, but she did not think that she had any choice but to agree. If she pushed too hard, her mother might turn her back on the idea completely.
“That sounds very fair,” she agreed with a smile. “Thank you very much. I appreciate the both of you being very understanding. I hope that we can come to some agreement that will work for all of us.”
With that, she stood to leave the room before she could speak anymore. She was leaving on a good note, now she could get to bed safe in the knowledge that her future was heading in the direction that she wanted it to, the way that she had planned. Nothing, not even her crazy night with Thomas that left her questioning anything was going to mess that up.
Chapter Ten
The following week passed in a haze of normal activity. Victoria and her parents did all the things that they usually did; nothing was out of place, but there was an underlying tension that Victoria could not ignore however hard she tried. All that she wanted to do was ask what was happening with the progression of her future and her move to the countryside, but she could not. She had made her plea now; she felt like she had done her part and now she simply had to wait, but that did not stop the impatience from coursing through her veins all the time. She was normally very good at being patient and could not understand why that had escaped her now.
The only good thing about the constant wondering about what her father was doing was that it distracted her from thinking of Thomas. Mostly. He was still there, cropping up in her brain every now and again, but she did not have time to obsess over him. It was simply little memories of what he looked like when he smiled or how his eyes crinkled when he laughed. Sometimes it was even just how he made her feel that she thought about. The warmth in her chest, and the flutter in her stomach; the excitement at all the possibilities that could possibly come her way.
“Have you finished?” the maid finally asked her after she had been sitting at the breakfast table without eating for at least fifteen minutes. “Would you like me to clear your bowl away?”
“Oh yes, thank you.” Victoria pushed herself away from the empty plate. “That was lovely. Thank you for ...” Oh, she did not know how to finish the sentence because her head was all over the place. “Yes, thank you,” she finished lamely instead.
Just as she was about to leave the kitchen, Victoria heard excited whispers coming from the staff standing in the hallway. That was not a sound that she often heard inside her home, so she slowed her steps to try and hear what was being said without having to ask. She did not want the humiliation of admitting that she was eavesdropping, so she needed to do it discreetly. But she only managed to get a tiny snippet before the staff stopped talking completely; it was not enough.
“... American man with the master ...”
Victoria froze to the spot, she felt an iciness racing through her system, but her ears burned hot. There was only one American man in the whole of London as far as she knew; it had to be Thomas that they were discussing. Much as she knew that she should not probe for more information, all rationality flew out the window, and she could not help herself. She forgot how to behave like a real lady for just a moment.
“Who did you say?” she rasped while stepping closer to the huddled bunch. “Is someone with my father? I mean, the master of the house?” All of a sudden she was not sure how to speak about her father to these people. Was it weird to call him the ‘master’? It did not feel normal. But she could not say ‘Father’ either because he was only her father, not theirs.
“Oh, there is a visitor,” one of them replied shyly. “An American man.”
Victoria could not take it any longer. If there was even the smallest chance that her father was anywhere near Thomas, she needed to put an end to it. She had not been talking about the potential move to the countryside for fear of ruining things, now the biggest obstacle that could get in her way was here. This was terrifying. She moved with speed through the house, barely able to see because her eyes were so blurry with terror, with all sorts of horrifying thoughts filling her mind.
Why is he here? Why is Thomas at my home? What could he possibly want?
Maybe he was just continuing with his mission to get to know everyone; maybe this was completely unrelated to her. Maybe it was even a different American man entirely, or maybe London was having an influx that she did not know about. She highly doubted that was the case, but she needed to think of something to calm herself before she completely fell apart.
“Oh, where are you going?” Her mother’s voice stopped her in her tracks. “You look like you are running. Are you alright, Victoria? You do look a frightful mess.”
Victoria wanted to burst; she was even more of a state than she was on the night of the ball. “Who is here?” she begged her mother to tell her. “Who is with Father?”
“Oh, you heard about that?” There was something about the way her mother’s eyes darted away from hers that made Victoria nervous. She could not make eye contact with her for a reason, and she needed to know what that was. “Yes, it is the gentleman who threw the ball the other night. He has come to introduce himself to your father.”
