“Thank God,” she whispered, closing off her emotions so Quinn didn’t see how much his words effected her. How they’d managed to get them out of A-Stan didn’t matter. She didn’t even care right now. All that mattered was that Kell would be back with his family soon and she could pursue her vendetta to bring her DO down. Not just for her, but for her country.
She couldn’t think about that right now. Her body and her mind were just too tired.
“Get some rest,” Quinn commanded and left the room, closing the door behind him with a quiet snick.
Alone, and suddenly feeling very much so, Shea bit down on her lip and closed her eyes. Giving in to the exhaustion dragging her down.
She may be free of A-Stan. But she was anything but free. Her life had been turned upside down. Her boss was a traitor who tried to kill her. And he wouldn’t stop until he personally saw her dead body. She’d escaped him once. He couldn’t afford for it to happen again.
As soon as they landed in Michigan she would rent a car and drive to Virginia. She wouldn’t be able to access any of her bank accounts. They would be monitoring those and use them to track her down. All of her cash was stashed in her apartment in Virginia. At this moment she had nothing. Literally. Except the clothes on her back.
Hating the feeling of vulnerability she curled up as tight as she could without being in too much pain and tried to pretend she wasn’t alone and scared and screwed.
Shea didn’t know how long she’d slept, but the wheels touching ground and the sudden slow of speed brought her awake with a start. Anxiety rose in her throat.
She was stateside.
How long had it been? Three years. Once she latched onto Diakameli’s trail she hadn’t let go.
The door opened and Kell came in, his arm in a sling and limping slightly. She was so happy to see him she wanted to cry. Which she didn’t because she wasn’t a crier.
“We’re home,” he said, coming closer to the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Like crap,” she said, struggling to sit up. He put a hand under her elbow and helped her into a sitting position. “You?”
“Same.”
She swung her legs to the floor. “We make quite a pair, don’t we?”
His hand still on her arm he guided her to her feet. She tested her ankle, found it only minimally sore.
“Good pain meds,” she said, taking a step and feeling hardly any pain.
Kell chuckled. “Agreed.You ready to get off this plane?”
She should have been ecstatic to be on friendly soil, but for some reason it made her sad. Maybe because she had no-one waiting for her at home except some dead plants and an empty fridge. The only person who’d stepped foot in her apartment was the cleaning lady whom she paid monthly to keep everything kosher.
“Shea?”
She shook off her thoughts and forced a smile. “Ready.”
Together they shuffled out of the room. Chris and Quinn stood near the open door, waiting. Kell kept his good hand on her arm as they walked between the seats down the narrow isle to the door.
“Home sweet home,” Chris said, taking a step back so they could exit the airplane.
His expression was bittersweet for her but she didn’t show it. The Wolff’s had no idea what it was like to be alone. To have no-one waiting at home for them. To have no-one period.
As soon as she stepped onto the pavement of the runway emotions overwhelmed her. Not just being on American soil, but because here she was safe. For now. Until she left the Wolff Securities property. Then she would be on her own. Truly, on her own. No family. No friends. No career.
Just as she always thought she wanted it.
30
Cedar Falls, Michigan
The sun had begun to set behind the trees, bringing cooler air with it. Shea looked around at the hanger, the expensive jet, the classic car, black truck, sleek, low slung sports car and H2 parked alongside the building. Trees surrounded them. Thick and luscious. No open areas. No mountains or valleys. And the scent of water and nature.
Shea drew in a deep breath. If felt so good to breathe clean air instead of dust and dirt. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed it.
Beside her Kell nudged her elbow. “Come with me,” he said and at that moment she knew she would go anywhere with him. He had saved her life. Brought her home. But it wasn’t only that. They shared a bond that would connect them for a lifetime.
Someday, maybe she would find the courage to tell him about their baby. The only light in her dark world. A light that had been snuffed out before it’s time.
Longing made her heart ache. Made her want to confess her sins to Kell and let the chips fall where they may. What did she have left to lose?
She didn’t get a chance to tell all as Kell helped her into the H2 and shut the door behind her. He paused a few minutes to speak to his brothers, then nodded and climbed in next to her. The scent of leather and the outdoors filled her senses. Played with her emotions in ways she wasn’t prepared for.
“Can you drive with one hand?” she asked when Kell brought the vehicle to life.
“Yep.”
He maneuvered out from between the car and truck and drove through the trees down a narrow road. Sure enough he drove just fine with only one hand.
“Where are you taking me?”
“My place.”
Her stomach did a slow roll. She’d never been to Kell’s home. Didn’t feel like she should be there now. This was his place of peace. How could she destroy that by telling him the truth?
“I can go to a hotel,” she said. “There must be one in town.”
He glanced her way. “There’s a Bed and Breakfast, but you’re not going. This isn’t over.”
Although she knew he was talking about Dan still being out there and wanting her dead, his words caused a riot in her belly. Like nervous butterflies trying to take flight. Things were definitely far from over. But as soon as she told Kell what she’d done it would be over. And she would lose the one man she knew she could love forever.
They drove around a lake that peeked through the trees. The dark waters looked so inviting she longed to jump in and lose herself in them.
