Anabel Unraveled

by Amanda Romine Lynch

  “He’s dead?” She collapsed on the couch.

  “Look, I know I’m the last person you want to be with right now. But I owe it to you and your brother to get you out of here. Is there somewhere we can go? That nobody else on the island knows about?”

  She sat there, not moving. I didn’t want to prod her, but I didn’t know how long we had before someone would come looking for her again. Then she nodded. “We have to go to my room and get something.”

  “That was the first place I looked for you.”

  She stared at me blankly. “Did you see anybody there?”

  “No,” I said, relieved that she had finally responded.

  “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”

  I sat down next to her. “Anabel,” I began.

  “Please don’t say anything.” Her voice was emotionless, and again, all I could feel was remorse.

  “Okay.” I couldn’t deny her that.

  She got to her feet, and I followed her down the stairs. We walked in silence, not seeing anyone in the hall. She stopped about ten feet from her door. She beckoned me close and when I leaned my head in she whispered in my ear, “We’re going to have to be very quick. I need one book, and then there’s a way out. Nod if you understand.”

  I complied.

  So she walked into her room and gasped, taking in the absolute mess. Then she pulled herself together and walked to her bookshelf and grabbed a copy of Emma. “Okay,” she whispered. She motioned for me to follow her, and she led me back to a room that looked like an AV room with monitors. There were TVs, microphones, and what looked like a recorder. I barely had time to take that in when she entered a code and banged open a door in the back.

  I blinked in the light. We stepped out into the jungle, and Anabel closed the door behind her. “We should have a decent start. Jonathan and I were the only ones that knew that password.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “My father called it ‘The Safe House.’ It’s basically a bomb shelter.” She opened the book to the back page, and slowly slid out a piece of paper from the back cover.

  “What’s that?”

  “A map. I’ve never been there, so this is the only way we’re going to find out where it is.”

  “Anabel?”

  She looked at me.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I think this will be a lot easier if we don’t talk.” She turned her back on me and began to make her way through the jungle.

  “So,” I revealed to everyone at the table, “I wouldn’t say I saved her, I just got her out of there.”

  “Yes, well I would have died if you hadn’t. I’m so very thankful that nobody thought to look for me in the attic.” Anabel leaned forward. “I’ll always be grateful to you for that, Jared.”

  “I don’t deserve your gratitude.” I muttered.

  “Well Jared,” said Meghan in earnest, “it was rather heroic.”

  I stood up. “None of you get it, do you?” I turned around and stormed outside.

  The air was cool, and I took a few deep breaths. Thinking about the whole thing made me angry at myself all over again. I hated reliving hurting Anabel.

  “Hey!”

  I turned and looked at her. She had followed me, and was shivering. “I need to ask you something,” she announced, her voice light.

  “What’s that?”

  “Why didn’t you get me anything for my birthday?” She came close to me.

  I laughed. “I had no idea you were such a materialist.”

  “Emma’s bed doesn’t count, either. I refuse to have baby gifts for my birthday.” She shivered again. “I should’ve listened to Matt and worn my boots.”

  I decided to ignore that. “I did get you something. I just haven’t given it to you because every time I try we get into a verbal battle.”

  “That does sound like us,” she conceded. “Why did you run out like that?”

  “I can’t deal with myself sometimes. I can’t deal with what I did to you.”

  “Jared,” she crooned my name, touching my arm. “I let it go. You need to as well.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why did you forgive me? How can you possibly let it go?”

  She considered. “I don’t want to be like my father, letting my anger consume me all the time. Besides, there’s another reason.”

  “What?”

  She wordlessly pointed to her belly.

  I took that in, and shook my head a few times. “So that’s it. That’s all there is between us. The baby.”

  “That and raw animal magnetism.”

  I looked at her; her eyes were mischievous. “Oh yeah?”

  “That’s probably also why we repel so much.” She stepped away from me. It was almost like a dance with her: one step forward, but always two steps back.

  “We could make it work, you know,” I told her.

  “Jared,” she sighed, “it’s not like you’ve been trying all that hard. You forget my birthday. You go out with other women—”

  “I told you I was sorry about the birthday thing.”

  “I was sorry too. It let me know where we stand.” She took another step away, and I knew I had to take drastic action.

  “Anabel, I love you.”

  She looked startled. “What?”

  “I love you. There. I said it. Are you happy now?”

  “No!” she snapped. “I don’t want you to tell me you love me when we’re in the middle of a fight! All we do is fight!”

  I groaned. “Well, that’s not all my fault.”

  “It’s not all of mine either.”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “Being with you scares me,” she admitted. “Look, I have strong emotions toward you, Jared. But I don’t know what they are. I get so angry at you sometimes, angrier than I’ve ever been at anyone, even Jonathan.”

  I walked up to her. “But we’ve had some good times too.”

  “Have we?”

  “Just because I can’t think of any at the moment . . .” I smiled at her.

  “Every time I’m with you, I have the same thought.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I should run away from you right now.” She looked down.

  “You don’t want to,” I pulled her close. “Because you know that nobody loves you like I do. Nobody gets you like I do.”

  She laughed, and it sounded strangled. “That’s a bit disheartening.”