“Why?” Victoria could not just leave it at that. She needed it confirmed that his visit was nothing to do with her. “Why Father? Is there a reason for his
visit?”
The Duchess breathed out a deep sigh. She had wanted to avoid this conversation with Victoria until Thomas Jones was gone because this was potentially the obstacle that she was searching for. Every time she considered her youngest daughter alone in the countryside, it made her heart hurt. She had been praying for something to happen to slow that process down, and she thought this might be it.
“I believe that you made a real impression on him at the ball,” she replied with a very happy smile. “He has come here to talk about you. Your father is very happy to have him here.”
“Oh my goodness.” Victoria could feel the air being sucked from her body. “That is ...” She did not know how to finish that sentence, so the words trailed off into nothingness. “It is ...”
“Do you want to discuss what happened on the night of the ball? I do not think that your father and I got the full story when you got home that night, did we?”
“I did not want to talk about it at all, that is why I said nothing.” Victoria followed her mother into the living room where they could sit and talk in private for a moment. “I was not trying to hide anything from you.” Maybe that was not strictly the truth, but it did not seem the time to worry about that. “I did talk to Thomas at the ball, but I do not think that I made any kind of impression upon him.” It was time to break her rule; she needed to talk about the potential move. “I was more excited about the move to the countryside.”
The Duchess thinned her lips into a very straight line. “I think your father might have taken a liking to Thomas. And I also think that he might be more content with the idea of you getting married than moving to live alone.”
Oh no. Victoria panicked; this was horrible. She needed to find a way to put an end to it, and she needed to regain the control of her life. She glanced towards the door, considering racing into the drawing room where her father would likely be with Thomas so that she could create a scene. Anything to distract them from whatever they were talking about, but of course, she could not do that. She could not make this confusing situation even worse than it already was.
“What do you think?” she asked her mother anxiously. “I do not think that Thomas is the marrying type. He is American.” She stated his nationality like it meant something; she just hoped that her mother did not pick up on the fact that it did not.
“Americans get married too.” The Duchess smiled. “I believe that he wants to marry you, Victoria. If you marry Thomas, you can live in his home, then you will not be too far away. All my girls will still be in the city nearby.”
“But we never see Eleanor and Charlotte, so it does not matter,” Victoria whined. This was the sort of thing that she would never normally say to her mother, but she felt frustrated. She was so close to getting everything that she wanted, and now it was being taken away from her. “It does not matter where I am, does it?”
The Duchess was stunned by this outburst from Victoria, she had never seen her act out in such a way. There was something about this situation that had her daughter really riled up. Maybe she was more desperate to leave the city than was at first realised. She could be swayed by that if she allowed herself to be, but she knew that marriage and a life near her family was better for Victoria. If she stepped back and allowed her daughter to leave now, Victoria would be happy right now, but in the future, that would change. She felt certain that Victoria would wind up regretting it. By navigating her life at the moment and encouraging her to stay, she knew that Victoria would thank her in the long run.
“It does matter where you are to me,” she said softly. “And to your father as well. You might think that we do not see your sisters, but we would not see them or their children at all if they lived in the countryside.” She reached out and rested her hand on her daughter’s. “I do not want to lose you, that is all.”
Victoria gulped down the thick ball of emotion that had lodged itself firmly in her throat. She did not want to lose her family either, but she did not think that following her heart would lead to that. If she lived alone, she could journey up to the city to visit with her parents whenever she wanted. She did not want that to be the reason that she had to stay. Victoria did not want that to be why she had to get married against her will.
“Mother,” she said in the strongest voice that she could muster at such a time. “I do not believe that getting married is the right thing for me to do. I understand that this might be hard for you and Father to understand since you have one another, but I do not wish to be someone’s wife. That is not what I desire.”
Even as she spoke, she could recall the wonderful sensation of being close to Thomas, plus the thought that maybe marriage would not be so bad if it were to him, but she tried her hardest not to let that show across her face. She did not want her mother’s opinion to be swayed in the direction it already seemed that it was going in.
“You shall be lonely,” the Duchess told her with grave seriousness. “Without a husband or children to love, you shall be lonely. You might not think it now, but you need to trust me. I know what I am talking about.”