Kell turned down a long driveway that looked more like a two track. A charming little rustic craftsman cottage came into view, tucked among the trees. Not big or showy by any means but incredibly cozy looking.
“This is yours?” she asked when Kell parked in front of the woodwork porch with stone column bases.
“Not what you expected?” He cut the engine and climbed out.
“Not at all,” she murmured, opening her own door. She wasn’t really sure what she’d expected but this wasn’t it. Or, was it? Somehow, it fit Kell to a tee. Strong, masculine with a touch of charm.
Kell helped her step down from the vehicle. He limped alongside her as they took the steps onto the covered porch. What a pair they made. Both limping, shot up, and battered.
A potted plant sat next to the front door and another hung from the rafters. Unless Kell had a green thumb, these plants held a woman’s touch.
Something cold slithered down her spine. She hadn’t considered the fact Kell might be in a relationship. He could be married. Most operators didn’t wear a wedding ring for fear of capture and their family being used against them. It was possible he just wasn’t wearing one. And, the plants.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be here,” she said, pulling back.
He frowned at her. “Why not?”
She met his gaze. “Is there someone waiting for you in there, Kell? I won’t intrude.”
Realization dawned and he shook his head and reached for the door handle. “No-one. Not even a fish.”
Relived, she brushed past him when he held the door open and went inside. The windows were open, a soft breeze circulating the combined kitchen and living room, carrying the musky scent of the lake and pine trees. The combination reminded her of Kell.
The cottage fit the bill. Small, cozy, and
very masculine. The only woman’s touch were the plants on the porch. She couldn’t help but wonder what woman had put them there and tended to them to keep them alive. She knew Kell. He had a restless soul the same as her.
Ignoring the pang of jealousy, she looked around the room. Flat screen T.V. mounted on the wall above the fireplace, neutral colored sofa and recliners. Hardwood floors without throw rugs. A couple framed photos on the mantle that looked like family. All in all it made her feel comfortable and she liked it.
“It’s nice,” she said.
“Thanks. Mom keeps the plants alive and the fridge stocked with Tupperware. What do you want first? Dinner or a bath?”
A bath. Oh my God, she would kill to soak in a tub right now. If he said he had epsom salts she’d kiss him.
“Bath,” she said, then looked down at her hospital gown. She had nothing to change into. In fact, she had no belongings at all.
“Bathroom is to the right,” Kell said. “I’ll call Bailey and see if she has any clothes that will fit. She’s about your height.”
Bailey. The only Wolff sister. Shea hadn’t met her officially, but knew she was a tall, gorgeous blonde with cheekbones that belonged in a magazine.
“I’ll heat up some dinner,” Kell said heading toward the kitchen.
Shea closed herself in the bathroom. More neutral colors, jacuzzi tub, separate shower with glass doors you could see through. Well, they were frosted, but didn’t hide much.
She opted for a bath, her body tingling in anticipation. There were thick navy blue towels in the cupboard along with razors and guy stuff. No epsom salts.
No matter. All she really wanted was a bath. She turned on the taps, more hot than cold, and stripped out of her gown. She tossed it in the trash and stood in front of the mirror. Thick bandages covered a wound on her side, and bruises marred her skin. She looked like a skeleton.
She turned away in disgust and carefully peeled off the bandage and threw it away, too. Then, she stepped into the tub. She didn’t turn on the jets but lowered herself into the blessed hot water. Sinking up to her neck she let out a blissful sigh and leaned her head back against the edge of the tub. The sting of her wounds hitting water didn’t bother her. She was too happy being in the bath to let the sting ruin it.
Before the water cooled she scrubbed every inch of her body, then washed her hair with shampoo that smelled fresh and clean.
By time she finished the water had turned pink with blood from her wounds. She didn’t want to get out, but she couldn’t stay here all night. As tempting as it sounded.
Carefully, she stepped out of the tub onto the memory foam bath mat and wrapped in a towel. She towel dried her hair before using Kell’s brush to remove the tangles. Her curls bounced back, springing around her head and shoulders. She wished for a hair tie but doubted Kell had one in his arsenal.
There was a navy robe hanging on the back of the door so she slipped it on, belting it at the waist. It reached her ankles and the sleeves were too long so she rolled them. She drained the tub, gave it a rinse and walked out.
The scent of something delicious drifted past her nose and she followed it to the kitchen. A six-seater oak table sat in the makeshift dining room so she sat in one of the chairs to watch Kell spooning some kind of pasta salad onto plates. The sling on his arm had been discarded. A small dot of blood dotted his t-shirt near his shoulder. She stared at it for a moment. He’d been shot trying to save her. Risked his life for her. And she had yet to tell him the truth of what really happened four years ago. She owed him at least that before she left tomorrow. And she did have to leave. Staying here would only endanger his family and she refused to be the cause of that. The Wolff family had lost enough already.
He added a piece of what looked like fried chicken and a biscuit before carrying them over to the table. He set one down in front of her and sat down with the other across from her.
It all looked amazing. Her stomach growled in anticipation.
“Mom always leaves Tupperware full of food for us,” he said in explanation.