  “You love me.”

  “You broke my heart. And the rest of me, for that matter.” Anabel met my eyes defiantly. “Can you commit to me, Jared? Could I really be first in your life? Or would I always be looking over my shoulder, wondering about the other women?”

  “There wouldn’t be any. Only you.”

  “Somehow I have a hard time believing that,” she rolled her eyes.

  I ignored this. “Stop going in circles. You and I both know what it comes down to. Can you honestly tell me you don’t love me?”

  She hesitated.

  “You can’t,” I said, triumphant.

  “No,” she admitted. “But I don’t think I love you the way you want me to.”

  We looked at each other, and Anabel re-crossed her arms in front of her and smiled, but her eyes were hardening again. “You and me, we do this, and it’s all a game to you, isn’t it?”

  “Not this again, Anabel.”

  She sighed. “It’s the same cycle every time. We do this thing where we’re sort of civil, and then we scream at each other, and then we kiss, and I wind up confused.”

  “We’re not screaming at each other this time,” I pointed out. “So why don’t we just get on with the kissing?”

  “It is all a game to you!” She was getting mad.

  I pulled her close.

  She met my eyes again, but this time hers were fearful. “Don’t do this, Jared.”

  “Do what?” I murmured, staring back down at her.

  “Tell
me you love me,” she whispered. “I want to hear you say it.”

  “I love you,” I told her, and I meant it.

  I could see tears forming in her eyes. “It’s not enough,” she said. “It’s not enough for me.”

  “It could be if you’d let it.” I kissed a tear away.

  “I think you should let me go,” she begged.

  “I can’t do that, Anabel.”

  “Please, Jared,” she pleaded, sounding scared, her lower lip trembling. What was she scared of, I wondered. Her feelings for me? Another flare-up of both of our tempers? But I couldn’t let the moment pass. I couldn’t lose this last chance with her. I had to do the one thing that I knew she didn’t want me to do, but I did it anyway because I knew it was my only chance at winning her back.

  I kissed her.

  Chapter 38—Anabel

  He kissed me.

  But for the first time, I didn’t kiss him back. My eyes opened and I studied what I could of his face, and a pang hit me. It dawned on me then that this was it. If I couldn’t kiss him, I couldn’t tell him I loved him, then I needed to deal with the matter at hand. I didn’t want to hurt Jared, but I had to face facts.

  It wasn’t Jared. It had never been, and I knew it. Listening to him tell me he loved me made me realize how much I had longed to hear those words spoken aloud—from someone else. I was in love, but not with him. Jared wasn’t the one for me, he had never been. I knew then and there that it was Matt.

  I heard someone clearing their throat. Oh, no. I broke away from Jared, but I knew the damage had been done. I turned to face him, hoping it wasn’t too late, or that maybe it was Meghan who had come out to find us.

  But I had no such luck. Matt was staring at the ground. “I’ll meet you when you’re done,” he said to me, and then turned and walked away.

  Jared barked a laugh. “He’s finally left us alone.”

  “Who says that’s what I want?”

  “I think you just made it pretty clear what you wanted, Anabel,” he replied, pulling me back toward him.

  But by that point, I was done with Jared. I yanked myself away from him. “You’ve really done it this time.”

  “Anabel, you need to face facts. He and Sam have some scheme to make you think that he likes you, so that you’ll leave me.” His tone was almost pleading.

  I paused. Maybe Jared was right. Maybe it was a ploy. Still, I needed to know—and that didn’t change my feelings for Matt one bit. “I was never with you in the first place,” I declared. “Give my apologies to your mom and Meghan.” I walked away from him then, as quickly as I could, and caught up to Matt at the front door. He didn’t look at me, but led the way to the parking lot.

  We got in the car in silence. I kept shooting him furtive glances, but his eyes were on the road.

  “Matt?” I ventured.

  “Not now.”

  His harsh tone made me feel like I had been slapped. “You don’t understand-”

  “Look, Anabel, maybe you’re a lost cause.” He stared straight ahead.

  “I’m a lost cause? Nice, real nice. He kissed me, you know. I did not expect that.” I wanted to cry, but my growing frustration with Matt Moore was taking over and now I was just plain mad.

  “He was staring at you like a dog in heat all night.” Matt made a sharp turn and I fell against the side of the car.

  “Ouch!” I rubbed my arm. “I’m pregnant, you know.”

  “Oh yes, Anabel, you remind all of us of that on an hourly basis,” he snapped, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It’s just your way of getting attention, from him, from me, from anyone else.” He wasn’t bothering to suppress his rage.

  “I don’t want his attention,” I retorted.

  “Then explain to me why you spent two full hours this afternoon getting ready to see him, and then proceeded to flirt with him during dinner. You also practically chased him outside when he left.”

  “He seemed really upset. I just wanted to make sure that he was okay.” Why was Matt doing this?

  “It didn’t seem to me that you were doing a great deal of discussing matters.”

  “I didn’t get dressed up for him, Matt.”

  “Oh? And who exactly did you get dressed up for?”

  “Who do you think?” I spat.

  “I think,” he said, his eyes fixated on the road, “that you are as fixated on him as ever.”