Frustration pricked at Victoria’s eyes as she realised this was not going to go the way that she wanted it to. She expected to run into issues with her father, not her mother. This was an unexpected shock that she did not know how to get around. Her mother seemed to truly believe that she knew what was better for her. It was almost as if she did not want to hear her opinion at all.
“Just come and spend some time with him and your father,” Victoria’s mother said while moving from the room. “You might very well change your mind.”
Chapter Eleven
Victoria’s whole body trembled as she followed closely behind her mother. She had not ever experienced an anxiety like it. Going to see Thomas Jones again was very low down on her wish list, but at the same time, she knew that it was the only way that she could see what was going on. The idea of him alone with her father was even worse. She could hardly stand it.
Eventually, in her father’s study, Victoria and the Duchess found the pair of them drinking tumblers of an amber looking appearance. Her heart leapt up into her throat and hammered heavily; her stomach churned over, and she felt butterflies flapping within her. Victoria could barely keep her eyes still; they darted everywhere but at him. Even being in the same room as him had her all on edge. She assumed that everyone else in the room could sense the tension; it was so intense.
“Ah, Victoria,” her father boomed in a jolly tone, proving that he sensed absolutely nothing at all. “I am truly happy that you are here. I believe that you know Mr Jones?”
Thomas stepped closer to Victoria, and he extended his hand to her. She wanted to recoil in horror, to shy away from her feelings, but of course, she could not. Not with her family in the room. She let him take her hand and attempted to gulp down the sparkles that rippled through her.
“It is wonderful to see you again, Lady Victoria.” Thomas leaned down to kiss her hand, reminding her very much of the first time they met. “You look lovely as always.”
“Oh, well, thank you.” Her cheeks flamed brightly. “That is very kind of you to say.”
“Mr Jones has been telling us all about the impression that you made on him at the ball.” The Duke cocked his eyebrow knowingly at Victoria. “You did not tell us about this.”
A shiver raced up and down Victoria’s spine; the awkwardness of this situation was almost too much for her to bear. Her instincts told her to run at the speed of light, but society rules told her that she could not do that. It would humiliate her father even more, and she could not become more of an embarrassment than she already was. She nodded slowly, unsure of what she should say.
“Yes, we had a lovely dance at the masquerade ball,” Thomas interjected smilingly. It seemed that he wanted to dispel the tension entirely. “And a very nice conversation.”
“Our daughter is very shy.” The Duchess placed her hands on Victoria’s shoulders. “She did not think that she had made an impr
ession on you at all.”
“There were so many beautiful women there,” Victoria needed to say something to drag the attention off of her. “I did not know that I stood out.”
Of course, Thomas knew that she was lying; he had followed her outside because she had made such an impression on him, but he allowed Victoria to spin the lie. He did not particularly want the Duke and Duchess to know that he had spent time alone with their daughter. According to what he had learned about England during his short time in the country, it was not a good way to behave. He did not understand it for it did not seem a good way for relationships to develop at all. How were people supposed to work out whether or not they liked one another? Then again, from what he had seen, a lot of couples did not like one another. Their marriage was much more embroiled in convenience. Financial gain and family names, that sort of thing.
“Well, I have to say that you did make an impression. That is why I am here.”
There was a powerful stirring in her chest, and all the feelings that she had shoved herself back down came flooding to the surface. As their eyes connected, she could not hide it from Thomas. She could feel her eyes glazing over in a moment of intense happiness, and judging by the way that he smiled serenely back at her, he could see it too.
“Yes, Victoria.” Luckily for Victoria, her father shattered the moment with his booming, happy tone. “Mr Jones has come here to request ...” Victoria panicked, she had the horrible feeling that he was about to say that Thomas wanted to marry her, which she would not have been able to handle, “... to spend some time with you.”
“Oh.” Relief and shock flooded her. She was so taken aback by the simplicity of the request that she found herself nodding. “I see.”
“I thought it would be nice for Mr Jones to have some lunch with us today. Would that suit you? If so, I shall inform the staff to set up one more place at the table.”