Shea speared a piece of pasta and put it in her mouth. Macaroni salad. Homemade. Delicious.
“That’s sweet,” she said, trying the chicken, which was also homemade. Not greasy at all. Perfect. Even left over. What would it be like to come home to a fridge full of homemade goodness? Knowing every bite would be incredible? Alsu had never been able to prepare meals ahead of time because Shea’s job didn’t consist of regular hours.
Shea pushed those thoughts away, her appetite gone. No-one would ever leave her a fridge full of Tupperware. No-one would ever be waiting for her when she got home from the job she no longer had.
Simply, her life had ended in that tunnel beneath the city. And she had no idea how to get it back.
31
Kell noticed the subtle change in Shea’s demeanor when he mentioned the Tupperware. Not sure what that was about, he set his fork down. Maybe a good night’s sleep would do them both good.
“I’ll show you to the guest room,” he said.
When she didn’t argue he knew something was bothering her. Sooner or later they would have to talk about the past. The baby. But not tonight. They were both exhausted and needed rest.
He led her upstairs and pushed open the door to the guest room. It rarely got used but he knew there were fresh sheets on the bed. His mom was a saint. Always checking in on her boys, making sure the little things were taken care of.
“My room is across the hall,” he said. “We share a bathroom. I’ll get you a shirt to sleep in.”
He crossed the hall, found a clean t-shirt and carried it back to her. “Need anything else?”
“No. Thanks.”
With a nod he turned to leave, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm. He glanced over his shoulder at her.
“We need to talk,” she said.
“It can wait.”
To his horror, he saw tears well in her eyes. He’d never seen her cry. Didn’t think she did. “Hey,” he said, turning back to cup her cheek. “You just need some rest. It’s been a long few days.”
Tears spilled over her lashes and rolled down her cheeks. He went to pull her close but she stopped him with a hand on his chest.
“No,” she said. “Let me say this.”
He pulled her close anyway, wrapping his arms around her trembling body. His lips brushing her hair, he said quietly, “I know, Shea. I know about the baby. I don’t blame you. Shit happens. I just wish you would have told me back then.”
She crumpled against him, her body wracked with sobs so distraught it nearly broke him. He lowered to the bed, settling her on his lap and rocked her, letting her purge the past and wondering if she had ever truly grieved.
“She’s gone,” Shea mewled, her voice broken. “I couldn’t save her.” Her fingers dug into his shoulders. “I couldn’t save our baby, Kell. I’m so sorry.”
Tears filled his eyes. He cupped the back of her head and continued to rock. He didn’t blame her for losing their child. Miscarriages happened every day. There was nothing she could do to prevent that. What bothered him was that she’d had to suffer it alone. Hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him and let him carry some of that burden for her. Hadn’t let him experience their baby growing in her stomach.
His chest tightened. Their baby. He had almost become a father.
The realization finally kicked in and nearly dropped him. Add Shea’s pain to it and he felt the world closing in on him.
“I’m sorry, Shea,” he said, guttural, into her hair. “I should have been there for you. I should have saved her.”
Her head twisted back and forth. “There was nothing you could do. It just…happened.”
Like hell. He would have done something. Been there for her. Comforted her. Shared her loss. Something.
“That’s right, Shea,” he said. “It just happened. No-one is to blame.” He may not have been there four years ago to help her through this but he sure as hell coul
d do something now. She couldn’t go on blaming herself for something that was out of her control.
“Shhh,” he murmured, absorbing her cries of anguish. “I’m here now.”
And he wasn’t going anywhere.
Shea’s body wracked with sobs. They came from deep inside that place she buried all her hurts. Kell had her across his lap, rocking her and murmuring comforting words. Except, she didn’t want to be comforted. She wanted him to blame her, to shout at her for not telling him sooner. For walking out on him because she was weak and couldn’t handle her feelings for him. For hurting him. And for causing him so much grief. Like he didn’t have enough.
But he didn’t do any of that. He held her in his strong arms, told her it was going to be okay. That this wasn’t her fault. That he didn’t blame her. Which only made her cry harder. She hadn’t cried in a very long time. Not even when she lost the baby. She’d gone numb and buried the pain so deep it was like it wasn’t there. Then she buried herself in work and never looked back.
Until now.
Something about being stateside, in Kell’s house, surrounded by his presence sliced open that safe space and everything she’d tried so hard to keep hidden spilled to the surface. She couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t hold it back. In truth, she didn’t want to. She was so damn tired of being strong. Of pretending it didn’t effect her. When, in truth, it tore her apart everyday. It was getting harder and harder to keep buried.
Kell whispered something against her hair, soft words of comfort that clawed at her soul and started the waterworks all over again. She curled into him, taking everything he had to offer and then some. He held her so gently in his strong arms it made more tears fall onto his shirt. She hadn’t known how she was going to tell Kell about the baby, but breaking down like this hadn’t been part of the plan. At all.
Knowing he didn’t blame her only made her feel worse. She wanted his ire. He deserved it. She’d lost their baby. And kept it from him. Not allowing him to grieve.
Worth the Risk (Book 3, Wolff Securities Series) Page 17