  “It’s not him, you know!” I cried, frustrated. “It’s you. How can you not see this? I’ve spent every moment I possibly can with you. I ignored Jared because you told me to. Do you not realize that I don’t follow orders? You’re the reason I tried to look pretty today, and I know that it’s impossible for me to do that when I’m ballooning up like a whale and all. And I know,” I continued, “that there is no way that you return my feelings, but I need you to understand this, Matt. It was you from the moment I met you, and no matter how badly you treat me, I’m in love with you, so just deal with it!”

  He turned the car into a deserted parking lot and stared at me.

  “I can’t help what happened between me and Jared. It will always be there. But you have to believe me, when he kissed me tonight, I did not kiss him back.” I touched his arm. “Look, I realize that you probably think I am insane, just like everyone else, and I realize that I am a lot to handle. I was a lot to deal with before I was even pregnant, so I cannot imagine what is going through your head right now. I know I’m impulsive, but I also know that I’m always sure of my feelings and right now it is killing me to have you look at me with such disgust. Maybe I ruined everything that ever could have been between us, and that’s my own fault, but I’m going to at least tell you that for the first time in my life, I’m in love with someone.”

  He continued to stare at me. “Oh please, please spare me from all the verbal diarrhea that I am going to continue to spew until you say something,” I implored him.

  “‘I’m in love with you, so just deal with it?’” he repeated, raising his eyebrows.

  I managed a small smile and looked down. “Okay, I realize that’s not the most romantic thing I could have said, but it is how I feel. You yourself told me I always say what comes into my head without thinking of the consequences.”

  “I did say that,” he admitted.

  I couldn’t look at him. “Look, I don’t expect anything in return from you, and I realize this is a bit of an awkward position for me to put you in, for which I am sorry,” I continued. “And you’re so . . . so nice. You’re wonderful, really. You wouldn’t want to hurt me, I know that. I can’t pretend to be insensible of how my saying this might affect you. I never wanted to cause you any sort of pain, but I can’t keep this to myself, and—”

  Matt shut me up by kissing me. For a long time.

  Kissing Matt was completely different than kissing Jared. Jared’s kisses were always borderline animalistic: they were intense, hard, and wet. Matt’s kisses were slow, sexy, and seductive.

  And they left me reeling.

  “Was it everything you dreamed of?” he asked when we broke apart.

  “Everything and more. You do have a high opinion of yourself,” I teased, still trying to recover from what had just transpired. “Well. Here we are.”

  “Yeah, Anabel, this is not something we can let anyone get hold of at the moment.” He rubbed his eyes.

  “This?” My heart was light for the first time in a long time.

  “You know darn well I love you too,” he growled. “I’m not totally heartless. When I told you I had been watching you for a long time, it wasn’t just because Sam was paying me. You caught my attention like no one else ever has, and I really didn’t want to take the bodyguard job, because I knew this was going to happen.”

  “What was going to happen?”

  “It was going to be harder to restrain myself when we were alone together.”

  “So what are you saying? You fell for me the mo
ment you met me?” I asked.

  “What can I say?” He shot me a lazy smile. “I haven’t been able to think about anyone but you.”

  I beamed at him.

  “You can’t do that in public,” he warned.

  “Do what?” I asked innocently.

  “You know. Do that thing where you glow at me. You do it all the time.” His hand pushed a stray tendril out of my face.

  “I’m not really one for hiding my emotions,” I pointed out.

  “Yes, well, I don’t think we should tell anyone. Not your brother, certainly not Jared, and so help me if the press gets wind of it.”

  “Yes, sir!” I gave a mock salute.

  “Anabel,” he warned.

  “Oh Matt, I’ll do my best. But can’t you just let me be happy for a moment?”

  “I guess I can allow that,” he said, leaning in for another kiss.

  We sat there a bit longer, me staring at him and him staring at me. Then I felt playful. “So for how long, exactly, were you going to pretend that you didn’t care about me?”

  He sighed. “I would have done that until I had convinced myself that I didn’t.”

  “When did you really fall for me?” I asked him. “I looked horrible that first day of the hearings, be honest.”

  He frowned. “I don’t recall you ever looking horrible, kid. I did honestly feel something for you then. But I realized that my feelings for you were a problem the other night.”

  “What other night?”

  “Don’t you remember our encounter in the kitchen?” He kissed my cheek, very close to my ear, and whispered, “The one where I got a glimpse of your very naughty underwear?”

  I gasped at him.

  About four or five nights ago, I was awake at 1 a.m. I was restless. Emma had decided that I had no need of sleep and was doing acrobatics in my stomach. I was hot. So I sat up and stripped naked and laid back down, willing myself to be asleep.

  Around 2 a.m. I realized that this wasn’t happening. So I got it in my head that I should do something useful.

  I pulled a tank top on, the kind with the support bra to give some sort of relief to my enlarged bosom, and fished out a pair of panties from the bottom of my drawer. To my dismay, they were the lacy ones, which barely fit anymore, but all of my practical ones were either dirty or not unpacked yet. Making a mental note to get my act together, or at least have Charlotte do my laundry, I yanked them on and slowly headed downstairs.